DJ to AFC to DJ - can you regain the respect, admiration and attraction?

[happyDJ]

Is it possible to regain the respect, admiration and attraction?

If you have been this woman's dream-come-true DJ for 2 years, went beta in work and the relationship for 6 months, she lost interest, disappointed and dumped you. Close to the end you cried twice in front of her.

If you NC and rebuild your life to awesome, are super confident, and you know (and she knows and feels) you don't need her to be happy, can the admiration, attraction and respect be fully restored?


I'm not asking whether you should be trying to get back to her. Please skip that advice. You know you don't need her at all, this is not one-itis. But you had great chemistry, she's the marriable type.

After 1 year of NC, perfect alpha-DJ with great former chemistry with her, can it work as LTR?

 

[thatfeel]

You're coming at this from the wrong perspective. Realize just how little control you have over making someone else like you, or making them respect you, or making them admire you, or making them find you attractive, and you will find the answer to your own question.

 

[Serenity]

I get what you're saying. I have no personal experience with this, but I do believe it's possible. It won't work until you truthfully don't feel a need for her. The rest is up to circumstances, it might happen or it might not.

If you try to get her you will fail. If you randomly bump into her and you truly don't give a sh!t about what happens next, then there's a chance. Don't ever allow yourself to let her spin in your head.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Yes. just don't expect it to last long once she sees through your tactics and realises you are still an afc.

 

[Renegade357]

Women hate hate hate weakness in men. In their eyes being weak is worse than cheating on her, neglecting her, lying to her or any other bad thing you can think of.

You can get respect back and you can even get another shot at her if you want. I've done this before. The problem is it takes years to pull it off. I'm talking 2+ years minimum to reverse the weak impression you have given her.

You should go ahead and improve yourself the way you've been talking but don't do it for her. Better to just admit your mistakes, take the loss and move on to the next fight. Sorry dude, we've all been there before. At least you know better now.

 

[happyDJ]

You're coming at this from the wrong perspective. Realize just how little control you have over making someone else like you, or making them respect you, or making them admire you, or making them find you attractive, and you will find the answer to your own question.

I've thought about what you wrote, and I don't see how it helps getting an answer. Are you saying there's no answer, that it depends, and it's a bit random? Of course if you stayed AFC, chances are zero. Are chances not zero after NC and back to strong DJ?

 

[happyDJ]

I get what you're saying. I have no personal experience with this, but I do believe it's possible. It won't work until you truthfully don't feel a need for her. The rest is up to circumstances, it might happen or it might not.

If you try to get her you will fail. If you randomly bump into her and you truly don't give a sh!t about what happens next, then there's a chance. Don't ever allow yourself to let her spin in your head.

Yes. just don't expect it to last long once she sees through your tactics and realises you are still an afc.

Women hate hate hate weakness in men. In their eyes being weak is worse than cheating on her, neglecting her, lying to her or any other bad thing you can think of.

You can get respect back and you can even get another shot at her if you want. I've done this before. The problem is it takes years to pull it off. I'm talking 2+ years minimum to reverse the weak impression you have given her.

You should go ahead and improve yourself the way you've been talking but don't do it for her. Better to just admit your mistakes, take the loss and move on to the next fight. Sorry dude, we've all been there before. At least you know better now.

Yes, yes, and yes.
I have to say this is my hunch too. That it is possible.
And yes maybe 2 years minimum.
And yes I'll be doing all of it for myself (not doing it was actually one of my big AFC mistakes).
I will forget her soon, NC is not even being that hard. I'll be on to the next fight very soon.

But I wanted to know if chances are non-zero, for future reference and curiosity's sake. Not one-itis, but finding a marriable girl with great chemistry is not so easy anyways, so just want to know if this is a worth another shot perhaps some time in the future.

 

[Renegade357]

But I wanted to know if chances are non-zero, for future reference and curiosity's sake. Not one-itis, but finding a marriable girl with great chemistry is not so easy anyways, so just want to know if this is a worth another shot perhaps some time in the future.

Yeah, but to get another shot she'll have to put herself back in your orbit and things will have to be on your terms. By the time that happens you'll be over her I promise.

 

[happyDJ]

Yeah, but to get another shot she'll have to put herself back in your orbit and things will have to be on your terms. By the time that happens you'll be over her I promise.

Haha, yes, that's it. And by that time I'll be with someone with even more chemistry. Not doing the same mistakes. And she'll probably regret ending our relationship (she still has lots of feelings for me right now) even though it's not her fault I went AFC. Not fair, but there's nothing I can do about that.

(I suppose your first big AFC mistake in a LTR is rarely avoidable, unless you're a natural. I wonder when will most young kids know better than to be AFC, and how will society be by then. I've seen many complain here that AFCs ruin the market or whatever, because women get too much easy attention, but I completely disagree. I think quite soon most men will know the basics of AFC and alphas - something equivalent to reading the DJ Bible. And this will happen due to its sheer effectiveness.)

