controlling, parnoid parents with dating and not being able to borrow

[joe45]

ah entering school back in sept 07 to finish and do another 2 yrs and get a bachelor in business administration. might as well since i already completed my first 2 yrs with a dilpoma.

what do you say to a girl if you have no car, no access to a car and you bus everywhere and anywhere. is it really that big of a problem.

the thing is i do have my full drivers license, but i come from a overly protective, parnoid family especially my dad. i believe he watches the news and read too much into it(fatalies in car crashes, car accident, ppl dying)the thing is i can't even borrow the car, even when hes not using it. my sister can't either. we are both in our mid 20's. he doesn't like the idea of us going out at all(jsut say at home and study-yes all day, didn't even wanted us to work before-focus on ur studies.). he very stuck in his ways and even if we chatted it end up in a argument. over and over again. another scenario could be --he didn't have the chance to drive when he was younger , so he is punishing us too. the first two are definite since he did say it. i never been in accident.

how am i to explain to a girl i want to ask out. we'll bus a couple of x's ,but afterwards she'll ask "do you have a car" ,"can't you at least borrow your families car" . what do you say.most guys in their mids 20's or even late teens can borrow the family car. what do i say to the girl ummm hey "i jsut can't borrow the family car, b/c my dad is too parnoid"

buying a car is a idea. i was thinking about that, but then i have to pay for the insurance, gas and mainteance of the vehicle and i have to pay for my 2 yrs of school. i be working p/t too. the thing is if i did buy a car, my dad would kill and yell at me . "why didn;t you consult me first", "you could have gotten a better deal" , see you jsut don't think". "if it breaks down i not goin fix it for you or help u fix it" "your paying for everything on the car, i don't care" "you got ripped off , see why do you even need a car" -he jsut harass and kill me. i come from a strict strict family. .... the thing with him is he would have nevered helped me get a car in the first place anyways. i just now it. my parents also argue a lot. if theres a day they don't ague and fight-something is wrong.

i'm pretty much a guy in his mid 20's with 15 yr old dating experience.sad. thanks to strict and controlling parents.

anyways here are some excuses i thinking of making. they sound and seem weird , but i just don't want to tell them the real truth. a guy in his mid 20's can;t even borrow the family car-herself and her friends would think its a turnoff.
another thought was just tell the girl i was from out of town. "i only been in Vancouver, for 1 month back home i never had a car since i'm from NY" or say the licensing is just different in Toronto compared to Vancouver. or jsut another city.
Or just say i had a car, but it broke down not even sure if i goin get one since i'm not going stay in Vancouver for long-so no point in getting one. i'm be moving to Montreal-or any other city.
or say i'm younger like 22,23 and even one 27 and say" i just don't have my drivers license yet". i met some ppl around that age who don't-suprisingly
what else excuse do you guys have and do you think would be ideal. i just don't want to say the truth. its embrassing as it is. i never been in accident or anything . its just i come from a overprotective, sheltered family. its not just me ,but my sis too.

thing is my dad is so controlling that he doesn;t want either of us to date till our 30's probably mid 30's since he so conversative . he thinks we should jsut focus on our studies and not go out, have fun, socialize and just focus on school. he has an old school mentality. the partner has to be chinese, speaks cantonese, around my age-pretty much old school mentality.
he made a big deal of my sis dating too -when she was in her early 20's. nothing serious too. not sure if it was even dating, but she was hanging out with another guy. lol.

if i had done trades-plumbing he would have supported me-pay for school, encourage me...etc but since i want a bachelor in business which he doesn't like(not too many job opportunitues in his mind)hes not supporting me, but harassing me for why i should take it. "there is no job in business", "with trades it a guaranteeed for a job

 

[Chase12]

Thats sick man... So you havent dated and you are in your mid 20s... Damn man... u gotta do something about it.. screw your dad its YOUR life where talking here... who knows if youll ever make it to mid 30s.. what if you died tomorrow man?

If i were you i would tell them to BLOW ME (not literally lol)... its your mid 20s man your an adult you can do whatever the hell you want...seriously.. who are they to tell you who to date? your not 13 anymore or a teen..

about the car.. just buy one.. maybe ask someone who knows about cars to go along with you so you dont get ripped off..

 

[Hitman10000]

Move out.

Most parents do not know the best for you, think for yourself.

And another thing, I know another Asian dude in his mid-20s who grew up in a sheltered place, he reminded me of yourself. He was nerdy, effeminate, the typical Nice Guy people took advantage of because he didn't have much of a backbone. He lived at home. I told him to move out in 6 months. He did and slowly he started changing and he went from being a perpetual teenager evolving into a man who was fending for himself.

Life is real f*cking short, just remember that. And again, your parents do not know the best for you.

