Back to the game

[comote]

Well, the "quality woman" I was dating for 2 years is flaking out. Its all good, she is still a quality woman, just under alot of stress and needs time to figure stuff out.

I Tried to make it work, oh well.

Time to walk away and not look back . . . . . .

 

[joekerr31]

"needs time to figure things out" = "needs time to assess whether you should still be a part of her life"

move on is the right thing. if she comes back around with the right attitude and acknowleges you as the prize, then reconsider.

but until then, no contact and start enjoying YOUR life.

 

[decades]

yep. needs time to figure stuff out says all you need to know.

 

[tmpgstx]

That's womaneese for "I met another guy and am letting you down easy until you find this out, and by that time won't be such a big surprise, and i won't feel so guilty".

 

[joekerr31]

hmmm. well the 'ive met another guy' assumption i think might be stretching it. although that is often the case only the guy in the situation can tell whether his gut is telling him that theres another guy at play.

after being together for 2 years you should be able to tell whether this 'break' is simply here taking a step back and figuring out what she wants to do with her life or whether its a cover for a permanent withdrawal.

in the first scenario, you're involvement in her life moving forward is being assessed. doesn't mean she won't ultimately decide that she wants and needs you in her life - just means she's assessing that right now.

in the later case, then yes, odds are she is either seeing someone else or has been flirting with some guy and wants to take it to the next level without any strings attached (ie. you).

i will say this. in my experience and from the various stories i've heard from other guys, 90% of the time when women 'take a break' there is some other dude in the picture. it may be a friend, it may be someone she just flirts with, whatever. sometimes its only teh ghost of a man - ie. she cheated and had a brief affair, its over, but now she feels so quilty that she can't look you in the eye and needs to take a break to see if she can muster the strength to live a life out with you based on a lie.

anyway, you know her better than any of us, so you are in the best position to assess just what might really be going on with her.

but regardless, ALL the possibilities of what is going on with her are NOT good for you.

the only other scenario, which i should mention, are ones where a man is treating his woman horribly. being verbally abusive or being excessively needy, etc. women in these scenarios will often call a break to things because they just can't take it and need a break. they then will typically be alone for a while with no interest in other men (well if they were abused that is) as they try to figure out why their life is the way it is.

but unless you were emotionally abusive to her or a major AFC, it sounds like this relationship is winding down.

its kind of sh*tty when women do this. they know its sh*tty too. but it just goes to show how little courage women have - they lack the ability to just tell the truth and get it over with. instead they drag it on endlessly.

she'll keep you on the sideline as well for months. just in case, if there is another guy, that it doesn't work otu with him, she can pick up where she left off with you.

women. can't live with em, can't get laid without em.

 

[comote]

Not another guy. Definitely not with her. She has a ridiculous amount of integrity. Basically we are in a really long distance relationship and the situation was just getting stressful for both of us. She went overseas for a year. We had been fighting a bit over the last few months.

She had asked to take a week off, in that week she realized she couldn't handle a break-up right now(the no contact hurt her) and so she wants to take a break until she gets back in a couple of months. Then maybe we will see. Her reasoning doesn't make sense to me, basically she told me the no-contact week felt like a break-up to her and she needs to recover from that.

Maybe she'll want to work on it, maybe not. Either way, I'm hoping to start enjoying myself soon.

 

[jophil28]

This is perfect example of how women think ( maybe the "think" word is stretching it . )
SHE "wanted a break", BUT when SHE had no contact with you SHE felt like you two had broken up. It is all about HER FEELINGS buddy. Women's FEELINGS are like a puff of smoke. You ever tried getting your arms around a puff of smoke ?
SHE wants to back off eh ? Subtly , SHE is telling you that SHE wants to "think" about her options BUT she wants to FEEL still connected to you so she gets to yank you back in when SHE wants you back.
THe game is called " GO away until I want you back."
THis is SHYTE ! It is all loaded in her favor. You are allowing HER feelings to dictate how this plays out. Bad mistake.
MY #3 Rule---- Never let a woman decide what part you play in her life . That decision is rightfully YOURS . YOU decide , NOT her.
If I were you I would cut thru her crap and start dating other women -casually.
You will find that she will no longer want to "take a break."

 

[tmpgstx]

" Then maybe we will see". She needs to recover from not having contact for a week?? You are 30 years old and should be aware of these things by now. LD never works and girls get hit on 10X as much as guys.

 

[jophil28]

Woman's "integrity" ????. Huh?
Their definition of integrity is remembering to buy EVeryone of their G/friends a Christmas card so that they all feel connected for another year. Women have NO integrity when they deal with males. WE are seen as "fair game" .

Men have integrity - women have whims, wants and feelings. And all of these can swirl and change 180 by lunchtime.

