broke up with gf!

[Buddha_Mind]

Pipe -- my most recent relationship mirrors a lot of what you are going through -- the hot then cold and the postponement of conflict resolution. You can sit there and look at all the things you did wrong but it is a two way street -- this was her first serious relationship and she made mistakes too. Don't let this get you down too much too heavily, I know it hurts, but from what you've suggested, these trends weren't going to get any better. From some of the feedback from those on this forum, and through my own observational skills, a relationship shouldn't be a constant struggle in those ways of appeasing her, or having to resist her trying to dominate you -- she sounds a bit immature and that's fine, she's 20 this is all learning -- but I think you will find a lot of good things ahead of you, and the words your dad shared with you are solid. You want to be that guy sleeping on the couch in his very own house?

I really relate to your experiences man -- stay up -- you're not alone in this sh!t and you held your composure -- you didn't fly off the handle -- respect.

Vatoloco, some of your points definitely hit home also -- this is good advice and true observations.

Either way, we all know Pipe was working his damned best at this, and a reality in this game truly is sometimes things just go sour and south even when both people want it to work out. Sure there are mistakes on both ends, and the man could be doing his damned best in all ways to keep IL high, but sometimes there are still fundamental differences which lead to a breakup -- and that is probably a good thing than staying in some relationship where you know you're not really getting what you want.

 

[SgtSplacker]

She WAS... was. Anybody can be all peachy keen in the honeymoon part of hooking up. It's when you get used to each other that you settle down into the normal operation of things. She was prepping you for the same thing her mother had going. Maybe her mother was giving her advice? I dunno but your actions were driven by her misplaced aggression to you. You have no choice in the matter dude. Your doing what you have to do. Just entertain yourself with other things until you get used to it. Maybe she will come back to you. Just have a conversation about how you think it's wrong for a woman to dominate a man like that, and that you would rather die than go through that. Talk about your pride in being the head of household and being a provider. Say it in a way that is positive and that she will agree with.

 

[Delly2000]

I think you made the right choice. From your emails it sounds like she was really stressing you out and creating problems and arguments.

I see you really saying how she was a great girl and had great qualities but I think there is something missing. If everything was great there would be little to no arguments. Just not meant to be.

I think she wanted out and was just holding on going throught the motions. She already made up her mind. I can't confirm if she did have another branch. The trip was just one last hurray before the relationship was officially over. But it was dead before you went.

 

[pipe007]

damn!! after 7 relationships being me the one who always ended them.... this one is hurting the most!

its too resent, am at that stage trying to figure out if she is going to try to call and fix it.

I get distracted, then the thoughts of everything we have lived come rushing.... not kidding, it has been intense 8 months, going on vacations 3 times and going out EVERYWHERE.

i dont even know where to start to get my strength back, i really have no desire right now to meet other women, I just want to grief this on my own until it goes away..

i will go out in the weekend with my friends though

 

[pdx1138]

I definitely had to turn off the "find new girls" switch after my last breakup.

What helped me through it was getting back into my past hobbies with a passion and hangin out with my best of friends.

thats what you should do.

 

[The_411]

It's a good thing you ended it. Now guys shouldn't having talks about the relationship all the time but there are times where you do need to communicate what's irritating you and how it's affecting you.

Your needs weren't getting met and avoidance is never a good thing because what would happend if something serious came up like a pregnancy what would she do not talk to you?

Communication is such a big key in relationships and its one of the huge reason why most fail and most succeed. If you can't even communicate how you feel and your feeling that overwhelmed 8 months in then you sure as hell don't want to be in a long term deal with her.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

damn!! after 7 relationships being me the one who always ended them.... this one is hurting the most!

its too resent, am at that stage trying to figure out if she is going to try to call and fix it.

I get distracted, then the thoughts of everything we have lived come rushing.... not kidding, it has been intense 8 months, going on vacations 3 times and going out EVERYWHERE.

i dont even know where to start to get my strength back, i really have no desire right now to meet other women, I just want to grief this on my own until it goes away..

i will go out in the weekend with my friends though

Just take it a day at a time man. Stay positive. Sh!t will get better with time. I don't think you have to abandon the positive memories. There is a reason you chose to be into her and spend time with her. There is a reason things didn't work out. You don't have to struggle with all of your thoughts and invalidate the good ones just because the relationship is over -- just take it as a positive you were able to have good times with someone.

You may have many many relationships in life (me too) and there may be good times in all of them, despite the fact they end.

I wonder if she is struggling in the same ways. I wonder if women know how much us men struggle sometimes after breakups...I wonder if they struggle the same ways...or if this is the AFC struggle and a greater man would move on the next day...

