being yourself vs being a personality

[spang]

should you be your raw natural self with women or should you fit a mold? it seems like most people are trying to do the latter. pick up techniques are a form, so is anyone who says you must act this way, you must do this not this, this will guarantee success and get you laid blah blah.
i know theres certain things you dont say to women, and pedestalizing doesnt work. but when you are pedestalizing and trying to appease someone in hopes they will like you, you are not showing them your true self. you are putting up a front. i used to do this and i realized the error of my ways. when youre accommodating and polite, but you dont get what you want, then you are frustrated, it reveals that your real intention was hidden the whole time.
on the other hand when you let your animal instinct out and be sexual towards a girl, then that is the real self. thats exactly what your thinking when you see a hot girl.
ill notice some guys do this swag thing like "hey girl lemme get dem digits" and sometimes it works. this is my problem, i feel it but dont know how to express it. im not the type of guy to walk up and say "hey baby", because i think they dont want to hear that from a guy like me.
i havent done any approaches in awhile. i still have this belief that they find me totally creepy and are scared of me. im a tall guy with a deep voice, so if i walked up saying whatever i wanted to, they might think im a total creep. ive always been careful about what i said to women, maybe thats the wrong direction.
there are guys trying to say the magic words that will get them into a vagina. it seems desparate and silly to me.
so can we be our natural self and be successful with women? whats your opinion?

 

[frontseatjuan]

There is no fvcking thing as your natural self. That thing is made up by those pretentious motivation speakers to stroke the mindless audiences.

The fact is that everyone has different personalities in himself, and it depends on the situation at the moment that he will act or behave a certain way.

In that sense, we actually know very little about ourselves, so the best thing is just to do what you feel right at the moment, and stop caring about it.

 

[bookman]

Depends on who you are. If you're an intellectual like me, DO NOT be yourself. You need to have some other personality for dating.

I myself am an intellectual. However fitting a personality mold leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know many friends getting laid and I see how they behave, on the other hand I see the bimbos and hoes they get laid from, and I decided that this realllyy is not what I want.

I had some serious personality issues that this forum helped me realize, such as being clingy and a wus etc... and I have some stuff I can fix. But I won't go overboard and act like someone else. It simply won't work for long.

 

[Jack89]

It's better to be yourself, because it eminates confidence, authenticity, and not caring vibe. Girls prefer real vs Fake unless your a good bullsh%^er then that can work for you. It's less work being yourself than having to fit into a certain persona to get them.

Trying to be a different personality is pretty much putting others above you and trying to change your core character for them. Pook mentioned trying to be perfect for girls is boring. We're humans and we make mistakes.

However being yourself doesn't mean you don't need improvement. Self improvement (physically, mentally,financially etc) is always encouraged, but it should be for yourself.

As for intellectuals, shoot me if I'm wrong but you guys tend to over think, analyze and sweat the small stuff. Most people(90% of women) usually put a different personality initially to save face and slowly transition back to their self.

 

[TheException]

you are not showing them your true self. you are putting up a front.

This is beta rationalization and a feminist front to keep men on the down spiral.

Let me ask you guys something? How has "being yourself" worked out for you so far? Have you experienced the type of success with women, your career, life that you yearn for? I doubt it...you found this place for a reason. You WERE LOOKING ONLINE FOR A REASON. Its not about "being yourself"...its about being "YOUR BEST".

Heres a metaphor: In school...why do you study? You study to better yourself...to improve and gain knowledge over an area of your life THUS making you a better person overall. Same thing with game. You study and learn and adapt...in return YOU BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF. Its not about "being yourself vs putting up a false front"

 

[yyc12]

Let me ask you guys something? How has "being yourself" worked out for you so far? Have you experienced the type of success with women, your career, life that you yearn for?

Good and yes. It might take a while, and you might get fewer women overall, but when has anyone ever been able to demonstrate that more women is necessarily better? Why have 100 fake friends who like your "persona" when you can have 5 real friends that really "get you" without you having to be anything else? When you change for the world, the world wins, you lose. If I'm happy with the person I created, why care what the world thinks or wants? Ask floyd on the boards how being what other people wanted has worked out for him. He makes endless posts about it.

 

[spang]

you are not showing them your true self. you are putting up a front.

This is beta rationalization and a feminist front to keep men on the down spiral.

