# closes, but no dates

[Ofus]

Ever since I found this site, I've been getting better approaching women. At first I couldn't even get myself to ask a girl for her #, and now it comes naturally. I almost always get the # when I ask for it.

But out of the numbers I've got so far, nothing has panned out. I would think if a girl gives her number out she is at least SOMEWHAT interested, but when I call I get rejected. No date/get together.

How often does a phone number lead to success later on down the line for you guys? Is there something I may be doing wrong, or is it really just a numbers game and this is a normal thing?

 

[htemorp]

Nah, nowadays cellphone numbers drop out of their mouth like flies. I see strangers posting their cellnumbers on their away messages on AIM and nobody really care about cell numbers. It's so easy to change, it's not like your home phone number. Maybe you didn't establish any strong rapport, and/or sometime a girl give you the number just because she likes the attention of someone calling, some girls are like that.

Work on your game some more, getting the number doesn't mean she's yours...establish rapport.

 

[Tyler]

Originally posted by Ofus
Ever since I found this site, I've been getting better approaching women. At first I couldn't even get myself to ask a girl for her #, and now it comes naturally. I almost always get the # when I ask for it.

But out of the numbers I've got so far, nothing has panned out. I would think if a girl gives her number out she is at least SOMEWHAT interested, but when I call I get rejected. No date/get together.

How often does a phone number lead to success later on down the line for you guys? Is there something I may be doing wrong, or is it really just a numbers game and this is a normal thing?

It IS a numbers game (no pun intended)...how many numbers have you gotten?

 

[nautica34342]

work on attracting the girl more i am sorta having the same problem and i gotta work on this to just getting the number but i know that i gotta work on my initial game and the phone game the most

 

[Bonhomme]

Same here

I get a lot of numbers, but only about 1 in 40 or so lead to dates (but all of the first dates within the last year or so have been overnighters -- go figure!).

What is your style if interaction and when do you call?

My thinking as of late is to call pretty soon after getting the number (within 3 days) if you worked up a real good vibe with the gal through kino, dancing, etc. Strike while the iron is hot. I've been finding "out of sight, out of mind" applies more than "absence makes the heart grow fonder" -- at first.

But, above all, don't overdo the calling.

Another thing is that you're undoubtedly getting #s from lots of low-interest gals. Now that you're well over the hurdle of approaching and getting numbers (props to you for that!), you can start working more on escalating the vibe when you meet gals, and only get the # when you can sense a higher interest level.

 

[rbd]

It is good that you're getting numbers, and getting comfortable with approaching/chatting up girls! This is an essential part that must be taken up in your growth process. Doing this helped me get to the point where I can approach women and talk to them without even thinking about it, and it will do the same for you as well.

As far as getting numbers themselves, like others have said, I will say that they don't mean much these days. Many of us here have learned this lesson, that rarely does a number pan out to a date if you just went up to the girl, talked to her for a minute or two and popped the number question. This is for one simple reason: She doesn't KNOW you.

Put yourself in her shoes. Here she is, this random guy comes up to her, makes some small talk, and before she knows it he wants her number for some reason. Okay, fine. Then he calls her up and wants to go on a date, but who is this guy again? He could be an axe murderer, he seemed to be confident, but not enough could be determined about him. Besides, 2 other guys have done the same thing today anyhow! Yes, sometimes it will work out and work out quite well (sometimes people just 'click'), but I find that's the exception not the rule.

These days I don't do cold pickups much at all anymore. Sure, I go up to girls I've never met and chat them up for the hell of it all the time, but I rarely get the number, unless I find them very interesting and I sense a good connection between us. I like to get to know a girl better, and especially have her get to know me and naturally get to like me (i.e. be attracted to me) and then we can get together and do stuff in groups of friends, get her comfortable, then isolated, and go from there. That's what I like and what I'm getting better at, it might be different for you and everyone's technique is different, there is no miracle way to get chicks, it all matters on your personality and temperment.

You might find the "Juggler Method" quite interesting. It centers on being very outgoing and friendly to about everyone, and through this charisma women will be naturally attracted. I have found the same, if you're funny and outgoing, women love that and will naturally be attracted to you.

Hopefully some of this half-drunken rambling was useful to you! Good luck!

 

[Shiftkey]

It could be because of any number of things. When I first started using the stuff here I was in your exact same situation. I learned that my main problem was that I wasn't building enough rapport during the pickup - small talk isn't enough. Also to a lesser degree I wasn't very good on the phone. I'm still not good on the phone at times IMO and it's definately one of my weaknesses.

Or perhaps your problem could be the date your suggesting. What generally works best for me is something very casual like coffee, icecream, or a game of pool. Always during the day in public places.

However I get the MOST success when I don't end the pickup by asking for her number - I'll actually have the first "date" right then and there. IE I'll chat with a girl at the gym and invite her to get some icecream with me when we're both done with our workout. Or I'll ask a girl to get some lunch with me after class.

 

[CGE333]

Good info ShiftKey- go for a mini first date at the same time to build up more rapport.

If that is impossible does anyone have any tips to getting a higher hit ratio, ie any special rapport building tips, etc.

 

[htemorp]

However I get the MOST success when I don't end the pickup by asking for her number

It seems that most of you basically rush to phone number and thinking that is the end of the road, success! But no! RAPPORT RAPPORT RAPPORT, sometime I do it so well, I don't even have to ask for the number! She'll just hands it over!

