Bring back the fun...

[thirtyzDude]

Well, maybe this is not the best place to be asking for advice on long term relationships, but what the hell - it seems like some of this stuff may work, and men have to keep working at keeping their woman's attraction level high even when they've been going out a while. So here it is...my girlfriend and I started off slowly, but things have been getting hotter recently (more playfulness in the bedroom, more nudity, showers together, etc). Then this last weekend we go to her friend's wedding and boom - it's back to grinding up on her in bed and not getting any response. It got to the point where I was starting to feel a little handsy, like I was just groping her all the time. So I decided I was going to pull back a little bit, let her come to me more for affection. Now, she has been a little under the weather, but I don't know how much that is influencing things. She is still pulling me close to her, but not in the way I want. Today she told me that she couldn't believe she had found someone as great as me. I said nothing, and she got upset. So I told her I felt lucky too, to which she replied "promise?" She said she wasn't sure I said that because of what she had said. I ended up telling her that, yes, I promise...then she asks me if anything's wrong. I tell her no, she replies with "I can never tell with you." That sort of thing. So I'm not sure what to do with her. Her insecurity may be making her uncomfortable with physical stuff, but at the same time I start feeling like a needy chump if I get all lovey-dovey with her all the time. And if I start touching her and don't get a response, well I feel like a choad. And truth be told, I am doing stuff for her, and tell her I love her sometimes when she tells me she loves me. I guess my questions are: am I going about this the right way by making her come to me more for affection, by letting her tell me stuff and then smiling and saying nothing? Are there some girls that could backfire with? How do I, as a man, reignite the spark - or do I keep waiting for her to initiate things? Is it wrong to expect a girl to do her part in the sex department? Right now I'm just really having difficulty putting the moves on her when I don't feel it's reciprocated. Any thoughts?

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Her: "I can't believe I found somebody as great as you."

You: "You have no idea how lucky you are. There's a line-up of women stretching a mile long just ready to take your place. You better not screw this up!"

Problem solved.

Also helps if there's actually a line-up of women a mile long ready to take her place, if you know what I mean.

 

[piranha45]

This MM subforum is the best place on earth to ask for advice on relationships.

She has low interest in you; move on, spin new plates. Force some substantial time and distance between you two.

Either her appetite will whet and she'll demonstrate way more interest, or she'll fade into obscurity as you move on to better things.

Read this and take it to heart:
http://roissy.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

 

[thirtyzDude]

ok, one thing I left out is that this is her very first relationship, like EVER. She's in her late twenties too. I have been trying to play the "yes, you are lucky" card as much as possible, just forgot this time. Truthfully, sometimes what she says is a bit much for me...I think to myself "how can anyone think anyone else is that perfect?" (because she will tell me how I'm perfect, an angel, etc..) So she says these things, but then it's like a graveyard in the bedroom and I'm like wtf!!! Are there girls out there that are completely without guile? Would any of these tips work with a girl like that? Are there girls that really, truly, only want to be with AFCs?

 

[piranha45]

Fortunately, that doesn't change the answer to your scenario at all, so you're still good to go.

Meet new women and abide by the Commandments.

 

[thirtyzDude]

well, I'm curious, why do you say she has low interest in me if this is her first serious relationship and she may not know what she's doing? She is very innocent, if you get my meaning.

 

[piranha45]

When people want to ****, they ****. You've been making overt attempts to **** her, and she has been blatantly ignoring them.

If for some reason you feel you have not made your intentions clear enough to her, next time you two are together in a private place, lift her up like a savage heathen brute, place her down on the nearest available platform, tear her pants and panties off, and drive it in unless she says No.

If she says No, you no longer have no doubt in your mind that she has minimal sexual interest in you, and you can safely move on to women that provide you with the one and only thing you truly need them for.

 

[boomerick]

Generally, I've found, if you have to spend this much time annilizing your lack of sex either you're married 10 years or you're LTRing with the wrong girl. Spin plates, date other women. Find one (or more!) girl(s) that is (are) fun to be with and doesn't take so much annalisis. A LTR girl should complement your life not complicate it.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> She said she wasn't sure I said that because of what she had said. I ended up telling her that, yes, I promise...

then she asks me if anything's wrong. I tell her no, she replies with "I can never tell with you." That sort of thing. >>

Keeps her on her toes. That's a good thing.

But instead of parroting back "I feel lucky too" and "love you too", or whenever she's asking if you're okay, if she's okay, if things are okay, you know, trying to figure out the status of the relationship: take her face in your hands, gaze into her eyes for a few seconds without saying anything, then kiss her. Here's another alternative: Look her in the eyes, then pull her toward you while saying, "come here" and kiss her. This will speak to her louder then words, despite all her insistence on hearing words.

But you've been going out for a while and you two are exclusive and there isn't any sex? Then it's you that ought to be saying, not asking, but saying to her, "what's going on? I don't like this. I think you're playing games" and pull back, don't see her as often, don't return her calls so fast and start going out to meet new women. Again, actions speak louder then words.

>> I am doing stuff for her, and tell her I love her sometimes when she tells me she loves me. >>

Don't do that. Parroting back "Love you too" is meaningless. She already wonders if you're just saying it. It's a bad habit.
Doing stuff for her, is okay, now that you're in a relationship, once in a while, but that whole no sex thing makes me question the validity of the relationship. I' wouldn't do anything for her. Then again, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone I'm not having sex with. But whatever her reasons may be for not having sex with you, it's not your problem. Don't permit her to string you along.

>> I think to myself "how can anyone think anyone else is that perfect?">>

Don't think about it.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Her: "I can't believe I found somebody as great as you."

You: "You have no idea how lucky you are. There's a line-up of women stretching a mile long just ready to take your place. You better not screw this up!"

I'm using this line tonight. Thanks!