Did I do the right thing by leaving?

[the_stig]

Met this girl in december and dated non-exclusive for a few weeks. She ended up meeting someone, but it didn't last and we started talking again. I was distant at first and slowly let her back in. We went out Friday and had a blast, I slept over, good sex. Tonight was dinner and and a movie at her place. Good cuddling but she wasn't very physical and rejected my advances to some kisses only. She's said in the past and tonight again that she "doesn't always like to be physical" so I respected that.

We went to bed, and she wasn't cuddly and seemed aloof, leaving me feeling somewhat unwanted. Gave her dog a big kiss goodnight and left me laying there which was offensive. I was wide awake and felt like leaving, so I got dressed and left after she fell asleep. She texted me an hour later asking when I left and if I was mad. I said nah I was wide awake and realized I had stuff to do but enjoyed cuddling. She seemed relieved that I wasn't mad. Did I handle that appropriately and what kind of message did that send her?

 

[Packers2010]

happens some times man.

guys like sex 3/4 of time where girls only like it about 1/2

so. it never matches up.


( yes i am aware i said 3/4 not 4/4)

 

[JustWuzzle]

Met this girl in december and dated non-exclusive for a few weeks. She ended up meeting someone, but it didn't last and we started talking again. I was distant at first and slowly let her back in. We went out Friday and had a blast, I slept over, good sex. Tonight was dinner and and a movie at her place. Good cuddling but she wasn't very physical and rejected my advances to a some kisses only. She's said in the past and tonight again that she "doesn't always like to be physical" so I respected that.

We went to bed, and she wasn't cuddly and seemed aloof. Gave her dog a nice big kiss goodnight and left me laying there which I found offensive. I was wide awake and felt like leaving, so I got dressed and left after she fell asleep. She texting me an hour later asking when I left and if I was mad. I said no I was wide awake and realized I had stuff to do at home but enjoyed cuddling. She seemed relieved that I wasn't mad. Did I handle that appropriately and what kind of message did that send her?

You sound like me in the old days. I used to not want to be around chicks that wouldn't put out even my ex wife after awhile. The most difficult thing you can do is lay there through the night with sex on your mind. I would've left also, I now know that sometimes it's ok to lay and not have sex. She would've respected you more if you stayed feel asleep she might even felt she "loved" you. She asked were you mad because she knew you were upset. You showed that that is all you were into. You should have stayed the night in my opinion, unless she's a booty call then pat on the back.

 

[the_stig]

Would I look like a chump if I called her tomorrow and just said by the way, didn't want to give you the wrong impression by leaving, I really enjoy your company and don't just want sex.

 

[MockTurtle]

Would I look like a chump if I called her tomorrow and just said by the way, didn't want to give you the wrong impression by leaving, I really enjoy your company and don't just want sex.

yes, imho. less is more.

 

[LoneWolf]

that's pretty dumb that you left. you just wanted to bone her? i love just chillin with a girl and lying there. that's if i actually LIKE her. if i didnt like her and i was horny i probably would of left or just fell asleep and left early in the morning. if you do LIKE her, you should of stayed man.

 

[Chickfight]

that's pretty dumb that you left. you just wanted to bone her? i love just chillin with a girl and lying there. that's if i actually LIKE her. if i didnt like her and i was horny i probably would of left or just fell asleep and left early in the morning. if you do LIKE her, you should of stayed man.

I don't think you're in any position to be giving advice or saying what's dumb, considering the kind of situation you willingly put yourself in. I'm not in the habit of calling people out here, but you should at least understand the DJ mindset, the polar opposite of yours, before trying to give advice to others.


Op, I think you did the perfect thing by leaving. It's not about her not putting out. She was acting distant and disrespected you. You don't reward that kind of behavior by staying.

 

[Iceberg]

happens some times man.

guys like sex 3/4 of time where girls only like it about 1/2

so. it never matches up.


( yes i am aware i said 3/4 not 4/4)

No it doesn't "happen sometimes". A woman you're dating should be excited about having sex with you. In her mind, there should be no better way to fall asleep at night or wake up in the morning.

The idea that women don't enjoy sex as much or as often as men was invented by guys like you. You've only had sex with one girl in your entire life.

Would I look like a chump if I called her tomorrow and just said by the way, didn't want to give you the wrong impression by leaving, I really enjoy your company and don't just want sex.

This girl flat out slapped you in the face. She doesn't deserve a phone call tomorrow or any other day.

You're a man. You shouldn't have to pretend that a night of "cuddling" is all it takes to satisfy you. I haven't had a girl I'm dating reject my sexual advances since my AFC days. And even back then, it only happened once.

 

[the_stig]

Op, I think you did the perfect thing by leaving. It's not about her not putting out. She was acting distant and disrespected you. You don't reward that kind of behavior by staying.