 

[joekerr31]

Not another guy. Definitely not with her. She has a ridiculous amount of integrity. Basically we are in a really long distance relationship and the situation was just getting stressful for both of us. She went overseas for a year. We had been fighting a bit over the last few months.
.

oh man. i hate being the bearer of bad news. unfortunately, most of the time that is the case with this forum due to its nature. if things are going fine tend not to post 'hey life is great.'

here is my take. and i hope im wrong, but unfortunately i doubt that i am.

im 99% sure given the scenario that its another guy. her 'break' is her way of freeing her conscience from cheating on you. theres some dude that she's met, that she's been 'friends' with, and that she plans to sleep with.

its part of the overseas experience - meet that exotic man and have passionate sex - and she's decided she wants to experience that.

by breaking it off with you, she can then sleep with him, and when she comes back start back up with you.

she may be of high integrity - but with due respect - she would not see this as betraying her integrity. i know, f*cked up, but that's how even high integrity chics think.

if she were just down teh street and said she needed a break thats one thing. if shes in another country and says she needs a break - that's basically saying 'for the period for which we are taking this break we no longer have a relationship and i don't owe you anything. the fact that im telling you this is high integrity, because i could have said nothing and just did whatever i wanted anyway."

what she SHOULD be doign right now is getting excited to be coming home nad seeing you again. THAT is what she should be doing. THAT is what 99.9% of women who are loyal to their man would do.

the fact that she's creating this 'break' is a BAD BAD BAD sign.

and as much as you think she is high integrity, she's been off doing who knows what for a year. she very easily may have changed. especially being exposed to another culture.

moreover, the fact that you would be her emotional tampon for a year (im just assuming that is the role you played) makes you an AFC. she knows she can get you whenever she wants you. so before she potentially settles down with you, she wants to take a walk on the wild side.

anyway, my general philosophy towards breaks is that i don't buy in to them. if a woman tells me 'i think we need a break.' i will smile, laugh intensely, smile some more, look her in the eyes and say 'you got it.'

they seem to get the message that im fully aware they are playing a game here, that they are probably swinging to another vine will keep this vine in play in case things dont work out. and they know that they've been called on it. they also know that i'm not upset in the least - which leads them to think 'damn, he's just going to move on. what have i done.'

but to be honest, i usually sense trouble in paradise before ever hearing 'we need a break' and deal with it.

all i can say is best of luck man. if i was a betting man i'd say this situation is going to play out like this...

she will come back.
youll get together.
she will distant, somewhat stand offish.
you'll try to get closer to her.
she'll try to go along with it.
you'll start to take things further.
then one of two things will happen...

1) she'll sleep with you. then after the sex she'll break down crying and confess that she slept with someone.

2) she'll stop you and confess that she cheated on you.

its possible she might just come back and tell you its over. that while on the break she realized the two of you wanted different things in life (typical female bs). but given that she's keeping you hanging on here, i suspect she'll try to keep you in play when she returns.

i also think, given she has some integrity, that she won't be able to pretend like nothing happened. she'll try, but she won't be able to.

the dirty laundry will eventually come out in the wash.

lastly, if she has cheated on you, she knows what she has done is pretty low down and dirty. so there is a chance here that she will try to break up with you and make it all seem like you are the problem (while never even telling you she cheated). chics are wierd this way. even if you are the victim they will try to m ake you into the assailant and themselves in to the victim.

thats why you when a chic is f*cking with you, you HAVE to be absolutely cold hearted and ruthless in cutting her out of your life. because its like dealing with the devil himself - nothing they say means what it means and its all about messing up your mind and emotions so that you can't pin them down on their behaviors.

 

[Interceptor]

It is all about HER FEELINGS buddy.

It's important to always keep this in mind.

Society has programmed men and women to downplay the importance of Men's feelings as trivial, and inconsequential, and the woman's feelings of the utmost and sacred importance.
Don't fall into the trap, men. It's feminist propaganda that eventually damages both sexes.

If you can keep your perspective (be objective, and see things from the outside) , and have a strong frame throughout your relationship and in between women, you have a stronger base to decide and act on.
A woman who doesn't ask how you feel, and how is this affecting you, and what is going on with your life is a lost cause. Don't be her chump.

 

[decades]

you have oneitis in a long distance relationship. this is a chance to start anew with available women who are not LD. LDR do not work!

 

[Interceptor]

Also had to add some of the best damn advice given here in one thread.
Read these words.
They are true.

 

[decades]

Not another guy. Definitely not with her. She has a ridiculous amount of integrity.

You have absolutely no idea if she has been faithful. No Idea. You have a "feeling" or an intuition. Or she may have told you what you "expected" to hear. But you don't know the truth. She has been in another country for a year. She has you Convinced that she has Integrity. Be that as it may. Faithfulness is another matter. Take your blinders off and wake up! Take your life back. I imagine that this has been a horrible relationship for you. Start the DJ lifestyle. You are only 30!

 

[jophil28]

This tactic called "I want to take a break " is a gigantic manipulation designed to keep you on the back burner while SHE decides what to do with you. NOtice I said SHE DECIDES ?
That puts her in the upper power postion and YOU get to await on HER decision. However it gets worse. While ever she knows that you are willing to play the waiting game she will make you wait by say shyte like "I am unsure of what I want -just be patient , I need a little time."

