Do You Guys Enjoy LTRs?

[samspade]

LTRs = Long Term Relationships...I'd like to hear your personal opinions, not the general DJ/Red Pill stuff on LTRs.

I ask because I'm in my second one in the past several years. The previous one was my marriage. Both women are/were fine specimens if you will. Sure they have their little issues and imperfections, but overall I haven't dated women with your typical major red flags. In fact I've had great frame and been treated quite well.

Yet in both I feel really restless and oftentimes uncomfortable. The one I'm in now is not a live-in situation so I get my time away. (We do work at the same place though - I know that's a big no-no around here, but that part hasn't been a problem.) Sometimes I feel like this restlessness has made me irritable around them. I get tired of questions and explaining things and just want to be alone. (I used to have the same feeling as a teenager in my parents' house.) Also, my GF and my ex share a jealous streak in common. It's definitely good to know they're mate-guarding and such, but sometimes it's just exasperating. When I get irritable, it of course makes her self-conscious, which isn't good either.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just not LTR material - for my sake. The irony is it makes me seem detached, which makes them want to lock me down. Or it could be that I'm just not in the right one. I'm beginning to think the myth of "the one" is more truth than we think...that maybe there are very few people with whom we really click as individuals. I'm not saying I need a LTR - I don't. But I find it very hard to relax and enjoy one. What about you guys?

 

[zekko]

This is the way I view it: Whether you are just dating around or are in an exclusive relationship, either way it is a compromise. There are pros and cons to each situation, and no matter which one you choose you will be gaining some things and giving up some other things.

Which one you prefer is up to you. It may even change over time. There was a time when I was younger when I think it was more beneficial for me to date around. Now it just sounds like a waste of time. As it is now, I tend to prefer LTRs. I want the whole package, not just the physical aspects. But like I said, there are pros and cons.

 

[Desdinova]

I really do enjoy LTRs. The worst part about them is the ending, regardless of who initiates it. I actually enjoy the progression of the relationship over having a variety of women. I get tired of the cycle and the plethora of trashy vagina.

I've been in a total of 9 LTRs. Most of them I ended when I discovered the woman I was with just didn't cut it for the long haul. I've learned a lot about LTRs and I've got a pretty good idea of who the best women are for them. They have to be low-mileage and young. The older they are and the more partners they've had, the more set they are in their trashy ways and the less likely they'll become 100% devoted to you.

 

[Xeon21]

I've been in two LTRs and I have to say that I wholeheartedly enjoyed both of them.

I had a horrendous jealousy issue with one of them though. Despite the fact that one of them knew I was also in a relationship with a friend of hers at the same time, there were several instances where some pretty bitter feelings cropped up. The first one often got quite jealous if I spent more time with the other woman, particularly when it came to intimate settings. She often got quite fiery over it, but that was part of the fun for me. It was always a huge turn on for me when she got that way.

Like Desdinova said, the worst part is the ending of them, but I wouldn't trade those times I had for anything.

 

[Glumix]

Been in 6 LTRs and I enjoyed them at different level.

The worst part is when you find out that the girl will not fit for the long haul and you start retreating. From that point, it's always downhill with her throwing more **** at you and you being less interested in doing pretty much anything with her, including sex.

And sometimes you know it from the beginning and you still jump in.

I am starting to see LTRs as experiences, limited in time and not something that I own. Doing that I always end up with something positive out of it, from the activites I shared (travelling, etc...) to the improvement of my own self.

A LTR becomes a LTR. We do not decide at a given time during a relationship that it is now a LTR and no more a STR. Basicaly, asking ourselves that kind of questions makes no sense.

Not seeing a LTR as a contract also ease my way in and out of it. The relationship doesn't end because we do not live together anymore or after the break-up, it evolves to something different which is a new experience.

LTRs can't be a goal in life. We shouldn't really be asking for exclusivity but because we enjoy each others so much then we offer exclusivity as a byproduct of that happiness, with no promise. It comes as much from friendship as it comes from sexual desire.

There is as much dishonesty in asking for exclusivity as there is in promising exclusivity.

Exclusivity is the need of the ego. The more controlling women and men are, the more insecure they are.