This is EXACTLY what was going through my mind when I walked out. I'm not in it just for sex but I felt that if I stayed, it would reinforce that she can quasi blow me off and i'd stay right by her side and tolerate it. The lesson I was trying to convery was that my time and attention isn't expendable and she should have to put in some effort to enjoy it. Apparently now she isn't feeling well today and was up half the night sick to her stomach, so i'll try not to overthink this.

 

[scorpio1138]

well played.

 

[backbreaker]

that was pretty pimpish. i bet 100 dollars she will be all over you next time you spend the night. you told her loud and clear the rules of the game without saying a word.

 

[Iceberg]

This is EXACTLY what was going through my mind when I walked out. I'm not in it just for sex but I felt that if I stayed, it would reinforce that she can quasi blow me off and i'd stay right by her side and tolerate it. The lesson I was trying to convery was that my time and attention isn't expendable and she should have to put in some effort to enjoy it. Apparently now she isn't feeling well today and was up half the night sick to her stomach, so i'll try not to overthink this.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not JUST about this one night is it? She said to you on more than one occasion that she "doesn't always want to be physical".

I'm not saying that your relationships should all be about sex. But really, you'd have to be pretty annoyingly touchy-feely to get the "I don't always want to be physical" line. Either that, or she's not into you touching her.

I'm one of the least cynical guys here. I'm not the type to tell a guy to break up with a girl every time some minor thing happens. But to me this seems like a girl who's not really all that into you. You know the situation better than me, but as an outsider, that's how I'm reading it...Probably because the only situations when I've told a girl "I don't like being physical all the time" was when she was WAYYY too annoying and touchy, or just when she didnt turn me on. No girl who I was really into would ever get rejected for sex or any kind of intimacy.

 

[backbreaker]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not JUST about this one night is it? She said to you on more than one occasion that she "doesn't always want to be physical".

I'm not saying that your relationships should all be about sex. But really, you'd have to be pretty annoyingly touchy-feely to get the "I don't always want to be physical" line. Either that, or she's not into you touching her.

I'm one of the least cynical guys here. I'm not the type to tell a guy to break up with a girl every time some minor thing happens. But to me this seems like a girl who's not really all that into you. You know the situation better than me, but as an outsider, that's how I'm reading it...Probably because the only situations when I've told a girl "I don't like being physical all the time" was when she was WAYYY too annoying and touchy, or just when she didn't turn me on. No girl who I was really into would ever get rejected for sex or any kind of intimacy.

dude he just ****ed the girl, and he's laying in the bed with the girl at night and you are questioning rather she is interested in him or not lol? my gosh guys
if she weren't interested, she woudl have made some BS excuse not to see him in the first place or she would have kicked him out. she is interested, this is nothing but frame work, people feel you out to see what they can and cannot do around you, what you can and cannot accept. can i talk about another guy aqround him, can i talk on the phone with other guys around him, can i lay in bed with him and turn my back and not pay him any attention.nothing said she was even in the wrong, she just wasn't feeling it, and if she's not feeling it why the **** should he stick around for that? Just one of those nights. maybe something is on her mind, maybe she is broke, maybe she needs to get her car fixed, maybe someone died or somehting, it could be aything but she wasn't in the mood that night. But she needs to know, when she isn't in the mood, we aren't married or we aren't dating, don't expect me to stick around for your non mood days, like we are in a committed relationship. You have pretty much put the nail in the coffin if you are spending the night over a girls house you aren't dating, sleep in the same bed with her and allow her to give you the cold sholder like you are her little sister or somehting. we dont' have to **** but we are going to pet/something. If I am going to sit here and look at the wall I can do that at home by myself. Hell, at least at home I can rub one out and pretend I'm getting laid.

 

[the_stig]

Ice,

When we dated casually back in December she came on unbelievably strong until one evening out of the blue she was very distant and told me she didnt always like to be physical when we exchanged words later on. The truth was she ended up with another guy, hence why I was aloof and played hard to get when she started talking to me a few weeks ago after dumping him. We both agreed to be friends but as soon as we hung out, things went back to their old ways and i don't really know what's going on. She's said we should leave the past in the past, but i've told her I don't want to be her second best and sometimes I neg her we can't be physical because we're "just friends". She knows im teasing and playfully hits me or whatever.

I'm starting to feel like getting involved with her again could be a bad idea and I need to pull back. Maybe she felt the same last night? Hard to say since last night she was talking about getting expensive tickets to a hockey game next week and texted me at 7am today with a good morning like usual. Now im probably overthinking..

 

[Chickfight]

To me it seems like this non-exclusive thing is her idea. She can go around and **** other guys all she want, but you're so into her that you'll take what you can get.

Screw that man, what you did was probably one of the few thing you did RIGHT and you're questioning it? You gotta KEEP that attitude and care less about her feeling is if you want her to be more into you.