TesuqueRed
Master Don Juan
A DJ-Pfc on the discussion board got me thinking about how compliments are given, which lead to the traps that compliments can lead to.
Trap 1: you say something attempting to be nice but which can be easily flipped into an insult.
Example: "You look slimmer today" will get met with by her--before you can start your next sentence--"Are you saying I'm usually fat?"
You are left standing there gulping air like a guppy that just jumped the wrong way and landed on the carpet. 95% of the time you're deadmeat here unless you can pull of an immediate c&F response or otherwise show you're not caught flat-footed by her counter-thrust.
Women are deadly on the counter-thrust. You get instant respect when you show you can handle a world-class counter-thrust. The only way to prepare for this is to practice NOT responding like the guppy on the carpet and then live thru a number of those moments.
Trap 2: She gets a haircut earlier that day/week and steps into the room. INSTANT TRAP! She may wait upwards of 3 hours to spring it, so if 5 mins have gone by, you haven't gotten out of the danger zone by any stretch of the imagination.
Know this: STYLING (a.k.a. "haircut" to men, much the same as "blouse" = shirt in our lang.) is a MAJOR EVENT in a woman's life.
We cannot appreciate this.
When I get out of the chair after a haircut to go pay--somewhere in that walk over--I have already forgotten that I just got a haircut. I know I'm paying $14 for something and that I have to tip the person at the chair I just left for the privilege of sitting there.
For a woman--they will set an appointment 3 months in advance for a hairstyling with someone they must establish a first-name basis with, establish a relationship with and pay at least 5X more than we would ever consider paying.
Think about that next time she flakes on a date.
It gets worse: if she leaves for another hairstylist (a.k.a. "barber") this is a "breakup" of an important "relationship". Yeah--! I've overheard them describing it with more trauma than nexting their last AFC BF. And if said hairstylist gives a haircut she is not satisfied with, this is a "betrayal" which causes her more despair than your indelicacy with your ex that you ran into last weekend.
Now---this is the trap, and we've all stepped in it.
1) You fail to notice she got a haircut. She doesn't even have to tell you that you are in the doghouse, you are deadmeat persona non-au gratin potatos (ok, hideous lame pun, but I haven't done one in 4 weeks, ok?) You are left standing there wondering if it's something hormonal. Nope--it was you and her g0ddamned haircut
2) You notice the hairstyling and it is ugly. She was betrayed and hasn't realized it yet--probably because the style was her idea. Your response carries your shock, horror, disgust---you can't hide it, and you know as you're saying it that you're blowing it and can't stop yourself. You feel as if an invisible force is making you lift that gun to your head and pull the trigger. And she justifiably shreds you publicly since you publicly humiliated her (well, SHE did by insisting on that butt-ugly cut, but in this game of "your IT", your IT and you get slaughtered. Tough rules, I know, and they wrote 'em.)
What do you do?
You have one chance and one chance only, so you have to practice this. When you see that she had something done to her hair---you may not know what (haircolor? cut? conditioner???) you MUST IMMEDIATELY SAY
"You got your hair done."
You don't have to say you like it. You don't have to express enthusiasm. You don't have to say what it was she had done. You don't even have to brighten up or even smile. You just say "you got your hair done."
This is the unwritten rule: if you notice the hair was done--that's all--they'll cut you some slack for not expressing enthusiasm or whatever. All that counts is that you noticed. They will pretend that you expressed admiration and delight even when no such thing was apparent. This is the one favor you get in all this.
You can't hesitate. You can't stumble over the words. You risk blowing it if you show emotion, just say "you got your hair done." Practice that. Imagine the moment a hundred times so that the response is automatic.
This is your one chance to survive this most deadly of traps. It's never failed for me.
Trap #3 You attempt to compliment her to make her feel special. I cut and pasted my response to Pfc-DJ as follows:
Basic rules for compliments:
1) Use ONE and only ONE compliment in any given get together. Don't be a pvss and max that out with a compliment each and every time you get together (so predictable, she'll probably guess what you'll compliment next by the 3rd attempt).
2) Do not compliment something she was born with--she was born with it and had absolutely no say in the matter.
3) Instead, compliment her on something she had to make a choice about, use discretion, etc.--jewelry, item in house, discretion in handling a difficult situation, whatever.
4) The compliment should not be obvious. Do it offhand, do it randomly, do it as if you are not aware you're doing it.
HINT: if you're LOOKING to compliment her, you've already blown it since it'll come off as canned (like a sitcom laff-trak). What to do instead is that if you notice something you like (besides her tyts and @ss you schlub!) just make casual mention of it.
Do it once, do it unexpectedly, do it on something she put some thought into------what happens??? She is caught by surprise, she picks up that YOU NOTICED, that it was REAL, that it WASN"T REHEARSED, that it MEANT SOMETHING---all this establishes instant and deep rapport, and it sets you off from every other moron AFC who told her she was beautiful.
IMO, "you're beautiful" to woman sounds like "I want to say something nice and hope to score easily tonight."