 

[[S]alvatore]

Move out, unless you want to be a social retard and out of the loop for another 10 years. And buy a fu<king car, no disrespect but fu<k your dad. Once you turn 18 you're a man. Get into an accident? No problems, you need to show him that you're responsible enough to take care of it by yourself. Haven't got enough money for a car/gas/insurance/school? Get another job on top of the one you already have. I've got a friend that's busting his ass 7 days a week because he wants a car, 6 days as a carpenter then working on Sunday at a store selling car parts/stereos etc. It's only up to you now, no-one else can or will do anything for you.

 

[Soyoushave]

You know what's funny?

Kids with parents that forbid everything end up going crazy as soon as they gain their freedom.
So, for instance the parents say to this girl, you can't go out, or hang out with guys (cuz they're scared she may get pregnant or something like that)

The girl gets her own place, goes out like crazy and ends up as a girl who screws another guys everyday.

Funny how so many things in the psychological world actually have the exact opposite reaction of what you would expect

Strict parents--> would expect strict kids, who obey orders --> in reallife these kids go crazy when they're on their own
Doing nice things to a girl --> would expect her to fall for you --> in reallife she sees you as nothing more than a friend

etc.etc

Funny

 

[AlphaSoldier]

or say i'm younger like 22,23 and even one 27 and say" i just don't have my drivers license yet". i met some ppl around that age who don't-suprisingly
what else excuse do you guys have and do you think would be ideal. i just don't want to say the truth. its embrassing as it is. i never been in accident or anything . its just i come from a overprotective, sheltered family. its not just me ,but my sis too.

I know what it feels like to be in that situation. Me and my sister were raised as Jehovah's Witnesses by my dad. I am 34 now, and I left the religion when I was 25 and moved out. It's the best decision I made EVER.

Just run out for your life, and don't look back.

AS

 

[ElStud]

I would say move. I'm certainly not going to be living with my parents in my mid 20s.

 

[jvd]

I totally feel where you’re coming from; I was born and raised in a traditional Asian family as well. But the thing is I pretty much gradually handled the situation you are in when I was 17-18 (I am 21 now). I will give my opinion on a couple of things you currently having problems with.


I know how it’s like to live with strict parents, the only things you can do is to get them to reasonably try to change their ways gradually. And I repeat GRADUALLY. If they are way too stubborn, I would move out. And no offense, if you are 24 and still having problems like this you really have to stand for yourself or move out. Because you might end up going crazy one day!

In terms of going out with girls and transportation, I would go places that would not require taking too many buses. Basically go out to places closer to you or get her to meet you somewhere close. If she is not willing to meet up or go somewhere close, she’s not into you or worth the time. I know a guy who doesn’t have a car and just uses the bus and he always gets girls!

Since it’s your parent’s car, you can’t really do anything about it if they are that stubborn. Now if you really need or want a car, pay for everything yourself and don’t even bother what the parents say. It’s your own money; you are old enough to make decisions yourself. My parents use to let me use their car but they had way too many strict rules on it, so I got feed up.

I don’t know about your financial situation but I bought my own car when I was 18 (started saving money when I was 12) and I paid for everything (car, gas, insurance, maintenance, etc.) and I go to university fulltime and work too (part time during school year and fulltime in summer) And if your dad is complaining about how didn’t have nicer things when he was young, tell him that there is nothing wrong with a son having a better life than he did.

So don’t even bother telling a girl how strict your parents are, it’s really AFC-like, either do stuff doesn’t really require a car, or just buy a car. As for car shopping, just be careful about what you buy and what fits your budget and ask one of your friends who knows a lot about cars too help you with car shopping.

Waiting for dating till 30??? My parents ideally wanted me to date after I finished University, but I started in last 2 years of high school. Don’t listen to them; the longer you wait the more awkward it’s going to be for you later on.

As for education, do what you want to do, again it’s your life and future career, not your dads. I study business as well, but my parents wanted me to get into medicine or engineering, but I did what wanted to do because I wanted that type of career.. I will also admit that a business degree is kind of risky for jobs, so make sure you are ready for it.

In conclusion, stop taking **** from your dad, it’s best to move out and even think about sharing a place your sister too. I sometimes have to stick up for my little sister when my parents put too many rules on her, so help her out. I really understand your situation, so if you want more advice about changing stubborn parents, financial budgeting, buying cars, education and careers feel free to send me a PM with you MSN email and we can chat.

 

[Axcell]

You know what's funny?

Kids with parents that forbid everything end up going crazy as soon as they gain their freedom.
So, for instance the parents say to this girl, you can't go out, or hang out with guys (cuz they're scared she may get pregnant or something like that)

The girl gets her own place, goes out like crazy and ends up as a girl who screws another guys everyday.

Funny how so many things in the psychological world actually have the exact opposite reaction of what you would expect

Strict parents--> would expect strict kids, who obey orders --> in reallife these kids go crazy when they're on their own
Doing nice things to a girl --> would expect her to fall for you --> in reallife she sees you as nothing more than a friend

etc.etc

Funny

Very very true, amen.