So you want her to be your girlfriend, but you wonder to yourself how to ask. Then you go to the forums for help where almost everyone will tell you "It is not your job to ask. You must wait for her to ask you." Many times this is good advice. There is solid reasoning behind this, but it is not flawless, nor is it always true.
If the guy does bring it up, and I think it isn't entirely out of the question for the guy to do so, he should never bring up the topic before getting past sex (and not immediately after either).
If you've been with a girl for a while after that and she doesn't ask you about a commitment or relationship, she just might not be the type to bring it up. She may be wondering why YOU haven't. Guys are expected by girls to make the first moves in most parts of relationship advancement, so it can be rationalized for some women to expect it here too. If she is expecting/waiting for you to bring it up and you never do, then she may think you don't really want to be serious, at least not with her. She might start looking elsewhere. She might be trying to portray subtle hints to you that it is your job to bring it up. If you don't pick up on these hints she will likely become more direct, though it is not guaranteed that she will come outright and say it as the people advising you on the forum might think.
Women are just as, if not more, afraid of rejection as anyone. Certainly more than a DJ like yourself.
In these cases if the woman is rejected, not only does she get the feeling of rejection from that guy she might care about, but she also will feel like she has been a slut to have been sleeping with this guy who didn't want anything else from her. If she doesn't ask (and therefore avoids rejection), she can rationalize to herself that she is still progressing it toward a relationship and that the guy isn't just using her for sex.
Women generally need more time to build attachment than men do, which is a large part of the reasoning behind letting them bring it up first. You may think to yourself that you are ready for her to be your girlfriend, but she might not yet be on the same page as you. Women are emotional beings and for them it takes a lot more time to justify emotional attachments than it takes for us men. So if you only just begun to start thinking that you want her as your girlfriend, chances are it hasn't really crossed her mind yet for you. It's too soon for you to bring it up yet.
Has this girl invested time in you and put forth effort into building what you're hoping to become a meaningful relationship?
If she hasn't, she isn't ready to take the the commitment further yet.
But if you think it's been a while since your initial feeling that you two were starting down this path, you can bring it up... if that's what you really want to do. That doesn't mean you have to bring it up in some AFC type of way. No need to smother her with a bunch of feelings in the process. Do it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you are going to depend on her response being either a "yes" or "no" because your happiness should be derived from yourself, not her.
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I recall one girl I had been seeing a while back who never brought up the idea of us being boyfriend/girlfriend. Eventually I got tired of waiting for her to bring it up. I didn't ask her if she wanted to be my girlfriend though, I just said it. A friend of mine was saying he was pretty good at some video game and I responded with "You better be careful, my girlfriend would kick your ass at that." She got the point.
In this situation she had been wondering what exactly I thought of our relationship to one another. When she heard me refer to her as my grilfriend it just clicked in her head as "Okay, that's where we are now." and she was fine with it. She hadn't wanted to bring it up because she was afraid I might not want to be her boyfriend.
Another way of bringing it up without really asking would be to let her know you'll be introducing her to someone she is about to meet as your girlfriend. If she has a problem with that, she'll probably let you know. If she doesn't say anything, she's probably ready to be your girlfriend.
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I still must warn you to be careful when being the one to bring this up. Men build attraction much faster than women. Though you shouldn't be afraid that she will say no, you should always have minimized the chances of her doing so. Just remember you don't NEED her to be your girlfriend anyway, and if you don't ask you can continue having the same fun you've been having with her.
The Don Juan should never rely on one definitive answer.
If the guy does bring it up, and I think it isn't entirely out of the question for the guy to do so, he should never bring up the topic before getting past sex (and not immediately after either).
If you've been with a girl for a while after that and she doesn't ask you about a commitment or relationship, she just might not be the type to bring it up. She may be wondering why YOU haven't. Guys are expected by girls to make the first moves in most parts of relationship advancement, so it can be rationalized for some women to expect it here too. If she is expecting/waiting for you to bring it up and you never do, then she may think you don't really want to be serious, at least not with her. She might start looking elsewhere. She might be trying to portray subtle hints to you that it is your job to bring it up. If you don't pick up on these hints she will likely become more direct, though it is not guaranteed that she will come outright and say it as the people advising you on the forum might think.
Women are just as, if not more, afraid of rejection as anyone. Certainly more than a DJ like yourself.
In these cases if the woman is rejected, not only does she get the feeling of rejection from that guy she might care about, but she also will feel like she has been a slut to have been sleeping with this guy who didn't want anything else from her. If she doesn't ask (and therefore avoids rejection), she can rationalize to herself that she is still progressing it toward a relationship and that the guy isn't just using her for sex.
Women generally need more time to build attachment than men do, which is a large part of the reasoning behind letting them bring it up first. You may think to yourself that you are ready for her to be your girlfriend, but she might not yet be on the same page as you. Women are emotional beings and for them it takes a lot more time to justify emotional attachments than it takes for us men. So if you only just begun to start thinking that you want her as your girlfriend, chances are it hasn't really crossed her mind yet for you. It's too soon for you to bring it up yet.
Has this girl invested time in you and put forth effort into building what you're hoping to become a meaningful relationship?
If she hasn't, she isn't ready to take the the commitment further yet.
But if you think it's been a while since your initial feeling that you two were starting down this path, you can bring it up... if that's what you really want to do. That doesn't mean you have to bring it up in some AFC type of way. No need to smother her with a bunch of feelings in the process. Do it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you are going to depend on her response being either a "yes" or "no" because your happiness should be derived from yourself, not her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recall one girl I had been seeing a while back who never brought up the idea of us being boyfriend/girlfriend. Eventually I got tired of waiting for her to bring it up. I didn't ask her if she wanted to be my girlfriend though, I just said it. A friend of mine was saying he was pretty good at some video game and I responded with "You better be careful, my girlfriend would kick your ass at that." She got the point.
In this situation she had been wondering what exactly I thought of our relationship to one another. When she heard me refer to her as my grilfriend it just clicked in her head as "Okay, that's where we are now." and she was fine with it. She hadn't wanted to bring it up because she was afraid I might not want to be her boyfriend.
Another way of bringing it up without really asking would be to let her know you'll be introducing her to someone she is about to meet as your girlfriend. If she has a problem with that, she'll probably let you know. If she doesn't say anything, she's probably ready to be your girlfriend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I still must warn you to be careful when being the one to bring this up. Men build attraction much faster than women. Though you shouldn't be afraid that she will say no, you should always have minimized the chances of her doing so. Just remember you don't NEED her to be your girlfriend anyway, and if you don't ask you can continue having the same fun you've been having with her.
The Don Juan should never rely on one definitive answer.
