Dealing with "bullying"

[Desdinova]

Although it's been years since I've been in high school, I have to ask this question...

When a guy is having problems with a "bully", what do you think the best action to take is? Tell the teacher/principal, or stand up for yourself and kick his ass?

I had problems with "bullying" in high school, but I never stood up for myself. I tried getting help from the teacher, but all he did was re-locate my desk. This however, didn't solve the problems outside of the classroom and outside of the school.

So, what are your thoughts on this subject, and which do you think is the best course of action to take?

 

[Adone]

It depends. If it's just a bunch of guys, I'd meet each of them one on one and fight them.
If it's like a gang or something, I'd pay somebody to make them understand not to fùck with me.
I have no problem with bullies since I live out of the States, anyway.

 

[Damian]

Emotional detachment. Bullying tactics work similar to attraction theory. If you allow verbal assaults to affect you, they will only increase to a point where you break down. I've found that an excellent tactic would be to simply ignore verbal bullies. If anything gets physical, get a group together and confront them as a resort. Don't get physical if you don't need to. Chances are you're a bully target because you can't defend yourself well to begin with.

-Damian

 

[Ace of Flames]

my school is too kool for bullies. lol. seriously tho, we all get along here. everyone just keeps to themselves in their groups, not much conflict at all. just the occasional fight for a reason like, "yo ***** back off my man". u know what i mean.

of course, i go outside my group.... way outside. my main group of friends arent exactly the most social people. so i mingle in lots of groups. and no one complains, no threats or anything. im just a kool guy that everyone likes.

 

[rowing_mike]

I just ignored them. Fighting them tells them you want to play thair game, so if theres a large group of them youre going to get repeatedly beaten up. Telling the teacher might stop it for a little while, but theyre going to get you back a week later. It feels like it wont ever end, but I'm guessing its made me a mentally stronger person, and helped my popularity at collage.

 

[wavejams007]

Just remember, strength in numbers. I don't have a problem with bullies, but with gangs where Ilive, and honestly, most of them are either decent guys or wusses when they are alone or cornered alone. Only when they gather in numbers are they bad. But then again, most people that know me know not to screw with me seriously cuz I have a huge sense of humor, and can take roughhousing and playing around and all, but when someone physically tries to treat me like sh*t, they regret it.

 

[[]D [] []V[] []D]

If someone is bullying you just avoid him, avoid eye contact and contact in general but always be aware of his presence. For example, if he is walking by you in the halls, notice that he's there and thats it. Don't make eye contact with him but be aware that hes there. In other words, be prepared to defend yourself and beat him up... but dont be eager to start it.

 

[aftershock]

The only true way to stop bullying is to increase your social status.

 

[j8snx1]

First off:

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but with gangs where Ilive, and honestly, most of them are either decent guys or wusses when they are alone or cornered alone.
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:crackup: :crackup: That is so damn true man. A lot of these "gang banger" kiddos act tough and roudy around their buddies, but they're a complete loser socially and mentally. They're so blinded by the idea that they're tough just because they wear baggy RocaWear clothes and speak 1st grade English. If I become a comedian, that would be my definite source for comedy.

1) Anyway, bullies. Full of crap, but I never really had a case of being a victim of a bully. Heck, if I walk around with an angry face and look like I want to kill someone, I could pass for more than a bully =). However, what I can suggest is, is that you should definitely ignore their lousy and worthless threats/comments/etc. Just tune out their voices in your head and walk tall.

2) aftershock is true to a certain degree:
+ it helps if you have a lot of friends for back-up
+ popular enough, you could have 1/2 the school on your side
+ once your back-up toys with the bully's/bullies' heads, they'll be victims of bully themselves
-- the bully's victim could be someone that people wouldn't care about...AKA "nerds" and "geeks"
-- the bully could be the alpha in the social ladder, so the victim wouldn't have too much back-up socially.

3) PIMP is also correct:
Being aware and anticipating that @$$hole to do something to you will get you prepared for the worst. Just know that he's there and he's ready to pounce on you. On the other hand, if you see that **** head, you have the option of taking another route, but it's up to you.

4) If all else fails, take a martial arts class ASAP! Kung Fu, Muay Thai, Jiu-Jitsu, BRAZILIAN Jiu-Jitsu: For some MAJOR damage!!! Jiu-Jitsu can KILL, literally...but you'd wanna use that for self-defense, not battery/murder

 

[08aisaac]

Bullies. I think bullying depends on how people see you. If you are seen as weak, or outcast, or you just have a weak look, people will bully you. That's just a duh.

But if you beat the **** out of one of them, it usually stops. But you really have to let them have it. They can't hit you once. You have to hit them in the face, repeatedly, until they are bleeding in the nose, and they are crying. Seriously, this is what I did, and wow, I got some great friends after that.
And get this, the kid was like, 2 years younger than me. I shouldn't be proud, but he was the kind of kid that was going to grow up and be stupid. I was helping him out.

 

[Viper]

Avoid them, ignore them, it honestly takes more courage NOT to fight.

 

[Tomatoes]

Both. I didnt beat the **** out of him myself thow. I got a harder mate to do it. Once he had done it. Told a teacher he was bullying me. No repercustions. He didnt bother me again.

