Being a nerd

[joeEtata]

If you're a nerd...a real nerd...not a hot topic shopping, hipster nerd...naturally awkward, figity etc...are you pretty much screwed with young women?

Plenty of guys in their 30s end up dating/marrying an attractive woman, even without money involved, because the women are more mature and just looking for someone to raise a family with and sick of the guys that cheat and beat on them...but in your 20s...at least with women who aren't nerds/artsy and the like themselves (and they're hard to find at least in nowhere USA) are you pretty much screwed?

I saw a waitress that wouldn't rate above a 5 or 6 to anyone on this forum laughing at me and I wasn't sitting weird or wearing weird clothes and I'm not ugly...and this kind of thing happens a lot with me. I've dated cute/hot women, but they were either nerds themselves/non judgmental/psychology/sociology majors etc...(which isn't a bad thing at all...just hard to find)...so I'm just wondering if I should just admit defeat?

I work out, not for women, for myself, have put on muscle...but that doesn't make a difference. I have a nerdy face (not ugly but kind of Bob Sagetish) and look much younger than I am.

I have hobbies etc. But I can't just stop thinking about wanting sex with women and am too young to meet/go for attractive older women.

 

[FairShake]

You figured out the way most nerdy awkward guys get around it. Find nerdy and/or artsy girls. I don't know where you're from but I'm pretty sure there are a few around everywhere. They tend to be nicer too.

Oh, and it gets better as you get older. :rockon:

 

[cablecow15]

I suppose some ppl would call me a nerd , im computer smart , and i enjoy video games and sci fi movies , but I could never imagine people seeing me in public and just labeling me a nerd , maybe you should consider your style in clothes ? if your hitting on girls in warcraft t shirts , that could be a issue lol, ive gone through a lot of images growing up , and i found i like to dress in a way that allows me to peruse any kind of woman , (not dressing to rocker, nerdy , rapish lol)

 

[Maxtro]

You figured out the way most nerdy awkward guys get around it. Find nerdy and/or artsy girls. I don't know where you're from but I'm pretty sure there are a few around everywhere. They tend to be nicer too.

Oh, and it gets better as you get older. :rockon:

Problem is, artsy nerdy girls aren't much easier to get than "normal" girls.

I've been rejected by two of them so far.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

You have to ask yourself: do you really want to spend a lot of time with non-nerdy/artsy women? Do you feel like you can relax and be nerdy around those types of women? Why do you want to date non-nerdy women?

Is this about your ego i.e. "I want to date hot socially skilled women so that they validate me by their choice to be with me" or do you find yourself disliking nerdy women and their nerdiness?

Facial hair can add years to your appearance, and then when you get old, you can shave it off to look younger! Just experiment with different looks... I would go full well-trimmed beard - close to the face and neck shaved and upper cheeks shaved to avoid looking unkept/nerdier. This can also help if you had a big nose or a weak jawline, as those things are masked by an appropriate-length beard.

Your choice of clothing matters for 2 HUGE reasons:
1. what you wear should fit your body and show off your athletic figure if you have one. It's not always easy to find clothing like this, so you should assess how well your clothing fits, and whether you look better with your clothing on or off. If off is the answer, then you should either start stripping, or you need to buy new clothes because they're not helping you. Get a female friend to help you with this. I never shop alone, and never shop with another guy, because I want to know what a woman likes to see me in, and she's going to be brutally honest with me.

2. What you wear leads people to instantly judge you, whether or not they're intrinsically judgmental. We all make snap decisions, and what you wear - colors/style/formality - all play a huge role in how we're initially perceived. I used to think it was cool to wear blinding patterns... I was wrong and it took me a long time to figure that it was hurting my social life (not just with women, but with everyone, because it demonstrates a lack of understanding about how one is perceived).

Do you mind if I ask what age range we're talking here? Are you still in high school?

 

[Chickfight]

You're speaking like there's nothing you can do about it. When I was like 14 awkward and nerdy. Then when I was 20 I walked into a club, made out with 3 different chicks and left with the hottest one there.

Just work or changing overcoming the things that make you awkward. It can't be your face. It's your demeanor. A sort of Clark Kent/Superman thing if you will.

If you're relaxed, calm and confident, then you automatically come across as cool.
If you're none of these things naturally, learn to act. Once people start reacting to you that way, you'll genuinely become it. Fake it til you make it I guess.

NOTE: I'm assuming you're talking about nerdy as in socially awkward, not as in having nerdy interests, which is totally fine. I joke around about being a secret nerd to girls all the time.

