Confusing girl with father issues - a disaster soon?

[lover4721]

Here is the story! I will keep it sweet but don't want to miss out important things that could be hints to her feelings.

Introduced online! I asked about her tattoos and she loved it. She said no other guy was more into her than I was. I made her laugh. I was interested, but not too interested. So she desired me to come and meet her. I took my time really, and in three weeks, I finally drove and met her. Only about 60 miles away! We didn't know what to do (stupid me for not making plans) so we took a walk and watched movies. This wasn't going to be a date because she only had a dress on without undies (she doesn't wear undies -- only when she has to). So this was just going to be a late meetup.

She kinda seemed annoyed at the end of it and asked what I was doing when I put my arm around her? But in the end, we were talking about the show on and holding hands. Our hand pattern looks identical, it's really weird! We are very similar.

So after this, I feel like she stopped texting me... calling me with random goodnights... and didn't even send some quotes on how bad she wants to be with me. She did all of this before meeting.

She has father issues. From birth, he was abusive. He left them when she was 1. She finally stepped up to the plate and stopped contact with him at age 13 because he would put her down all the time, and always drag her to the gym and if she didn't go, he would ask if she wanted to look like her mother.
So she said she lost trust with guys and has mental breakdowns a lot... Also depression I think. She talks about medicine she takes... and not sure what it is for. She is going to the doctor to tell her it isn't working for what she needs, so I'm not sure what that is for.

I texted her all of my feelings because I was told to by a lot of people, however I kinda took her response into something like "I am just telling you this so I don't break your heart."

I wanted to date her again! But I needed to let go of these feelings. She said we didn't have that connection when we were together, like we do when we talk. She said because it was we were nervous and when I opened up, she was too exhausted.

I feel like her father issues is going to leave me hanging. Obsession is okay with me, like if she shows she cares for me, that is alright! I enjoy that... and that is a personal opinion. BUT, I feel like she doesn't trust me. Sometimes she would say she doesn't feel like I will like her... or that she won't be good enough. And this was when she was having her breakdown and needed to talk to me. That is alright.

But I feel like IF we meet Friday, I will be left behind and forgotten about because of her mistrust issues.

Any wisdom or advice?

 

[iamnobody]

she doesn't wear undies -- only when she has to

That's sweet but it's a red flag.

But in the end, we were talking about the show on and holding hands.

Why would you hold hands before fvcking her?

She has father issues.
So she said she lost trust with guys and has mental breakdowns a lot... Also depression I think. She talks about medicine she takes... and not sure what it is for. She is going to the doctor to tell her it isn't working for what she needs, so I'm not sure what that is for.

This is a recipe for disaster. Drop her.

I texted her all of my feelings because I was told to by a lot of people, however I kinda took her response into something like "I am just telling you this so I don't break your heart."

Don't tell her how you feel, man. If anything, show her. However, the "I am just telling you this so I don't break your heart." line makes me think she expected you to be different and now, that you're not, she's stringing you along.

I wanted to date her again! But I needed to let go of these feelings. She said we didn't have that connection when we were together, like we do when we talk. She said because it was we were nervous and when I opened up, she was too exhausted.

ypu've been friend zoned, move along.

[/QUOTE]

Get into the BPD threads you find on SS.
Oh, about the title: "Confusing girl with father issues - a disaster soon?" If you remove the "?" that's your answer.

 

[( . )( . )]

I dunno man.

1. Tatts
2. Daddy issues
3. On meds

Standard fare for Westernized chicks I know but there is better quality out there if your willing to play the numbers.

Have you started reading the DJBible? I'd stick a fork in this one for now, learn a bit of game. Maybe return to pump and dump when you're a bit more savvy. She'll still be around and if she's not you won't give a sh!t by that stage anyway.

 

[Skyline]

A disaster. Multiple Red flags through out such as:

Father issues, big one.
The PTSD(Child Neglect) medication to treat her anxiety.
-The medication "doesn't work" signifies it is NOT a mood/mental issue. Instead it usually is a post trauma issue. Witch are much harder to treat(medication does little to nothing), and given her child hood story, this is the case.
Opened up to you too easy, - people dont just spit their life story at you when you just met. Thats manipulation in my book.
Tattoos. -Most likely because of the father issues.
Only wears certain clothing when "obligated" to. - Basically a stripper.
Putting herself down often. Saying you can do better, - usually when girls say that they are right.

