Devastated again

[GADavid]

The woman I had been seeing finally had enough. We argued a lot. The last argument was completely AFC of me. She wasn't making time for me and I said she didn't care, didn't respect me, ect. I know I shouldn't have said anything, but should have acted accordingly. I wanted her to start treating me better and know that she couldn't keep me forever if she didn't. I apologized for arguing and gave her space.

Now she is out to show me she doesn't care about me. She posted something on FB to make sure I got the message that she is done as she's not speaking to me. On valentines day no less. She knows it would kill me so she did it to make a point. To be hurtful. I unfriended her immediately.

The thing is, I really did love her. Now her last impression of me is the pathetic little boy who was grumpy, unpleasant, weak, complaining, and she thinks I was only into her for sex (not true, I just equated it to her way of showing me she cared). I don't think she believes I loved her. How could she be so cold to someone that cares about her?

I know all the things I did wrong. I am weak. I don't want to be this person any longer! Y'all will laugh and shake your head, but I lost the love of my life. What's worse is that it was dishonesty, poor emotional maturity and bad behavior/reacting that drove her away. It could have been different. I wasn't anywhere near a good enough MAN. I lack character. That didn't have to be how things went.

Maybe I didn't apologize well enough? Could I have saved it? Do I even care to after she posted what she did? That can't be ignored... She hates me. Can I still love her after this? I want her to know how devastated I am. The pain she is causing. That I loved her. That what she just did was extremely hurtful. I'm so hurt. Maybe if she knew that, it would change her mind. Could she show compassion or rethink giving up someone who loves her? Should I have left her first, knowing she wouldn't chase and would have reacted the same regardless?

I'm just a mess. I'm hurt. I know it's 80% my fault. Why would she be so mean, knowing (maybe she doesn't) that I loved her? How can she be so cruel to someone she once loved?

 

[El Payaso]

you need to man up, and go apologize to her, bring her flowers and adore her with all your heart, sweetheart women are delicate flowers, and it's just you, and all the men, who are too weak to realize it.
for you to have some value, you must be a woman's loving partner and forgive everything, because they are so innocent, and you are just a man with no values unless you are able to provide to a woman. if she does not want you, you can always be her friend and sacrifice your life for her without expecting anything in return.

(sorry, this is the only advice i can can give you with the new mentality of SS, else i might get banned also. you know, adapt to survive.)

It is sad that the mods will allow this sort of garbage and ban PHM. Very sad indeed...

 

[GADavid]

PHM gave some advise I really liked - If a pizza place doesn't want to make you a pizza, do you stay to beg them, tell them their pizza is the best, and offer more money to make you a pizza, or do you find a new place?

Anyway. I don't understand why she is so spiteful. Yeah, there were some trust issues that had been my fault that we were getting over. I annoyed her with the arguing. But it doesn't seem right for her to destroy me on purpose. She could have just kept not talking to me. Ignored my trying to make things right. She didn't have to rip my heart out and stomp on it. Why would she be so angry at me? She's the one who stopped speaking to me. She's the one who wasn't making sure I was happy. If anything, I should have been the one being cold hearted towards her. *She gave up on me, so why is she angry? I didn't do anything drastic to deserve it!* Now I don't have a choice. She took that away. I have to hate her for what she did. Maybe that was the intention?

Is she doing this to validate her choice? Has she made me to be the evil ******* so she can justify not being in each other's lives? Does she believe that? She's always know my heart was in the right place, even if my maturity was not. She wouldn't go out of her way to hurt me like this. Yet now she is... Because I was dissatisfied and feeling unwanted and spoke up about it. I do not get it. There was no closure and no need for her to hurt me further other than to drive me away forever. Maybe she wants me to hurt myself? Trying to drive me over the edge? Trying to get me to act out in some way? She was getting her space. Why go and be hurtful when I was the one who didn't feel loved?

 

[adam225]

OP, do you want to know the root cause of your problem ? It is simple - YOU CARE TOO MUCH. STOP IT, AND STOP IT NOW. Here's a quick reality check - who had more to offer ? You or her (think about this DEEPLY). The fact that you were born into this world as a man automatically puts you above her in terms of usefulness (look around you at the jobs men do vs the jobs women do - it's funny how a man can do every womens job; but a women can't do every man's job, right??)

If your dog kept biting you would you keep it ? Would you analize it's behaviour excessively and post up on a forum about it ? I'd just get it put down personally. It obviously wasn't a good enough dog to deserve my time, money and care I put into it.... if it was, it wouldn't bite me - SIMPLE.

 

[IndeedSir]

Sucks man. I feel you for sure. But at the end of the day, this relationship is done and dusted. It's over. Forget the why and how, just accept it. Go full NC immediately, throw out anything that reminds you of her and start focusing on yourself. Get back into the stuff you love doing, get out with your friends as much as possible and start to move on. If it really was your fault (you didn't list reasons), then learn from those mistakes. Start improving yourself, get some new clothes. It's unfortunate you finished this with AFC behavior that you now regret. It's obviously always better to walk away with your dignity intact but there's not really a lot you can do now.