_______________
So, giving credit where credit is due: I got most of this stuff from Steele and noticed that it works in the field.
Trap 1: you say something attempting to be nice but which can be easily flipped into an insult.
Example: "You look slimmer today" will get met with by her--before you can start your next sentence--"Are you saying I'm usually fat?"
You are left standing there gulping air like a guppy that just jumped the wrong way and landed on the carpet. 95% of the time you're deadmeat here unless you can pull of an immediate c&F response or otherwise show you're not caught flat-footed by her counter-thrust.
Women are deadly on the counter-thrust. You get instant respect when you show you can handle a world-class counter-thrust. The only way to prepare for this is to practice NOT responding like the guppy on the carpet and then live thru a number of those moments.
Trap 2: She gets a haircut earlier that day/week and steps into the room. INSTANT TRAP! She may wait upwards of 3 hours to spring it, so if 5 mins have gone by, you haven't gotten out of the danger zone by any stretch of the imagination.
Know this: STYLING (a.k.a. "haircut" to men, much the same as "blouse" = shirt in our lang.) is a MAJOR EVENT in a woman's life.
We cannot appreciate this.
When I get out of the chair after a haircut to go pay--somewhere in that walk over--I have already forgotten that I just got a haircut. I know I'm paying $14 for something and that I have to tip the person at the chair I just left for the privilege of sitting there.
For a woman--they will set an appointment 3 months in advance for a hairstyling with someone they must establish a first-name basis with, establish a relationship with and pay at least 5X more than we would ever consider paying.
Think about that next time she flakes on a date.
It gets worse: if she leaves for another hairstylist (a.k.a. "barber") this is a "breakup" of an important "relationship". Yeah--! I've overheard them describing it with more trauma than nexting their last AFC BF. And if said hairstylist gives a haircut she is not satisfied with, this is a "betrayal" which causes her more despair than your indelicacy with your ex that you ran into last weekend.
Now---this is the trap, and we've all stepped in it.
1) You fail to notice she got a haircut. She doesn't even have to tell you that you are in the doghouse, you are deadmeat persona non-au gratin potatos (ok, hideous lame pun, but I haven't done one in 4 weeks, ok?) You are left standing there wondering if it's something hormonal. Nope--it was you and her g0ddamned haircut
2) You notice the hairstyling and it is ugly. She was betrayed and hasn't realized it yet--probably because the style was her idea. Your response carries your shock, horror, disgust---you can't hide it, and you know as you're saying it that you're blowing it and can't stop yourself. You feel as if an invisible force is making you lift that gun to your head and pull the trigger. And she justifiably shreds you publicly since you publicly humiliated her (well, SHE did by insisting on that butt-ugly cut, but in this game of "your IT", your IT and you get slaughtered. Tough rules, I know, and they wrote 'em.)
What do you do?
You have one chance and one chance only, so you have to practice this. When you see that she had something done to her hair---you may not know what (haircolor? cut? conditioner???) you MUST IMMEDIATELY SAY
"You got your hair done."
You don't have to say you like it. You don't have to express enthusiasm. You don't have to say what it was she had done. You don't even have to brighten up or even smile. You just say "you got your hair done."
This is the unwritten rule: if you notice the hair was done--that's all--they'll cut you some slack for not expressing enthusiasm or whatever. All that counts is that you noticed. They will pretend that you expressed admiration and delight even when no such thing was apparent. This is the one favor you get in all this.
You can't hesitate. You can't stumble over the words. You risk blowing it if you show emotion, just say "you got your hair done." Practice that. Imagine the moment a hundred times so that the response is automatic.
This is your one chance to survive this most deadly of traps. It's never failed for me.
Trap #3 You attempt to compliment her to make her feel special. I cut and pasted my response to Pfc-DJ as follows:
Basic rules for compliments:
1) Use ONE and only ONE compliment in any given get together. Don't be a pvss and max that out with a compliment each and every time you get together (so predictable, she'll probably guess what you'll compliment next by the 3rd attempt).
2) Do not compliment something she was born with--she was born with it and had absolutely no say in the matter.
3) Instead, compliment her on something she had to make a choice about, use discretion, etc.--jewelry, item in house, discretion in handling a difficult situation, whatever.
4) The compliment should not be obvious. Do it offhand, do it randomly, do it as if you are not aware you're doing it.
HINT: if you're LOOKING to compliment her, you've already blown it since it'll come off as canned (like a sitcom laff-trak). What to do instead is that if you notice something you like (besides her tyts and @ss you schlub!) just make casual mention of it.
Do it once, do it unexpectedly, do it on something she put some thought into------what happens??? She is caught by surprise, she picks up that YOU NOTICED, that it was REAL, that it WASN"T REHEARSED, that it MEANT SOMETHING---all this establishes instant and deep rapport, and it sets you off from every other moron AFC who told her she was beautiful.
IMO, "you're beautiful" to woman sounds like "I want to say something nice and hope to score easily tonight."
_______________
So, giving credit where credit is due: I got most of this stuff from Steele and noticed that it works in the field.
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