Called it a quit with my girl yesterday. Now feeling bad!

[amoka]

I called it a quit last night with my girl of 4months. Now I feel like I should not have done what I just did. Over the course of our "relationship", I tried breaking up with her on two different occations but was not successful. One time was when she showed me a picture of her and her friend kissing while we were dating. She told me they were drunk and that the kiss "wan't a real kiss but rather a peck on the lip". I was agravated and tried breaking with her at that moment but for some reason, I fogave her and she assured me it will never happend again.

Her previous relationship reveal a charming woman who swing with men. She told me there were two different occasions where she had two seperate boyfriends. I was amazed... then she said she was in a process of breaking one of the relationship but the guy won't let her. I believe her at first, then I thought of a comment someone made here on the forum regarding how "women are like monkeys. How they hung on a branch of a tree until they are fully sure their next one is nice and stable before letting go." She has not cheated on me or anything but then..."once a cheater is always a cheater" comes to my mind whenever I though of developing relationship with her.

Don't get me wrong. She is a wonderful person: cooks for me at least twice a week, sometimes five times a week. She at times brings me food to school (She just completed her Ph.D and secured a teaching position at the University. I'm in a process of obtaining mine). But then, whenever the though of us developing relationship comes to my mind, I feel uncomfortable simply with the fact that I fell like I'm deceiving her in a way. So last night I told her it is all over and she cried profusely. But then again, I remember what my mother told: "Be careful with women... they'll do anything to get what they want." I was surprised to hear that coming from a woman. But then I gain it's probably that she knows what she's saying and want's me to be careful with women.

 

[joekerr31]

1. everyone will say whatever they have to, to get what they want, not just women. women are just craftier in how they do it.

2. you need to determine who you are. are you liberal or are you conservative in your belief system. i know some folks who are 'swingers' if you will, and they are good people, they just swing towards the liberal hedonistic side of life. myself, im more conservative. so while i don't judge, i don't have much relationship interest in a woman who making out with other chics and what not. although for a romp in the sac i'd probably be less stringent. for other guys that type of chic would be heaven, which is cool for them. you gotta know what YOU want and pursue that - find a woman that YOU want, not one that other guys want.

3. in life, once you make a decision, NEVER regret it. even if it was a mistake, DO NOT waste a second of your life on regret. learning from it is great. admitting to yourself you made a mistake (when and if you have) is great. but never regret.

4. always trust your gut. if your instincts are telling you walk away, then walk away. theres a saying '90% of your happiness or misery in life will be determined by who you marry' - so choose well! better to stay single and work on being happy in and of yourself than choose wrongly and have someone actively making your life miserable on you.

5. the only reason you feel terrible here, as is the case with all break ups, is that you wonder if you did the right thing. could she have been 'the one'? if you had given her more time would she have changed? would she have become the woman you always wanted. after all you were attracted to her, and thats 80% of the game right? damn, to walk away on 80% of what you wanted. (this is afc thinking)

but you know something, if you want to walk away after 4 months, trust me, after 4 years would have REALLY wanted to walk away. i've said it a million times, you can't change people. so if they aren't adding to your life's happiness, then its time to punt them to the f*ck buddy or friendship zone. And the few phd chics that i've known (not to generalize here, although here i go) have been screwy in the head. don't know what it is about phd chics, but something ain't right with most of them.

6. pat yourself on the back for being a man. walking away was a manly thing to do. now try not to trip and fall into the grand canyon of AFC by second guessing yourself. a real man doesn't only make the hard decision, he moves on with life after having done so and doesn't look back.

good luck bud.

 

[KontrollerX]

I think you did the right thing.

Two former girlfriends of mine were great people but their past was full of cheating.

I thought it would be different for me.

I was wrong.

And reading so many posts on here that shows the "once a cheater always a cheater" phrase usually comes true I think by you getting out of this relationship now you saved yourself pain that would probably be inevitable considering her past and that kiss she gave her "friend".

 

[Bible_Belt]

She might not cheat for a long time, but all relationships have some bad times. When it gets bad and the newness wears off, cheaters cheat. You don't want to turn into this guy:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=125978

I honestly don't know how many people she's slept with, but I've caught her with four so far. ... I was stunned to find her balls deep with the UPS guy. ...I still don't know whether I need to get out of this relationship or not.

 

[PRMoon]

Follow your instincts. If you broke up with her you likely did it for a reason. Sure you'll feel some remourse about the things you gave up but it wasn't working out and that's the bottom line. I drug out a "relationship" that wasn't working out and I knew it. The end results of our break up are near catastrophic levels and she's pretty close to being my enemy at this point. THAT is a road you don't want to go down.

 

[amoka]

I think you did the right thing.

Two former girlfriends of mine were great people but their past was full of cheating.

I thought it would be different for me.

I was wrong.

And reading so many posts on here that shows the "once a cheater always a cheater" phrase usually comes true I think by you getting out of this relationship now you saved yourself pain that would probably be inevitable considering her past and that kiss she gave her "friend".

Thanks. What make matter worse is that the 'friend' that she kissed was a guy. she has on several occasions kiss her girlfriends, sometimes in front of me, but I did not mine that. Kissing her guy friend was bizzare.

At the moment, I can't seem to concentrate a fully on my studies. I hope to be able to get over it sometimes soon.

 

[amoka]

1. everyone will say whatever they have to, to get what they want, not just women. women are just craftier in how they do it.

2. you need to determine who you are. are you liberal or are you conservative in your belief system. i know some folks who are 'swingers' if you will, and they are good people, they just swing towards the liberal hedonistic side of life. myself, im more conservative. so while i don't judge, i don't have much relationship interest in a woman who making out with other chics and what not. although for a romp in the sac i'd probably be less stringent. for other guys that type of chic would be heaven, which is cool for them. you gotta know what YOU want and pursue that - find a woman that YOU want, not one that other guys want.

3. in life, once you make a decision, NEVER regret it. even if it was a mistake, DO NOT waste a second of your life on regret. learning from it is great. admitting to yourself you made a mistake (when and if you have) is great. but never regret.

4. always trust your gut. if your instincts are telling you walk away, then walk away. theres a saying '90% of your happiness or misery in life will be determined by who you marry' - so choose well! better to stay single and work on being happy in and of yourself than choose wrongly and have someone actively making your life miserable on you.

5. the only reason you feel terrible here, as is the case with all break ups, is that you wonder if you did the right thing. could she have been 'the one'? if you had given her more time would she have changed? would she have become the woman you always wanted. after all you were attracted to her, and thats 80% of the game right? damn, to walk away on 80% of what you wanted. (this is afc thinking)

but you know something, if you want to walk away after 4 months, trust me, after 4 years would have REALLY wanted to walk away. i've said it a million times, you can't change people. so if they aren't adding to your life's happiness, then its time to punt them to the f*ck buddy or friendship zone. And the few phd chics that i've known (not to generalize here, although here i go) have been screwy in the head. don't know what it is about phd chics, but something ain't right with most of them.

6. pat yourself on the back for being a man. walking away was a manly thing to do. now try not to trip and fall into the grand canyon of AFC by second guessing yourself. a real man doesn't only make the hard decision, he moves on with life after having done so and doesn't look back.

good luck bud.

Very inspirational. Thanks.