Part of me dislikes posting someone elses story online, but I figure the anonymity is sufficient so as not to hurt anyone. It goes to illustrate what exactly can happen if a marriage doesn't work out.
One of my co workers started out in the same job as I did roughly 25-30 years ago. In my job, you start out earning the mid 60's (account inflation) , than acquire your target grade work some overtime and clear 100,000 dollars annually. Its overtime, and a lot of waiting around, missed weekends, holidays etc. During some programs, 12, 13 or 14 hour days are not uncommon - and you are coming in 7 days a week for a few months. Its a strain on families, and ones self.
Well this individual eventually made his way up the ladder, and along the way he married a women who had two kids from anther marriage. I would have taken this as a red flag, but can't really speak for her at this point since I wasn't there. Evidently after working this job for 15 years and amassing a small fortune, they had a really nasty divorce. She wanted everything including the house, kids and most of what he earned as a lead engineer. According to him, he lost 650,000 dollars, and the house and was going to basically surrender most of his income thereafter for 10 years.
Think about losing over half a million dollars and forcing to work the type of job I described for 10 years BEFORE you are at zero dollars. Bear in mind his salary is in the top 10% of earners at this point and still not even breaking even.. Well this guy did just that. A few years ago he finally broke even at zero dollars net worth. At first when I met the guy, I thought I didn't really like him but now I just feel sorry for the dude. Its clear he is dead on the inside.
I don't want this to be a rant about marriage, but I did want to bring up some discussion points to ponder:
1- Short of not marrying this women, how could one have avoided losing it all. Offshore accounts? Money in IRAs, funds, equity?
2- How does one mentally recover from this? If I had lost this much and condemned to servitude for another decade, fleeing the country might be an option. ( on the bright side, his 401k was untouched)
3- Last but not least, is marriage worth it? This risk seems like more than someone like me can handle. I think the social stigma attached with being in a partnership with a women would be preferred to taking on such a giant risk.
Thanks for listening to the non-married guy I look forward to your comments.
One of my co workers started out in the same job as I did roughly 25-30 years ago. In my job, you start out earning the mid 60's (account inflation) , than acquire your target grade work some overtime and clear 100,000 dollars annually. Its overtime, and a lot of waiting around, missed weekends, holidays etc. During some programs, 12, 13 or 14 hour days are not uncommon - and you are coming in 7 days a week for a few months. Its a strain on families, and ones self.
Well this individual eventually made his way up the ladder, and along the way he married a women who had two kids from anther marriage. I would have taken this as a red flag, but can't really speak for her at this point since I wasn't there. Evidently after working this job for 15 years and amassing a small fortune, they had a really nasty divorce. She wanted everything including the house, kids and most of what he earned as a lead engineer. According to him, he lost 650,000 dollars, and the house and was going to basically surrender most of his income thereafter for 10 years.
Think about losing over half a million dollars and forcing to work the type of job I described for 10 years BEFORE you are at zero dollars. Bear in mind his salary is in the top 10% of earners at this point and still not even breaking even.. Well this guy did just that. A few years ago he finally broke even at zero dollars net worth. At first when I met the guy, I thought I didn't really like him but now I just feel sorry for the dude. Its clear he is dead on the inside.
I don't want this to be a rant about marriage, but I did want to bring up some discussion points to ponder:
1- Short of not marrying this women, how could one have avoided losing it all. Offshore accounts? Money in IRAs, funds, equity?
2- How does one mentally recover from this? If I had lost this much and condemned to servitude for another decade, fleeing the country might be an option. ( on the bright side, his 401k was untouched)
3- Last but not least, is marriage worth it? This risk seems like more than someone like me can handle. I think the social stigma attached with being in a partnership with a women would be preferred to taking on such a giant risk.
Thanks for listening to the non-married guy I look forward to your comments.