You have to have a goal in life so you will know if a LTR suits you or not. You cannot Game with no purpose. The LTR in itself is Game.

This is how I am TRYING to experience LTRs. Obviously it's not that easy. But I do my best.

 

[samspade]

I am starting to see LTRs as experiences, limited in time and not something that I own. Doing that I always end up with something positive out of it, from the activites I shared (travelling, etc...) to the improvement of my own self.

A lot of insightful responses here. I quoted this because it fits me well. I think the problem in my current one is SHE is the impatient one. Honestly she acts like what we used to call an "AFC" around here. (Sometimes, not always.) But part of that is my fault...I have a mentality of impermanence, and she probably thinks the other shoe will drop at any moment. I probably need to relax and live in the moment a little bit more.

 

[Colossus]

Sam-

I used to think the same thing until I met my wife. When you've found the right girl for you, as cliche as it sounds, there is no second-guessing and you really have no reservations...unless you just aren't ready to settle down.

So to answer your question, I used to have a love/hate relationship with LTRs. The sex was nice, the companionship was (sometimes) nice, but I found them to be a chore and a stressor more often than not. These women were jealous, or ball-busters, or accusatory in any number of ways. I relished my alone time more and more the longer I was with them. Unhappy or contentious women can grind you down through a war of attrition, to the point of madness.

With my wife, yes I do still need alone time and even have to mandate it for my own sanity, but the benefits definitely outweigh the drawbacks of monogamy with her. She genuinely likes me as a man and I never have to censor myself or put on my "LTR face" like I would with others. She never breaks my balls or nags. Do I get annoyed with her at times? Absolutely. But that's life. Alone time in proper doses is a good thing. Missing your significant other is a good thing.

Do I still desire other women sexually? Yeah, sometimes. But it has nothing to do with her. That's my own testosterone.

I also consider myself very fortunate to have found a proverbial "unicorn". I don't like to use that term, but she has some rare attributes that I think have a tremendous bearing on the quality of our relationship. She's a virgin, younger than me, had virtually no serious relationships before me, and she has a pretty clean background. No big party phase, fairly isolated in a small town, and she has a great mom. These cannot be overstated. I think too many guys are starting with poor stock and trying make ho's into housewives. If anyone says that past partner count and age don't matter they are fvcking lying to themselves.

If you are always looking forward to alone time, then you are either spending too much time together or you are just with the wrong girl. Once the seed germinates in your head that she isn't the right one or you...it is all downhill from there. I personally don't believe in the "one" either, but I believe my wife is the right one for me...if that makes sense.

 

[Lozboss]

Had only really one LTR.

Was a BPD- was great then ended awfully. I honestly don't want an LTR right now and it's been nearly a year since we broke up.

I think what's important is that in a LTR you maintain frame and competition anxiety in your woman. Don't get the 'relationship belly' or stop going out without her.

 

[Rainman4707]

Some interesting points here, especially about how it's all downhill when you realise she isn't the one.

This is my first LTR & I've really enjoyed it. Been one of the best years of my life. I've travelled more & had a companion. She has also enhanced my social life.

I'd rather be in a LTR, than dating.

 

[Cejay]

Samspade,

Thanks for posting this. I'm in pretty much the exact same spot as you are.

I'm wrestles, with a low mileage "good girl" and feeling like my relationship holds me back (from what I do not know), I'm asking the same questions you are.

I don't have much to share, just the comfort of a "+1" but am enjoying the wisdom in the thread.

CJ.

 

[zekko]

Reading forums like this probably just makes it more frustrating, since it tends to portray relationships as boring and beta, and a more playboy lifestyle as exciting and alpha.

 

[Robert_F]

Depending on how you define, time wise, LTRs. I have been in a few that were about 1 - 1.5 years. They would probably have lasted longer if the female hadn't been a cheater, or I hadn't caught her at it. I enjoyed them until the cheating started. Now I don't think I can trust a woman enough to willingly subject myself to a LTR.

 

[Julian]

Idk man. Love is complicated messy and painful yet very beautiful and warm and serene. I think what sucks about a LTR ending is that the person is usually cut out of your life like a cancer and there are bitter feelings. Compare that to some of your closest friends you have had...friends where you might drift apart and not talk for a year but all of a sudden you reconnect and its like old times no hard feelings it was just the natural way of things.

