dealing with raised hope/disappointment

[drift king]

What is the best way to think about how to deal with constant raised hope then disappointment then hope again when dealing with girls?

for example, i may see a girl go on a date, it goes well (raised hope) then you call again to make new arrangements, she picks up and agrees (more raised hope) then she flakes (disappointment) you try again a week later she picks up again and u make arrangements (raised hope again) then when it comes to confirming on the day you have raised anxiety (disappointment) but then it's unfounded with her showing up.. but as a result date doesn't go that well (disappointment again)

it seems like it's an up and down process how do u keep level headed so u neither get too excited nor disappointed when she either a)doesn't get back to you or b)get excited when she does?

 

[drift king]

right now i was suppose to see someone who i met last week last night and she told me last week that she'd definitely be free friday (raised hope) then when i ask her what time i should pick her up yesterday, she flakes but semi-counter offers (disappointment) she told me her friends from abroad were in town and she couldn't leave them alone but couldn't wait to see me again. (raised hope)

i made mistake of not reading the text properly and sent her back 'well if u can make tonight it be great seeing you again..'

she then texts me at lunchtime today unexpectedly telling me what a crazy night she had and that she was at a dance workshop right then and asking what i did last night(raised hope) so i tell her i went out with a friend to eat and asked her when her friends were leaving. it doesn't deliver for a few hours and when it did i still haven't got a reply even though it's been a few hours..

i made the mistake of assuming her messaging me unexpectedly was a signal she wanted to meet up with me tonight so i thought i really should have asked when she was free to meet up again rather than when her friends were leaving.. anyway i called a few hours after on the assumption her text out of the blue was a indicator of high interest. she didn't pick up. (disappointment)

now im looking at it thinking jeez.. that was a mistake calling and i'm in the thought process it's over.. but this up and down is really messing me up giving me anxiety.. how do you stay level headed in these situations?

i know there will be raised hope and then disappointment.. i have a couple of other new plates i'm seeing this week but still it just causes more raised hope/disappointment.

 

[dannyegg4575]

You keep getting disappointed because you are going out with these girls in "hope" of getting something from them. You keep getting disappointed because you only see them as your reason for happiness. You keep getting disappointed because you see them as the prize.

so each time you are almost there, you feel like you never even reached anywhere.

Lets try a different scenario. Instead of running for a marathon, how about just simply going for a walk. Yes, a walk. You're just going slow, steady and getting some exercise for the right reason. hmm... that's what this is! you're not trying to get into their pants! Try getting to know them for who they are for a change. See if she's right for you for a change. For all you know, she could be farting all day and night when you're not around.

so, if you're not going for a marathon, you're not in a hurry to get anywhere and you don't want anything, are you going to be disappointed?

 

[PlayToWin]

I have the same problem, I have to many peaks and valleys in my mood when dealing with girls. I have been trying two things to alleviate this with mild to moderate success. One is to simply just expect them to flake and expect them to flake, so there is minimal disappiontment. The other is to based off the of the quote of a sig I saw on this site, I wish I could remember who said it to give them credit but I can't remember who it was, but it goes like this:

"Once women become the point of life, every disappointment with them makes you think there is no point to life."

So basically is that is women are what you base you mood off of too much, and rely on their responses to much, then each time they let you down(which can be very often at times) then you will feel like crap. The trick as with almost everything relating to being a DJ is to simply have enough going on without them, that what they do has very little impact on your plans or life.

 

[drift king]

the thing is i keep resorting to the fact that if it doesn't go well at least i get to bang her. that's where the raised hope comes from.

plus also with this one she's only here for another 15 days before she goes back to her country (she's only here for the summer) so i can't do the wait a week before calling stuff because by the time i do she'll have left already.

because of the time constraint am i able to speed things up a bit?

i.e. if she doesn't get back to me tomorrow is it cool to call monday evening?

 

[Alle_Gory]

You keep getting disseminated because you want something more everytime.

