Deep one itis, depression, with a suposed fixed inner self

[MakeMeHappy]

Hello there,

Altough having followed the forums and advice for some time, its still my first post. Maybe because only now i really feel i need help.

I just can't get girls, and i'm feeling terrible about it, really depressed. It's been 3 years since my last LTR, and since then, i've hookup with a couple of girls abroad in some of my trips, but that's it. Where i live i just can't do it and meet an interesting girl that is also interested in going out with me.

When i go out to clubs i try and get rejected in a really mean way, girls are really rude sometime just for trying to talk to them or dance.
Messaging girls after meeting them either on facebook on cell phone, i never ever ever get a response that shows interest. I tried a lot of stuff, using the stuff on their profile, making jokes, being CF, nothing ever worked.
I don't think i'm ugly, maybe i'm just boring, it's the only conclusion i can get for not having responses.

Been LJBF by a lot of girls, specially one that i really like a lot. And one that i know that if i would have a girlfriend would get really jealous and maybe change her way of thinking. The thing is, i can't go out with any other girls where i live!

It's weird, i've been abroad to brasil and girls were all over me, i literally didn't have to move and girls would come to meet me and sleep with me, everyday, everynight.

You maybe thinking it can also be my inner self. For getting girls you have to be confident and have stuff in your life fixed, goals, etc right? That's the priority, only then girls.
I have lots of money, i am my own boss, i travel every month on vacation to resorts, beaches, etc, i have an amazing car, and i have my own place in front of the beach! And having all this, i can't get a single girl interested in me, and being like this for so long, i'm really getting depressed. I really miss the company of a girlfriend, someone who loves me and shares life with me.

If anyone can help me i'd be most apreciated..

 

[Groovy]

Your story isn't uncommon... Health is a huge factor when hooking up with girls. More specifically I mean your posture, anxiety, depressions, energy level and testosterone, attitude, etc. Good luck with improving yourself and getting that one girl that you really like. Don't be discouraged because it will take some time to fix yourself... Since you are so rich, why don't you get a blood test for testosterone and other hormones, like DHEA and DHT, etc? Then you can go from there. Compare those with the typical, healthy levels. Something tells me that that's where you should start... Cya around.

 

[MartyMcFly]

It's weird, i've been abroad to brasil and girls were all over me, i literally didn't have to move and girls would come to meet me and sleep with me, everyday, everynight.

Da fuuuuuuuuuuchhhh???? I'm going to brazil brah.

 

[st_99]

Its possible you are going after the wrong types of girls.

 

[st_99]

It's weird, i've been abroad to brasil and girls were all over me, i literally didn't have to move and girls would come to meet me and sleep with me, everyday, everynight.

They're called hookers only they don't ask for the money up front. I know people that have gone down to brazil and know the game. They are hookers.

 

[MartyMcFly]

They're called hookers only they don't ask for the money up front. I know people that have gone down to brazil and know the game. They are hookers.

LMAO

 

[MakeMeHappy]

It's really indiferent to the point of the post.

I'm seeking help

 

[Brownrice]

What your is confidence level in socializing with strangers? Are you nerdy? Do you dress properly for dj?
It seems like your self value is based on material things. Being rich is not going make getting girls easy because most girls won't know you have money by just looking at you. You need to work on your swagger and character.

Since you already have the money, once you take care of the character flaws, you will be more successful with women than 98% of men.

 

[MakeMeHappy]

What your is confidence level in socializing with strangers? Are you nerdy? Do you dress properly for dj?
It seems like your self value is based on material things. Being rich is not going make getting girls easy because most girls won't know you have money by just looking at you. You need to work on your swagger and character.

Since you already have the money, once you take care of the character flaws, you will be more successful with women than 98% of men.

I think i socialize pretty well with strangers in general, but not when i am like cold aproaching.
I don't value myself on material things, what i ment is that i acomplished everything i wanted when i imagined my future in a few years, a good job, money so that i can do a lot of vacation and travel around the world, my own place, etc. Everything except.. A good girlfriend!