I know it's hard to see the truth when you're deep in oneitis but this **** happens. It happens for good reason. Accept and move on. There's a woman more suited to you right around the corner.

 

[GADavid]

OP, do you want to know the root cause of your problem ? It is simple - YOU CARE TOO MUCH. STOP IT, AND STOP IT NOW. Here's a quick reality check - who had more to offer ? You or her (think about this DEEPLY). The fact that you were born into this world as a man automatically puts you above her in terms of usefulness (look around you at the jobs men do vs the jobs women do - it's funny how a man can do every womens job; but a women can't do every man's job, right??)

If your dog kept biting you would you keep it ? Would you analize it's behaviour excessively and post up on a forum about it ? I'd just get it put down personally. It obviously wasn't a good enough dog to deserve my time, money and care I put into it.... if it was, it wouldn't bite me - SIMPLE.

I understand what you are saying and appreciate it, but I was a piece of ****. First, I don't want to be that way any more. Honestly, I was no prize to be won. I was a sack of crap to be disposed of. No point lying to myself. Second, I'm torn up because I know I will be a better man in a few months. I don't know I couldn't get it together with her. I learned a lot from my mistakes, I just didn't want to lose this one. Like I should have been attractive. I should've had character. Now she'll never see the change.

 

[IndeedSir]

There is no golden pu$$y. I've been through four women who were "the best girl ever" who I didn't want to lose. FOUR.

 

[GADavid]

Sucks man. I feel you for sure. But at the end of the day, this relationship is done and dusted. It's over. Forget the why and how, just accept it. Go full NC immediately, throw out anything that reminds you of her and start focusing on yourself. Get back into the stuff you love doing, get out with your friends as much as possible and start to move on. If it really was your fault (you didn't list reasons), then learn from those mistakes. Start improving yourself, get some new clothes. It's unfortunate you finished this with AFC behavior that you now regret. It's obviously always better to walk away with your dignity intact but there's not really a lot you can do now.

I know it's hard to see the truth when you're deep in oneitis but this **** happens. It happens for good reason. Accept and move on. There's a woman more suited to you right around the corner.

List of reasons she may hate my guts:

I lied to her. Mostly to try to impress her. It was because I didn't have substance to be attractive without lying. She ended up loving me for who I was, but the lies caught up to me and undermined her trust. It was never anything to hurt her. It got to a point that the lies were compulsive. Anything to maintain an front. She ended up feeling like she didn't know me.

I acted like a controlling, jealous fool. I had to know everything and I got fearful she would leave me. My confidence disappeared. I got codependent and a little crazy. We were working past that.

I don't really have any other friends. I just don't make close friends that I hang out with. I never have... No reason. Maybe I am an ******* or it takes more effort than I realize.

I don't have ambition. My job sucked until I lost it. My car is in okay shape, but old. My apartment is lame. No house, no job, no prospects... Yeah, a loser on all fronts.

I'm starting to see why she wants to run the opposite direction, but I don't understand why she would do it in hurtful way. It just sucks. We had a lot of great times together. I really loved her and she loved me. I kick myself for not getting myself right so I could've kept her. I didn't want to learn my lesson with this girl. She kind of kept waiting for me to get it together. Now she's just done and seems to make it clear that she will never give me another chance, even if I do somehow turn my life around completely.

 

[GADavid]

There is no golden pu$$y. I've been through four women who were "the best girl ever" who I didn't want to lose. FOUR.

That makes sense. I had a funny thought. So many have guys have a girl who they think is the best one ever. I think/thought she is the best person I'll ever met. If she's the best, then how could you have had the best girl ever as well?

I have learned something from this. Never get complacent in yourself. Never think you are inseparably close anyone. Too much assumed familiarity leads to problems.

 

[Tomo]

You're having a nervous breakdown on the net. Too bad I'm not there to give you the wack to the face you need to open your eyes. You're at the bottom wrung of a ladder and the only way is up. It's time to swallow your pride, toss out that delicate mentality of yours and start moving on. History needs to be left in the pass. Your ex needs to be left in the pass. You have to be mentally strong enough that when she pops to mind you can simply toss her back out. Start working on yourself, start socialising, start building your life how you want it. Richard Branson started as a kid that could not read (or something) with no future as his teacher said. Look at him now. Be Branson, don't be beta.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

List of reasons she may hate my guts:

I lied to her. Mostly to try to impress her. It was because I didn't have substance to be attractive without lying. She ended up loving me for who I was, but the lies caught up to me and undermined her trust. It was never anything to hurt her. It got to a point that the lies were compulsive. Anything to maintain an front. She ended up feeling like she didn't know me.

I acted like a controlling, jealous fool. I had to know everything and I got fearful she would leave me. My confidence disappeared. I got codependent and a little crazy. We were working past that.

I don't really have any other friends. I just don't make close friends that I hang out with. I never have... No reason. Maybe I am an ******* or it takes more effort than I realize.

I don't have ambition. My job sucked until I lost it. My car is in okay shape, but old. My apartment is lame. No house, no job, no prospects... Yeah, a loser on all fronts.