 

[joeEtata]

I dress fine...if anything better than most straight guys. Let's put it this way, if I was better or more socially acceptable looking, women would love the way I dressed...nice dress shoes...expensive looking jeans...dress shirts that fit my body. And I don't do this to hope to be noticed. I dress this way for myself.

As for the non-nerdy women...no I don't want them at all. It's just hard to find nerdy women in general where I live...let alone cute nerdy women.

I've dated 2 women my life (I'm not including random make out sessions at a young age or random one and done internet dates)...one for a little over a month...one went on three dates with (I dumped her because she wasn't making any time for me because of her kid)...both I got along with great...like I could be myself around...the one with the kid...our personalities it was like we were long lost twins...the other wasn't a nerd but was girl next doorish/goofy/sexy...we just fought too much about stupid sh*t.

And I'm let's just say well into my 20s.

But yeah...I want nerdy/smart/classy women.

 

[mrRuckus]

if your hitting on girls in warcraft t shirts ,

Not just warcraft shirts, but shirts with words or sayings in general. I don't know why guys insist on wearing those things. The sayings are rarely funny and they just look try hard.

Then there are the tshirts that are just advertisements. Can you not afford shirts? Do you enjoy being a walking billboard?

Wear tshirts, fine.. but wear decent quality ones that fit well and not whatever shirts you happen upon with dumb sayings or that you got by signing up for a credit card.

All my nerd friends insist on wearing this crap and they look like doofuses. My tshirts are almost exclusively a solid color. No lame pictures, designs, or sayings.

 

[Allurre]

Time to reconstruct how you identify yourself. Change your internal set of beliefs on how you perceive yourself, and switch up your habits. It can be done.

If you continue labeling yourself as a 'nerd', that's what you're predetermining yourself to be in the near future.

 

[joeEtata]

I hate to use TV show comparisons to real life situations...but Bob Saget in Full House is the perfect example...except I have his dirty sense of humor that he has in real life. Or for those of you have seen the show Frasier, I'm a lot like Niles...well dressed, interest in the high life etc...only I'm better built than him but similar behavior.

It's not something that can be changed. I'm much more outgoing than I used to be and that helps...because some people that would normally judge me for whatever reason see "Well at least he makes decent conversation"...but as far as the figityness/awkwardness that's nothing medicine or practice can fix...and frankly...while sometimes it pisses me off that internally I'm perfectly confident but on the outside I look figity...I'm happy being me.

I don't go to bars/clubs...if I order a drink at a restaurant, it's for the taste...I've never sold out for p*ssy or tried to pretend to be someone I'm not...I have people in my life that care. The other thing is, I'm not a computer nerd/warcraft nerd...don't even play video games or into sci fi or anything. I just look the part and am introverted and kind of a homebody.

 

[Fuglydude]

I'm kind of a nerd I guess... I'm totally fascinated by molecular pharmacology, as well as futurist like future tech, etc. I love watching documentaries on cosmology and stuff as well. Concepts like inward rectifying K+ channels and endothelial dysfunction in sepsis basically gives me hard ons. In addition I like comic books.

When I was a kid in elementary school I would get in trouble for only reading non-fiction books. I was also ahead a year ahead in math for most of my school, and got awards that said stuff like "math wizard", etc. One time in grade 6 I had chicken pox pretty bad, and I had to take a math contest/aptitude thing... I ended up getting the 3rd highest score in my province despite being sick as a dog. I also played lots of video games. I was a skinny little east indian kid growing up, so it doesn't take a lot of imagination to see how I was a pretty stereotypical nerd!

I've had people at work tell me I'm a nerd, my friends and fiance have also told me I'm a nerd. This is something I can't help... I'm intrinsically drawn to nerdy science shiiit. Its just who I am, and I'm not gonna sacrifice and change just because I love to learn about that stuff. I have 8 years of post secondary education (2 university degrees), and I really could have finished in like 6 if I had wanted. A lot of the time I've taken courses simply because I find them interesting. I know I'll have at least another 2-3 years for a masters and probably another 4 after that for a doctorate before I die.

Overall, I definitely think I'm a nerd. However, I'm 5'8" - 185 lbs at around 10% bodyfat. I deadlift close to 500 lbs raw, and am a competitive bodybuilder. I'm engaged to a semi-pro model/figure competitor. I've made tens of thousands of dollars taking my clothes off for women. I've done tons of illegal drugs, and have been with around 20 women.... that number could have easily been way higher if I had wanted. I'm kind of a pervert I guess, I don't like to shackle my sexuality, and am fully aware of my horndog nature.