Taking care of the character flaws is hard.. i don't really know what to do

 

[sexysuave]

Ok, first things first, where do you live? (exact city and state)

Next:
How big of a city is it?
How old are you?
What are your interest other than work, money, and travel?
Do you have a social circle?
Do you have ANY friends? If so, what are they like?

Do you work out?
Who do you go to clubs with, alone or with friends?
You said you've been reading here for a while, what things have you done to improve your self?
How would you rate your looks, you said "I dont' think I'm ugly" but if they are not even responding online, when all they have to go of is your looks, are you sure about this one? Be honest with us here, it's a damn forum for help. Are there things about your looks that are really unattractive, things that COULD be fixed if you wanted to? (light plastic surgery is NOT bad, fixing a bump on your nose or fixing your teeth or something like that is really not big of a deal nowadays and there are some pretty safe proceedures and actually inexpensive as well) We only live once, and if there is something GLARING that stands out that is really hurting your chances a lot, you probably SHOULD fix it. A lot of people on here may disagree with that and tell you 'oh nooo bal bla blaa, that's bs, work on your self and improve your game, and looks won't matter AT ALL" well that's all great and dandy, and you should work on your self, but looks DO matter, and if you have a glaring weakness, like a big huge honking nose or something like that, you could improve your success by 99% (since you don't have any now) by getting that fixed!

One of my good buddies asked me about this, as he has a really big nose and he knows I help guys out when it comes to women, and he straight up asked me once in a one on one situation "hey, let me be really honest, do you think I should do anything with my nose, do you think that's embarassing". I knew right away what he was talking about and didn't even hesitate and said "yes, you should fix it'. He was kinda shocked, looked at me like "are you being serious", and I was like "more than I've ever been serious with you, you brought it up so I don't give a sh*t if your feelings are hurt now, obviously you have an insecurity about it and YES you should fix it, as soon as you can". We talked some more I came to find out that he was thinking about maybe wanting to fix it but it seemend like "accepting defeat" and accepting that he had a problem. But he felt much better after our talk and in a few months actually went through with it! The best thing he's ever done for him self! Everything else about him was fine and after this little change his success with the chicks went up DRAMATICALLY... hey,, it is what it is, looks do matter, that's why we all strive to improve our selves, the gym and the whole nine yards. Sometimes there are things out of our control like physical defects on our body that might be able to get fixed by professionals.

Answer all of those pretty please..

 

[MakeMeHappy]

Hi sexysuave! Thank you for your answer!

I live in europe (don't really wanna say a specific city), near the coast line. About 50.000 people city. I'm 29.
My interests other than travelling are sports (go to events all the time, watch on tv, making bets, even go abroad to watch finals etc), movies, comedy shows (reality shows like lost in the tribe, big brother, comedy like seinfeld or how i met your mother), going to the beach, and some activities like gym, swimming, tennis, snooker.

I have a small social circle, about 10 friends. 2 are a couple, 2 are girls (one single, one married), and the rest are not much successfull with girls than me, except for one of them, the closest one to me. They share the same interests and some of them have similar job.

I've been somewhat more successfull with girls on the past, but not really that much more otherwise than 3 LTR's of 1 to 3 years that were pretty good.
I'm about 5kg heavier now than last year. I stopped working out after i injured my arm. Starting now swimming again, now gym yet.
I go clubing a lot with 1 to 5 friends, but its rare going in a mixed group of guys and girls.
I have good clothes most of them all brand, good pants, shirts and shoes, and i dress up for going out.
I can fix my teeth, i smoke. And i could improve my nose also (has a curve).

Tough i think it's something deeper than that missing.

Hope i answered most of the stuff you brought up so that you can feedback me!

 

[Alien]

Hi!

"I really miss the company of a girlfriend, someone who loves me and shares life with me."

...first you have to fix yourself.

"I have lots of money, i am my own boss, i travel every month on vacation to resorts, beaches, etc, i have an amazing car, and i have my own place in front of the beach! And having all this, i can't get a single girl interested in me..."

...this stuff has nothing to do with attraction.

