Asking questions, giving advice

[Stackthestyles]

I'd put this in the HighSchool forum if I didn't think it was going to get confused.

These are my two biggest 'problems' if they can be called that. I can ask a question a thousand ways, and get a thousand answers, and neither the questions, nor the answers are what I am looking for. I can give advice, and if nobody understands, than is it still advice?

I am REALLY confused about questions and advice... do you guys have ANYTHING that you can say to me that will help me to look at my questions with new eyes?

 

[Vulpine]

:moon:

:crazy:

:nono:

 

[Solomon79]

Sure, fire away and I'll see what I can come up with.

You might be surprised.

It's easier to judge other people than it is to judge yourself, and that applies to everybody.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm not sure what you're getting at, what kind of questions, advice, etc.

But first off you come across as the typical American male (that is if you're American) as confused and contradictory by reviewing your sig line.

At one point you put up a nice line by Aristotle, then you put something out of the 70's Disco Era, something as childish as Party In My Pants, a guarantee to get guys laughing at you, and women also thinking you're total oddball.

First step: Don't put up something dumb like party in my pants, what's hangin', or hangin' long, or of that order. It's hard to take you or anyone seriously with an aristotle quote followed by a pimp acronym.

Man, guys are messed up these days, read Esquire magazine's interview of 50 guys from 50 states ... if that's the future of the U.S., I'm deeply worried.

 

[MrCode]

To me it sounds like you are looking for specific answers. That is a frequent mistake of youth or inexperience, asking questions not to get real answers but to get confirmation of what you already believe. Examples:

• "X and Y and Z happened with this chic. Does she like me?" Here you want people to say yes, she likes you, confirming your hope.
• "So one time when I did this X AFC thing for this chic, she liked me. So this must be OK, right?" Again you want confirmation that some AFC behavior is OK becuase it worked once.

Now I don't really know you or your posts, so the above may not specifically apply to you (they are examples after all), but I hope you get the point.

You must try your best to clear your mind of previous misconceptions and truly be willing to take advice from those guys here who are more experienced than you.

 

[Stackthestyles]

Vulpine's answer is directly related to my signature. "You crying baby, stick it where the sun don't shine, we don't like crazy people" Doesn't help me at all... so I'll delete that part of my signature westcoaster, I had never looked at it that way I'll probably make the same mistake in the future though.

Solomon, thanks for the encouragement, but I've been getting hate mail for asking too many questions. My threads get hijacked. I usualy don't get an answer that helps me in any way. When I am asking my questions, there is always something in the back of my mind telling me I am asking the wrong way. As well when I type up advice, it makes no sense to even me after I read it again, it's just a string of small ideas that work for my own personality. How do I organize my thoughts?

Westcoaster, You nailed it, I am looking for serious advice. I don't like to play games online when I am asking a question, I mean something when I ask. Most people see the questions as childish though, as I consider other's questions childish. I don't understand that, and what I don't understand, I can't really ask a question about.

MrCode... how do I realize who is giving me good advice? I'm not veritably going to go outside with a fish on my head because somebody I respect told me it would be funny.

 

[Vulpine]

And just like that, you read a whole bunch of meaning into where there was none. But now that you mention it, that is a funny response.

You are young.

You are struggling to establish your identity.

You are trying too hard at interacting.

You are overthinking.

Go on walkabout and get comfortable with yourself. You've got the cart before the horse. You have to be YOU before you can make yourself better. Right now you are trying to polish a turd.

 

[WestCoaster]

I think there's a fine line between being funny and whimsical and serious. If you want to get a serious answer, you ask a serious question. If you want to lighten things up, throw some humor in there.

I'm not sure of your specifics, but I would advocate in being serious in your educational and career pursuits, and light-hearted in your romantic and hobbie pursuits, if that makes sense.

Most guys here have noted that they took themselves too seriously in their 20's, and I think that relates to the dating scene. Rarely will you know what you want in a woman at your age, so the idea is to date a lot of women and keep it fun and light-hearted, not focusing on marriage, b.s. like soul mates, and the such.

Education and career-wise, you don't have to make the decision right now, but keep your options open. Get good at certain things like writing, public speaking, math, or if you're vocationally inclinded, fixing things.

In asking questions, keep it light with women; be serious with prospective employers ... but don't forget to smile.

Not sure if that helps or not.

