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Confidence cycles

Jariel

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I just wanted to point out an observation I've made during recent experiences about how confidence works in positive and negative cycles.

A few months ago I reached a high in my confidence. Within a week I met my gf who placed me on a pedestal and wanted to be with me nonstop. Then I was scouted for a modelling competition. Everywhere I went people were commenting how great I looked, almost every woman I met was flirting and complimenting me in a big way, I was turning heads and getting girls wolf whistling me in the street, I'd talk to some women and could see them getting flustered, while several people were telling me I could have any woman I want...and at that time I believed it.

Then my gf dumped me and started playing cruel games with me. My confidence hit a low point and I suddenly started noticing less attention from women. Women stopped flirting with me and some even seemed dismissive. I was depending on some attention to lift my self-esteem and when I didn't get it, I sunk even lower. I tried making eye contact in clubs and received a few scowls. I reached a point of paranoia, wondering what had changed so dramatically - was it my hair, my skin, had I lost/gained weight etc.

But it's simply a matter of confidence. My friend pointed out to me that I've been walking around with a scowl on my face and my body language has been very tense and defensive. In short, my low confidence (and neediness) is making itself physically obvious and is giving off unattractive vibes.

So clearly it's a viscious cycle that becomes a downwards spiral. You feel low, you get less attention and you feel worse. But this works in reverse too and I believe success with women can be greatly improved if you can just get into a positive confidence cycle.
 

Keeper

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I don't get it...
 

Jariel

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Another thing...

This also happens in relationships or on dates. When you start to notice or imagine a drop in your partner's interest levels, you may begin to feel a little rejected, a little low and needy, and your confidence starts dropping taking your sex appeal with it. So her interest drops even more and it's just a matter of time before she loses complete interest.

Without a firm basis for your confidence and self-belief, this is going to happen over and over. My failures come down to putting too much emphasis on the thoughts of others and evaluating myself through their eyes. This may apply to other people here too.
 

AMF

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So... unbelievably... true.
 

oakraiderz2

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Thats the situation im in right now. Dont really know how to get out of it but yea.
 

Jariel

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Now I can confirm what I wrote. I've started getting back into a positive cycle again recently. Last week I got a date with a HB9 which lifted my mood and confidence and this week the female attention has increased and women are laying on the attention, flattery and flirting again.

My friend, however, is way ahead of me. He's the sort of cuddly guy women used to consider as friend only material, yet he pulled a hot woman a few weeks back and since then his confidence has soared. He is still a nice guy, still has that cuddly look about him, yet he has confidence and he now has women fighting over him!

Never underestimate the lure of confidence over women. If you find yourself in a low confidence cycle, don't try to change yourself, try to find and eliminate the cause. For me the cause was my ex- and since I've refused to see or speak to her, I've been feeling great!
 

Jariel

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Oakrider: Try to work out all the negative and positive influences in your life and if possible, dump all the negative ones. If certain people make you feel bad, avoid them. If others make you feel good, try to spend more time with them. I have found this working really well for me personally.
 

Blue Phoenix

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Originally posted by Jariel
Last week I got a date with a HB9 which lifted my mood and confidence and this week the female attention has increased and women are laying on the attention, flattery and flirting again.
From what I understood, you´re too dependant on women.

When they are flirting, admiring you, etc, you feel great. When you don´t receive this feedback you feel annulled, ugly, bad, etc.

Don´t get me wrong but you show attention wh0re traits. Of course it´s good to be admired and found sexy, but the individual´s self-steem should not be based on that but in himself.
 
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Jariel

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Blue Phoenix: I am confident in myself as a person and my abilities, but you have definitely hit the nail on the head: I am a bit of an attention wh0re when it comes to women and I can't deny it. Unfortunately my social confidence does depend a lot on female attention - hence these cycles I fall into, and the habit I have of driving women away.
 

sapphire

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I totally agree with you Jariel. Right now I am at a low point and I am trying to figure out what the cause is and how to fix it. When I am at a high point, I am almost unstoppable with women. But for several months now, I feel like total crap. And because of it, I seem incapable of approaching women even when they are giving out blatant signals.

The funny thing though is I still get looks from women. The other day I was approached by a pretty cute 24 year old girl at the gym. And this other much hotter girl also at the gym keeps on giving me these long gazes. Yet, I don't have the confidence to approach. I have it in the back of my mind that there are ulterior motives behind these women showing interest and that is why I do not approach. At the high point of my confidence, there is no doubt I would have already been going out with these girls. Since last week this hot latin girl I met last year has been calling me and showing alot of interest, but I don't acknowledge her as I used to and now I believe that she has moved on as the result.

Another thing, I am not as social as I used to be. Before, I would go out at least twice a week to bars/clubs with friends or even by myself. Now, It is quite rare that I go out which has taken quite a toll on my social life. I also, find myself more withdrawn and not as talkative.

I think the reason may be the following:

1. I am currently stressed out with my job and businesses.

2. I am getting less sleep than before which may be affecting my mood and thus my ability to interact with women.

3. I find myself a little more cranky and uptight which relates to #2.

4. I am self conscious about my looks and find myself constantly looking in the mirror to see if there is anything physically wrong with me.

