Asks if she can be her boyfriend, Then wants "nothing serious"?

[Alex DeLarge]

EDIT: Thread title is "Asks is she can be my boyfriend, Then wants "nothing serious"

Okay, I'm guessing this chick is bpd or just indecisive on what she wants.. But I just wanna make sure I'm doing nothing wrong here.

So this HB9 came to see me the other night. We go way back (friends through highschool up until now.. about 8 years). I had a similar situation with another friend I was fooling around with back in the summer that ended on a somewhat bad note.. Anyways here we go.

HB9 comes out to my show.. A mutual friend of ours told her that I lost my virginity and was banging some girl out here. My friend said she got really jealous. HB9 comes out to my show.. We go for a walk, make out for a bit in someone's backyard, I went down her pants and started fingering her and she was soaking wet.

We go back to my place, bang from like midnight to 5 in the morning. While I was banging her she said "I wanna be your girlfriend Alex!. I said back to her "You can be my girlfriend" wake up the next day, bang again.. I walked her to her car, gave her a kiss goodbye.. And she said something like "I'm not sure if I want to actually date you yet. I need time to think about it." I was kinda pissed, but brushed it off. I said "It's cool, you were drunk I didn't take it seriously." and we parted ways.

2 days later, we meet up and bang again (she was going away on a trip to see her cousin) and she really wanted to see me. She was sending me a sh1tload of clingy texts, but not clingy to the point where it was frightening. Just stuff like "I miss you so much! I wish you were laying next to me." or whatever.. I'd just say back "Well, I'll see you on monday and we can have a sleep over!".. After we bang monday night, she drops me off. (here's where I may have fvcked up) I said to her "So what are you thinking right now?".. She replied back "What do you mean?" I said "About us, I want to make sure we're on the same page." She said she was "Not sure about dating and needs time to think it over." I said back to her "Okay".. Then she says "What are you thinking?" I said back "Well I really like spending time with you, but think we should take things one step at a time right now and see where they go."

She goes away on her trip, she texts me in the morning saying she's gonna miss me, I send her a text saying "Hey, hope you have fun on your trip. Tell your cous I said hi!" (I was friends with her cousin too). A day later, she sends me a 3 page text saying this..

Hey, I want to let you know I'm not sure about us dating until I get back home. Feel free to do what you want while I'm gone. I'm not sure how I feel about us yet so I need some time to figure it out. I know sex is new to you and exciting. I don't want to hurt your feelings cause I luv ya.. But I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I just really enjoy your company. I hope I'm not being a jerk.. I just don't know what I'm doing. I want to be upfront with you.

I appreciate her being upfront with me, but this kind of pissed me off after she asked to be my girlfriend. I guess it works out because that gives me the green light to bang other chicks while she's gone. My friend's hooking me up with this HB7.5 and I'm working on this HB9 right now (18 and still in high school, kinda on the fence about her), and I'm probably gonna bang this HB7 tonight.

I just get that she's not really being nice from this text.. But that she's trying to maintain some kind of power by saying things like "I don't want to hurt your feelings" and "I hope I'm not being a jerk".. Maybe I'm overanalyzing?

I replied to the HB9 with "It's all good, but I think you're overanalyzing things. Just don't worry about it." Then she replied with "Okay, thanks "

I plan on not speaking with her until she gets back or if she calls/texts me. I think it's important to hold my ground at this point, continue seeing other girls, and not let her get to me. For some reason I always get the "I'm not looking for a boyfriend" excuse from females and it bugs the sh1t out of me.

Anybody wanna give me some crit on this situation? I've gotten the "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" from the last 5 girls I've dated. I'm not necessarily looking for a girlfriend either, but I want to meet a nice lady I can spend some time with you know?

Lately, I've been thinking about just getting up and leaving a date the second a woman utters those words to me lol, and see how they react. No matter how hot they are.

 

[ArcBound]

She said she wanted to date you when you were giving her an orgasm dude. Like girls who say I love you when you are having sex, it doesn't mean sh!t other than she's really enjoying you physically.

1. You shouldn't have said sure let's date.
2. When she said she wasn't sure about dating, don't be pissed off about it. Chances are if you really do want a relationship with this chick she'll eventually come onto you after having lots of sex.

Don't take it as a rejection or anything serious. You just met her again one night, fvcked her, and ALREADY you are pissed that she doesn't want to be in a relationship? Like it's been 1 date, 1 hookup lol. It's no biggie. Look at the bigger picture.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Yeah ArcBound.. I just want to clarify I'm not really pissed.. I guess I'm just confused? The relationship thing kinda came at me outta left field and I think I just said "yes" cause imagine how weird it would be to say "no" while bangin her lol. Thanks for the criticism though, greatly appreciated.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Here is my take on things.

She gets a "high" when she is having sex. When she is having pleasure everything is perfect and she wants to be your girl for the time being. After that she then comes down. Now she likes you but she definitely wants to keep her options open and she is. She can easily have another dude she is talking too or hoping to talk to.

Now if this ever happens again while your having sex with her you need to just say "I know baby." Let the girl get emotional when having sex. Just do your thing and act non-chalant about it.

"I'm not looking for a boyfriend" is definitely something that would ring a bell in my head. If she is bringing this out of the blue then I'd clearly think that she wants to be friends with benefits or just friends. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is something that girls should always bring up. As a man you should always lay low with bringing subjects like that off. Just go with the flow. If she wants to be in a relationship with you she will definitely bring it up especially while yall are just vibing/ not having sex.

For future reference if a girl ever asks you what your looking for. Don't tell them your looking for a quality girl to kick it with. Just say your focused on other aspects in life and your not really looking for anything. You just like kicking it with someone that can vibe with you.

Hope I answered your questions. Good luck.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Thanks AJ, yeah I feel like it was a dumb move on my part asking her where she's at. Last girl I was seeing I didn't mention any feelings crap to and eventually she asked me where I was at. I couldn't let myself date her though cause she was still living with an ex and thought "fvck being serious with this girl". Told her it wouldn't work out given the circumstances, now she keeps hittin me up to hang even though she was a "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" too lol.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Hey Alex DL! I think you responded great to her texts, and questions, every time. The only place you mis-stepped, was with asking about what you two are. BONUS points to you, as we know full well a lot of guys on here would have Fkd all that up.

I think she likes the fantasy of just having fun, and doesn't want that ruined. And I get that. It's early, it's new. You only get one "beginning." Enjoy it!

The BF thing needs to be ignored, as it was in the moment, and now she is trying to dig her way out of that error! Which is why she is even talking about this at all.

My advice, do like you said, NC until she gets back. And never ever bring it up again. Show her a good time and another good time, that will erase all this.

That was way too fast for the BF talk anyway.

 

[Lord Shinra]

Hahaha Alex, it sounds like some daddy issues girl that I'm seeing? She goes off one day, asking to go exclusive, and then has the balls to try to get me on to take her out to dinner so we can "talk about it"

Yeah, ok. Im busy with the other plates who are worth my time. She can have a relationship with my VM.

But yeah, Alex, so far Ive done the "dont initiate contact until she does" method, and its been working more or less. I currently have 6 missed calls