Changing my confidence and image

[enchinda9]

I'm in a really bad situation and I'm not quite sure how to get out of it, so I hope someone here can help me out.
To put it simply, I am a nice guy, always have been and probably always will. The problem is that I don't seem to possess a lot of confidence and stuff, and as result get teased by friends or other people frequently. Why? I have toruble responding back, trouble coming up with witty insults and comebacks. I stayed silent or apathetic, tried to ignore them, which made things worse. Frankly, I'm tired of it. Tired of feeling like a loser, tired of wondering why I am such a target. Don't feel sorry for me, go ahead and critique me.
All I want is to toughen up, not be such a pushover and actually reply to insults and teasing with confidence and some ****iness. It has gotten to the point where a teacher was worried that my friends' teasing seemed like real insults and she wasn't sure whether they were jpoking or not. Joking with friends is fine, but I think they take it a little too far and I don't cuz I'm so vulnerable so they have this image of how I am easy to tease, after so many years.

I think the biggest step is how I can respond to insults, teasing, or jokes made about me, and how I can imrpobve my self-image. SOrry for ty the long post, I hope you guys can help me out.
Thanks

 

[Emotion_sponge]

What i do when i get insulted, is that i make i contact with the insulter, and give a sly smile. It shows confidence, and that it doesn't bother you at all. And it really shouldn't .

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

My friends insult me all the time. I don't do anything though.
Wanna know why?
Cause I know I'm better than them, I have way more confidence when I need it and most of all their insults are stupid as well as retarded.

You don't have to throw up a comeback unless you're really offended. For me personally, I don't insult my friends cause they're my friends. There is so much **** I could say about them, but why would you do that? It's better off joking around with them. Even if it's something thats indirect, like saying something jokingly that would make them feel wanting to be higher (as in value), essentially a playful neg used to men.

What kinds of things do they say to you anyway?

 

[killbill]

i was actually like this in school so i see how you feel man it sucks and its embarasing (sp) when your friends tease you try to tease them back. example if one of your friends is like hey fag, say nope your the fag. just start getting back with them. believe me it took me a really long time to get to where im at today. so really dude just work on it and soon you will feel better.

good luck man.

 

[GaryUranga]

Nice guys finish last.
You're running out of gas.
Your sympathy will get you left behind.

sad truth..

I started applyign all the stuff on this site and I HAD the girl I wanted, we were really into eachother, then we got a bit distanced and finally she met this jerky guy and fall for him.

This is kill or be killed, the laws of the jungle never change, so stop beign a nice guy or youll never get what you want, you gotta learn to stadup and not take crap for anyone thats what Im learnign right now and guess what my confidence is probably the highest its been in my life, dont be afraid to get into a fight (if thats what youre scared of) it takes a lot for a fight to start.

stick to replyign with "thats what your mom said" or "not what your mom" said while you can think of somehtign else up

 

[Mr Plow]

Nice guys finish last.
You're running out of gas.
Your sympathy will get you left behind.

sad truth..

I started applyign all the stuff on this site and I HAD the girl I wanted, we were really into eachother, then we got a bit distanced and finally she met this jerky guy and fall for him.

This is kill or be killed, the laws of the jungle never change, so stop beign a nice guy or youll never get what you want, you gotta learn to stadup and not take crap for anyone thats what Im learnign right now and guess what my confidence is probably the highest its been in my life, dont be afraid to get into a fight (if thats what youre scared of) it takes a lot for a fight to start.

stick to replyign with "thats what your mom said" or "not what your mom" said while you can think of somehtign else up

Same, I was way into this girl, and then she was into me, but now she has lost all interest and when I speak to her she just smiles at me gives me the simplest answer possible then walks off as quick as possible. I think she's with a jerky guy too.

 

[Emotion_sponge]

Theres a difference between the NICE guy, and the GOOD guy.

Be the GOOD guy.

 

[Potbelly]

Man, I really want to help you out because in high school, even though I had A LOT of friends, they didn't really respect me unless they needed something from me...like I was a tool.

Anyways, you get better at deflecting insults WITH PRACTICE. In the beginning, just stick with the basics like "nope, not a fag." or "nope, wrong guy."

Example:

Azzhole: Hey fag
You: Nope, not a fag. Wrong guy.

Azzhole: hey retard
You: hey fag what's up

First few time I did this, my "friends" were like, "dude, chill it's just a joke." And I was like, "yeah I'm joking too fag." My friend got pissy like "don't call me that again!!" So I just snapped. There are times where your cool calm pushover demeanor can come to HELP you ... if you play it right. So here I was this normally calm kid, fvcking SNAPPING on my friend in front of everyone calling his ass out on EVERYTHING.

I'm sure you know what rape is. I pretty much verbally raped this guy to shreds. Just call him out and raise your voice stand up. If he pushes you just be like, "dude, I told you I'm not gay, stop touching me faggot."

My main tip is just to practice a lot (it seems like you have lots of chances to practice). Key thing is not to take anything as a joke from people who CLEARLY disrespect you. If you have a true friend they will give u **** for kicks once in a while, but if they just insult you under the MASK of friendship, then drop kick their ass with some lip.

Anyways, use these comebacks if you need them:

Azzhole: hey fag
Me: what did you say? you're a fag?

If they repeat what they said they will look retarded. "No uh...I said YOU are a fag." Simply repeat like, "why are you calling yourself a fag?"

Azzhole: hey fag
Me: did you say something?
Azzhole: yeah I said he-
Me: are you still talking?

Azzhole: hey fag
Me: oh hey what's up guess what man
Azzhole: what?
Me: sorry to disappoint you but i'm not a fag. gaytown was the other way

Azzhole: insult insult insult
Me: hey I think this is a big waste of time. why don't you go play in traffic?