Im not going into detail on all the AFC things you did here, but this girl is bad news and her loosing interest in you is the best thing she could of done.

Walk away.

 

[iamnobody]

Tattoos. -Most likely because of the father issues.

Frayzer, could you elaborate a bit regarding tatoos and father issues?

 

[Jules_Winfield]

Tattoos. -Most likely because of the father issues.

People never mention tattoos being a red flag.

Years ago I heard a mental health professional talk about people with an excessive amount of tattoos. The tattoos are usually a sign of molestation. They use the tattoos as a subconscious way to reclaim their bodies.

 

[lover4721]

So to all - how do you guys move along so easily? I know she is just another fish in the sea, but everything on her was attractive physically. We are a 98% match (hahaha online dating shi*) which I don't go with that, but that is pretty high. I've known her for about four weeks. How do I simply just get up and move on? This is what I have issues with because I form this connection with people and then just need to move on, and that sucks. This summer, she was the second girl I got along with very well and liked. I feel like *maybe* if I let go, another will come along and now I mastered her, I can know what I need to do to get other women. But I just don't want to move on cold like this, because it puts me with the other men that just play her and I feel like I am down to their level. I feel like it is disrespectful lol. I have a heart and I care, and that sucks!

And where can I find more information about this on here? A few people on this thread mentioned things to read!

This will be the first girl I've ever met and been rejected to. I have known many that have liked me, and just had this obsession and wanting for me.

Don't tell her how you feel, man. If anything, show her. However, the "I am just telling you this so I don't break your heart." line makes me think she expected you to be different and now, that you're not, she's stringing you along.

So why is the undies thing a red flag? lol she doesn't do random hookups. Trust me! The site we were introduced to, she had it very clear. BUT, is this a red flag? She likes it rough. Bondage. Whips lol. Makes me a bit uncomfortable to tell people I don't know lol.

But trust me, I was going to show her! I hate telling her. All guys tell women their feelings... I even told people on another site I was going to show her instead of tell her, but she posted a few quotes about people telling her how much they like her and it became clear maybe that is what I needed to do.

I dunno man.

1. Tatts
2. Daddy issues
3. On meds

Standard fare for Westernized chicks I know but there is better quality out there if your willing to play the numbers.

Have you started reading the DJBible? I'd stick a fork in this one for now, learn a bit of game. Maybe return to pump and dump when you're a bit more savvy. She'll still be around and if she's not you won't give a sh!t by that stage anyway.

Tattoos are symbols of things with her Dad. The one quote that I love on her leg (turn on), the 4 butterflies on her back (the top is her, the lower is brother, mother, and godmother helping her escape from her Dad's abuse), and 'Courage' on her side.

The meds worry me because I am a Neuroscience major, studying neuropsychopharmacology and I know the effects of anxiolytics (anxiety), and antidepressants. If she ever stops medication for depression, I'm in for some serious ****.

A disaster. Multiple Red flags through out such as:


Putting herself down often. Saying you can do better, - usually when girls say that they are right.

Yes, she said I deserved the world lol. Which I am a very respectful guy, humor, and such and not many guys have that. So I get told that pretty often by random women.

 

[lover4721]

Oh and guys, the DJ Bible is correct.

So this is how I attracted her. I asked her what tattoos she had, and she told me. I also asked about college, and she said she wanted to help people.

Then I asked about the meanings of her tattoo and she said there wasn't any! I laughed and was like "what?!" And she thought I was asking about her name... so then I said "I knew there were meanings!"

So I got her in laughter and things to talk about. I asked questions about her... not me!

I was bugging her about her spelling mistakes and then she did the same for me when I typed Virginia. I told her the mayor probably typed Virgina, like I did.

So she kept asking for my number and when I didn't give it to her, she messaged me the same night when I didn't reply, and said "Jerk I wanted to send you a picture of the baseball game seats I had!"

So when I finally messaged her through the phone, I said "Hi this is the mayor of Virgina."

