Broke up with my GF - what should i do?

[Centaurion]

Hey guys, I don't know if anyone remembers me, but I've been at this forums from the start. I joined in 2001 during the golden years of SS.com, read all the stuff here, field tested it and I thought I was ready to leave this place and move on. But it seems that was not true. I am back and I need some advice.

To make a long story short. I met this wonderful (or so I thought) girl, and we had been dating since august 2012. I mars we decided to make it official. A little bit info on this girl:
- She's 34 (I'm 28).
- Was in a LTR (8 years) in the past.
- Was in a LTR (3 years) with an addict (she claims that he tricked her, and used her).
- Was a real party girl when we met, but she cleaned up her act when we were together.
- We have tons of mutual friends.

Before we made it official, I had a pretty good rotation of 3-4 girls that I was seeing and hooking up with regularly. But after it became official, I naturally cut contact with them. Everything was going great, we spent like 5 days a week together, met after work, she slept over in the weekends and it was going great. Since we have a lot of mutual friends, she was telling them this was the best relationship that she had and that she really wanted it to work out. We even made travel plans for the autumn, and booked a vacation together. Everything was going great.

Last week we had planned to spend the weekend together, when I suddenly got a text from her where she wrote that she didn't want to spend the weekend with me because she needed to take some time for herself. She said that she had a lot of baggage from her past relationship that she needed to sort out, and that's why she needed some time alone. I asked her what the problem was, but she wouldn't tell me. I thought this was strange as her ex (addict) was out on leave from rehab that weekend and she is staying at his apartment when he is away (she has a lot of financial problems and claims that the ex ripped her off).

So on Saturday a mutual friend calls me and tells me that she is out with the "girls" and that she has sent him a text, asking if he is out clubbing. I later learn that she has been partying all weekend with her girlfriends. I was pretty pissed off, but I didn't contact her all weekend. Monday morning I get a text where she says that she wants to talk to me. We meet up the day after and she breaks up with me. Her reasons were that she needed to sort out her life, fix all of her previous baggage and that she needs some time for herself. I got pretty mad and called her out on the stuff she did during the weekend (partying when she said she wanted to be alone). She got really mad about that, and started cursing out our mutual friends for "ratting" her out.

I went all beta and told her that I would give her some time if she wanted it, and that we could fix everything together, but she wouldn't have anything of that. She said that even though she loved me, she had a lot of stuff going on in her life that she needs to sort out. I accepted that, and moved on. Later the same evening I got a text from her, where she said that she still wanted to be friends and that she wanted to meet some day to talk more. I told her that I really don't see the point in being friends with her, and that we don't have anything to talk about since I've played with open cards from the start while she made it clear that she didn't want this relationship. She replied with "just as i expected from you". I got mad and told her to grow the f*ck up and take a look in the mirror. I told her that she has been playing with my feelings, and now pulls this cr*p on me. She replied with "go home and sober up. talk to me when you are sober". At that point I basically told her to go f*ck herself.

Today I got a text from her where she wants to meet tomorrow. I'm really conflicted. Some part of me wants to go all beta and try to patch everything up, ie take the higher road as we have tons of mutual friends, while another part of me wants to curse her out and mess up her self esteem and mind-**** her. I really don't know what to do.

I now this is a long rant, but I would appreciate any advice. Also anyone have links to threads that I can read and that will help me?

 

[Centaurion]

Can a mod move this to the mature forum as I think it's better suited there?

 

[j0504s]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2026742#post2026742

i will edit as I give more good advice threads

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2031275#post2031275 I didnt read the entire post yet but this may or may not apply chances r it does

it seems from take time to her self she has checked out of the relationship....

this thread is gold http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203379

what do you want??? I would never advise to get back with someone...very few circumstances I would....I mean N/c is the obvs short term pottentially long term advise....Im not gonna lieI feel she got what she wanted by making you all needy in beta...this will forever stick in her mind...also dont tell her you are going N/C just do it....i know u alrdy said you cant be friends...but from here on out just dont speak with her HEAL....what dont kill you make you stronger....this prob isnt the first time this has happened and prob wont be the last....DUDE in my honest opinion F*ck this chick she is texting another guy how could u ever trust her again how do u know for sure she wasnt do this before....she broke the trust....Now that she has dated an alpha she will ever regret her descision...I would move to greener pastures...Dude you are right she is wrong, trying to justify her actions...Guys think with their labidos girls think with their egos...she is trying to protect her self b/c she thinks she can do no wrong...we all know this is BS....F*Ck this chick...she will never heal from dating you I promise this...