Try to be happy with the interaction as it is. Enjoy the ride. Push for more, but enjoy what you have. If something happens, and your push works, great. If it doesn't then whatever, it was fun while it lasted. Next time.

 

[The Sperminator]

I used to be just like you and I still can be at times but it would bother me so much when girls flaked or didn't answer their phone or text back etc. But what I noticed it was only when I was going after one girl. If you have multiple girls you are going after then you won't really care if one girl flakes and when you don't care about the girl you start getting the girl bc the girl starts wondering why you aren't pursuing her like the other guys and she starts going after you. So start going after a few girls and you will start thinking differently. Also when you call the girl to ask her out you don't act all nervous or scared bc you have other girls so you don't care if this girl rejects you.

 

[verysuave]

right now i was suppose to see someone who i met last week last night and she told me last week that she'd definitely be free friday (raised hope) then when i ask her what time i should pick her up yesterday, she flakes but semi-counter offers (disappointment) she told me her friends from abroad were in town and she couldn't leave them alone but couldn't wait to see me again. (raised hope)

i made mistake of not reading the text properly and sent her back 'well if u can make tonight it be great seeing you again..'

she then texts me at lunchtime today unexpectedly telling me what a crazy night she had and that she was at a dance workshop right then and asking what i did last night(raised hope) so i tell her i went out with a friend to eat and asked her when her friends were leaving. it doesn't deliver for a few hours and when it did i still haven't got a reply even though it's been a few hours..

i made the mistake of assuming her messaging me unexpectedly was a signal she wanted to meet up with me tonight so i thought i really should have asked when she was free to meet up again rather than when her friends were leaving.. anyway i called a few hours after on the assumption her text out of the blue was a indicator of high interest. she didn't pick up. (disappointment)

now im looking at it thinking jeez.. that was a mistake calling and i'm in the thought process it's over.. but this up and down is really messing me up giving me anxiety.. how do you stay level headed in these situations?

i know there will be raised hope and then disappointment.. i have a couple of other new plates i'm seeing this week but still it just causes more raised hope/disappointment.

are you spinning plates? meaning seeing do u have a roster of women?

 

[ezily]

you know this thread is funny because I was thinking about this today. I mean the same thing kinda happens to me (but it depends on who the girl is). What I decided the best solution is that you should just worry about other things like school or work. It'll get your mind off her. And you're right about the disappointment thing because it just makes future interactions with her worse. I mean this in the sense that you're not your funny normal self.

 

[drift king]

are you spinning plates? meaning seeing do u have a roster of women?

yes that's what i'm trying to do but the thing is each girl isn't a perfect substitute for another i.e. i have 1 HB8 then 2-3 HB6's so if the HB8 flakes on me it's kind of hard to fall back and be cool cos the HB6's you're not feeling as much cos they're not as hot.

today i am suppose to be meeting a HB off facebook, she's a bit of a princess you could say.. rich girl used to getting what she wants.

i generally avoid trying to speak on the phone before we meet cos i usually lose girls.. (but surprisingly recently when i've had to speak to them as a last resort cos they didn't reply to my text arrangements i've managed to get them to meet up and not flake)

but she called me last night (raised hope) while she was in the car with some friends so it was quite loud and i couldn't hear what she was saying so kept asking her to repeat.. she suggested we speak later. i should have made arrangements before she hung up(her tone sounded as if 'ok you're not like u are on facebook i've lost interest') (disappointment) so i called straight back to say i couldn't speak to her later so we should make arrangements there and then for tomorrow (tonight) she didn't seem too enthused and gave me the ol yes ok answer.. i smelt a flake. (disappointment)

i really should have not answered and called back when i was ready to spit phone game.

now i realised i'm going to have to speak to her this afternoon to raise the interest level with some c+f but i can't call just before we meet up cos knowing her princess as she is she'll probably have made other plans so leads me into a web of making arrangements of later when i've already told her i'm busy weds and thurs. if i make arrangements later in the week she'll be like 'i'll let u know'

i called her around lunchtime but she didn't pick up.. maybe sleeping, i know i have to call her and speak for 5mins to raise some interest so that she actually does meet up tonight so really in my head it's 50/50 whether it'll happen now and i'd have been much better off not answering in the first place and made arrangements by text.

as u can see i've put too much thought into this one and it's like i get oneitis each day on whoever i'm due to be seeing that day as i don't have enough girls for more than every day of the week so i can interchange them if they flake.

how do u counter having oneitis with each girl if u don't have more than 1 for every day?

