Different Approach

[Oxide]

A lot of guys still have troubles figuring out "HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE WOMEN LIKE YOU?"

Here you go, one of my approaches.

This approach works best when you see the girl often.
(Same class/organization/work).

You see the girl you like? Alright, grab your balls and go say "hi". Now simply get to know her. Ask general questions, but also ask unusual questions.

I like

"What countries would you like to visit?"
"What is your passion in life?"
"What tattoos/piercing you have?"
"Do you swallow?" .... oh wait, careful with that one.

Ok, now the important part. YOU TALK TO HER, BUT YOU DONT HIT ON HER. You wait for her to show you it's "Go time!"

Now this is a different approach, some might dislike it because it isn’t "ask her out now!" type. When I’m in class I do not like the idea of asking a girl out too soon, because in case of rejection it will be a little awkward for the rest of the year.

So I tease the girl, I joke around, but I don’t mention us going out. If the girl likes you she will get tired of the stale mate and will try to take control into her hands by HINTING that you make your move. You got to be pretty good at reading sings/expressions to know when this moment comes.

For me, one was when a girl asked me for my number... that was a lock on target.

Second was.... well, she just invited me to her place...

Ok, now this approach has some weaknesses - sometimes you do all this and then you get no signs from the girl.. If the time is short (end of semester or w/e) you take control and ASK HER OUT. Chances are A. She is shy or B. She is uninterested.

Good luck, hope this works for some of you.

 

[Tkman]

Cool & Smooth

 

[WinterFruit]

This is an ideal pickup. This is the right way to do it. The non-seducer way. Good observation. Many times when i ask a girl out too soon without her giving me the "go" cue it gets awkward. What i believe, the right way a man should date, is to show how great you are to her first and when she gives you hints and signals that you sohuld make a move that is when you sohuld ask her out. Not before that. You have to be aware of the signals though because if you dont act when she does give you the cue she will look elsewhere.

Furthermore, I've gotta be honest. For self-improvement this is one of the worst sites i have ever been to.

You mind as well call this a seduction site because thats what more than half the people are here for. They want to get laid and the easy way to get girls.

They want to seize the woman but not life, where it matters the most.

Maybe this should be a seperate post but i am posting it on here for a reason. I see way too many people give the "thumbs up, way to go man, great post," on really sh!tty posts, posts that are about seduction, methods, tricks and technique. Basically, all these kind of posts are not really self-improvement, it's just a bag of tricks to catch woman.

This disgusts me completely. Getting woman is great when you do it the right way. WHen you have bettered yourself and are just simply being and the babes come swarming after you, that is when you know you are getting girls the true and rightful way. But when you are reading up on seduction tips and tricks, like a swindler, to deceit a woman into falling in love with you and liking you that is when you are nowhere on the journey into becoming a man.

 

[Ice Cold]

Wonderful idea man. I tried to say it myself, but didn't phrase it as well as you did

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=49533

 

[Oxide]

WinterFruit, i agree with your point completely.

I dont know how long you've actually been here, but i will describe what MY sosuave process went like:

1.Some confidence no approaches
2.Learning attitude and thinking it is too much for me...
3.Learning tips and thinking i could try them
4.Going out there doing tips, not really confident


BUT THEN:


Realising tips dont mean crap if you dont have the right mindset. You will not be able to pull a tip for every given situation, so once in awhile you will fall hard on your face becasue you will not know what to do. However, when you have the mindset, you ALWAYS know what to do or say, so you are ready for anything.

You stop obsessing and re-evaluate your life.

Good post mate.

 

[RedKnight04]

I'm workin' a girl in my class like that right now...keep up the good work...I like the style of that...

AND while you walk with her - the other hotties in the class will watch you and wonder who is this? - SMOOOTH as the other side of the pillow my friend!

PEACE

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

i've been doin that same "approach" on a girl for a while..and I think she might be shy about her interest because when I'm talking to her, she always points out something she isn't good at, like then it boosts my ego a little for some reason.. I think she's shy to ask me for my number or whatever. Overall she's kind of a quiet chick anyways, and she seems to have a lot of confidence in talking to all the other guys. She gives me these hellos out of class that would seem AFCish, or a hello I would do when I was terrified of talking to girls....I think she digs me, since I also occasionally catch her looking my way. I dunno, but the approach is alright. I might need to do it more on different chicks to see if it's a technique I would incorporate into my MOVES LIST--

 

[Oxide]

winter, where did u go?

 

[Oxide]

dimebag, you are missing the point.. this isnt one of the "moves" this isnt a "trick".. this is NATURE. This is getting girls without all the SS bull****, no purposeful neghits/stories/kino.

fukk, let me explain, it's about time people got this straight.


All the guys on this board come here to get girls.. all guys read same posts.. but there are two VERY distinct ways a person can take here.


