Cold treatment? Help needed.

[CoolBlue]

Suffice to say that I have done a slightly jerkish thing (not over the top though) and got the girl pissed. She began giving me the cold treatment: Not initiating contact with me, being polite but not giving away much information when talking to me.

I certainly do not want to reward her for her bad behavior, but if I don't do something nothing will get ahead. I've already ignored her for weeks already living my own life and it will continue that way if I don't do anything.

So what would you experienced people do in such a situation? Do you go soft and try to "let her win this", or would you just not do anything?


Yes I know the best thing to do is to next the girl and spin other plates, so please do not suggest that. That I am already doing but there are certainly some things I can do to make this one work out better.

 

[Igetit!]

Suffice to say that I have done a slightly jerkish thing (not over the top though) and got the girl pissed. She began giving me the cold treatment: Not initiating contact with me, being polite but not giving away much information when talking to me.

I certainly do not want to reward her for her bad behavior

You don't want to reward her for bad behavior,and this "bad behavior" is her being cold to you,right?


Well generally speak,being "cold" is a REACTION,which means that something else happened first,then the way she reacted to it was by turning cold.



You say that you don't want to reward this girl for bad behavior,but your VERY FIRST SENTENCE was you saying that YOU did something "jerkish" concerning her.



So someone turning "cold" as a response to someone being a jerk to them isn't bad behavior in my opinion.

I've already ignored her for weeks already living my own life and it will continue that way if I don't do anything.

So you did something jerkish to her,then started ignoring her.

This doesn't make any sense to me,but hey,you can do whatever you want.

So how is this working for you?

So what would you experienced people do in such a situation? Do you go soft and try to "let her win this", or would you just not do anything?

Let her "win this"?

Win what?


Look,there isn't enough information here to help you out. You told us the OUTCOME of some interaction you had with her,but not the events leading up to it.



All we know is that this girl is angry at you. You haven't told us why,or what this "slightly jerkish" behavior was you did.



We don't know if this is some girl you've known for a while,someone you've just recently met,or what the relation here is with you two.



You can't just make a thread seeking help without giving us something to work with.

 

[brekke]

Suffice to say that I have done a slightly jerkish thing (not over the top though) and got the girl pissed. She began giving me the cold treatment: Not initiating contact with me, being polite but not giving away much information when talking to me.

I certainly do not want to reward her for her bad behavior, but if I don't do something nothing will get ahead. I've already ignored her for weeks already living my own life and it will continue that way if I don't do anything.

So what would you experienced people do in such a situation? Do you go soft and try to "let her win this", or would you just not do anything?

Dude, I am in the same exact boat with my favorite girl. But I did something horrible. I even asked her if she was going to be "cold" to me forever, and she said "yes". But then I told her that was not fair, and she said she was sorry for how she was reacting.

Do not do what I did. I took her sh!t for like a whole month before telling her to f-off. She kept getting worse, and I think lost respect for me, because I was acting too nice since I really cared about her and the fact that I hurt her.

The last time we talked, she initiated, and I was very cold, then hung up on her without any emotion. I am sure that freaked her out a little, and she thinks I do not like her anymore according to friends.

I think that puts me on the path back to getting her respect, and next time we talk I will initiate, but I will be my old self, and act like I never did anything wrong.

 

[CoolBlue]

Dude, I am in the same exact boat with my favorite girl. But I did something horrible. I even asked her if she was going to be "cold" to me forever, and she said "yes". But then I told her that was not fair, and she said she was sorry for how she was reacting.

Do not do what I did. I took her sh!t for like a whole month before telling her to f-off. She kept getting worse, and I think lost respect for me, because I was acting too nice since I really cared about her and the fact that I hurt her.

The last time we talked, she initiated, and I was very cold, then hung up on her without any emotion. I am sure that freaked her out a little, and she thinks I do not like her anymore according to friends.

I think that puts me on the path back to getting her respect, and next time we talk I will initiate, but I will be my old self, and act like I never did anything wrong.

Thanks for the advice. What do you think is the best course of action then?

For those who want to know more about what I did, I merely insisted that we do something I wanted to do instead of going with the flow. And I was very adamant about it. So that was kinda jerkish. But I don't think that's really horrible though.

No sense for me to take her sh!t and become a supplicating p*ssy because of this. If I try giving in to her she'll probably milk this for all its worth like all girls would.

So I would really like advice from experienced people who have been through this and knows the best approach to deal with this.
I really want to hear from the old greats here like master of the universe.

I feel it will be a shame if I had to next her because of this relatively minor friction. I probably would want to apologize for being a jerk that day, but I want to avoid the slippery slope where the girl will feel that she is getting her way of being a b!tch and continue with this behavior to milk more out of me now and in the future.

 

[brekke]

Thanks for the advice. What do you think is the best course of action then?

I would just say, do not apologize, do not be nice, do not keep talking to her while she is being a *****. For me it got really bad, to the point where she was saying that I am not the same guy I was before. I do not even think that is because of what I did to her, but I think it is because of the faggy way I was acting while trying to win her back. She would call me stupid, and I would just say "you are right" or "I know". It was pathetic.

For those who want to know more about what I did, I merely insisted that we do something I wanted to do instead of going with the flow. And I was very adamant about it. So that was kinda jerkish. But I don't think that's really horrible though.

That's nothing. If she is being a b!tch over that, I do not believe it. There must be something else. I told mine that she was phony and disgusting, said that I never thought she was pretty, and told her about other girls that I screwed. I do not think I am cool for doing that, and I wish I did not, but I act like an idiot sometimes.

 

[CoolBlue]

There is nothing else really. I was being jerkish and not wanting to go along with the original plan and wanted to do things my way instead. And that has gotten her angry. Well she isn't being a total b!tch yet like your girl did, but she's just hamming it up and being cold about it.