I edited this alot make sure u check the latest version

 

[Centaurion]

Thanks for the advice man. Those links are gold.

I know that I'm smitten with her, and it has warped my reality. I need something to set my head straight.

 

[lamobatsman]

never speak to this girl again. NC for ever. move on and find a better girl. she messed with ur feelings. sorry

 

[Die Hard]

Your head already knows what your heart doesn't want to know...

Accept reality for what it is and take it like a man. It is okay to FEEL weak through all of this, just make sure that you don't ACT weak...

 

[Atom Smasher]

DO NOT go talk with her. She will do everything in her power to turn everything you say around on you so that she can walk away feeling justified and labeling you as a piece of sh!t, "just like I thought...". Her intent is to shift blame and walk away scott-free. This is what women excel at and they do it instinctively.

This shifting of blame is a 100% certainty. If you cave and talk with her, you will regret it. You need to get the upper hand and immediately cut all contact.

 

[samspade]

DO NOT go talk with her. She will do everything in her power to turn everything you say around on you so that she can walk away feeling justified and labeling you as a piece of sh!t, "just like I thought...". Her intent is to shift blame and walk away scott-free. This is what women excel at and they do it instinctively.

This shifting of blame is a 100% certainty. If you cave and talk with her, you will regret it. You need to get the upper hand and immediately cut all contact.

^^All you need to know right there.

Don't even respond to her. By reaching out to arrange a meet, she gave you a gift - the gift to leave her twisting in the wind. Ignore her forever.

 

[MikeOck]

I agree with Atom Smasher and samspade. Do not even respond to the text.

From here on out (at least for a little while) she is going to try to convince herself that she did the right thing. That means putting you in situations designed to make you lash out (it worked once, she got you to snap and tell her to f#ck off, etc). The next time you see her, since you have the same social circle you inevitably will, your goal is to be the model of zen: completely unaffected and at peace with the world. To her, polite but nothing personal. She voluntarily removed herself from a position of importance in your life and so she is relegated to a position of indifference.

 

[j0504s]

Thanks for the advice man. Those links are gold.

I know that I'm smitten with her, and it has warped my reality. I need something to set my head straight.

not a problem man....Just remmber you are emotionaly connected and "warped" as you said to this sittuation...you are not in a good position to make a good decsion....which stems from the link to my post about doing nothing in dramatic sittuations...walking away will solve it to your favor...you will have your sanity...everyone who has posted so far has the same responce pretty much...n/c is the rational decsion...we are all telling you how it will play it...and its not in your favor if contact...so let us decide for u what to do atleast for now till ur head clears....we are here..."What dont kill you makes you stronger"...

Keep spinning boyz,
J0504s

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=38886 - the most golden of all!

 

[samspade]

I agree with Atom Smasher and samspade. Do not even respond to the text.

From here on out (at least for a little while) she is going to try to convince herself that she did the right thing. That means putting you in situations designed to make you lash out (it worked once, she got you to snap and tell her to f#ck off, etc). The next time you see her, since you have the same social circle you inevitably will, your goal is to be the model of zen: completely unaffected and at peace with the world. To her, polite but nothing personal. She voluntarily removed herself from a position of importance in your life and so she is relegated to a position of indifference.

This is a great breakdown.

After a breakup a woman either wants 1) justification for her actions (you lashing out) or 2) forgiveness (in the form of you accepting her friendship).

Don't give her either one. Give her option 3: Silence and indifference.

