Correcting Bdp, cluster b, Passive Aggressive Behaviour?

[orbion2013]

so if you are one of the unfortunate guys, who has had a run in, with one of these type of woman


is there any way to correct there behavior? or are they just a lost cause?


from my own personal experience, these woman seem to be highly manipulative and great liars



does discipline, correcting, punishment work with these kind of woman?

 

[Starfvcks 64]

Do you tell someone with OCD to "stop being OCD" and they stop?
Do you tell someone with tourettes to "stop cussing" and they stop?
Do you tell someone with bulimia to "eat this and not puke" and they eat something without puking?

You could tell them, but here is what happens:
The OCD person is gonna clean up the mess as soon as you leave the room, the person with tourettes is gonna cuss at you and the bulimic person is gonna puke that food up as soon as you are gone.

What happens when you tell someone "stop being manipulative and lying."
That is a rhetorical question, btw.

Personally I give girls ONE honest chance to correct a problem.
I tell them the issue, tell them I don't like it, and it works great because she either accepts it, and respects me or she disrespects me and I drop her.
Every time I've had to do this my relationship has been much stronger with the girl after, and there are many reasons why.

But, I also would never call a girl out for lying and being manipulative. That's a character trait that can't be changed.
That isn't something you need to call out. It's something you silently observe, and react to covertly.

Girls ARE highly manipulative, because it works for them. Once you catch on to how they manipulate people, you get the advantage of being a few steps ahead. Learn to figure out the truth for yourself, and learn to walk away when a girl keeps trying to play you.

 

[orbion2013]

Do you tell someone with OCD to "stop being OCD" and they stop?
Do you tell someone with tourettes to "stop cussing" and they stop?
Do you tell someone with bulimia to "eat this and not puke" and they eat something without puking?

You could tell them, but here is what happens:
The OCD person is gonna clean up the mess as soon as you leave the room, the person with tourettes is gonna cuss at you and the bulimic person is gonna puke that food up as soon as you are gone.

What happens when you tell someone "stop being manipulative and lying."
That is a rhetorical question, btw.

Personally I give girls ONE honest chance to correct a problem.
I tell them the issue, tell them I don't like it, and it works great because she either accepts it, and respects me or she disrespects me and I drop her.
Every time I've had to do this my relationship has been much stronger with the girl after, and there are many reasons why.

But, I also would never call a girl out for lying and being manipulative. That's a character trait that can't be changed.
That isn't something you need to call out. It's something you silently observe, and react to covertly.

Girls ARE highly manipulative, because it works for them. Once you catch on to how they manipulate people, you get the advantage of being a few steps ahead. Learn to figure out the truth for yourself, and learn to walk away when a girl keeps trying to play you.

in that case, how do you deal with a passive aggressive female... if you call her out on her behaviour, she will always deny wrong doing... or try to blame you instead... or walk out on you

guess these are the types you have to dump or walk out on early

 

[Starfvcks 64]

"if you call her out on her behaviour, she will always deny wrong doing"
That's the thing. It doesn't matter if she denies it.
You don't tell her it's wrong.
You just tell her you don't like what she did.
If she reacts and goes crazy, then you know what to expect in the future: more craziness.

"guess these are the types you have to dump or walk out on early"
It's important to call girls out on their behavior right away, but most importantly just NOTICE it. You don't have to always bring it up, just pay attention to it and act accordingly.

Talking about things isn't very useful. Words are meaningless. Judge only on how she acts.
The flipside of that is to think about what she is ACTUALLY saying, when she says something. There tends to be a hidden objective behind most things.

Some girls are overly emotional, that's a girl thing. The weak thing to do is to get emotional yourself. I read something here that sums it up perfectly: "don't make her problems your problem."

You are the leader, you lead and let her deal with her shlt. If she is causing you problems, she isn't worth it. If you like her, give her a fair chance to correct it, but pay attention.

If by "passive aggressive" you mean that she isn't putting much effort into the relationship, that's pretty telling. You need to put in EVEN LESS effort than her and if she doesn't keep showing you more interest, it's clear she has none.

 

[JWT]

Great advice. I am guilty of calling out my ex BPD on her behaviors all the time. I thought if I could say it loud enough and clear enough, I could somehow reason and get through to her and make her understand her negative behaviors. It only made it worse and worse and worse. Finally, I realized it was a waste of time and gave up and went Ghost. Her behaviors showed total lack of respect, yet I put up with it for too long. Big lesson learned. Never again.

 

[abe0]

OCD, Boderline, Passive Agressive

First...not a good comparison to OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder) because that is treatable with SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro)...and it works quite well. The problem with Personality Disorders (Borderline...and at one time Passive Aggressive was also considered a personality disorder but so many women had it they took it off the table...too controversial LOL) is that it can not be treated with medications...and behavior and intensive therapy is rarely effective unless the person really works at it.
Soooo, the best thing and most effective way for you do deal with it is to cut your losses and as they say...Run Forrest Run!!!. In the long run it will be a loosing proposition.
I would only stick around if you want a challenge, you are really confident, you will care less what happens in the relationship because you have the thick skin of a crocodile, and you just want to play with her.
Look up BPD on this site there is plenty of information....ALL relationships end and usually not in a happy way. Abe0

