Bad move by the mods: Moving Lefty's thread [Merged threads]

[WestCoaster]

They moved that post to the main DJ board and it's getting no play. Why? Well, most guys over there are like, "How do I ask a girl out?"

C'mon, move it back ... weak move.

 

[Paradox]

Please make sure your age shows up on your profile. This forum is reserved for Mature men 25 and over.

If the Mods don't see your age on your profile your posts may be moved to the discussion forum.

Thanks for the help.

Hope this helps West

 

[WestCoaster]

A critique, not a slam

Don't be sensative mods and close threads. You're being critiqued, not criticized. Don't be so thin-skinned. Whenever a request is made, you guys get huffy.

Here are some of the topics on the main board.

* "Got her number, now what?"

* "My first direct approach"

* "New to the game"

* "First kiss in a car"

* "First relationship"

* "Why am I so terrible on the phone?"

-- These are great topics for youngsters and wish I had something like this way back in my youth. But Lefty's thread does not belong. It's like, "What's wrong with this picture?"

Not a slam mods, I appreciate your efforts, but you have to be able to take criticism now and then.

 

[joekerr31]

agreed.

 

[WestCoaster]

He said he was 28, the mods are nit-picking, BIG TIME. That was one of the best ever threads here and the guy got some legit help and they moved it to the "first kiss" board.

Even if his age wasn't there, it's obvious the guy was MARRIED! It wouldn't take much to move it back. Just put 28 on Lefty's age. We don't hate the mods and you wouldn't be surrendering your power by moving it back, but it would be a nice gesture. Lighten up Francis!!

 

[penkitten]

i thought it belonged in mature man too .
i think it takes a mature man to sustain a marriage.
i thought it was well written and had great advise also.

 

[WestCoaster]

There was some great advice on it. The purpose of the board is to help people. Lefty's 28, he's married, I hope Paradox moves it back, he's a sharp guy so I think he will. The thread immediately died when moved over to the "how do I get a date" board.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Wasn't me.

BTW I'm doing a PM correspondence with LEFTY now.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

On Lefty's Thread

He's plugged himself back into the Matrix with this woman again, but don't worry, he's taken the red pill now. He'll be back the next time she makes things bad for him. Unfortunately, things often go worse in situations like this because now she's been made aware of his regrets and will compensate for them in the future.

Too much truth all at once is a hard pill to swallow. Most people will never initiate change without being forced to do so. It's much easier to return back to the warm comfort of routine and ignore the slow poison that's killing you. The conditions in his marriage will necessarily need to get worse before he actually makes a significant change.

 

[penkitten]

your right rollo.

i just can not imagine treating strangers and homeless with so much respect and yet treating my husband like a slave.

why is this the acceptable trend?
i know someone will come back and respond that it became acceptable with feminism but WHO ALLOWS feminism to take over their marriage and family and home?

who is allowing their spouse to brow beat them and use their own personal insecurities against on a daily basis? what are you gaining?

 

[blueguy]

I agree RT. It was too painful for him to implement the advise he was given. No wonder he married this woman in the first place. He is a scared fool -- clinging to his comfort zone and unable to reach out to change for the better -- afraid to implement painful changes necessary to grow. I noticed later on that he rationalized his wife's behavior as a result of this incredible fear and started to shed a positive light on her as a justification for not being brave enough to stand on his own two feet. Unfortunately for him, this peaceful moment he just experienced will be fleeting once he realizes that he still has no control over his very existence.

 

[joekerr31]

who is allowing their spouse to brow beat them and use their own personal insecurities against on a daily basis? what are you gaining?

what he is gaining is that he doenst have to be alone. ultimately people put up with a LOT of crap just so they don't have to be alone.

she's prepared to threaten suicide just so she doesnt have to be alone. he's prepared to put up with emotional abuse just so he doesnt have to be alone.

yet another typical unhealthy codependent scenario.

they do have a chance i believe, but only if they get in to therapy. if they dont get in to therapy, things will unfold exactly as Rollo has described.

 

[STR8UP]

What really gets to me is the way some guys think that a few good qualities can redeem a nasty woman.

I don't care if she's mother freakin theresa, if she displays pi$$ poor behavior toward me, she's gone. Even if she cooks me my favorite meal all the time.