5. I am showing signs of depression ( irratability, sleeplessness, etc.)

Although I am trying to get rid of all the negativity that surrounds me nothing seems to be working thus far. I desperately want to be the outgoing, confident guy I used to be and which brought me success with women before.

Any suggestions?
 

AMF

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jariel, ive thought it a few times but now there is no doubt, we are freakily similar.
 

dearsappho

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Ive been following your posts over the past few months, Jariel and it appears that you are slowly coming through your slump.

The great thing is youve identified a problem and are taking steps to rectify it.

Props to you.
 

Doc73

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Ive been following your posts over the past few months, Jariel and it appears that you are slowly coming through your slump.

The great thing is youve identified a problem and are taking steps to rectify it.
Me too, and I gotta say I am impressed. Trust me it takes a lot to do that. I have been getting out of my own rollercoaster slump, but I am doing it and am doing it my way.

I tip my hat off to you
 

PRMoon

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I partly agree with this statment you layed out here. Girls know when you're getting it (sex) they can smell it on you and know you aren't that desperate for it so you seem more attractive.

I don't think however the lack of a G/F lowers your appealability. I've had girl friends on and off through out the last few years and whether I had one or not made no real difference on the number of looks that I got from girls.

My confidence comes from within and nothing short of a grueling accident can take it away from me. I'm very focused on improving myself and finding ways to fine tune my life. As long as I stick to those basic guidliness, my confidence is going to be reltatively high. Physically I'll always be apealing in the same way cause my diet and exercise routines haven't really changed since I was in my teens. Confidence is a mentality and strong minds won't have their confidence shaken under any circumstances.
 

skeeloo

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i think i have the same issues as jariel and if i eliminate these issues i think im done with the 80% of my problems. this same issue also affects my cousin as well i dont know if its the environment we grew up at or why but we seem to base or happiness on how women acept us, and yes you put it well when you said you are an attenshion *****, well i guess i know what my problem is now.lol. if you find a way of eliminating this let me know for sure, this issue sterms from girls always comming onto me in the past and if they stop i wonder what im doing wrong i dont wana live my ****ing life like that anymore. ill try and eliminate this thing once and for all then ill be happy. some times i really do well and dont give a **** other times some women purposly try to drag me down thats because i let them, let me know how you overcome this.
 

frivolousz21

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it happens though....

right now i got stinged in a short ltr..and It brings me down..(temporarily) but it wont stay that way
 

Jimbo2k

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Originally posted by Jariel
A few months ago I reached a high in my confidence. Within a week I met my gf who placed me on a pedestal and wanted to be with me nonstop. Then I was scouted for a modelling competition. Everywhere I went people were commenting how great I looked, almost every woman I met was flirting and complimenting me in a big way, I was turning heads and getting girls wolf whistling me in the street, I'd talk to some women and could see them getting flustered, while several people were telling me I could have any woman I want...
Mind posting a pic?
 

Blue Phoenix

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Originally posted by Jariel
Blue Phoenix: I am confident in myself as a person and my abilities, but you have definitely hit the nail on the head: I am a bit of an attention wh0re when it comes to women and I can't deny it. Unfortunately my social confidence does depend a lot on female attention - hence these cycles I fall into, and the habit I have of driving women away.
Originally posted by DJDamage
Majority of AW's need to undergo psychlogical assesment and be helped by a professional to help determine the root and cause of their problems. Their fears need to be addressed and be solved in order for them to actually be good and decent human being.

The only problem is that they themselves will have to want to do it and most of them won't. They feel their Attention Wh0ring is actually a positive quality because it makes them feel happy and powerful from all the attention they are recieveing and are able to manipulate their way through life by using this method.
Now you may have a hint in what kind of problem you have to work on. Btw, your thread title "Confidence cycles" could also be interpreted as "emotional roller cooster".
 
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sstype

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true confidence is to never question your self-worth after events which would otherwise make you question it.

There are two things you must do Jariel, to attain inner happiness.

1. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF- Strip away all of your material possesions, your nice clothes, your car, heck even your muscles.
At this state, do you believe you can become the richest man in the world, or still lay the most beautiful women? If you doubt, then you do not believe in yourself.

The top CEO's that are running our nation believed in themselves. As a result, not only are they wealthy, but they are bedding some of the most gorgeous women in the world. Take Donald Trump, he married that supermodel. Sure she may be in it for
the money, but HE IS HITTING THAT THING EVERY NIGHT, AND YOURE NOT!!

2. GOOD ATTITUDE. All the time. Smile, Laugh, Joke. Make people feel better. LISTEN to people. Let them talk. I have made many great sales working at retail by listening to what people have had to say. Some people just want someone to talk with. Be enthusiastic about life. You only have one chance at it.

And lastly; do not depend on other people to determine your happiness, I have too many times fallen into this trap, it sux and does not make me feel better. It is like what you said, a cycle. You will never be happy this way Jariel.
Read "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and "The Magic of Thinking Big" those will help you steer you towards more positive thinking

Best wishes to you friend
 
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