You seem like you have everything right, you do everything right ....but that is only right by the sheeps standards. You still feel depressed(and that comes from being lifeless, not from not having a GF) ...and thats why you are needy and cant offer anything to girls(except money and an easy life ...obviously) They see that from your body language. Being social, friendly, to entertain, having the guts to approach etc is not value.

Stop measuring yourself in material success and running after the next goal. Start to do nonsense ...and do it only for yourself. you have the money to experiment.

....for example sell that amaaaaazing car(who do you want to amaze with it anyway?), and buy a 4x4 or a motorbike.

if you think this is BS then do the same youve been doing and youll get the results youve been getting.

 

[MakeMeHappy]

...first you have to fix yourself.

What can i do to fix myself? I read the post by pook, and it helps you focus on improving yourself instead of thinking of girls as the target.

The thing is, i think what is missing right now to improve myself is exactly a girl!


I always had goals, focus on my life. I wanted to be director of a company before 30, i did it long before. I wanted to leave the security of a stable job and risk everything on my own enterprise, i did it. I wanted to leave the country for 2 months on a trip from one day to the other without planning, i did it. I saw a the new car on a magazine and i was in love with it. I worked hard to get it and i did it. I wanted to skydive and descend a river on kayak, i did it. I go to shows, movies, to the beach, really have a lot going on.

That's what makes me sad and you didn't understand. I don't know what else is missing in my life other than a girl. Even one of my girl friends when i told her i think something is missing in my life told me: "you need a girlfriend"

 

[The_411]

MakemeHappy,

I think you missed Alien's point. Having a girlfriend is great but being depressed because you don't have one is a problem because it means you're relying on other people to make you happy.

Once you get to a place where you are truly happy girl or no girl that's when girls start showing up in droves.

Women are attracted to guys who are independent and don't need them but rather enjoy their company but are perfectly content without them.

It makes a woman feel she needs to work for you otherwise you could walk at anytime.

In your case it soudns what you are missing is a passion for life itself. You need to discover your life's passion so that you are so busy you don't think about whether or not you have a girlfriend.

The gym is good, but what about when you're not at the gym what do you love to do when by yourself? Seeing concerts? Going into nature? Travelling? Fishing? Biking? Football (Euro version of course), etc.

Maybe you love designing something or building something or setting up another company.

It's when you are so busy doing this that women are all over you. Join a club, do martial arts, go on a sea trip, travel around the world. It sounds like finanically you have options.

 

[MakeMeHappy]

MakemeHappy,

In your case it soudns what you are missing is a passion for life itself. You need to discover your life's passion so that you are so busy you don't think about whether or not you have a girlfriend.

It's when you are so busy doing this that women are all over you. Join a club, do martial arts, go on a sea trip, travel around the world. It sounds like finanically you have options.

I am doing all i can to be very active in life and still feel something is missing, an emptiness i didn't feel when i was in my previous LTR's.

 

[pdx1138]

get your self in the gym pronto...as soon as you can and as often as you can... every day if you can.

getting the endorphins flowing is one of the first things a person can do to make themselves feel more positive.

You've got to get out of this depressing sulking mindset.....your confidence is affected by it. Women can smell low confidence a mile away.

I've been through this before and after getting my ass back in shape I had a girlfriend within 7 months.

I can't explain how or why, but if you have a positive self going for you, somehow things turn out the way you need them to be, it just takes some time.

now get to work.

 

[movistar]

Like everyone is saying, I think you should get in the gym. Buy some new clothes that you feel good. Keep plugging away at it...

Are you in a small town?

 

[sexysuave]

Hi sexysuave! Thank you for your answer!

I live in europe (don't really wanna say a specific city), near the coast line. About 50.000 people city. I'm 29.
My interests other than travelling are sports (go to events all the time, watch on tv, making bets, even go abroad to watch finals etc), movies, comedy shows (reality shows like lost in the tribe, big brother, comedy like seinfeld or how i met your mother), going to the beach, and some activities like gym, swimming, tennis, snooker.

I have a small social circle, about 10 friends. 2 are a couple, 2 are girls (one single, one married), and the rest are not much successfull with girls than me, except for one of them, the closest one to me. They share the same interests and some of them have similar job.