She said "Hahahahahaha you crack me up!"

She loved humor... and I think this confident guy I was, humor, and such - attracted her. And when we met, I was a bit quiet, but then again I really wasn't... I always forget what to say right away but when I met her, I said "You should have told me it was on this side road! I was circling for hours!"

So for some reason, I lost ALL of our messages on OkCupid. I wanted to look back at that and know what I did that was so successful but above I explained some of it. It went on and on, talked about more things and such.

She showed her friend our messages, because she thought it was funny how we were typing our fingers off going back and forth.

And I didn't seem desperate. Sometimes, I'd not reply... and that is when she would reply after that saying "I wanted to send you a picture of the baseball seats!"

So the DJ Bible has factual information in the "Kill that desperation' section.

This is like great advice. NOT only for getting women, but becoming this guy that I am not so much now. Like reading the "Be a man" section makes me really have a great posture because as I am reading it, I am saying "I am confident! A women needs confidence in a guy." I am reading it and putting I's in the text.

It is a good read. My whole life I've been on Loveshack and never found this forum.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

So why is the undies thing a red flag? lol she doesn't do random hookups. Trust me! The site we were introduced to, she had it very clear. BUT, is this a red flag? She likes it rough. Bondage. Whips lol. Makes me a bit uncomfortable to tell people I don't know lol.

Tattoos are symbols of things with her Dad. The one quote that I love on her leg (turn on), the 4 butterflies on her back (the top is her, the lower is brother, mother, and godmother helping her escape from her Dad's abuse), and 'Courage' on her side.

You are not listening! It's not about whether she does random hookups or not, she's an emotional wreck because of physical abuse. The symbols of the tattoos are meaningless, the point is she has several of them. Eventually she'll tell you about the family member, family friend, or stranger who molested her.

Even if she doesn't cheat, she'll make a mess of the relationship. You are blinded by two things: loneliness and physical attraction.

 

[lover4721]

You are not listening! It's not about whether she does random hookups or not, she's an emotional wreck because of physical abuse. The symbols of the tattoos are meaningless, the point is she has several of them. Eventually she'll tell you about the family member, family friend, or stranger who molested her.

Even if she doesn't cheat, she'll make a mess of the relationship. You are blinded by two things: loneliness and physical attraction.

Physical attraction yes, that is blinding me right now lol. If you saw, you'd understand!

The meanings of tattoos are the point... she doesn't want to get 100 of them and cover her body.

Her other relationships were okay? lol I don't see how she will make a mess. I had someone who made a mess out of the relationship. She made me suicidal by being so damn clingy. This girl isn't the same as in that way.

So what mess will this create? Caring/clingy is okay with me, it shows she cares. Not clingy, but caring and showing and telling me she does.
I don't see a mess coming from this relationship.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

Physical attraction yes, that is blinding me right now lol. If you saw, you'd understand!

The meanings of tattoos are the point... she doesn't want to get 100 of them and cover her body.

Her other relationships were okay? lol I don't see how she will make a mess. I had someone who made a mess out of the relationship. She made me suicidal by being so damn clingy. This girl isn't the same as in that way.

So what mess will this create? Caring/clingy is okay with me, it shows she cares. Not clingy, but caring and showing and telling me she does.
I don't see a mess coming from this relationship.

It will be a game of time: will you get fully pulled in before her issues erode the relationship. I dated a woman for over a year before I knew she needed a physically abusive man. There were red flags, but they were so subtle and I was so young, they went unnoticed.

Another took 2 1/2 years to pull me in before her issues destroyed what we had. Her red flags were obvious, but I ignored them.

 

[Skyline]

How old are you OP?

 

[The_411]

Physical attraction yes, that is blinding me right now lol. If you saw, you'd understand!

The meanings of tattoos are the point... she doesn't want to get 100 of them and cover her body.

Her other relationships were okay? lol I don't see how she will make a mess. I had someone who made a mess out of the relationship. She made me suicidal by being so damn clingy. This girl isn't the same as in that way.

So what mess will this create? Caring/clingy is okay with me, it shows she cares. Not clingy, but caring and showing and telling me she does.
I don't see a mess coming from this relationship.