* P.S. ... Women can't stand ultra-serious guys. I know this from experience when I've been way too serious. Everything I'm writing comes from past experience, failures and successes that have happened in my own life.

 

[Stackthestyles]

I am trying too hard at interacting. I used to get better answers out of you guys when I dind't give a sh!t. When I made a troll story, and aimed to get people angry I received a lot of bad reputation from some members, but others would actually accept my trap and say exactly what I was looking for.

When I ask a question, I DESIRE an insightful answer. Advice is not always needed, but a good answer is all I ask for. Even somebody calling me a retard for thinking that way is a good answer if I learn something from it. So when I ask a question, I always consider being careful about not giving too much away that I am told "You know this already" and not enough that people say something that I already know.

Like you guys, you give insightful advice, but I never can see your questions anywhere.

I don't like relating all of my questions to women, or to being a DJ. If I do that, than one bump in the road, and the whole situation will steer onto another subject completely devoid of what I am looking for. "I've been down that road before" and it wasn't what I was looking for. That is what goes through my mind. I try to word the questions to get an answer that goes deeper than how I am thinking.

"polishing a turd" heh, I've got a ball of sand that I'm going to polish drying under my bed right now Wonder how shiny I could make a ball of turd.

Thanks to you guys. I've got some thinking to do. I've never actually stopped to think, that I need to stop and think about what I am thinking about.

 

[crumpiteer]

I am REALLY confused about questions and advice... do you guys have ANYTHING that you can say to me that will help me to look at my questions with new eyes?

Peter Drucker says,
Look out the window. Literally. You know how painters are traditionally taught painting? The teacher places a flower vase, which looks deceptively simple to paint, on the table and tells the youngster to paint the vase. The teacher comes and looks at it and says turn around, bend down, look at what you have painted upside down through your legs. That is the traditional way to teach to see.
So look at our assumptions -- suppose the opposite were true. Is there any evidence? Challenge your assumptions. This is basically looking at the vase upside down. By asking yourself every few years, If we weren't doing what we now do, would we want to start doing it? And if the answer is "probably not," then maybe it isn't the right thing to do anymore. This is not very difficult. It's a habit more than a skill. But it's a habit you have to practice.

 

[Vulpine]

One of the biggest things that p!sses me off is when people don't think before just asking a question.

"Hey, do you know where I can find the phone number of XYZ restaurant?"

Where do you find a phone number? Are you fuxing kidding me?
I doesn't take a rocket-scientist a month of research to come up with "the phone book" does it?

No. Grrrrrr! It freaks me out: people just don't think! Some people would rather come up with an hour long dialogue to ask a question instead of devoting 30 seconds of internal analyzation. It's like, "I'm too facking lazy to come up with the answer, please, just tell me what to do." People lose sight of the question in the problem... "I want to know how late XYZ restaurant is open, but I don't have their number, how can I call without the number? Should I just go there and take my chances?"

This is why you don't see a lot of people posting questions on here stack. A lot of guys here "think" to solve their problems. These type of guys are typically known as "problem solvers", "forward thinkers", or "decision makers". It's a by-product of being an Alpha male.

Here's another example:

The question asking non-thinkers, well, they sit in traffic jams on the freeway... sipping lattes, talking on the cell, being mad at the traffic... "What is the hold up? Is there an accident? Am I going to miss dinner? Is my car going to overheat sitting here?"

Negativity. Victims. Sheep waiting to be sheared.

The forward thinkers, on the other hand, take another route. They saw the traffic, recognized the delay, got off the freeway, and go about their business. Problem solved. They might not have known the way, but they were going to make another way. The thinker didn't need to ask a bunch of stupid questions because...

 

[Stackthestyles]

See Vulpine, that is what I want to avoid. Looking at the question from different angles is a problem that I have.

I didn't need advice on stupid questions though, because I am very keen when it comes to common sense, axioms, tradition and all that BS. I just enjoy raising questions... and I don't want the questions to be so boring that they are just ignored.

 

[Vulpine]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You don't want any help, you just want to troll for the sake of trolling.

 

[Stackthestyles]

Grrrr

:no:

I want to know how to make my questions NOT stupid. So I don't sound like a troll.

 

[Vulpine]

So you want to be a GOOD troll. That's fine, I get it.

 

[rocky_mtn]

We can only give you replies, the answer must come from within.