I've been somewhat more successfull with girls on the past, but not really that much more otherwise than 3 LTR's of 1 to 3 years that were pretty good.
I'm about 5kg heavier now than last year. I stopped working out after i injured my arm. Starting now swimming again, now gym yet.
I go clubing a lot with 1 to 5 friends, but its rare going in a mixed group of guys and girls.
I have good clothes most of them all brand, good pants, shirts and shoes, and i dress up for going out.
I can fix my teeth, i smoke. And i could improve my nose also (has a curve).

Tough i think it's something deeper than that missing.

Hope i answered most of the stuff you brought up so that you can feedback me!

Thanks for answers, ok, so you live in Europe, which country in Europe? lol, not sure why it's a big secret? But yeah, I've been to Europe a few times, and was just in France in Germany in December on a business trip. Some cool places out there. So yeah, which country do you live in, as I am somewhat familiar with different cultures out there?

Ok, first thing I'll tell you, you might want to STRONGLY consider moving to a big city. This 50,000 people town is not gonna cut it for you for a few reasons:

a) Since this place is so damn small, everyone probably knows everyone by now. You probably know everyone (or at least know who they are) when you go out. There is ALREADY a perception of you, and it's not very positive, hence the "mean" responses from the girls. You are viewed as weak and a loser and no girls want you. The rest of the girls all know this and you can even have a girl have a "thing for you" but will refuse to let it go further because of your reputation and since no other girls want you. It's like that "one girl" with the reputation, wahtever the reputation may be, for example, let's say she "gets around". And you may actually think she is cute and like her, and hell, you may even have sex with her, but you would never be her "boyfriend" since she has that reputation and you don't want the other people knowing you are serious with her.. Well same goes for you in this town, there is a reputation of you being "low value" and girls turning you down so hard taht they are even "being mean"... this is not good news for you, and you being 29 years old, chances are that no matter what you do in this city you're not gonna change a lot of people's minds, especially girls. When people have an opinion of you, they justify it in their minds and always make sure to look out for things that confirms their opinion of you. You need a fresh start.

b) In addition to all of that going against you, there are also simply not that many options out there for you. I'm willing to bet that in that little town most people your age are already married, and the rest of the girls are not interested in you and they probably ALL know you.

Your best bet is to move to a BIG city, something over a million people. I've done this a few times and the results were always GREAT. I've always had a lot more success in the big city as people are a lot more to dating. In smaller cities everyone probably grew up with everyone and they have these "cliques" and people they grew up with and always hang out with. If you're not part of them, or if they have a LOW OPINION of you (which is the case with you I"m guessing) than it is EXTREMELY hard to get over this.. easy solution: MOVE TO A BIG CITY AND BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE!

In other words, you're starting OVER, your reputation will be based on how you present your self over there, and you can be "THE MAN" if you choose to be, trust me, I've personally done this a FEW times. But you have to have it in you though to be that guy once your'e there. So right now I would spend a few months just straight up improving your self.. as others have said, hit the gym hard, and get that body in great shape. Get great clothes, have a female help you pick some out, work on become a little bit more of a "bad ass" and start doing some 'self hypnosis' at night and in the morning. Spend 15 minutes before you go to sleep telling your self over and over (out loud, just make sure no one hears you of course): "I'm the man, I'm cool and confident, I'm alpha, I'm respected, ladies LOVE me, I LOVE MY SELF, I LOVE MY Self, I'm a leader, people want to follow me, I'm an alpha male, I can remain cool and confident in any situation, I'm a bad ass, I'm powerful, I'm a people person, people wanna follow me, people want to talk to me, i'm a ladies dream!, every girl wants me to fvck her, I'm a GREAT person, I"m a gift for the ladies, I'm dominant, I'm the coolest muthaf*cka around" and etc. etc. etc.... Keep telling that to your self OVER and OVER for about 15 minutes... Then as soon as you wake up,, DO IT AGAIN for 15 minutes, and then also add "I'm gonna have a GREAT DAY TODAY, today is gonna be a GREAT DAY" and also keep repeating the above again just like you did the night before.... as corny as this soudns, keep it up for a couple of months, and you WILL BE AMAZED, I promise you!!