 

[Renegade357]

(I suppose your first big AFC mistake in a LTR is rarely avoidable, unless you're a natural. I wonder when will most young kids know better than to be AFC, and how will society be by then. I've seen many complain here that AFCs ruin the market or whatever, because women get too much easy attention, but I completely disagree. I think quite soon most men will know the basics of AFC and alphas - something equivalent to reading the DJ Bible. And this will happen due to its sheer effectiveness.)

It takes a lot of self control to never be weak in a LTR if you are upside down in interest level with your girlfriend. One mistake can knock you out of the game. If you like her more than she likes you you're going to make mistakes. Better to get with a girl who likes you more than you like her. I was in a 4 year LTR with a girl like that. I never cried or did anything weak because I wasn't completely satisfied with her and she liked me way more than I liked her. She was always the one being weak.

 

[JoeMarron]

I think quite soon most men will know the basics of AFC and alphas - something equivalent to reading the DJ Bible. And this will happen due to its sheer effectiveness.

I think most men already know. This stuff isn't complicated. What separates the "alphas" from the "AFCs" is self control, discipline, and attitude. I bet that when you went beta on your girl you knew you were in the wrong but you did it anyways because of your feelings for her. We always talk about women acting with their emotions instead of logic but many men do the same thing. "I love her so I'm gonna call her a billion times a day." "I love her so I'm going to stay with her even though she disrespects me." Anyways yes I agree with the other posters. Time heals all manner of AFC sins. Let her see the new you, don't pursue her, and she'll be lusting after you again in no time.

 

[thatfeel]

I've thought about what you wrote, and I don't see how it helps getting an answer. Are you saying there's no answer, that it depends, and it's a bit random? Of course if you stayed AFC, chances are zero. Are chances not zero after NC and back to strong DJ?

I guess my underlying point was: be outcome independent. If you truly want to do the things you mentioned, which were

NC and rebuild your life to awesome, are super confident, and you know (and she knows and feels) you don't need her to be happy

then do those things, but don't do it with her in mind. Do those things to better yourself and to make yourself a better person for the people you let into your life. If said woman comes back into your life, do not go out of your way to try to MAKE her be into you again. If she still remains uninterested after the entire episode, and of you simply improving your life and "[rebuilding] your life to awesome", then you move on your with your life. Be very careful, as I am not saying that you "NEXT" her. That's why I say, you have little control over making people do what you want them to when it comes to attraction and things such as desire, so understand that concept and don't let it drag you down if things don't go as planned or hoped.

 

[happyDJ]

I think most men already know. This stuff isn't complicated. What separates the "alphas" from the "AFCs" is self control, discipline, and attitude. I bet that when you went beta on your girl you knew you were in the wrong but you did it anyways because of your feelings for her. We always talk about women acting with their emotions instead of logic but many men do the same thing. "I love her so I'm gonna call her a billion times a day." "I love her so I'm going to stay with her even though she disrespects me." Anyways yes I agree with the other posters. Time heals all manner of AFC sins. Let her see the new you, don't pursue her, and she'll be lusting after you again in no time.

Actually I didn't know. It was after the breakup I learned about NC, AFC, etc.
Had I known before, I would have been the one breaking up before she did.
I don't think most men aged 16-26 know about it. Not in Europe anyway. But this is changing, one breakup at a time.

 

[LondonTowers]

I actually did this without knowing. I was in a 3 year relationship, during the second year I had become total AFC and she found out a lot of lies I had told her. She totally lost respect for me and the last year of our relationship was terrible, with me acting total beta in order to make her feel the same way about me. Well inevitably she broke up with me. Then we just stayed friends and I just gave up on the idea of getting her back and thought friendship would still be good.

THEN this happened.. I totally focused on my own life and started to become successful, all the while she was on the sidelines as a friend watching me better myself in front of her eyes, the thing is I totally forgot about wanting to be with her and started gaming other girls and just kept on improving. In about 18 months she suddenly fell for me again and we made out.

THEN this happened.. I didn't want her as I had moved on and I basically rejected her. She took this pretty bad and felt led on, though it wasn't my intention, I had just got drunk on being a better dude. We had a fight and she then decided to get into a relationship with another guy.

THEN this happened.. I suddenly wanted her back and started reverting back to my AFC days and begged, pleaded, apologized but she was having none of it and her respect and attraction dropped again. I was now left heartbroken and dwelled for months. I then started reading up on all this Game stuff and realised I had gone from DJ to AFC to DJ to AFC with one girl! All this happened accidentally as I had never read about this stuff. So here I am and I am back on the road to a DJ again, only this time I have the knowledge and will stay a DJ when I fully reach that level again. It all comes down to inner state, my state wasn't rock solid, so I would go through periods of up and down. Now I am committed to becoming a DJ forever. It will probably take me another 18 months to get that girl to see me as a DJ again, but I am putting that to bed now. This time I am doing it for whatever other amazing women come into my life, primed and ready.