Take some time to go through the stages of grief and loss man -- repressing all of that stuff is no good. Stay up! You'll be alright man! Lots of life and women and experiences ahead of you! Do what it is whatever you want to do with your life! You're free, now is the time!

 

[ecko280]

SgtSplacker and pipe007,

I also live in Miami, FL we should meet and go hunting

 

[Atom Smasher]

Pipe, you seem to be fixated on whether or not she calls you, and that's only natural, but don't let that be the determining factor for your happiness.

She is severely emotionally damaged from her upbringing, and she needs to be taken down from her pedastal. You have gotten rid of shoeone who would certainly make your life a living hell were you to continue.

So take this concentrated, short-term hell over the long, drawn-out relationship hell-on-earth. This pain will subside, and sooner than you can possibly imagine right now. Continuing with her would be the kind of long-term pain that saps the very spirit out of a man.

When I was a kid back in the 70s I was appalled at how far women of 20 had their heads up their asses. Now, it's far,far worse and I feel sorry for you guys in that age group. The pickens for quality women are slim across all age groups, but most women of 20 years are extremely confused and living in fairy tale-land. They have little understanding of reality and close to zero life experience. A women of 26 (closer to your age) has had a few hard knocks and has had a little bit of sense knocked into her by then.

This girl of yours can do nothing other than to model her mother's behavior, and at this young age she couldn't get rid of that programming anytime soon even if she wanted to (which she doesn't).

The relationship is over. Don't entertain any thoughts of somehow making it work. Re-read Rollo's post regarding that. Whatever you do, don't break down and contact her. It will get easier as each week goes by.

Remember, you are in love with who you initially thought she was, not with who she actually is.

 

[pipe007]

thanks a lot guys, I havent spoken to her again, and I will not break down and contact her at this point.

even if she did contact me , I am sure i wont answer, because she showed me she did not care.

anyway Ecko280!!! if you read this, what part of miami u at? letsget together and do some pick ups!

PM me?

 

[Sato21m]

wow is been a while since i dont show in here. so many ppl from miami sup

 

[pipe007]

Hey Dayron, I live in Kendall miami... you in the area?

 

[Sato21m]

I live in Miami lakes

 

[SgtSplacker]

Lakes is totally my hood, everyone from Hialeah eventually migrates to Lakes then on to bigger and better, lol. My hunting spot lately has been the Ale House there but alas the female i'm talking to now is drawing all my attentions...

 

[Sato21m]

I been out of the game for a while. I been with my lady for like 6 years and I have a kid. I work in that area of the ale house

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Pipe --

I was just thinking today ironically about this thread; you know a relationship really shouldn't be so uphill. When a woman's IOI's are going all over the place -- sure you can pickup your game -- but there are probably deeper issues there that maybe even the best of game couldn't solve. Some relationships just have their life and die out, some keep going (I wish that for all of those who seek it)...

It is common for *us as men* to take the full force of why things are going wrong..."why wasn't my game tighter?" OR: "if I just had held off on some of those texts..."

But let's be honest...a chick who is really into you shouldn't make things so damn difficult. And if sex runs dry (between two healthy young people...we're not talking erectile dysfunction or menopause here) in month 2, where would year 2 be?

 

[pipe007]

You have been very supportve buddha, i appreciate!! It has been 3 weeks of no contact, i miss hera lot, the first 2 weeks felt like hell, was about to get into depression i believe, but it got better and now every day starts to feel better.. picking myself up... to start over over.....

 

[pipe007]

Like i know uve just had the same experience
.. i know it wasnt gona work like u said, what really hurt me was her attitude after the break up .. she was cold and proud , and she never bothered to call and talk.. just cold... and i was her first i took her virginity on may... its just we spkit all of sudden and never sa saw her again or spoke to her... it was an intense relationship and she was good to me but not good enough,

 

[Desdinova]

Hey Pipe! I terminated my relationship on Sunday which lasted for 9 months. The first couple of days were the worst, but I'm busy as hell and didn't have any time to think about her yesterday. She's still on my facebook, planning a 'starting my new life' party. If she didn't have a life before me, then WTF was she doing??? :crackup:

Focusing on all the 5hit you didn't like about her really helps you realize you made the right choice. Mine wore a pad 100% of the time. While she was in her underwear, she'd spread her legs to look sexy and all I'd see is a squashed dove's wings sticking out.

Anyway, change can be extremely positive. I'm looking forward to my open future. Being tied down to a woman you're not happy with sucks the life out of you. Best of luck!

 

[SecondHalf]

Mine wore a pad 100% of the time. While she was in her underwear, she'd spread her legs to look sexy and all I'd see is a squashed dove's wings sticking out.

Holy discharge batman!
Damn, that made me laugh. Thank you!

SH