 

[orbion2013]

First...not a good comparison to OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder) because that is treatable with SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro)...and it works quite well. The problem with Personality Disorders (Borderline...and at one time Passive Aggressive was also considered a personality disorder but so many women had it they took it off the table...too controversial LOL) is that it can not be treated with medications...and behavior and intensive therapy is rarely effective unless the person really works at it.
Soooo, the best thing and most effective way for you do deal with it is to cut your losses and as they say...Run Forrest Run!!!. In the long run it will be a loosing proposition.
I would only stick around if you want a challenge, you are really confident, you will care less what happens in the relationship because you have the thick skin of a crocodile, and you just want to play with her.
Look up BPD on this site there is plenty of information....ALL relationships end and usually not in a happy way. Abe0

passive aggressive behavior seems to be quite similar to bdp personality..

hot & cold

silent treatments

never accepting blame

touchy / over emotional

always playing the victim

sulking / walking out

over reacting

sometimes it's hard to pin down what you are dealing with...


with my current ex, sometimes i find myself blaming myself... then when i think long and hard about her behavior even when we first met.. it just was not normal... something was wrong right from the offset


i just don't see how you can have a successful relationship with a woman, who will not communicate, who will never apologize or accept blame

when the communication breaks down and she rather give the silent treatment, than talk like adults... then it's time to get the f@ck out... it's bound to fail

 

[JWT]

i just don't see how you can have a successful relationship with a woman, who will not communicate, who will never apologize or accept blame

when the communication breaks down and she rather give the silent treatment, than talk like adults... then it's time to get the f@ck out... it's bound to fail

You can't. As the saying goes "past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior."

 

[abe0]

Orbion....you are right on the money. You can not have a meaningful relationship with these people and they do make you feel like it is your fault when in fact is theirs. You are correct about the similarities between passive aggressive and bpd....however, bpd is a true medical diagnosis whereas passive aggressive used to be but it is no longer. Like I said, probably it is because there are so many women out there that are that it was deemed controversial. Hmmmm...at this rate they may even find BPD controversial too since they all have it!!! LOL Abe

 

[orbion2013]

just read this article about passive aggressive people, it pretty much describes my ex to a tee....


It actually is a personality disorder that is documented in psychological research. You might recognize it when you’re affected by someone’s passive-aggressive behavior by the feeling of insecurity it creates in you, or by the person’s seemingly intentional inefficiency. They are late, forgetful, or punishing, all covert ways of trying to assert control over you or the situation.

Passive-aggressive people are fearful of competition, dependency, and, yes, intimacy. You might recognize that as the “push me, pull me syndrome.” Another way of expressing that is the mixed message of “Come close but stay away.”

A passive-aggressive person can make chaos out of thin air, and they are secretly delighted in their ability to do so. It feels like control to them, and that is what they long for. Because they cannot approach situations, feelings, relationships or communication directly, they do so indirectly. That causes the chaos.

Not only are they obstructive, but they are also experts at procrastination. Of course, they always have a reason. And, they love to play the victim. Passive-aggressive people will go to great lengths to avoid recognizing their own weaknesses, but love to blame others for their own failures. This is a hallmark of the passive-aggressive personality.



i can see the similarity between this type of behavior and in some ways how a borderline would behave...

have any of you guys dealt with this type of passive aggressive woman... i have put up with it for the last 2 year.... let me tell you, it can and will leave you mind f@cked

 

[Brosy]

Never found a way to correct this as such, but I've had success not calling it out, but mirroring it, it's pretty easy to master tbh.

This is in no-escape situations like work btw, given a choice, recognise it early and gtfo.

 

[:-)]

no point 'correcting' anyone. they are what they are. if you don't like it - move on.

a bit like calling out a crocodile for ripping your arm off. it's a crocodile. what did you expect?

 

[JoeMarron]

You will have a much happier life by dealing with sane, healthy women instead of trying to fix broken ones.

 

[:-)]

You will have a much happier life by dealing with sane, healthy women instead of trying to fix broken ones.

is there such a thing though?

 

[JoeMarron]

is there such a thing though?

Yes...relatively speaking. The chick who was never abused, grew up in a good home, has a good relationship with her parents and hasn't had a thousand c0cks in her is gonna be saner than most.

 

[:-)]

Yes...relatively speaking. The chick who was never abused, grew up in a good home, has a good relationship with her parents and hasn't had a thousand c0cks in her is gonna be saner than most.

is there such a thing though?

 

[Skyline]

Trying to control BPD is like trying to control a tornado. What do people do against a tornado?

 

[sylvester the cat]

Trying to control BPD is like trying to control a tornado. What do people do against a tornado?

tell that to kevin costner. dumbest movie motivation ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-Cxbc8FVfI

 

[Starfvcks 64]

Trying to control BPD is like trying to control a tornado. What do people do against a tornado?

I stand outside with my arms out screaming,
"you can't touch me, you stupid piece of shlt!!"

Then I spend a while in the hospital abusing pain pills.

 

[papawapa]

You cant control them but you can control yourself. Recognize them for what they are. Identify them early. Dont get attached or emotionally invested. Keep spinning plates. Dont put up with their ****. Dont be afraid to make them leave or to walk away. Enjoy the seks.