I’ve decided to post this thread after seeing so many questions on the subject lately and cringing at some of the examples being given on this board. It looks like a lot of people are placing way too much focus on C+F and Neg Hits and are surely hindering their game as a result. Feel free to agree or disagree, but I’m simply speaking from my own experience and understanding, and my knowledge of NLP and general social skills.
First of all, C+F is not a magic formula to make a disinterested woman fall in love with you. No woman is going to pounce on you just because you come up with a clever oneliner. C+F is merely a way of showing that you’re comfortable with yourself and comfortable in the presence of a woman. It’s like an antidote to the humble wussy approach, where guys kiss upto a woman and show her that they’re unworthy. But it should always be used in MODERATION and in the right situation, not as a foundation for speaking to women.
Always keep in mind that rapport is the single most important factor in any social encounter and it can only be built if two or more people are communicating on the same level. If a girl is trying to be serious and you are trying to be funny, or if she’s being polite and you are neg hitting her, you are failing to build rapport! In fact, it can be downright rude if someone tries to break the ice with a polite question and you throw a flippant answer back at her. It sends the message that you’re not taking her or her attempt at conversation seriously.
Other problems you might run into using C+F introductions is that she's going to think you are trying too hard to be funny, which reeks of insecurity. Worse still, she might see it as an act and think you are being evasive, which is sure to set alarm bells ringing in her head (“What’s he hiding?”, “Why won’t he answer a simple question?”). So if she asks a polite or serious question, give her a polite or serious answer.
Conversely, if her introduction is lighthearted and humorous, then roll with it. Always pay attention to her mood and tone and try to match it.
Examples of C+F I've used
One of my friends noticed a ring I was wearing and she grabbed my hand to look at it. I told her “Admit it, you just want to hold my hand. You’ll be asking me to take my shirt off next so you can read the label”.
Another time a friend asked me why I’d spent my dinner break with some other friends instead of her. I said something like “I can’t help it if everyone wants me”. She replied “You wish!” and playfully hit me. I pointed it out and said “Look, we’ve been speaking for less than a minute and you can’t keep your hands off me!”
Then one girl tried to neg hit me by telling my shirt looks like curtain material. I replied, “That’s because you keep picturing my clothes scattered around your bedroom”. She responded with a smile, touched my arm and said “Ok, you sussed me out”.
I find this sort of style works well because it’s impromptu and natural, reacting to the situation rather than sounding like a contrived oneliner.
As for Neg Hits, they’re just a way of showing that you’re not intimidated or humbled by a woman. They are NOT insults!! They should NEVER be personal or be directed at someone’s flaws. They should always be lighthearted, generic and used in a playful and teasing manner.
Again, timing is essential! If you start teasing a woman while she’s preoccupied or not in the mood, don’t expect her to be receptive. And don’t try to neg hit a b*tch. Women don’t often act b*tchy with guys they like; they use it to filter out the one’s they’re not interested in, so if that’s the vibe you are getting from her take the hint and save your dignity. You certainly won’t win her interest by insulting her clothes or pointing out she’s a little flabby, and getting into an exchange of insults is petty and degrading.
Good neg hits can refer to minor mistakes, misunderstandings or personality quirks. Sitcoms such as Friends are a very good example of neg hits. The characters are constantly digging at each other in a playful manner, but it’s rarely anything personal.
Examples of Neg Hits I've used
I was playing pool with a girl I know. She was dreadful and couldn’t even hold the cue properly, so I said “I’m not sure if I told you, but we’re supposed to be playing pool, not baseball!”
I was on a date with a girl and the bartender refused to serve her because she didn’t look old enough. So we decided to go to another bar. Just before we entered, I stopped and said “Oh wait. I don’t think they allow minors in here, but there’s a McDonalds around the corner and they’re giving away Little Mermaid toys with their kids meals!”
Another time the same girl spilt her drink so when I bought the next one I asked the bartender for a straw. I brought the drink back to her and she just started laughing. She said “What are you trying to tell me?” I said, “They had no bibs”.
On the whole, I think the c+f concept has been blown way out of proportion. It’s far better to be natural with your conversations and forget trying to impress a woman or make her laugh. Read her mood and concentrate on building rapport first and foremost, and reserve c+f and neg hits for when it’s appropriate.