My point with all this is that if you are unhappy with your image as a person you can easily change that. In my experience, women respond very positively to hypermasculine guys who look good... Trust me on this, I was a stripper for 3.5 years. Unfortunately, nerds are not viewed positively in our society, as intelligence without masculinity is considered weak and unattractive. Conversely, however, I think intelligence and proficiency tempered with hypermasculinity leads to the most alpha dudes out there... just think of any top athletes like Peyton Manning, George St. Pierre, etc.

Overall man, just get in the gym, get bigger and leaner. Your diet will be absolutely crucial to achieving this. You'll have way more confidence with women, and you'll be outright shocked at the kind of response you get from them... just get jacked up and walk down the street in a tank top. You obviously gotta aim to be in the top 5% or less of male physiques, but I promise you it works. A lot of the guys gave you great pointers on things you can do to change your image if so you desire... I'm just gonna add that you should aim to be in elite shape.

Post pictures if you want any kind of critique on your look.

 

[FairShake]

I hate to use TV show comparisons to real life situations...but Bob Saget in Full House is the perfect example...except I have his dirty sense of humor that he has in real life. Or for those of you have seen the show Frasier, I'm a lot like Niles...well dressed, interest in the high life etc...only I'm better built than him but similar behavior.

It's not something that can be changed. I'm much more outgoing than I used to be and that helps...because some people that would normally judge me for whatever reason see "Well at least he makes decent conversation"...but as far as the figityness/awkwardness that's nothing medicine or practice can fix...and frankly...while sometimes it pisses me off that internally I'm perfectly confident but on the outside I look figity...I'm happy being me.

I don't go to bars/clubs...if I order a drink at a restaurant, it's for the taste...I've never sold out for p*ssy or tried to pretend to be someone I'm not...I have people in my life that care. The other thing is, I'm not a computer nerd/warcraft nerd...don't even play video games or into sci fi or anything. I just look the part and am introverted and kind of a homebody.

I don't think these other guys get what you're talking about. Even in a new suit with huge muscles you're still the guy with corny-as-hell humor, weird voice, an odd manner, etc. I get it because I'm kind of that guy too. It seems like you half-embrace it though and that's halfway there.

For what it's worth I actually think life is better this way. Better friends, less drama, and, in my opinion, more fun (our kind of fun...). But the woman situation is alot harder.

Where do you live? I guess if it's way out in the boonies somewhere you may be out of luck. But I have a fair number of conquests under my belt (more than the 20 mentioned above!) and I've met most of them through my nerdy awkward friends. I have a way of worming my way in there with their equally nerdy selves. I guess you need to play the social circle game.

 

[mel101]

If you're a nerd...a real nerd...not a hot topic shopping, hipster nerd...naturally awkward, figity etc...are you pretty much screwed with young women?

Plenty of guys in their 30s end up dating/marrying an attractive woman, even without money involved, because the women are more mature and just looking for someone to raise a family with and sick of the guys that cheat and beat on them...but in your 20s...at least with women who aren't nerds/artsy and the like themselves (and they're hard to find at least in nowhere USA) are you pretty much screwed?

I saw a waitress that wouldn't rate above a 5 or 6 to anyone on this forum laughing at me and I wasn't sitting weird or wearing weird clothes and I'm not ugly...and this kind of thing happens a lot with me. I've dated cute/hot women, but they were either nerds themselves/non judgmental/psychology/sociology majors etc...(which isn't a bad thing at all...just hard to find)...so I'm just wondering if I should just admit defeat?

I work out, not for women, for myself, have put on muscle...but that doesn't make a difference. I have a nerdy face (not ugly but kind of Bob Sagetish) and look much younger than I am.

I have hobbies etc. But I can't just stop thinking about wanting sex with women and am too young to meet/go for attractive older women.

So how do you rate yourself? Do you think you're a nerd? It seems that your doing everything for "yourself" but your post pertains to get sexy/hot girls or should i should say get laid.

______________________
about Turning Winds

 

[joeEtata]

I'm decent to good looking...not a hunk, not "cool"...but on pure looks...I'm tall, work out, and have a face that isn't ugly...just some women find me goofy looking/weird looking...not in an ugly way...just in a "wouldn't date him/do him way."

The good news is that I am decent looking...women have called me cute/handsome/attractive before...and I've dated a woman that would rank at least an 8 to most guys on this site and got her with my looks, not knowing the same people or money or social circles or whatever...I see women legitimately checking me out on occasion...but like I said, I've had my fair share of issues with women making fun of me for nothing more than how I come off/what I look like.