 

[Eternal]

Originally posted by htemorp
It seems that most of you basically rush to phone number and thinking that is the end of the road, success! But no! RAPPORT RAPPORT RAPPORT, sometime I do it so well, I don't even have to ask for the number! She'll just hands it over!

Good call. Yeah, check to make sure you aren't sounding rushed to get her number and it couldn't hurt to have more rapport.

 

[violator]

It is a numbers game pure and simple. Even women with questionable IL will just throw out a number like if it was yesterday's newspaper if you ask for it. Whether it translates to a date depends on whether you established enough attraction. I agree that rapport is really important and that just chatting for 10-15 minutes and then getting a number just won't do unless the girl is really attracted to you physically.

The last couple of weeks I got 7 numbers, but I have only succeeded in setting up two dates for this week and I sense that only 1 will materialize. Luckily, the girl who I think will show for the date and who seems to have a high IL, is the hottest one.

These days, I get numbers mainly for practice and to boost my confidence, but unless I feel a certain connection with the girl, more likely than not, I end up throwing the number away, because I know there is nothing there.

If there is enough physical attraction in the beginning or that proverbial "spark" it really doesn't matter. You are going to be seeing her again. Other women, you just have to work harder to build up attraction to the point of securing a date with her and that means establishing good rapport.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by Ofus
But out of the numbers I've got so far, nothing has panned out. I would think if a girl gives her number out she is at least SOMEWHAT interested, but when I call I get rejected. No date/get together.

Don't worry about it. It happens.

Just keep getting numbers and asking them out. Eventually you'll have a date.

 

[OzzyBoy]

How about you call me my number is 99430775.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

It is and isn't a numbers game.

WAKE UP, everybody!!!!!!!!!!

If you go out with the mindset that just getting a number will get you a date, then you're missing 75% of the point.

Getting a number is a means, not an end.

My success rate is about 90%, with the numbers I got transferring into a date.

Why, you ask?

Because I build up enough rapport and self assurance that the girl will accept, before I even ask.

Playing the numbers game like some on here do, should be a tremendous kick to the ego.

I do not get a girls number, If I'm not feeling a connection; or still can't determine her IL.

Why should I?

She hasn't proven herself worthy of me asking her out.

Many girls will willingly give up a phone #, because it is easier for them to turn you down when they can't see you...and probably barely remember you.

So, maybe I only grab 10 #'s in the amount of time that some on here grab 40 #'s....

Outta those ten, I'll get 8-9 dates.

You guys will get one or two.

"It's like throwing spaghetti against a wall and hoping some of it will stick", for many on here.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[htemorp]

keep the voice down, stupid ass canadian.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Originally posted by htemorp
keep the voice down, stupid ass canadian.

Wow, I guess I got told......

The way you replaced "Bad" with "Stupid""was pure genius. Did you watch the testing the nation show? You musta scored high, coming up with replies like that.

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Now now, kids... Let's not get into a flame war here.

It's obvious that when you become a DJ, your success rate will drop. Think about it. When you were an AFC, you got what? 1 Number every year or so? Maybe? Probably because the girl gave it to you. And probably even turned that # into a date.

When you're on your way to being a DJ, and you're working on approaches you make many many approaches, but your success rate goes down.

It happens to the best of us, and it's nothing to get discouraged over. Bad Ass Canadian, sometimes I build the rapport up, and definitely get good readings on IL, but can't turn it to a date from a # close. Sometimes girls are just weird.

Ofus, keep up the good work, don't get discouraged, and kick some ass.


-- Zero-

 

[Shiftkey]

If that is impossible does anyone have any tips to getting a higher hit ratio, ie any special rapport building tips, etc.

What I do to build better rapport is use the stuff taught on this site -
1) be ****y/funny
2) be confident (not bravado)
3) use attractive body language (eye contact, smile, kino, etc)
4) don't dominate the conversation
5) keep the conversation lively and entertaining - not just boring small talk
6) show genuine interest in what she says

Charisma is one of the things you HAVE to learn with practise. Maybe 1% of it comes from reading advice on this board...

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Zero Hour,

Agreed with your comments....I'm mearly trying to tell some of the new guys that it isn't just about running rampant and grabbing numbers from girls. There's alot more to it, obviously.

The way some guys are just like, "Get as many numbers as possible"

Yeah, if you can get alot of numbers from girls that you are genuinely interested in, and you've made a connection/built some rapport; then sure.

The myth that, "hey I got her number, she must like me!" needs to be broken.
Girls will give out there numbers too pretty much any guy, as long he isn't a total psycho.

It gives her an ego boost plus

she knows that if he does call, she can decline without being face to face.

Of course some girls are interested, and you'll get the date.

Shiftkey knows why.

Charisma is one of the things you HAVE to learn with practise. Maybe 1% of it comes from reading advice on this board...

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
The myth that, "hey I got her number, she must like me!" needs to be broken.
Girls will give out there numbers too pretty much any guy, as long he isn't a total psycho.

Oh yeah, I definitely agree... I see that happening A LOT on this board lately. But as to the ORIGINAL question, Ofus has been around a while, and he's made quality posts from what I've seen. I highly doubt rapport is his problem. However, you do make solid points.


-- Zero-