With a LTR you get so intertwined that trying to unravel things gently just doesnt work, things get torn up...theres scars.

Had atalk with my 1 year LTR I just broke up with. BPD girl. again shes saying shes sorry and blablabla then I see a IG post. Pic of her an her girls from the night before going out and quote "So about last night" and random emoji's. I was literally in disbelief like wow, this lil bish! Lol.

And to think I thought she felt guilty lol


oh lawd

 

[wifehunter]

Yes, they're fun.. You get to know the other person, on a level, that only LTRs can provide.

 

[Fireballs]

I do enjoy them. My current one is ending now... 2 years... it was enjoyable but even though I know she's not the right women for me, breaking up still sucks. Starting from scratch again..

 

[Dynamited]

I think we guys can try and eliminate most LTR issues by choosing the right girl from the on set. There's not gona be a 100% fit but we can get as close as possible if we look hard enough. It can be a long drawn process but it beats just senselessly dating girl after girl with no end game in mind.

 

[Reyaj]

Sam-

I used to think the same thing until I met my wife. When you've found the right girl for you, as cliche as it sounds, there is no second-guessing and you really have no reservations...unless you just aren't ready to settle down.

So to answer your question, I used to have a love/hate relationship with LTRs. The sex was nice, the companionship was (sometimes) nice, but I found them to be a chore and a stressor more often than not. These women were jealous, or ball-busters, or accusatory in any number of ways. I relished my alone time more and more the longer I was with them. Unhappy or contentious women can grind you down through a war of attrition, to the point of madness.

With my wife, yes I do still need alone time and even have to mandate it for my own sanity, but the benefits definitely outweigh the drawbacks of monogamy with her. She genuinely likes me as a man and I never have to censor myself or put on my "LTR face" like I would with others. She never breaks my balls or nags. Do I get annoyed with her at times? Absolutely. But that's life. Alone time in proper doses is a good thing. Missing your significant other is a good thing.

Do I still desire other women sexually? Yeah, sometimes. But it has nothing to do with her. That's my own testosterone.

I also consider myself very fortunate to have found a proverbial "unicorn". I don't like to use that term, but she has some rare attributes that I think have a tremendous bearing on the quality of our relationship. She's a virgin, younger than me, had virtually no serious relationships before me, and she has a pretty clean background. No big party phase, fairly isolated in a small town, and she has a great mom. These cannot be overstated. I think too many guys are starting with poor stock and trying make ho's into housewives. If anyone says that past partner count and age don't matter they are fvcking lying to themselves.

If you are always looking forward to alone time, then you are either spending too much time together or you are just with the wrong girl. Once the seed germinates in your head that she isn't the right one or you...it is all downhill from there. I personally don't believe in the "one" either, but I believe my wife is the right one for me...if that makes sense.

Colossus I really could use your insight. I actually have a girl with qualities like yours minus the virgin quality. So really 2 things I want your opinion/view on.

1. How important is marrying someone who is a virgin?

Now I realize this is rare these days. When I was younger and more conservative I actually used to want to marry one. Then I didn't care as much as I realized sex is a normal biological act. However if finding a virgin really makes things better I'd like to hear your feedback on it. Even though it's rare if you think it makes a big difference I'll make it a point to find one to marry.

2. How do you deal with your sexual desires towards other women?

I assume you rationalize it somehow so you don't act on them right? How as a human male can you tell yourself you will not have sex with another woman for the rest of your life? I really want to hear your feelings and views on this.

You may be one of the few people that can help me.

 

[Desdinova]

1. How important is marrying someone who is a virgin?

I personally don't think that virginity is necessary to have the girl latch onto you. She has to be low-mileage and young, but not necessarily a virgin. However, a virgin should be held in high regard should you actually meet one.

 

[Colossus]

Reyaj, I PM'ed you.

 

[Huffman]

Reading forums like this probably just makes it more frustrating, since it tends to portray relationships as boring and beta, and a more playboy lifestyle as exciting and alpha.

Not at all. This is the only forum I know which is primarily about happiness, instead of PUA and bodybuilding. At least the "Mature Man" board is