I have had neg hits backfire a few times and upset a few women with them, so I’d advise treating them with a lot of caution or even avoiding them altogether. And when using C+F don’t forget the F. Being ****y and not funny won’t win you many friends.
First of all, C+F is not a magic formula to make a disinterested woman fall in love with you. No woman is going to pounce on you just because you come up with a clever oneliner. C+F is merely a way of showing that you’re comfortable with yourself and comfortable in the presence of a woman. It’s like an antidote to the humble wussy approach, where guys kiss upto a woman and show her that they’re unworthy. But it should always be used in MODERATION and in the right situation, not as a foundation for speaking to women.
Always keep in mind that rapport is the single most important factor in any social encounter and it can only be built if two or more people are communicating on the same level. If a girl is trying to be serious and you are trying to be funny, or if she’s being polite and you are neg hitting her, you are failing to build rapport! In fact, it can be downright rude if someone tries to break the ice with a polite question and you throw a flippant answer back at her. It sends the message that you’re not taking her or her attempt at conversation seriously.
Other problems you might run into using C+F introductions is that she's going to think you are trying too hard to be funny, which reeks of insecurity. Worse still, she might see it as an act and think you are being evasive, which is sure to set alarm bells ringing in her head (“What’s he hiding?”, “Why won’t he answer a simple question?”). So if she asks a polite or serious question, give her a polite or serious answer.
Conversely, if her introduction is lighthearted and humorous, then roll with it. Always pay attention to her mood and tone and try to match it.
Examples of C+F I've used
One of my friends noticed a ring I was wearing and she grabbed my hand to look at it. I told her “Admit it, you just want to hold my hand. You’ll be asking me to take my shirt off next so you can read the label”.
Another time a friend asked me why I’d spent my dinner break with some other friends instead of her. I said something like “I can’t help it if everyone wants me”. She replied “You wish!” and playfully hit me. I pointed it out and said “Look, we’ve been speaking for less than a minute and you can’t keep your hands off me!”
Then one girl tried to neg hit me by telling my shirt looks like curtain material. I replied, “That’s because you keep picturing my clothes scattered around your bedroom”. She responded with a smile, touched my arm and said “Ok, you sussed me out”.
I find this sort of style works well because it’s impromptu and natural, reacting to the situation rather than sounding like a contrived oneliner.
As for Neg Hits, they’re just a way of showing that you’re not intimidated or humbled by a woman. They are NOT insults!! They should NEVER be personal or be directed at someone’s flaws. They should always be lighthearted, generic and used in a playful and teasing manner.
Again, timing is essential! If you start teasing a woman while she’s preoccupied or not in the mood, don’t expect her to be receptive. And don’t try to neg hit a b*tch. Women don’t often act b*tchy with guys they like; they use it to filter out the one’s they’re not interested in, so if that’s the vibe you are getting from her take the hint and save your dignity. You certainly won’t win her interest by insulting her clothes or pointing out she’s a little flabby, and getting into an exchange of insults is petty and degrading.
Good neg hits can refer to minor mistakes, misunderstandings or personality quirks. Sitcoms such as Friends are a very good example of neg hits. The characters are constantly digging at each other in a playful manner, but it’s rarely anything personal.
Examples of Neg Hits I've used
I was playing pool with a girl I know. She was dreadful and couldn’t even hold the cue properly, so I said “I’m not sure if I told you, but we’re supposed to be playing pool, not baseball!”
I was on a date with a girl and the bartender refused to serve her because she didn’t look old enough. So we decided to go to another bar. Just before we entered, I stopped and said “Oh wait. I don’t think they allow minors in here, but there’s a McDonalds around the corner and they’re giving away Little Mermaid toys with their kids meals!”
Another time the same girl spilt her drink so when I bought the next one I asked the bartender for a straw. I brought the drink back to her and she just started laughing. She said “What are you trying to tell me?” I said, “They had no bibs”.
On the whole, I think the c+f concept has been blown way out of proportion. It’s far better to be natural with your conversations and forget trying to impress a woman or make her laugh. Read her mood and concentrate on building rapport first and foremost, and reserve c+f and neg hits for when it’s appropriate.
I have had neg hits backfire a few times and upset a few women with them, so I’d advise treating them with a lot of caution or even avoiding them altogether. And when using C+F don’t forget the F. Being ****y and not funny won’t win you many friends.