Let me ask you guys something? How has "being yourself" worked out for you so far? Have you experienced the type of success with women, your career, life that you yearn for? I doubt it...you found this place for a reason. You WERE LOOKING ONLINE FOR A REASON. Its not about "being yourself"...its about being "YOUR BEST".

Heres a metaphor: In school...why do you study? You study to better yourself...to improve and gain knowledge over an area of your life THUS making you a better person overall. Same thing with game. You study and learn and adapt...in return YOU BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF. Its not about "being yourself vs putting up a false front"

what i meant by a front is hiding your real intention. like being nice hoping to get laid, doing favors hoping to get laid, when deep down you would rather say no to her. or saying certain lines you dont really belive in hoping that will get you laid.
in that type of study youre not adding to your knowledge, youre taking away. stripping away all the fakery and showing your real face to women.

 

[spang]

to be honest im trying to find the connection between this and zen. the idea of zen is finding your real original self. but the irony of that is the true self is a void which you cant directly know or define or control. like a knife cant cut itself. in other words you cannot intentionally be natural.
i find it nearly impossible to be natural around women. because of beliefs and definitions of myself. if all those things i think i know about myself are stripped away, then i would be my natural self with no hesitation. its stripping away the fake self.
if you define yourself as X, then how can you know who you really are? theres a chapter in the dj bible called just play the game. just shutup and do it thats it. its the same thing. stop thinking and act with natural insctinct(real self).

 

[Stagger Lee]

I agree, now a days and especially as adults men can't totally be themselves with women. When I was 13-15 years, boys could still be themselves around females. Now everything can be labeled as sexual harassment, stalking, "creepy" etc.

If males were being themselves around women, many of them would follow a girl around, maybe grab women's azzes, proposition them, tell a female she is hot and sexy if he thought so etc. Oh yeah and a big one is older guys would be pursuing girls age 16 and up.

When I was about 13 to about 17, you could still grab girls butts at school and not get in trouble, hook up with a teacher, if you were an older guy freely date much younger girls etc.

Females want men to do the approaching, carry the conversation and make it interesting but not be too eager or aggressive, read their vague signals and their minds etc. Women want to enjoy that privilige of men taking all the risks and approaching them just the way they want to be approached, but women don't want the drawback to that privilige. Being approached by guys who are not attractive enough or in a way that they don't like.

Anyway, it's definitely a tight rope that men have to walk between being how they naturally are vs what actually works best with women. It's very easy to modify your behavior to a degree that doesn't even benefit you.

You may not always be acting how you want or your "true self", but you are always being yourself. Yourself depends on the enviroment and setting you are in. You just happen to be in an enviroment where males are under many constraints by empowered women.

 

[floydb25]

Both... Being yourself makes you nice, decent, intelligent, etc. But that isn't attractive. Gotta also be interesting, seductive, charming, witty, etc. Helps to be well-rounded as you are. You gain an edge, become ****y, gain social skills, etc, as life beats your ass over time. But you don't wanna be shy or weak or too insecure... you know the drill.

This can apply to any social situation, really. A lot of people act real fake; boast about themselves; brag about their accomplishments (even if they're lying); and project a certain image around others. But most of these people really ARE fake, shallow, flamboyaunt, and douchebaggy... and it's pretty extreme. Don't need to go that far, or act like a retarded ape. But you don't wanna be completely vulnerable and "nice", either.

 

[newboy718]

I would say be yourself but also be your best self. Be the most intresting version of yourself. Women can sum up a man pretty fast, thats how they survived in cavemen days.

There wasnt no such thing as rape in prehistoric times. So they had to know how to judge character quickly its in thier instinct. Same reason why they travel in groups its in thier dna.
Now to the guys who say pricks and liars get alot of females, why the girl dosent know the guy is no good. Cause most women love fantasy and flattery and some guys are masters at that and they slip by. Once the women finds out the bull**** its to late shes trapped.

 

[VladPatton]

-Learn how shıt works in life.
-Become better at it through practice.
-Create a better version of yourself.

That's what you should be.

 

[zekko]

Let me ask you guys something? How has "being yourself" worked out for you so far?

I find that the more confident I have become, and the more comfortable I am with women, the more I am willing to "be myself", the more I let my natural personality and charms come through, the more attraction I generate.

That's one reason they tell you to say and do what you want to and not care what people think about you. Your real thoughts and opinions are usually more interesting than some fictional character you create. A lot of gurus are basically telling you to be yourself with a filter - let yourself go. Within reason, of course.