Bob Saget is the perfect example only I'm not as skinny as him. He's not ugly...he's just kind of goofy looking.

Personally, I like the way I look...I just don't like the extra social anxiety. But as far as my looks, especially now that I'm exercising, I like my looks. I don't think I'm a hunk (and I'm not) but I think I'm at least a 6/6.5ish.

But unfortunately to a lot of women, being "not ugly" doesn't mean anything especially when you look nervous/goofy.

As for the facial hair thing...tried it...hated it anyway, not my thing...but also looked like a terrorist...a boy with a beard.

I'm 27 and look about 23/24, which is a good thing, but it doesn't help getting laid with 20something women. I like nerdy/artsy/brainy/girl next door type women but they're hard to find where I am...I don't exactly live in some artsy college town.

Fairshake has it right...it wouldn't matter if I was absolutely jacked or what I wear...some women simply aren't going to like me, which I'm fine with, I'm just sexually frustrated and going to fatties or warpigs or crazy women isn't the answer and paying a hooker who just goes through the motions isn't either.

I have confidence in myself even if I don't display it outwardly...I like my life...I have issues like everyone else but I fight through them and don't whine about them, or at least too much.

I'm just undersexed...and since I'm not looking for club-hot girls, kardasian types or skinny tanned blondes, it makes it more frustrating since my standards are realistic and nothing I didn't already have with that 8 (10 to me) I dated. But I met her by luck...facebook...I had to attract her and do the work, but those situations don't happen often.

I like milfs too, actually would love a milf...but they aren't exactly swimming around where I live either. I like the whole motherly/cute/sexy look as well as artsy/cute women my age.

 

[MrSocialPhobia]

If you're a nerd...a real nerd...not a hot topic shopping, hipster nerd...naturally awkward, figity etc...are you pretty much screwed with young women?

Plenty of guys in their 30s end up dating/marrying an attractive woman, even without money involved, because the women are more mature and just looking for someone to raise a family with and sick of the guys that cheat and beat on them...but in your 20s...at least with women who aren't nerds/artsy and the like themselves (and they're hard to find at least in nowhere USA) are you pretty much screwed?

I saw a waitress that wouldn't rate above a 5 or 6 to anyone on this forum laughing at me and I wasn't sitting weird or wearing weird clothes and I'm not ugly...and this kind of thing happens a lot with me. I've dated cute/hot women, but they were either nerds themselves/non judgmental/psychology/sociology majors etc...(which isn't a bad thing at all...just hard to find)...so I'm just wondering if I should just admit defeat?

I work out, not for women, for myself, have put on muscle...but that doesn't make a difference. I have a nerdy face (not ugly but kind of Bob Sagetish) and look much younger than I am.

I have hobbies etc. But I can't just stop thinking about wanting sex with women and am too young to meet/go for attractive older women.

No No, I am a nerd, a bigger nerd than you I guarantee, and I still get young women. My social skills are horrible, I can barely carry converstions... but I use my Non-verbal skills I learned here and I have success...

 

[MrSocialPhobia]

I'm kind of a nerd I guess... I'm totally fascinated by molecular pharmacology, as well as futurist like future tech, etc. I love watching documentaries on cosmology and stuff as well. Concepts like inward rectifying K+ channels and endothelial dysfunction in sepsis basically gives me hard ons. In addition I like comic books.

When I was a kid in elementary school I would get in trouble for only reading non-fiction books. I was also ahead a year ahead in math for most of my school, and got awards that said stuff like "math wizard", etc. One time in grade 6 I had chicken pox pretty bad, and I had to take a math contest/aptitude thing... I ended up getting the 3rd highest score in my province despite being sick as a dog. I also played lots of video games. I was a skinny little east indian kid growing up, so it doesn't take a lot of imagination to see how I was a pretty stereotypical nerd!

I've had people at work tell me I'm a nerd, my friends and fiance have also told me I'm a nerd. This is something I can't help... I'm intrinsically drawn to nerdy science shiiit. Its just who I am, and I'm not gonna sacrifice and change just because I love to learn about that stuff. I have 8 years of post secondary education (2 university degrees), and I really could have finished in like 6 if I had wanted. A lot of the time I've taken courses simply because I find them interesting. I know I'll have at least another 2-3 years for a masters and probably another 4 after that for a doctorate before I die.