Azzhole: see you're an idiot. Why are you so fvcking stupid?
Me: WOW. Stop complaining. You sound like a woman.
Azzhole: what?
Me: yeah you heard me. I mean, do you even have a penis?

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

One of the things I learned when I was regaining my confidence is you have to learn first why you lost it or don't have it. Theres a reason you don't have confidence. Only you know what it is, could have been stuff that happended at home or whatever but think and find out and understand it. You're suffering from low self-esteem so peoples opinions of you are affecting you big time. What you need to do is bring that self-esteem and condfidence up cause when you do idiots makeing insults at you won't mean a thing cause you'll know you're the sh!t and that there just insecure sh!ts. Rember you souldnt be doing all of this so you can think of witty replys to a bunch of idiots. This has driven you to make you want to make a change so do it for yourself from here on out cause you want to improve as a person. Of course changeing your apperance and working out and all that will help but it aint the answer. You could be the uglyest fattest man on the planet and also be the happiest. I'ts the way you precive things and its all in your mind. Go out and do things to help you bring you're self-esteem up and and stop letting other people decide you're happiness for you. If some guy thinks im an idiot it doesnt matter cause I know I'm not. If he continues to insult me in a serious manner then you need to to realise this guy has his own insecurites if he's trying his hardest to put me down if I've never done anything bad to him. These people are the easiest to shut up and make look like fools and you have to stop takeing sh!t from them cause at the end of the day there pu$$y. If you are a pushover people will take advantge. The reason you're a pushover is cause you have no self-esteem and don't fully respect yourself so they don't fully respect you. Like I said to change you need to raise you're Self-Worth and and to become like you're man said above the good guy not the nice guy. I'd advise you to take some time out and right down all you're bad quailites and what you're afraid people mite think of you and then write you're good quailites and good things people mite think about you. Then go through them all and I bet you'll have some sort of a change after. Anyways the point is you gotta realise you decide you're happiness and you are the only one can raise you're slef-esteem and you are the only one who can drop. It's all on you now kid. Good luck.

 

[franchise21]

wow those comeboacks are great...i used a few of them before...and thats just the way you should go about this...i get picked on all the time becasue i don't have a gf...but ****y and funny comebacks work like magic..

 

[Eugene123]

"I am a nice guy, always have been and probably always will."

ahh plz.... SHUT UP!

Dude i was in the same situation as you a couple of years back. I was scared to tease ANYONE! And i hated it when People teased me... You gotta work on it one block at a time, think baby steps. ~.^
If you want to learn how to be outgoing, make friends with someone that is outgoing, and ask them, "How are you so outgoing?" and seriously, they'll give u really good ****. They will never be like, *****! LEARN IT YOURSELF. Because MOST(meaning a lot) people want to help other people.

Also a great way of building up confidence is learning how to perform street magic.
-Approach
-build rapport
-do the trick (doesn't mater if u do it or "fail")
-finish... think about what happened. and try to improve it.
-add some pua stuff. and BOOM U GOT YOURSELF A routine!

Also try some hypnosis tapes. I thought that **** didn't work but it gets u somewhere really quick.(i can give u some if u like)

and also read affirmations every day! NLP says that stuff is fake. but seriously if you think you cant pick up attractive females... then you suck... and i bet u cant do it if u have that mindset.... mind and body are connected.
It's like trying to smile and think of a sad or bad event. its IMPOSSIBLE!

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

Also try some hypnosis tapes. I thought that **** didn't work but it gets u somewhere really quick.(i can give u some if u like)

Where do you find these hypnosis tapes?
I've heard of them and wanna give em a go but can't find the damn things haha.

 

[Dilberto]

Don't EVER let their joking and insults get to you. Whenever you let it affect you....you are giving THEM the power. This is also why they keep doing it. And- it helps to find some clever comebacks, too. Don't just be a taker- CONTRIBUTE too.

 

[enchinda9]

Thanks guys,
I appreciate the advice. Keep it coming.


I find sometimes though, I need to react to their insults in some way(not get angry or just not do anything) cuz then they think i will never react, but i mean, if i can't do comebacks then what?

I think it will take some time, and personal & mental practice
to get my confidence going.

 

[enchinda9]

The really bad thing is that I feel people know me so well that they have this image of me, that I won't be able to change, which is how i have low confidence/pushover.
What reall sucks is that today, for instance, a teacher poked fun at me, jokingly, and someone said i get made fun of a ton, everyday.
This just plain makes me look bad to other kids.
Any advice?

 

[Ongkhan]

Next time someone makes fun of you, get up real close to their face and say "Wipe that ****ing smile off your face before I do." I guarantee that person will never mess with you again.

 

[allez]

Theres a difference between the NICE guy, and the GOOD guy.

Be the GOOD guy.

well said.

 

[Supremo]

Where do you find these hypnosis tapes?
I've heard of them and wanna give em a go but can't find the damn things haha.

Agreed, I'd like to hear some of this stuff.

 

[Messarger]

Watch Yo Mama on MTV if you really want to learn how to counter AMOG insults. I'm not saying start scolding their moms, but you can learn a lot of countering.

Eg: AMOG: Ladies first. *allows you to go first"
You: You're the one with the man boobs.

Example from one of the episodes. Good show.

 

[Potbelly]

The really bad thing is that I feel people know me so well that they have this image of me, that I won't be able to change, which is how i have low confidence/pushover.
What reall sucks is that today, for instance, a teacher poked fun at me, jokingly, and someone said i get made fun of a ton, everyday.
This just plain makes me look bad to other kids.
Any advice?

Dude just be like:

Teacher: cracks joke about you
You: ahaha very funny. I hope it distracted you from your pitiful life for a moment.