I'm starting to see why she wants to run the opposite direction, but I don't understand why she would do it in hurtful way. It just sucks. We had a lot of great times together. I really loved her and she loved me. I kick myself for not getting myself right so I could've kept her. I didn't want to learn my lesson with this girl. She kind of kept waiting for me to get it together. Now she's just done and seems to make it clear that she will never give me another chance, even if I do somehow turn my life around completely.

it is good that you see these things. learn from them, and use them to pick your next woman better. it was both your fault and also hers. never look for excuses of her behavior. the reason she behaves like this is that she is a spoiled self centered subhuman, and you deserve better.

as for the jealousy thing, spin more plates
this eliminates the oneitis, the desperation, and raises your self image, makes you feel you are more desirable. these all contribute to your overall confidence, and eliminates jealousy and insecurity.

imagine a guy you could look up to, and would be like him. then BE HIM. for yourself. everything will come naturally with this. be the man you can love. do not be the man SHE can love. she will love you anyway. whoever she is.

 

[GADavid]

You're having a nervous breakdown on the net. Too bad I'm not there to give you the wack to the face you need to open your eyes. You're at the bottom wrung of a ladder and the only way is up. It's time to swallow your pride, toss out that delicate mentality of yours and start moving on. History needs to be left in the pass. Your ex needs to be left in the pass. You have to be mentally strong enough that when she pops to mind you can simply toss her back out. Start working on yourself, start socialising, start building your life how you want it. Richard Branson started as a kid that could not read (or something) with no future as his teacher said. Look at him now. Be Branson, don't be beta.

I did say my pride is in the toilet, didn't I. If I had any, I'd have left her months ago. I wish I'd left her first. Without saying a word. I thought about it for a long time. I was just too stupid not to follow through. I'm trying not to make it any worse (by trying to save things with her, even though it is what I want to do more than anything). Maybe it's an ego thing.

I like the way you put it, "delicate mentality". Man, I have always hated having a delicate mentality. Being sensitive just makes me unhappy. I want to be shallow and happy as a dumb dog for once

 

[GADavid]

In reality, it wasn't that bad of a breakup. I saw it coming. I am angry at myself because I had months to make a change or adjust how things were going. I didn't act because I feared failure. If I did my best and still lost her, I couldn't deal with that. I was routinely at my worst. She responded how I should have expected. Sure she is being a vindictive *****. She is angry she wasted time and emotional investment. But it's not like I was a stellar guy treating her like a queen only to have her **** some other guy behind my back. She at least had the decency to stab in the chest.

The past is past. I am deleting my life as best I can and going off radar for a while. I am changing myself for me. A resurrection of sorts.

I found a quote, "life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
Time to start over.

 

[VladPatton]

Every single girl has the capability to become mean on the fly. Do not disregard this aspect of the female nature, it is always there, no matter how sweet, sexy, hot, or how many teddy bears she owns. They have a phenomenal potential to swipe the rug from under your feet. It's a natural tool they own in their bag of tricks.

Expect this. a

Once you do, you will be less hurt and will be able to prepare for it mentally. As for now, you learned a valuable lesson. Recover for now, and now you know.

 

[Tomo]

I did say my pride is in the toilet, didn't I. If I had any, I'd have left her months ago. I wish I'd left her first. Without saying a word. I thought about it for a long time. I was just too stupid not to follow through. I'm trying not to make it any worse (by trying to save things with her, even though it is what I want to do more than anything). Maybe it's an ego thing.

I like the way you put it, "delicate mentality". Man, I have always hated having a delicate mentality. Being sensitive just makes me unhappy. I want to be shallow and happy as a dumb dog for once

Being shallow won't make you happy as a dumb dog. Happiness stems from you understanding yourself enough to not give a f*ck. That means to stop overthinking things, to have followed through and dropped her at the moment you decided to when things didn't seem right and ultimately to walk away even in a situation like this.

I don't mind sensitivity, it's what can split you from the oafs out their that spend their days lifting and not much else. If you learn to have a passion in arts, volunteering etc and to be aware of having a heart, it holds you in good stead not just with woman.

You don't need to be a as*hole to be a man.

 

[Night-hawk]

There is no golden pu$$y. I've been through four women who were "the best girl ever" who I didn't want to lose. FOUR.

Right there. Some of us get the message sooner, some later. Those who get the message sooner don't always let it sink in though.

 

[Tictac]

You are over-invested in what one person thinks about you.

Stop that.

 

[Betterz]

--> http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

 

[TheCWord]

How old are you, OP?

 

[Jaylan]

OP, I cant say for sure if you did anything wrong or not in your relationship. I wasnt in your relationship, and there are always 2 perspectives to these things.

I will say that sometimes 2 people just are not compatible. As you get older and gain experience you will learn that you should never have to apologize for certain things you want in a girlfriend. You want a woman who respects you, makes time for you, and shows you she cares. Whats wrong with that? Whats there to apologize for?

When a relationship has got you to the point that you are apologizing because you voiced a displeasure with how your spouse makes you feel inside, then its time to put that relationship to pasture. Especially if your partner is making you feel like they have nothing to do to help fix things.