First path is the path of "Hardcore PUA". What i mean is you try to implement all the techniques into your game. It is like you are a magician- you have a bag of tricks, and you pull one depending on a situation.. There are neghits/NLP/kino/SS in that bag. Some guys become so good at using these tricks, they get mad One nigh stands.. This is a dream path for some guys here... i thought i wanted to be this HPUA, but then i found the second path:


The second, and MUCH less traveled path is the one beyond this PUA stuff.. This path starts not at the bag of tricks, but it starts inside of you, and leads out to the world. THis is what i call "The natural state". This is the state where you dont have any bags of tricks, all you have is YOURSELF, and that is the only thing that gets the results you wish for. For me, in order to get to natural state i had to go the path of PUA for some time. I'd agree that everyone needs to go that way and feel if the path seems right for them.
THe reason I prefer natural way is becuase i attract women just by being ME, NOTHING ELSE. I dont think about any of this kino/3 sec sh1t, all i do is act like i want to act. This way is much better for LTR's as well, that is another perk.

I really hope a lot of people will let go of all the rules and just accept being great guys who get laid for being natural.

 

[Dirtheart]

This is the exact style I always use and it works 100% for me. I make lots of friends and build my popularity in the process too. Not only that, but most of the women I engage in conversations like this end up asking me out, giving me their number or finding out my number/email address from one of my friends.

Get's a tried and tested 5 stars from me!

Maybe this should be a seperate post but i am posting it on here for a reason. I see way too many people give the "thumbs up, way to go man, great post," on really sh!tty posts, posts that are about seduction, methods, tricks and technique. Basically, all these kind of posts are not really self-improvement, it's just a bag of tricks to catch woman.

I absolutely agree! I think this board has been overrun with PUAs and wannabe PUAs who are just looking for new ways to convince women to like them instead of developing their appeal and the attractive qualities within themselves.

 

[Dirtheart]

1.Some confidence no approaches
2.Learning attitude and thinking it is too much for me...
3.Learning tips and thinking i could try them
4.Going out there doing tips, not really confident


BUT THEN:


Realising tips dont mean crap if you dont have the right mindset. You will not be able to pull a tip for every given situation, so once in awhile you will fall hard on your face becasue you will not know what to do. However, when you have the mindset, you ALWAYS know what to do or say, so you are ready for anything.

You stop obsessing and re-evaluate your life.

Just want to add that this is exactly the same process I went through. I do believe I have found the mindset now (though I'm always open to improvement), things are coming together nicely and I have very few hang ups, doubts or concerns in terms of women any more. I'm also finding a dramatic increase in the amount of interest women are showing me (including married women and university lecturers, some of whom seem almost starstruck when I talk to them), and I'm not even trying.

Oh and I'm also finding I'm able to handle anything in life with much more ease.

That's not arrogance. I was meek and modest when I came here and my transformation is the sum of what I have learned, so I have no reason to promote myself.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

"The natural state".

This is the best thread that I've seen in a long while. Lets just hope the PUAs and wannabe PUAs don't mess with it too much.

Nice work, Oxide.

 

[aBAzLLnA]

I'll have to disagree with the "approach". I think the questions are very good, I'll use them myself, but the approach in itself is key.

The key to a good approach is essentially slipping in a subtle conversation that makes both the target and you comfortable, as to create rapport. Walking up to a target and saying "Hi, what are your goals in life?" is a bit upfront and shocking. Not to say it won't work, but its level of personality is too deep.

What I suggest is starting out with a couple warm-up questions, working up to the A-game questions. Basically, what you want to do is slowly get comfortable with the target and create some rapport (this is key), then going into deeper conversation topics.

It's sort of like getting your feet wet before jumping in. You get a feel for her and she gets a feel for you.

~ivan *master of the conversation *

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Personally, I do not see females as ones to have 'deep' conversations with, or ask important value-based questions.

Why would I care about any of that stuff?

To me, the only important aspect of interacting with a girl is...INTERACTING with her and having fun. Things like.. "whats your goal in life" and ****... why is it any of my business?

 

[aBAzLLnA]

This is a "different approach" to things RP. Hence the title of this post. Fun should be the number one thing we are all looking for.

~ivan

 

[Oxide]

questions dont really matter. I wrote that you gotta ask general questions PLUS unusual questions, but read the post again, dont concentrate on parts, but concentrate on the whole instead.

 

[Dirtheart]

Walking up to a target and saying "Hi, what are your goals in life?" is a bit upfront and shocking.

Of course it is, but rather than walking upto her from afar it may be better to place yourself "in the right place at the right time". Most women love to believe in fate and if they think fate has put a man before them, you can be sure you'll be at the top of their list. Try to be subtle with the approach so that it doesn't look like you purposely set out to approach her.

 

[Raptured Phoenix]

Okay, I think this is the theme of the post I disagree with:

Originally posted by Oxide
A lot of guys still have troubles figuring out "HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE WOMEN LIKE YOU?"

You don't!