So easy answer is both.

Not seen as a tell tale and not getting in trouble.

 

[reyalp]

Everyone pretty well left me alone in high school, except for this one guy. I warned him that if we got into it again, he'd regret it. He crossed the line again. He learned his lesson though. I told everyone there was a party at his house Friday night, even distributed some flyers.

This in itself didn't really cause any problems, it kind of bolstered his popularity. Until the party actually got started and the neighbors called the cops. He was arrested and spent a night in jail.

I never even told him I did it, but he avoided me like the plague after that.

 

[rowing_mike]

Martial arts doesnt help (I used to do karate and judo seriously, and it didnt help me). Generally you wont get bullied if people will back you up, so that doesnt help much either. Just a hobby outside school, and wait it out. When you get into the next level of education, make sure youve spent the summer getting your confidence up. I did lifeguarding. The bullying will normally force you to work hard at school too, harden you mentally, and I personally think now I've got my confidence back, it has helped me. Didnt feel like it at the time tho, just remember better times will come.

 

[originaldj]

BUILOD UP YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS

The following will make me sound like an a$$hole but it is the truth. If you are being bullied it's just as much your fault as the bullies. Bullies don't bully every person they come across. They chose to bully you for a reason. Find out what the reason is and improve it.

 

[Adone]

Originally posted by originaldj
BUILOD UP YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS

The following will make me sound like an a$$hole but it is the truth. If you are being bullied it's just as much your fault as the bullies. Bullies don't bully every person they come across. They chose to bully you for a reason. Find out what the reason is and improve it.

If you look weak, it's not your fault. I remember this couple of bulky guys approaching this kid who looked like a pùssy. It wasn't his fault, since he didn't even know them. Anyway, he broke one's arm and gave the other a black eye.

 

[MightyMate]

Fight alone.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Originally posted by Viper
Avoid them, ignore them, it honestly takes more courage NOT to fight.

I know it sounds a little odd to say this, but Viper has a good point here (just playin' with u Viper).

Anyway, this quote is correct. Don't fight the bully. What happens if you lose? Also, you can get in trouble for this by both the school and police (my school has a real strict policy on this). Also, fighting never looks good...unless ur saving a chick who is being harrased/abused.

 

[DonSonnySagliani]

You are a man, and a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! I get in fights all the time cuz', as my friend said once, my nasty reputation takes me everywhere.
You do a lot of good things by fighting like... get ur reputation up, give them a lesson, gain self-confidence, increase ur testosterone, etc...

SO... Go out and kick their ases. Doesn't matter if they beat u the first time, cuz you'll find the way... make a small gang, surprise them alone pne by one, on a beautyfull dark night, or get a knife or gun and if not wound them at least scare them.

 

[TTom]

I kind of had a bully bother me this semester in highschool. He's a year younger than me, but I'm a bit of a "lone gunman" and he's almost always hanging around 2 of his friends.

Basically what I did was -
Wait until he had harassed me several times (he would constantly go by and call me "fag" and such) and eventually I just talked to the guidance councillor at my school and told them I was being harassed and wrote down about 8 different instances of this happening. A couple of which I had witnesses for.

Eventually the vice principal got involved and ended up talking to the guy. Not exactly sure what they talked about but he hasn't really talked to me again since.

Reasons why I chose this course of action -

1) If I chose to fight him, I know eventually, sooner or later, he would just come with a gang of people.

2) I knew he would never start a fight, as he seemed to enjoy verbal abuse much more.

3) I don't like street fights. It's not something I'm comfortable starting.

4) I box, so I didn't really have to worry about myself if he did decide to start something.

5) Frankly, it just wasn't worth the effort to go through a big fist fight just because some loser thinks I'm a "fag" and tries to put me down. Now whenever I see him in the hallway I avoid eye contact and just put a big **** eating grin and walk as confidantly as possible. I've got my bases covered. If he says anything to me, I talk to the principal/vice principal and get him in trouble at no expense to myself. If he starts a fight, I've already approached the administration so he would probably get suspended at least and expelled at worst. There's not much he can do to me.

6) If you do decide to fight someone, you basically have to stomp them so well that their fear of you outweighs any hatred/sense of revenge they may have. That can lead to a serious stomping.

Anyways, that's just my experience so far. If you're more comfortable just beating his face in, go for it. People deal with their own problems differently.

Whatever you do, don't let what the bully says faze you, act as if it means nothing and has no effect on you. Try to ruin their "authority" when you can by outsmarting them and making fun of them. Above posters were right, most "bullies" are pussies without their "boyz". However there's always a couple of crazy bastards who are seriously messed up. Use your own discretion.

Uhh... hm... it seriously helps to have your own "gang" of friends. Seriously.

Bullies don't generally want to fight you. They just want to beat you up.
Make their every attempt at bullying you cost them.

Anyways, good luck. Bullies can be retarded, but sometimes they can just be genuinely cool guys who are just giving you a "trial by fire" to see how you respond.

Try not to take ****. It is to be avoided. You'll feel better about yourself as a person if you know you showed a backbone.