This is woman-speak for either -

a. " I want out of this relationship,but I am really scared to tell you the truth because it FEELS unpleasant and MY feelings are all important to ME." Or -

b. " I am "going shopping" again for a new man , but just in case I cannot find one who is My PERFECT guy ( Perfect = rich, tall and handsome ) I want to hang on to you, so stay in the background until I decide what I am going to do."

You need to call her on this NOW dude and tell her that you intend to move on and date others. HOwever, do not intentionally call her to tell her this. Wait until SHE calls you and mention this in a VERY casual manner. DO not let her know that you are upset.

 

[STR8UP]

Uh, yea, a "break" is essentially a "get laid without guilt" card. That's HER idea of integrity, BTW.

If you take this chick back you're CRAZY. Best thing you can do is save some face and move on with your life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yeah, good advice on this thread. When she asks for a break, reply, "so it's ok if we see other people then? OK, good."

Then go on a date or two with a random girl and have fun. This is the best way to save your old relationship, assuming it was ever meant to be in the first place.

 

[Latinoman]

Great advice in this thread.

By the way...if she sleeps with another man "while in break"...technically (in her eyes) she is not cheating.

But guess what...in MY eyes (if she does that), she is cheating.

Great advice was already given.


I believe she met another man and wants to take a break from you to explore her options. She might come back to you and even tell you she NEVER cheated (after all you both were on a "break" from each other).

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops,


A woman who STOPS or WITHDRAWS her emotional investment in you should NOW be considered your ENEMY. Why? Because she has hopped off her end of the see-saw while YOUR ASS is still "high" in the air (emotionally).

A woman who does THIS is the same as a fellow soldier who NOT ONLY stops protecting your back while in the foxhole WITH you-----but also starts shooting fatal shots into your back at POINT BLANK RANGE.

The dreaded "I need space" or "let's take a break" should ALWAYS be thought of as a veiled, verbalized DEATH SENTENCE to a relationship. Consider it as such until there is CONCRETE proof otherwise. Because as we all know, LONG before a woman gets around to telling "your ass" she's moving on------she usually ALREADY HAS.

THIS is the reason why a MAN has to stay objective in his dealings with women. THIS is the reason why a MAN must always play HIS cards closer to his vest than the woman does. And THIS is why a woman's interest level has to be monitored more closely than The White House monitors that fukking nuclear bomb launching button that they keep in the President's Bathroom. (Don't ask me HOW I know it's there...lol).

But seriously, it is a goddamm shame that some of the best advice in ONE thread in quite awhile is being (potentially) written at our comrade's COMOTE'S expense. I feel for you, my brother. I've BEEN there before.

But unfortunately, as has been said, this SHYT ain't lookin' good...

The key to being successful with women while in ESTABLISHED relationships is maintaining your objectivity. To fall prey to naively believing the hype they always try to sell us (YOU are SOOOO wonderful, Mr. DJ!), usually proves to be our undoing.

Little by little, the line of respect is crossed. Encroachments upon the sanctity and the emotional investment equity in the relationship are made in subtle increments.

Emotional Investment Equilibrium in a relationship is of MAJOR importance. Women, with their CONSTANTLY immanating waves of emotion, are almost BORG-like in their quest at pursuing "self-interest". (STAR TREK FANS..UNITE!!! LOL)

This is how it works, soldiers:

You "fall in love" or become "MORE attached" to her than she currently is to you, and before you know it----you have LOST the mindframe. You have STOPPED seeing yourself as the Prize and HER as the "prize winner".

No, instead, you see yourself as being LUCKY to have her...and THAT'S when she has sucked you into seeing the relationship through HER eyes ONLY. That is when a man stops being an individual, but instead becomes absorbed by the collective.

You NOW no longer HAVE a viewpoint. The only perspective you can see from is HERS. So when "the end" comes, you are usually in denial when it arrives.

In a sense, men who fall prey to this are actually coming down with an emotional form of Stockholm Syndrome. They become allies to their ENEMY. They become what Pimps call "Symps".

And calling somebody a symp is just a short, urbanized, more colloquial version of calling someone a "SYMPATHIZER". A man who has fallen into this trap has subconsciously totally ABANDONDED pursuit of his OWN self interest, and has instead chosen to side with his "enemy" to help aid in hastening HIS OWN emotional demise.

Beware men...and COMOTE in particular:

For God's sake man, take whatever steps necessary to as best you can------PROTECT YOUR HEART, soldier.

Never let yourself be dragged down into guerilla warfare with women on an emotional level. Because this is THEIR domain----their damm native land. This is where THEY have the advantage. Never fight in someone ELSE's theater of war-----always fight in YOUR OWN.

Because the ONLY way men can win, or even SURVIVE in battles with women emotionally is to STAY "above" them...

...ALWAYS.


Peace...one day.

 

[WaterTiger]

You have heard advice from these fine gentlemen, now listen up to a woman's point of view:





Women NEVER take a break from a guy they are in love with.





End of story....