 

[the_untold_history]

you got played by a real pro man. not your fault. you have to go NC. never look back. she's real trouble. Staying at her ex BF house who is an addict, who "tricked" her and "used" her? man that's a massive red flag right there. Why is she still in contact with X bf who used her? she's a liar. She's 32 and has money problems. That's another red flag. This girl is older than you. You are the prize; but she turned the tables on you and has you believing she's a prize. She's far from it. NC. for your own good.

 

[Die Hard]

Has a brother ever had more solid advice on this forum? I really hope you will listen to it, Centaurion... Do not give in to the temptation to act weak, do not give her that satisfaction! We are her to back you up, man, stay strong!

 

[scrouds]

One of these days I'm going to find a hurricane and take some red flags out and put them up and film them snapping in the strong wind. Once that's done I will put it on youtube and link it to all the threads that need such an image.

 

[j0504s]

Has a brother ever had more solid advice on this forum? I really hope you will listen to it, Centaurion... Do not give in to the temptation to act weak, do not give her that satisfaction! We are her to back you up, man, stay strong!

I agree dude with this and I hope u stick around I'm sure you have a lot to offer this fUrom Since u were hear from the beginning

 

[cordoncordon]

Everyone here has pretty much said it already. She is a party girl. Party girls can settle down for a few months, but deep down most do not change. She got bored of the bf/gf life and wants to go back to what she feels comfortable with. There really isn't any point in meeting with her, all she is going to try and do is justify the break up. And I am sure if you go NC, in a month or two she will want to get back together. Just know that she will never change and you will always end up getting hurt from being around her.

Good luck.

 

[Centaurion]

Thanks for all the advice.

It's true that she has warped my reality; I can't think straight. I joined this forum back in 2001, and have been following the DJ way ever since. I've met a lot of wonderful women and had my share of good and bad times. But this one has me really messed up as I thought this was something "special". We had great chemistry and everything was going good, and this suddenly dropped out of the blue.

I think what I need is closure so I can move on and continue my life, and I can't get closure if I don't talk to her today. I understand what you guys are saying, but this has messed up my head pretty bad. For the last couple of days, I've been laying awake at night analyzing what I did or did not do, and thinking about how I could have done things different. That's no good. Basically I want to meet up with her today and tell her what's on my mind: how she played me, disrespected me and tell her how f*cked up she is. When that is done I will go NC.

 

[Pair A Dice]

I wouldn't go forward with the meeting.

You risk losing any control you had and power that simple no contact could do wonders after. You also don't want to start rationalizing once you begin talking to her and you decide maybe you want to get back together. You've already spent loads of time agonizing over this, so why spend any more?

 

[Slickster]

Thanks for all the advice.

It's true that she has warped my reality; I can't think straight. I joined this forum back in 2001, and have been following the DJ way ever since. I've met a lot of wonderful women and had my share of good and bad times. But this one has me really messed up as I thought this was something "special". We had great chemistry and everything was going good, and this suddenly dropped out of the blue.

I think what I need is closure so I can move on and continue my life, and I can't get closure if I don't talk to her today. I understand what you guys are saying, but this has messed up my head pretty bad. For the last couple of days, I've been laying awake at night analyzing what I did or did not do, and thinking about how I could have done things different. That's no good. Basically I want to meet up with her today and tell her what's on my mind: how she played me, disrespected me and tell her how f*cked up she is. When that is done I will go NC.

Closure?

Why? Why? Why?

You've already got it with your last convo.

If you leave it as it is you walk away with the upper hand.

You will regret meeting her again.

Listen to your bros.

 

[samspade]

"Closure" is one of those 21st century wuss words introduced to men by Femcentric America. Don't buy into that nonsense.

If it's "closure" you're looking for, it happened the minute she told you she didn't want you around any more. What could be more final? It only takes one person to end things.

Your head's not right and you're liable to make decisions emotionally instead of intellectually. That's why you're here - listen to us, we're sober and without prejudice.

I'm not saying don't feel sad about the end of it. I'm saying feel sad by yourself or with a good friend. But don't let it govern your decision-making. If you meet with her you'll probably get the urge to either beg for her back or try to bytch her out. She's setting you up.