That's exactly what an AFC is trying to do, remember? He is the guy running around DOING THINGS TO GET A GIRL(s) TO LIKE HIM.

As a Don Juan you do not TRY to get girls to like you. You better yourself to someone YOU like, and then you go up and see if the girl likes your style. If she doesn't, fine, what do you care? So long as you like yourself, it's not important if SHE likes you or not.

Where are you going to get your sense of self esteem from? How many people like you? Or because you genuinely like yourself?

 

[happyfrog]

by the way, this is exactly what people mean when they say "just be yourself". i personally believe this is the best piece of advice someone can give. it tells the person that efficient quick-fixes don't exist.

it reminds me of when i was 10 and i played baseball with my friends all summer. my goal was to hit homeruns 100% of the time, and i really thought i could achieve that someday. then i began to notice what went well when i actually hit one. i started to try different quick-fixes, like "when you raise your elbow it works, that's it, i found it!"... then i raised my elbow and my average didnt higher a bit. in fact, 100% of the tips i found and experimented were wrong and inefficient, and i WOULD have wasted my time if i thought they were true and were obsessed by them. in fact, the only thing that kept me getting better was that i tried and didnt cry when i failed, because in the end, no tip works, if you take them as hints and inspirations to your daydreams, then it's OK, but that's all. you always have to keep in mind that you still don't have it... you still dont have the secret to hit 100% homeruns.. you still dont have the secret to never being rejected... so you always have to stand up, look around, and watch your back. this is what we mean when we say "just be yourself"

i read the article on the main page entitled "why not just being yourself" and i could almost disagree with every single sentence. i understand what the person wanted to say... it was true, but never touched the subject of being or not being yourself, or if it does, then i disagree with it. i can't understand why some people can actually tell themselves "ok, you can't be yourself, you have to learn to become someone else, because you can't you cant endure anymore to be the idiot punching bag that every girl makes fun of"... well if THAT is being yourself, who the hell are you? if you're not well treated by the girls, it's not because you're too much "just yourself"... it's that you're NOT yourself enough still. and i cant conceive you proudly have high SELF-confidence, when actually you have self-degrading thought about your TRUE self.

third, i will admit there are a few drawbacks to this approach. it's true, i never attained the 100% homeruns average. it's true, just being myself makes me still more lazy with girls that i already was naturally... but i can't help it. no one can't. "thats the way it is", celine dion said. she was right.

i know there are djers here who are 5 times more outgoing and socially adapted than i am. its like if im a little baby, 1 year old, trying to learn to walk. he stands up, walks a little, falls over, then tries again. eventually, he'll get good, day by the day. then, there is his big 7 years-old brother who is now an expert at running, and has a website at www.sorunner.com. now he gives advice to his little brother, big theories on why he should get motivated, and learn to run. he says all the tips, techniques that he can find out. its not that the tips and techniques are UNTRUE, its just that we DONT CARE. we will go at our own pace, yet willing to learn. we will continue to walk, to fall over, and when we feel the need to do it, we will run.

i might sound to you simply like "do things in the proper order and dont try things youre not ready to do"... that's right, but as i already said, there's more to it. in DJing and life in general, there are approximately 28942384309 steps to achieve. standing up and running is one. furthermore, we have a variable inherent to us, probably called m_iCurrentStep by the holy gods above, that indicates which step we are at. at any given time, we can only take THE step we were at. dont try to bypass anything, its a waste of time. now, if some DJer gives you an advice, what are the odds that this particular advice properly responds to the particular difficulty you were just struggling with? just about 0. only you knows what's next. only you can advance. recognize that, and advance as much as you can. or you can also waste you entire life in incomprehension, whichever you prefer.

well, that pretty much sums up what i wanted to say
i hope you understood what i said... its nice if we connected, nice to meet you

 

[Oxide]

Good replies guys.

Raptured Phoenix, very nice observation, i threw that line in there because i know the frustration some guys feel when they try over and over and cant get a date from a girl. They use more techniques, and still dont get anywhere.
When you read the rest of the post, it is exactly what you described, and far from AFC

happyfrog, yeah, the be yourself advice does work, but only when you are proud of being yourself. I liked that post of yours, good stuff.



What i like about this is that you actually have to do LESS stuff to get the girl interested. You are doing what you are good at doing- being yourself. That is it.
It's quite funny actually, one of my good friends, who is a natural as well, was chilling with me one night. We saw that show on MTv "wanna come in" where "playas" give advice to guys who arent good with girls. And so this "playa" was telling the guy to say this : "I know you have a wild side , you like entertainment and night life"

As the night progresses, we call up a girl we know, so he talks smoothly to her, and then all of the sudden goes "I know you have a wild side, you like entartainment and night life"........
then we look at each other, and laugh our asses off as to how fake and stupid that sounded. Just to make a point that everything "playas" do should be tried on, but FIT to your own style. If it isnt you, then dont use it, simple as that.