So far I have been ignoring her attitude for weeks and recently initiated a little contact and she's still being unfriendlying polite. No way I will submit and become a nice guy though. So far I feel the most appropriate action is to address the issue head on and apologize a little without begging her to reverse her attitude. Like making a statement and then leaving it for her to accept it. From what I see she probably wants to go back to being normal but wouldn't do it until I wuss out until she knows she has all the power.

So is there a way to get her to drop her cold act without having to wuss out?

 

[Captain]

What EXACTLY did you do? I think there's a good chance you really did nothing wrong...

 

[L B]

Some women are like this, especially if you have been with them for a while. They get too comfortable. They do this knowing you'll never leave them. If the relationship with this chick is that important to you, then:

A: have a serious talk with her and apologize for your mistake and move forward with the relationship. If really care, she will forgive and forget.

B: Call her bluff and don't call her. You have better things to do with your life. If she doesn't want to lose you, she will call and hopefully hints that she overreacted to your mistake.

I have had success with both. It really depends of if she is willing make the relationship work. But ultimately when this happens, she is just playing games with you. To me, this is when a relationship goes downhill. I don't bother saving a sinking boat.

If she's that important to you good luck salvaging your relationship. Just don't lose your respect and dignity in the process. It takes two to make a relationship work. If one has already given up, you'll just fail no matter what you do.

 

[SandHawk]

I like how you totally ignored IGetIt's post. You just totally ignore some good advice in there, and that you twisted this into a situation where she is displaying bad behavior after you screwed up.

I personally don't see why you're not standing up for your mistake. I once pissed off my main plate pretty badly, and we ended up having a good conversation about it. We discussed whatever happened and why she was pissed off. Initially, I twisted around it for a bit, avoiding apologizing for running over her feelings. Until I realized that you sometimes need to step up for your own actions and see that you did something wrong.

I told her I still didn't think what I did was wrong, but that I was sorry for hurting her feelings. Does that make me a weak supplication b*tch? No, it does not, it shows I have the guts to stand up for what I did and accept the consequences. Being a man still means you have to stand up for whatever you did. The girl eased down after that, and we had some pretty darn good sex.

 

[jophil28]

Suffice to say that I have done a slightly jerkish thing (not over the top though) and got the girl pissed. She began giving me the cold treatment:
.

I imagine that if she is freezing you out, then what you did or said WAS indeed "over the top ", at least as far as she is concerned.

You say that you insisted on your own way- well the devil is in the detail in instances like this. How exactly did you "stand up for yourself" ..calmly. assertively. Or were you loud and aggressive? Was she being pushy and baitchy and unreasonable or demanding ?

Remember that we were not present so we did not hear your tone of voice, nor the words that you used, and we know nothing about the context and the contents of this event.

Perhaps you need to post an objective reporting of what happened between you two .

 

[CoolBlue]

I like how you totally ignored IGetIt's post. You just totally ignore some good advice in there, and that you twisted this into a situation where she is displaying bad behavior after you screwed up.

I personally don't see why you're not standing up for your mistake. I once pissed off my main plate pretty badly, and we ended up having a good conversation about it. We discussed whatever happened and why she was pissed off. Initially, I twisted around it for a bit, avoiding apologizing for running over her feelings. Until I realized that you sometimes need to step up for your own actions and see that you did something wrong.

I told her I still didn't think what I did was wrong, but that I was sorry for hurting her feelings. Does that make me a weak supplication b*tch? No, it does not, it shows I have the guts to stand up for what I did and accept the consequences. Being a man still means you have to stand up for whatever you did. The girl eased down after that, and we had some pretty darn good sex.

There's advice in his post? Because I really don't see any

 

[Tazman]

He asked for more details about what exactly that "jerk" move was you pulled. I don't understand why it has to be such a huge secret, you're completely anonymous on this forum.

How can you expect advice that properly addresses your situation if you leave out the most crucial piece of information. No one knows what you consider "not over the top". You may have in fact done something we see as being messed up and deserving of an apology.

 

[doubledown11]

I think L B's advice is best.

If she's really upset then you can't be 'gaming' her. You have to give an authentic apology and explain what you were going through at the time. If she still thinks you're full of it, you have to move on. The only thing you want to avoid is becoming a yapping, needy lapdog. Have respect for yourself and she'll respect you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

So is there a way to get her to drop her cold act without having to wuss out?

Yes and no. If she thinks you are a jerk, then go be a nice guy. That will engage her mind if she is not sure that she has you figured out. And by no means do you have to be nice to her. Instead just let her see that there are other sides to your personality. If she found out that you were doing volunteer work to save puppies and kitties, or something cute like that, then it would completely mess with her head. How can such a jerk care about puppies? That is the type of question that a woman will obsess about over and over in her head, and likely have sex with you as part of her research to try and get an answer.

The jerk and the AFC have something in common - they're one-dimensional. That's boring. Engage her mind and make her work to think she has you figured out.

 

[Reckoning]

The only way to get positive results out of being "cold" with her after she did the same to you, is to do it ONLY when you know she will come back with her apologies and sweet words etc. due to some attachment she has for you. Also, if she has alternatives and if she can always dust you for the next (hot or whatever) guy that is interested in her, you can't really count on the "cold" approach in the situation and hope it'll come out all good.

Talk to her, say you're sorry. Know when to back down, being a douche to a girl that's already genuinely mad at you won't get you into a better place. Admit your mistake, but don't kiss her ass about it. She should take your sincere apology and forgive you. If she doesn't it's one of these two things

1. She won't forgive you at all, not any time soon anyway.
2. She is testing to see just how far you will go to get on good side again.