Can you really turn it round on a first date?

[Confused]

I just met this girl from facebook but the second she saw me she looked like she was panicing and looked back as if she wanted to run into the train station to go home..

it's kind of hard not to take it personally instant rejection, she knew what i looked like.. although maybe it wasn't what she was expecting cos i spoke her language a bit so she thought i was from the ethnic minority group of her country.

anyway, something like that would destroy most wannabe DJ's confidence, but i tried to not let it affect me and tried making jokes with her from the walk to the station to the bar. how do i do better?

i mean it's like she thought 'ok im physically unattracted to him cos i think hes ugly' i know im a good looking guy for my ethnicity but i know i'm not majority of women's physical type ethnically wise/features wise.

can you really recover from something like this on a date when she's ready to leave after u arrive (after 10mins shes like 'im only going to stay another 15mins or so') i feel like she didn't even give me a chance and i felt under pressure to neg her but i ended up talking too much instead. she did have apprehension about meeting she said cos i didn't add her to my profile and i was acting mysterious, but she took everything i did the wrong way i.e. not giving her my number straight away saying i'd give it to her 'later'. i just wanted to text her directly to her phone not leave my number on facebook. but she took it as i had something to hide.

from the start she had this apprehension i had something to hide so i guess she didn't give me a fair chance from the start. shame really, too many of my dates go this way. maybe i should forget about facebook dating.

 

[The Greek]

I'm interested in you saying a lot of your dates turn out this way; what patterns are you noticing?

 

[Confused]

I'm interested in you saying a lot of your dates turn out this way; what patterns are you noticing?

to be honest it's my facebook dates which turn out this way.. girls i pick up or have met before it usually goes better.

i think if u add the fact they're meeting a stranger, the apprehension and anxiety works against them.. maybe even a bit of buyers remorse by giving their number too quickly.

i noticed i kino too much out of compensation which creeps them out (tbh it was already too late with this one) i need to use light kino as a test to see how receptive they are. so i made that mistake today when she already wasn't interested.

it's hard not to take it personally, the more i try to focus on being my online persona the more paniced i become, im really witty but online i get more time to think of a response whereas in person it has to be instantaneous.

i should have left her with the feeling that i wont call her again.

if i already know she's not interested and wants to leave soon, i should just sit back and act uninterested too then suggest to leave. is that really going to spark interest in her when she's already made her mind up?

im using these dates as tests on how i can improve but im still a relative novice in reflecting disinterest, maybe cos i've been brought up to be super polite even if u dont want to be.. so basically i'm feigning interest even more than usual.

hmm.. really at the point where she got excited about something i said i should have just turned away and go quiet and suggest to leave.

the fact she suggested she was gona go in 15mins (we'd only been there 10mins) i felt she was just staying out of courtesy and politeness. would a DJ just say 'ok lets go now then' then act disinterested the rest of the walk back to the station.. this would have only work if i already raised interest.. suggesting to leave straight and being cold on the walk back to the station isn't going to help me really.

that would really shock her but not necessarily spark interest

 

[Confused]

also did i answer this test question wrong.

she said to me 'how many girls from facebook have you met?'

i go 'none' then she got all excited and said 'really??' basically she was really proud of herself cos she felt special that supposedly she was the only 1 i met.. this seems to put her on a pedsatel,

should i have given a different answer?

 

[Strategos]

I feel you somewhat on this one, I myself had a "facebook date" once. My assumption is that you are assuming too much, which is not a good thing. Who gives a damn what she thinks about you or how you think you look. You want to look sharp, but unless you are posting fake pictures of yourself on facebook, she obviously thought you were cute in some way shape or form physically or by your info.
Let me tell you a little bit about what I did. First I did an ice break message to a girl I knew through a friend, but we never talked. So after a month or two of wondering who the hell this cute Asian girl was, I face booked message her saying basically, "Who the hell are you, and why haven't we said hi to each other yet?" We then messaged each other back a few time, and I some how got her to recommend a "coffee date" which I highly regret...lol I hate that environment. I picked the spot and time and we met up a week later and talked for about a few hours. It went well, but I felt little to no connection with her, probably because SHE was nervous. So I touched her lap and told her, "I don't bite" Which she then giggled. After I felt a down hill slope after a few hours of jaw jackin, I ended it myself genuinely. We went out a few times after that, and I brought her to her "ideal" date, which was an indoor amusement park.
What was the point of me telling you about my first and possibly last face book initiating dating experience? First of all, you have to be more confident in your self. Stop comparing yourself to other's and sayin, "Maybe I look better" this and that. Who cares. Go in your date, and display hella value quick. Hit her with an emotional and physical roller coaster like NO OTHER! Throw her literally off her feet and show her u are da man! When I go on these so called "dates" I call hang out sessions or tag alongs, I go there being my best damn self. Only you know your best self, don't think about your bad traits you can't or have little change over. Think about the good traits, personality and skills you have and some how, with out lookin like an arogant brag like ding bat, display em =D Anyways, good luck and most of all, have fun while your doin it, relax a little! I should know cuz I use to be hella tense and sh** Once you have a carefree, i don't give a damn what happens type of persona, you will see a good change in your "dates" ^_^

