Borderline Personality Disorder Ex, need help.

[drummerdude27]

:crackup: yeah no sh!t.

how hard is it to ignore a chick "bpd" or not? just because she (might be) has bpd doesn't give her any special treatment, if you were treated like sh!t by a woman cut her out of your life, cancerous women should be cut out of your life, that keeps their bullsh!t from spreading, dont know why all these guys cant wait to hear from them or allows them to still keep in touch. amazing!

she WAS diagnosed with it. Read my original post. Anyways, thanks I guess.

 

[asa_don]

Pay no attention to the peanut gallery, they are just here to pass time and criticize, lol.

i guess if we don't agree with your "theory" we are the peanut gallery :crackup:

she WAS diagnosed with it. Read my original post. Anyways, thanks I guess.

think of her as a regular ex, forget about her, just because she is bpd doesnt mean she is special, there is no need for you to dewll on her, no need to be in any contact with her, cut her out of your life, she doesnt care about all the good you did for her, block her number so she cant contact you.

all these bpd threads pop up all the time, the same guys moan and groan about how bad she was, rehashing all the old bad stories about her in each post, that gets old, they arent forgetting about her, they keep thinking about her, that doesnt help them, thats why they are still having trouble with women, dont be like them.

when you have a bad experience, dont dwell on it or look back, forget and move on to better things.

Nice how you skipped the part where you totally missed she was DIAGNOSED with BPD.

so she was diagnosed, many are not, so what? that doesnt make any difference to why guys allow these women back in their lives, sh!tty women should be removed, dont dwell on them, all these guys do, they get a hard on when their "bpd" ex calls them, they write threads, "should i talk to her again?", they cant wait to hear from her, hell, one guy had a vacation set up with her, then he was surprised to find out she was cheating on her fiance :crackup:

doesn't matter bpd or not, cut the out rotten women from your life, dont let the back, move on, dont dwell on them.

 

[christoff522]

Hello there, first time joining the forum and my first post.

Long story short. This girl was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride for me.
She was excessively needy.
Had highs/lows during the relationship.
Constantly depressed and mentioned how she could never be happy.
Seemed promiscuous.
Threatened to hang out with males at 12am+ cause I was too tired from working 10 hrs a day to see her on some days.
Used to be a meth user.(I think she was still using though, she hung around with a lot of users still)
Was staying at random friends houses/motels during our relationship.
Had abnormal outbursts of anger for no real reason
Openly flirt online.
Had a daughter she had no custody of.

I tolerated all this because to me, she was very attractive and we clicked soo well with our musical tastes and interests. I've dated many girls in my life but this one was spot on with so much I enjoyed. Even bands that most people never heard of...Oh yeah and the sex.

Was with her for about a year. We broke up once and she manipulated me back in and when feelings for her came back, she used me emotionally while she was out doing other guys(and still saying she missed/needed me! can you believe that?)...I pretty much became her option till the point where when I asked to see her, she kept holding it off/gave excuses till I gave up and she finally told me she was done.

I got tired of it, got into a big argument and left for good.(Btw, a day after the argument she texted me saying she lives her life in regret cause she pushes people who care away. And the next day, texted me admitting that she lied and used me(The way I found out and called her out was through a mutual friend). And the next day..I got a text from her saying I had no proof of anything she did and doesn't want to ever talk to me again). I didn't respond to the last one, which was a week ago.

Funny thing is I remember her mentioning in her late teens she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but she ignored the doc and never came back. At the time, I didn't really read into what this disorder was. But now as my feelings are evaporating and thoughts are becoming clearer, I've been reading up on it and it is EXACTLY how she was during our relationship word for word.

Sad thing is people who get into these relationships are kind of fooling themselves/think different so basically everything I did for her(I treated her like a queen, took care of her, never cheated on her, etc) was for nothing. How do I cope after something like this? It totally screwed with my mind. Anyone else here ever date a girl with borderline personality disorder? Could use some advice, thanks!

I am a week and a half of NC. Some days I am glad shes gone, others I feel like I miss her(the person but not the emotional abuse she put me through) the sex was also really good with this broad for some reason. Is it true that they "recycle"? I know she is no good for me but its hard to shake this succubus from my mind. I am trying my best to move on and hit the weights.

Good day there sir. Yes theres many here been where you are. Now the first thing to ensure is every line of communication is closed and I mean every possible way has to be covered somehow. The big thing with BPD's is control, they want to control. Their lives are unstable, their thoughts are always unstable, as well as their emotions..so they act out by controlling others. Its narcissism, caused by neglect or abuse.

I had a much similar story, even down to the excuses for not meeting. Its because at this point she's devaluing you, beginning to 'hate' you. She needs you but doesn't want you. I'll put it like this, In her mind you were her Prince come to save her, by the time the middle came you were Shrek, and by the end you were Satan. She sees you as perfect at the start and the moment anything 'imperfect' appears, when she realises you're not able to love her unconditionally she knows you will leave her one day, and so she's begins a mental process allowing herself to leave. At that point she begins seeking other males, being utter filth and doing drugs booze and basically hooking other people in to give her attention, love etc.

