Threw this profile up on a dating website as a laugh and you wouldn't believe how many replies I got back.........just goes to show.
I’m an ***hole. I won’t open doors for you, in fact I will probably trip you up as you go through the door just for a laugh.
I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap, but these are the least of your worries.
I don't want to see you all the time as I will get bored of you and I expect you to have your own place.
I do what I want, when I want and if that involves you , great!
I am not interested in your problems, so do't tell me about them, they are for your friends,family and you to sort out.
If you don't drive, get a bus, i'm not your taxi driver
If your ugly, I suggest staying indoors for the rest of your life . There's no point in ruining peoples day by going out.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry and look forward to it. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. Look forward to it like you look forward to seeing your family after years of separation. You nust also be good at hoovering and cleaning. I think you get the picture.
I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live).
If you are fat, forget it, not only should you not get in touch, you should be locked up so you can stop stuffing your face and get thin. I still won't be interested as you were once fat but at least you will have a chance with someone else.
I don't do tats unless they are the ones on your chest, tats are for 70 year old sailors.
I refuse to meet your family they mean nothing to me and please don't tell me about uncle albert I'm not interested.
I won't drive and if I have been drinking,I expect you to drive, so if we are out, don't drink. simples!
If you get drunk and make a fool of yourself you will be left where you are and you can find your own way home.
If you put your makeup on with a trowel don't bother e-mailing me as I do sort of want to see what you look like.
You must also be white anglo saxon english and that doesn't include the empire and it also includes speaking in a dialect I can understand.
so if you are from wales ,scotland or ireland or anywhere north of the Watford gap forget it. I won't be able to understand a word you say and it will make for a sh*t date.
My hobbies. – kicking puppies and butterfly baiting, badger watching and making stickmen.
My goals/aspirations – I didn't score any goals as I was never picked for the school football team. and the last time I had to take an aspirin was about a year ago after a heavy night. ?
Talking about yourself and what makes you unique – I know I am unique as there is no-one in the sheltered accommodation where I am that remotely looks like me and there must be at least 40 people here.?
My taste in music – abba, and nbubz…..not really but I had to put down something, having said that I do like a sea shanty now and again.
employment - Dog welder
smoke - often
drugs - often
drink - prefer not to say
Our first date - It better be good, if your boring you will be dropped off at the nearest petrol station.
OK girls, waiting for your emails…go
I’m an ***hole. I won’t open doors for you, in fact I will probably trip you up as you go through the door just for a laugh.
I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap, but these are the least of your worries.
I don't want to see you all the time as I will get bored of you and I expect you to have your own place.
I do what I want, when I want and if that involves you , great!
I am not interested in your problems, so do't tell me about them, they are for your friends,family and you to sort out.
If you don't drive, get a bus, i'm not your taxi driver
If your ugly, I suggest staying indoors for the rest of your life . There's no point in ruining peoples day by going out.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry and look forward to it. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. Look forward to it like you look forward to seeing your family after years of separation. You nust also be good at hoovering and cleaning. I think you get the picture.
I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live).
If you are fat, forget it, not only should you not get in touch, you should be locked up so you can stop stuffing your face and get thin. I still won't be interested as you were once fat but at least you will have a chance with someone else.
I don't do tats unless they are the ones on your chest, tats are for 70 year old sailors.
I refuse to meet your family they mean nothing to me and please don't tell me about uncle albert I'm not interested.
I won't drive and if I have been drinking,I expect you to drive, so if we are out, don't drink. simples!
If you get drunk and make a fool of yourself you will be left where you are and you can find your own way home.
If you put your makeup on with a trowel don't bother e-mailing me as I do sort of want to see what you look like.
You must also be white anglo saxon english and that doesn't include the empire and it also includes speaking in a dialect I can understand.
so if you are from wales ,scotland or ireland or anywhere north of the Watford gap forget it. I won't be able to understand a word you say and it will make for a sh*t date.
My hobbies. – kicking puppies and butterfly baiting, badger watching and making stickmen.
My goals/aspirations – I didn't score any goals as I was never picked for the school football team. and the last time I had to take an aspirin was about a year ago after a heavy night. ?
Talking about yourself and what makes you unique – I know I am unique as there is no-one in the sheltered accommodation where I am that remotely looks like me and there must be at least 40 people here.?
My taste in music – abba, and nbubz…..not really but I had to put down something, having said that I do like a sea shanty now and again.
employment - Dog welder
smoke - often
drugs - often
drink - prefer not to say
Our first date - It better be good, if your boring you will be dropped off at the nearest petrol station.
OK girls, waiting for your emails…go