 

[LittleBigOne]

I have the same problem.
I am able to aproach girls and attract them. But then...

Then, when i notice the girl i like also likes me and give me the attention i start to over analyze about the what to do. Is she giving positive signals, did i do the good thing...every thing she does becomes personal to me. In other words i get a sort of obsessed feeling. Even worse, i start to do the wrong things and the girl is losing attraction to me.
It's for me difficult to fight it. Probably the best thing is to focus on other things like hobbies, friends etc. And i noticed that girls i don't care about also get attracted to me and they keep showing interest. So maybe it's a good idea to do not care too much about the girl you like.

Good thing is that you are not the only one with this issue, bad thing is i don't have the golden idea to handle it.

 

[LittleBigOne]

today i am suppose to be meeting a HB off facebook, she's a bit of a princess you could say.. rich girl used to getting what she wants.

By the way, you really wanne date such chick? Yuck...

 

[drift king]

she's hot man.. most of these chicks i just want to at least bang them if nothing else.

most of this is practise for me in the long run but i feel like i've put so much effort tryna charm her into meeting off facebook that i've let myself down in 2-3 mins of phone convo.

plus i don't have a plate i can spin for tonight as a back up. it literally seems to be i have a couple i'm currently seeing but not really going that well so couldn't really seem them as a plate.. and about 3-4 i'm due to meet for the first time so technically i don't have any solid plates to my alleviate my date anxiety.

it's almost as if i know i have to speak to this 1 again in order to get her to meet up since she's not phoned me back yet. 1 more call today later then i'll leave it till the weekend to call (hopefully) cos it seems that 1 bad phone call can only be made up with another good phone call esp if u haven't met someone yet.

my problem is that 99% of my chicks are from facebook so u can't really call that spinning plates when i'm due to meet 4-5 since most of these meetings go badly which doesn't help my confidence.

i just don't know how to deal with the disappointment when the girls aren't HB7-8s all the time and i get flaked on, studies isn't a good enough distraction.. i almost go into panic mode thinking crap i need to make sure my back up options are still in line which is the wrong attitude and keep 2nd guessing what to do.

im due to meet this princess tonight taking literally her 'yes' answer yesterday but reading her tone it's a flake in the making unless i make up for our poor conversation last night.

i almost feel as if it depends whether i'm having a good day or a bad day.. like for instance up until about 7pm yesterday i was having an amazing day had a good date getting lots of replies etc.. fast forward to the difficult convo on the phone and i'm stuck back in square one almost gearing myself to be in the right frame of mind for this convo and getting anxious cos i want to get it out of the way and not wait another 3-4 hours before i can call again.

 

[drift king]

dealing with the disappointment is very frustrating. like at beginning of this week i had 5-6 girls.. now i have none.

they all seem to flake on me when i'm having a bad day and i have no way of figuring out why even if i don't speak to them.

for instance one i met last week was suppose to meet me friday last week or 2 days before, but she never called but she promised me friday.. then suddenly her friends arrived from out of town and she had to spend with them.. then when i asked her when they were leaving she didn't reply and gave me some silly text message on sunday asking me how i was.

i was thinking.. that she should be wanting to see me more than her friends who she can see anytime so i was a little annoyed with her on the phone on sunday so our arrangements for this week seem to be up in the air and i feel it's over just cos i got annoyed with her.

 

[drift king]

don't you just get fed up after securing so many that they all just flake on you and you're tired from the effort before?