Others have said it, BPDs are top at game, basically because of mirroring, chances are before you started dating you were being stalked, probably on facebook, thus your interests conveniently were very similar and she was so like you, she studied you and mirrored (projected YOUR best qualities back at you) to get you completely head over heels with her. Then she fed off of you for a while devalued and discarded. When you 'broke' up and she manipulated you back in, you hadn't broke up..you may have felt that way, but it was punishment - silent treatment. She always knew you would come back. In fact, chances are you would go back now.

I can't really give you any words of encouragement, I can only tell you, that you will heal and she will not, her life is complete misery, it doesn't matter what guy she's with it will never last. She will end up with druggies, and AFCs and that's it..she'll never be emotionally filled, never be able to experience our emotions - thats why she comes after us, to be like us.

 

[Imdonswanson]

For the most part, my ex tried to "Hoover" me back in during the month we broke up. Ignored her like the plague. Never heard from her again.

I mean I got out a year ago and I'm doing great, the only thing I can do tell you to do is to work with yourself in a safe way to stop you from dating another life sucking woman like that again. They're grown women, bpd or not, it's not an excuse or a green light for their fvcked up behavior. Take care of yourself dude. Ignore ignore ignore. You'll miss her now.....wait a while you'll laugh and say what the hell was wrong with me.

 

[christoff522]

For the most part, my ex tried to "Hoover" me back in during the month we broke up. Ignored her like the plague. Never heard from her again.

I mean I got out a year ago and I'm doing great, the only thing I can do tell you to do is to work with yourself in a safe way to stop you from dating another life sucking woman like that again. They're grown women, bpd or not, it's not an excuse or a green light for their fvcked up behavior. Take care of yourself dude. Ignore ignore ignore. You'll miss her now.....wait a while you'll laugh and say what the hell was wrong with me.

I think part of the fear with bpd victims is the worry that in a while you WONT laugh and say what the hell was wrong with me!:moon:

I think you're right, given enough time we will say that..it's just hard. NC is hard, but we need to put in the work to get over it.

 

[drummerdude27]

Christoff, you are exactly on point with the mirror thing. I remember she would jokingly tell me she cyberstalked me (I met her online, I added her on facebook randomly cause of mutual interests..look where it led to, lol)

I am doing great so far. Spinning plates/working out and all. She has just been trying to hoover/contact me and its only been about a month and a half of NC. She said she was on the verge of relapsing into heavy drugs and needed someone to talk to and asked me to go meet her. Then she said she missed me. I haven't responded, this was 3 nights ago. Though when I looked at the message again today I saw that she changed her main picture of her making a gun gesture with her hand and pointing to her head. You think I am going to get the Suicide Hoover next?

 

[RockGeo]

First post. Came across this after ending a relationship with a BPD woman. She had been clinically diagnosed and had spent over $12,000 on therapy, so I found out after 3 months of dating. She is actually a very high functioning mild BPD sufferer. No substance abuse, no sexually promiscuity, very lovely/charming to all who meet her. Very successful in her management role despite no tertiary education. All my family considered her to be 'the one'.

This made absolute no difference to the fact that this woman was a complete and utter nutcase in our relationship. The fear of abandonment is pervasive throughout almost every interaction in their relationships. Add to that their emotions are extreme and highly sensitive (literally 10x a normal emotional and sensitive woman) and it drives or underlines a large portion of their interactions with a partner. She was as mild as you can get, self aware of her BDP, undergoing therapy and taking sertaline/xoloft to moderate mood and still a toxic head case.

There is no cure, they cannot by nature behave any differently. It is part of who they are. Fantastic sex, but don't get sucked into anything more.

 

[christoff522]

Christoff, you are exactly on point with the mirror thing. I remember she would jokingly tell me she cyberstalked me (I met her online, I added her on facebook randomly cause of mutual interests..look where it led to, lol)

I am doing great so far. Spinning plates/working out and all. She has just been trying to hoover/contact me and its only been about a month and a half of NC. She said she was on the verge of relapsing into heavy drugs and needed someone to talk to and asked me to go meet her. Then she said she missed me. I haven't responded, this was 3 nights ago. Though when I looked at the message again today I saw that she changed her main picture of her making a gun gesture with her hand and pointing to her head. You think I am going to get the Suicide Hoover next?

Sorry I've not replied. I hope you didn't get the suicide hoover, In my experience I boundaried that up and said "IF YOU EVER, EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SUICIDE I WILL NEVER, EVER EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN". I have never heard a peep about it. If she does at some point say that to ya, don't worry she won't do it. BPD suicides tend to be self harm gone wrong, or attention seeking gone wrong. She won't kill herself for you..don't you worry, she'd be more likely to kill you than herself (not that she would).