These type of women are the equivalent to heroin addicitons just in a different form. You're gonna get hooked and your life will go straight to hell.

So she's hot. Is it really worth wasting lots of time over here only to know that she'll more than likely cheat on you, create ridiculous amounts of drama for you, guilt trip you, lie to you, gaslight you, generally act crazy and end up blaming everything on you. Did I forget fake pregnancy scares, suicide threats, actual pregnancy STDs, hardcore drugs, excessive drinking, etc.

These are just some of the possibilities with a the girl you are describing.

Sure you can call us haters but most here have been in the eact same shoes and the outcomes is invariably the same.

Girl gives lots of attention, guy tries to play it cool, girl is better at manipulating the situation, guy gets hooked, girl pulls farther and farther way while trying to disrespect you at every turn. Guy tries harder to take power back, girl cares less and less girl cheats on you, guy's self esteem goes in the crapper, girl leave, guy struggles and is miserable.

 

[youngmack]

Bruh listen to the other people and DROP HER ASAP. Trust me I just got out of a little thing with a girl with physical abuse in her past, daddy issues,and emotional problems. Just like u she opened up about everything is only a matter of weeks. Bunch of red flags too. But I chose to ignore them.

She had me feeling soo good yoo and then boom..sh1t crashed in my face. Posters here were telling me to do 180 just like there telling you but i was naïve and would not listen and not the girl fvcked me up. its been almost 2 months and i'm still feeling the effects of that sh1t.

I'm only and if someone as young and inexperienced as me is telling u to avoid her then you should !

 

[lover4721]

And now she is sharing this picture about 'a strong man can handle a strong woman' saying "yes, so I need a strong man!"
And another quote 'forget what hurt you but don't forget what it taught you.'

I don't know whether to message her about Friday or not.

And deleted my posts she made about me on FB, tagging me in a quote. Ha. Not good. I screwed up.

I want to see where this will take me. The best way to predict future human behavior, IS past behavior. BUT, what if she isn't like what we think she is? She mentions she is more mature than most people.

How old are you OP?

I am almost 21 (November) and she is 19 (turned 19 in March)

These type of women are the equivalent to heroin addicitons just in a different form. You're gonna get hooked and your life will go straight to hell.

So she's hot. Is it really worth wasting lots of time over here only to know that she'll more than likely cheat on you, create ridiculous amounts of drama for you, guilt trip you, lie to you, gaslight you, generally act crazy and end up blaming everything on you. Did I forget fake pregnancy scares, suicide threats, actual pregnancy STDs, hardcore drugs, excessive drinking, etc.

These are just some of the possibilities with a the girl you are describing.

Sure you can call us haters but most here have been in the eact same shoes and the outcomes is invariably the same.

Girl gives lots of attention, guy tries to play it cool, girl is better at manipulating the situation, guy gets hooked, girl pulls farther and farther way while trying to disrespect you at every turn. Guy tries harder to take power back, girl cares less and less girl cheats on you, guy's self esteem goes in the crapper, girl leave, guy struggles and is miserable.

Hmm yeah I definitely don't want all of that because I can kinda notice some of the red flags already, and the drama you described. Like she was so into me, but now since she knows my feelings, she is making me chase her. I was perfect with her when she showed me the same feelings but now it seems like she is caring less, just to have me chase her.

And I don't think you guys are haters lol. I am actually considering taking the advice but I'm still half way into it. :/

She has been cheated on... guys she liked, were liking pictures in Instagram and they happened to be with them and their girlfriend... and I can kinda picture her doing the same thing to me. She is going to meet all of these guys (and she is signing into OkCupid lately) and try to get me jealous to chase her. It happened with another girl I knew that liked me a lot! She got with her gay coworker. Her Dad abuses them and they all run and hide when he gets home.

Bruh listen to the other people and DROP HER ASAP. Trust me I just got out of a little thing with a girl with physical abuse in her past, daddy issues,and emotional problems. Just like u she opened up about everything is only a matter of weeks. Bunch of red flags too. But I chose to ignore them.

She had me feeling soo good yoo and then boom..sh1t crashed in my face. Posters here were telling me to do 180 just like there telling you but i was naïve and would not listen and not the girl fvcked me up. its been almost 2 months and i'm still feeling the effects of that sh1t.