Overall, I definitely think I'm a nerd. However, I'm 5'8" - 185 lbs at around 10% bodyfat. I deadlift close to 500 lbs raw, and am a competitive bodybuilder. I'm engaged to a semi-pro model/figure competitor. I've made tens of thousands of dollars taking my clothes off for women. I've done tons of illegal drugs, and have been with around 20 women.... that number could have easily been way higher if I had wanted. I'm kind of a pervert I guess, I don't like to shackle my sexuality, and am fully aware of my horndog nature.

My point with all this is that if you are unhappy with your image as a person you can easily change that. In my experience, women respond very positively to hypermasculine guys who look good... Trust me on this, I was a stripper for 3.5 years. Unfortunately, nerds are not viewed positively in our society, as intelligence without masculinity is considered weak and unattractive. Conversely, however, I think intelligence and proficiency tempered with hypermasculinity leads to the most alpha dudes out there... just think of any top athletes like Peyton Manning, George St. Pierre, etc.

Overall man, just get in the gym, get bigger and leaner. Your diet will be absolutely crucial to achieving this. You'll have way more confidence with women, and you'll be outright shocked at the kind of response you get from them... just get jacked up and walk down the street in a tank top. You obviously gotta aim to be in the top 5% or less of male physiques, but I promise you it works. A lot of the guys gave you great pointers on things you can do to change your image if so you desire... I'm just gonna add that you should aim to be in elite shape.

Post pictures if you want any kind of critique on your look.

I agree being yolked helps, a lot. Well... I cant think of a better way to word this.... a cycle of some roids? What do you think?

 

[Blusher]

Or for those of you have seen the show Frasier, I'm a lot like Niles...well dressed, interest in the high life etc...only I'm better built than him but similar behavior.

If not for the repressed sexuality and overly AFC traits, I always thought that character could have A LOT of potential: refined, intelligent, eloquent, funny. Identify your qualities and make them work for you. It's usually ten times faster and more congruent than 'fixing' flaws.

 

[magickarl]

You know, being a nerd doesn't mean you have to fall in to a stereotype. I'm a definite nerd. I love math, chemistry anatomy, and theoretical physics. I made the deans list every semester, was the valedictorian of my high school class, and I'm the only guy I know not worried about whether or not my med school applications are going to be competitive.

I don't remotely look or act it. The most common comments I get on how I look include words like devious, mischievious, and shady. I once had a friend tell me I had to leave while his probation officer came for a home visit, because "I just look like a criminal." It's a running joke in my circle of friends that I'm always scheming (I usually am), and I can't crack a grin without being asked "What are you plotting?"

I have a shaved head, stubbled beard, a squared head with a thick jaw. I'm on the shorter size of average and have a stocky, muscular build. I kind of look like Dominic Purcell from prison break -- the 5"9 version. I have dark eyes and an ever-raised left eyebrow. On my face, a perpetual determined scowl or a sly smirk. I don't glance, I pierce. My de facto wardrobe includes plain, solid colored (albeit fitted) t-shirts, and boot-cut arizona jeans. I wear Dirty English cologne, and look like I ought to be. Everything I do is loud. I flirt with the boundry between ****y and obnoxious. If Al Pacino and Vin Diesel had a child, that'd be me.

The bottom line is I don't let my intellectual pursuits define me, and at heart, I love to live life every day like I'm a movie star, and every scene is the "epic one." It just took my a while to find myself.

I think though, the main problem we nerds face is the one I struggled with the most.

My brain is wired in such a way that if a concept doesn't make sense to me, I become obsessed with understanding it.

Women, by nature, are almost always irrational creatures (at least, the ones I like to sleep with). I would spend so long trying to crack the formula down to every minutia of how and why a woman selects a mate. For as smart of a guy as I am, I thought, this should be easier.

The truth is that the answer is right under your nose.

The second you stop worrying about landing some ass is the second you get closer to doing it. Live life for you, move closer towards self-actualization and the rest falls in to place.

 

[DjVita]

Mmmm its conflicting your posts you want a change without changing I see you want to stop being labeled as a nerd stop calling Yourself that because others will say it in my case people have told me that their first impression was me as a nerd geek whatever but once they get to know me they see that its more to me than just brains and imss more socially adept than most of my classmates thats what you need social skills conversation man

 

[Fuglydude]

I agree being yolked helps, a lot. Well... I cant think of a better way to word this.... a cycle of some roids? What do you think?

In my opinion people have no business doing anabolics unless they're in a position where they're making money off their body/looks or are a competitive athlete. I'm an experienced user, and the day I stop competing will be the day I stop using.

Nothing in fitness matters unless your diet is on point. Sure you could gain some muscle w/ a cycle, but you'd lose it if you don't know how to eat to maintain that extra mass.