 

[WestCoaster]

what he is gaining is that he doenst have to be alone. ultimately people put up with a LOT of crap just so they don't have to be alone.

she's prepared to threaten suicide just so she doesnt have to be alone. he's prepared to put up with emotional abuse just so he doesnt have to be alone.

yet another typical unhealthy codependent scenario.

they do have a chance i believe, but only if they get in to therapy. if they dont get in to therapy, things will unfold exactly as Rollo has described.

So true. I remember when my brother was single but dating skanks (he's since married a good woman), he broke up with a cheater, white trash, no good nothing. He was bumming saying, "I don't want to sleep alone" and so forth. He was about 25 at the time, if not younger. Just amazing.

Getting some + not being alone is a heavy drug for many men, especially AFC guys. The alternatives are perhaps not getting some for awhile and being alone, but really growing as a person. It's really hard to grow individually when you're living with a person or married. I know marriage changes people, but I'd hope you've done most of your personal growth before you get married. The only way you can grow internally, personally, etc., is to live alone for awhile. I firmly believe that ... and I'm an advocate of good marriages. But if you've never had alone time, you don't know yourself.

Lefty's plugged into the matrix so bad, it's sad.

 

[Sinistar]

No one ever said the Red Pill's effects are immediate. He will definitely be back. His latest rationalization is majorly incongruent with what he knows to be right. His little voice is goiing to go crazy now. The red pill simply brings awareness. Each time she asserts her frame, he's gonna see it unfiltered now. This is the way it has always been.

 

[penkitten]

and I'm an advocate of good marriages. But if you've never had alone time, you don't know yourself.

this is exactly what i have been saying.

 

[Paradox]

Westcoaster:

Oh brother, criticized for doing my job, criticized for not doing my job.

There is only one rule for this forum. How hard is this to follow? I don't mind moving the thread back once lefty puts his age on his profile. How hard is that to do? Do I ask for alot here? Is this too much?

I am not sensitive. I just didn't believe a big discussion about this was necessary but apparently it is. I read his posts I don't remember him mentioning his age. Usually when I see a new poster who mentions his age but does not have it in their profile I PM the poster. I simply ask them to put their age on their profile.

I don't enjoy moving or deleting posts I simply do it when necessary.

Like I said before this is not a big deal to me. All of this could have been discussed via PM but it's good that the community can see that we are here to help.

I would rather handle future inquiries about the issue of age via the PM but I am willing to address this in open forum

 

[WestCoaster]

I understand the rules, but not one person on this forum thought he was lying about his age. I think you over-reacted. You're doing your job and you do a good job, but in this instance the move wasn't right, IMO. It wouldn't have hurt anyone or anything to keep it here. His not putting his age wasn't the issue; the issue was the topic of his threads. It didn't belong on the "how do I get a date" board.

 

[azanon]

It's really hard to grow individually when you're living with a person or married. I know marriage changes people, but I'd hope you've done most of your personal growth before you get married. The only way you can grow internally, personally, etc., is to live alone for awhile. I firmly believe that ... and I'm an advocate of good marriages. But if you've never had alone time, you don't know yourself.

Don't be so quick to doom the married guy. You can make significant changes over time and see results from it. I've evolved in several healthy ways over the past 14 years. The trick is, you don't just pull a 180 over night; you do it gradually, meet the gradual resistences and hold firm.

You can also "train" a wife, especially if you marry a young one. A lot of who my wife is today is exactly what I trained her to be. I'm stating that pretty coldly, but of course you can do this in an amicable and encouraging fashion and show her the benefits of implementing suggested changes into her life. You can also train and lead by example. You get a much better response from that than you do throwing out expectations and being hypocritical in-kind.

But back on this guy, "tweaking" and "evolving an already good marriage for the better", is one thing, and marrying into a train wreak is another.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm not dooming the married guy. But if you have to "train" a partner, you don't have a wife, you have a pet. That's sick. Not once did my parents -- very happily married -- have to train each other.

You either have it going before you get married or you don't have it going.

Also, regarding "training" if the wife doesn't do her own personal change and is only doing it because her partner is "training" her, that's freaking twisted. And what makes this partner doing the "training" an expert on personal development anyway.