I'm only and if someone as young and inexperienced as me is telling u to avoid her then you should !

What if she isn't the person we think she is? Maybe she actually has a good head on her shoulders...?

 

[Jules_Winfield]

What if she isn't the person we think she is? Maybe she actually has a good head on her shoulders...?

This is like I'm looking back in time at myself. Do know why this site exists? The men here didn't have an understanding of a specific part of their lives. If women had problems getting men, a female version of this site would never exist. Do you know why?

For her to not be the person we think she is, she would have to mentally address her issues, determine how she's effected by those issues, then have a plan for overcoming those issues. Women don't actively get better, it's just now who they are, they self-destruct then blame you to allow themselves to mentally cope with their behavior. The cycle will repeat for her, while you're left heartbroken.

This was a conversation I had with a female friend of mine a week ago: I told my friend, who is in a 1-year relationship, that her boyfriend should drop her and run because she's not girlfriend material (I know all her issues: promiscuity, rape, molestation, and crazy). She laughed because I was right. A week ago she told me they're moving in together but she wants out of the relationship. She's staying with him because she can't afford the place if she lived there without him. Guess what happens if she gets a better paying job?! She was talking to me about how to put him out "when" the time comes. He thinks they're in love.

 

[iamnobody]

OP, here's a little gem floating around on SS: "Judge a girl by her actions, not by her words"
Get out of your head and read this bit: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181826

 

[lover4721]

She said I was accusing her of doing this and that with guys, and I wasn't really, but I was questioning what she was doing with guys because she hasn't shown me enough feelings.

She said if that is what it is like when we are in a relationship, she can't do it.

I feel like she will cheat just to get back at this guy who cheated on her, and her father...

So she said "What we can do is get together again, I have told you that. After we do, I will tell you exactly how I feel."

I told her I don't want to date her to prove I'm worthy. I would like to date to really get a feel of our feelings and not jump the fence.

 

[youngmack]

What if she isn't the person we think she is? Maybe she actually has a good head on her shoulders...?

DO NOT fall for it bro. They usually look good on the surface. My BPD ex is going to Syracuse university on a full scholarship !!! She is very religious and she does not party. She cooks, cleans and would do anything for her boyfriend. Everyone thinks she's an angel. Im sure you would think she has a good head on her shoulders, but she DOES NOT.

That's what they do, they are so charming, get everyone to like them and sympathize with them. Once the hook you its over. They will Fvck you up !

Next example is my HPD ex. She bought me to this site. She was HOT . Straight A student. She's going to the university of florida. Never drunk, never smoked. Was a VIRGIN at the time we dated. She ended up ****ing me up. Cluster B girls will mess u up man. I still feel the scars from the HPD ex and i'm still going thru this mess with my bpd ex.

These h0es have hidden agenda man. They are all super manipulative .Don't do it

 

[JoeMarron]

DO NOT fall for it bro. They usually look good on the surface. My BPD ex is going to Syracuse university on a full scholarship !!! She is very religious and she does not party. She cooks, cleans and would do anything for her boyfriend. Everyone thinks she's an angel. Im sure you would think she has a good head on her shoulders, but she DOES NOT.

That's what they do, they are so charming, get everyone to like them and sympathize with them. Once the hook you its over. They will Fvck you up !

Next example is my HPD ex. She bought me to this site. She was HOT . Straight A student. She's going to the university of florida. Never drunk, never smoked. Was a VIRGIN at the time we dated. She ended up ****ing me up. Cluster B girls will mess u up man. I still feel the scars from the HPD ex and i'm still going thru this mess with my bpd ex.

These h0es have hidden agenda man. They are all super manipulative .Don't do it

Yep. A rational human being doesn't consider the exception when making decisions. Sure she might be the rare person who makes it through a fvcked up childhood and grows up to be a normal, sane person but there's no reason to take that risk. OP if you were about to fly on a plane with a 90% failure rate you wouldn't be asking "what if this is actually one of the good planes?" you'd get the hell off in a heartbeat. She's damaged and there's nothing you can do about it. Next.