 

[Confused]

Do you know what's frustrating? Not the fact she was hot, but the fact she was a model and not some low end model but a high end one who works fashion weeks in NY, LA etc

She's not a super skinny waif model with no a$$ or tits but how am i suppose to walk away now feeling like she missed out?

right now i do, but in the morning im gona feel like sh1t. i got other plates thankfully but it's hard to feel like i didnt lose something and she did.

is it even possible to turn something like this around when u have like 10mins from the start?

her looking like she wanted to run away really hurt me bad.

 

[Confused]

i think i made the cardinal sin by asking her the question of 'do u think im like how i am on facebook like how i write etc?'

i was trying to use it as a conversation starter but i think it just reaped of insecurity. i wont be doing that in future again.

i should have been my jokey self but her initial reaction to me really put me off and unsettled me. its like im afraid to neg cos i might offend her.. maybe i shouldnt care.. being an a$$hole is better than being a nice guy.

maybe i wasn't ready for a facebook date with a model or someone who wasn't interested.. thank god i got other plates otherwise i'd have oneitis and feel like complete sh1t.

 

[( . )( . )]

I just met this girl from facebook but the second she saw me she looked like she was panicing and looked back as if she wanted to run into the train station to go home..

LOL. You just made me spit my beer out, repped.

How current was your photo? And here is some Mentals for when your feeling melancholy, corny yes but it gets the job done. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5aFABRQPQQ

 

[Kailex]

can you really recover from something like this on a date when she's ready to leave after u arrive (after 10mins shes like 'im only going to stay another 15mins or so') i feel like she didn't even give me a chance and i felt under pressure to neg her but i ended up talking too much instead. she did have apprehension about meeting she said cos i didn't add her to my profile and i was acting mysterious, but she took everything i did the wrong way i.e. not giving her my number straight away saying i'd give it to her 'later'. i just wanted to text her directly to her phone not leave my number on facebook. but she took it as i had something to hide.

If a girl ever... repeat after me... EVER says to you: I'm only staying 15 more minutes...

YOU WALK AWAY.
You can be polite or just turn your back and leave.
It's just a first date, there is no investment up until that point, but it shows her that you aren't going to be disrespected like that.

Who the EFF shows up to a date and 10 minutes in STATES that they can only stay 15 more minutes? That's just downright disrespectful. She put a TIME LIMIT on the amount of time she could probably stand to be around you.



Confused, from what I have been reading in your posts, it seems that your game completely comes from Facebook. Am I incorrect in this assessment?

And forget it she was sketchy about you not adding her or what not... that means NOTHING.


And the only reason she got happy because you LIED about her being the first facebook date was because she feels SPECIAL. That's it. Nothing more. Don't read more into it. It's just a validation for her and nothing more.


I'm glad you have other plates. This one is not worth it. Learn to walk away and keep your dignity. You probably spent the rest of the date trying to give her a reason to hang out with you when it should be the other way around.

 

[Confused]

If a girl ever... repeat after me... EVER says to you: I'm only staying 15 more minutes...

YOU WALK AWAY.
You can be polite or just turn your back and leave.
It's just a first date, there is no investment up until that point, but it shows her that you aren't going to be disrespected like that.

Who the EFF shows up to a date and 10 minutes in STATES that they can only stay 15 more minutes? That's just downright disrespectful. She put a TIME LIMIT on the amount of time she could probably stand to be around you.



Confused, from what I have been reading in your posts, it seems that your game completely comes from Facebook. Am I incorrect in this assessment?

And forget it she was sketchy about you not adding her or what not... that means NOTHING.


And the only reason she got happy because you LIED about her being the first facebook date was because she feels SPECIAL. That's it. Nothing more. Don't read more into it. It's just a validation for her and nothing more.


I'm glad you have other plates. This one is not worth it. Learn to walk away and keep your dignity. You probably spent the rest of the date trying to give her a reason to hang out with you when it should be the other way around.

Yeah you're right, I can't remember if she said she was only going to stay 15 more mins after i got the drink or before the drink was ordered. im too polite and been brought up that way that i dont think about just getting up and walking away.

i could have been like 'well lets go now then i'll call someone else who can stay more than 15 mins.'

it's just the fact she was a model and it was hard for me to feel she had something to lose and i wanted the time i had left to demonstrate DHV's etc.

cos it was a facebook date and i hadnt met her before was it really not worth it trying to do what i could in 15mins? we ended up staying over an hour in the end but maybe it's just cos she was being polite (or rude).

yeah too many of my meet ups at the moment are facebook links, the sarging at bars is getting tiring every weekend i think i got lazy cos i could do the pick up from the comfort of my own home. but it removes an important aspect that they have met you first.