you'll probably even start seeing better results in your own town,, BUT do this with the understand that you are leaving, and everything you're doing here now is just PrACTICE for the big city. I do highly recommend you move to the big city no matter what, and once you get there, KNOW that you are this guy that you have been practicing and working on... know that you ARE alpha, you ARE a ladies man, you ARE confident and cool and dominant, and hell, on top of all taht, you're also wealthy, so walk with a fvcking swager man, slow down your walk and walk like you just got done beating up 5 dudes at the same time,, you ARE a bad ass, so walk like that, and make sure you talk firm and confident also..

Remember, you WHOEVER you want to be in this new big city!! start meeting people, start approaching girls and taking them home and on dates or wahtever, get some experience don't just "gf" the first girl who gives you the time of day.

Also, QUIT smoking man and get your teeth fixed. Also, you probably wanna get your nose fixed BEFORE you move to the big city, that way you won' teven have to worry about anyone seeing any drastic changes on you,, just do it man, we only live once.

And the guys above are right, I don't think just having a "gf" will fix all of your problems, but you do all of this and you are on your way to a new life, new hopes, better you. Respect your self and be the confident man you were born, be that sexual being. We ALL have it in is, just as animals have it in them.. You don't see animals going to a forum and learning about how to 'pick up female animals" and find a "female animal" lol, they just intuitively KNOW this, and SO DO YOU, you just gotta let it out and not worry about what other lame people are thinking... you are a sexual creature, be one and don't make excuses..

so yeah, to sum it up: HIT the gym hard, walk up and like you are the ****!!, fix your teeth and fix your nose, and then get the fvck outta that small city and move to a city of million plus people and start going out and meeting friends and picking up girls.. trying to get in with "cool" social groups and kick it with dudes that are good with chicks.. this will rub off on you as well, for the most part, you are who you hang out with also.. but BE THE MAN..

 

[Alien]

What can i do to fix myself? I read the post by pook, and it helps you focus on improving yourself instead of thinking of girls as the target.

The thing is, i think what is missing right now to improve myself is exactly a girl!


I always had goals, focus on my life. I wanted to be director of a company before 30, i did it long before. I wanted to leave the security of a stable job and risk everything on my own enterprise, i did it. I wanted to leave the country for 2 months on a trip from one day to the other without planning, i did it. I saw a the new car on a magazine and i was in love with it. I worked hard to get it and i did it. I wanted to skydive and descend a river on kayak, i did it. I go to shows, movies, to the beach, really have a lot going on.

That's what makes me sad and you didn't understand. I don't know what else is missing in my life other than a girl. Even one of my girl friends when i told her i think something is missing in my life told me: "you need a girlfriend"

these things you do sound good but there is a big difference if you do something really for yourself, you do it because its considered cool or you want it as a next goal, "a next piece that i can add to my life". i dont know you ...you said you get instant bad responses in clubs and from approaches ...that can mean you look like shrek, you do it in a really weird way, or there is something really wrong with you ....like you are empty inside.

From these 2 things "amazing car", "And having all this" it seemed you think that success and material things gonna make people like you and make you happy. Maybe im wrong.

For being empty a GF seems like a magic pill, ....by improving the surface things(looks, style) theres no way you are not gonna get a GF.
...but i would to try find out whats wrong with me instead.

 

[JirQUEST]

It's your attitude and lifestyle. In my experience, when it comes to meeting strangers, vibe is the first thing that people hook onto. You mention that you dress well, so I believe your outer appearance must look good. But your vibe doesn't sound good at all. It's all about how you feel inside. You feel good, you will naturally show it, and people will be naturally hooked.

Also, you have no issues when it comes to lifestyle activities, but your social circle is suffering. 10 friends, and no one new coming in at all times? That's bad. It creates a stagnant attitude and vibe when it comes to meeting new people.

One of the replies above mentioned something about passion for life. I think that plays a big part as well. You don't even sound excited about your life. How is that gonna attract people when you start having a real conversation?