tmpgstx
Master Don Juan
Approach or not to approach, that is the question
Cold approaching seems to be a hot topic here lately and it is a hot summer, so wanted to share my knowlege, strategy and experience with regards to the subject.
A cold approach should not be awkward, too obvious, or intrusive! Instead, your approach should be casual, warm and friendly. You should only approach girls that first show a non-verbal sign of interest, whether it be at a club, party, or the mall. It's a win/win situation as you are considerably reducing a potential rejection and not looking like a desparate sap who goes up to every girl he sees. You are approaching her in a mature and classy manner knowing she finds you attractive.
So, how is non-verbal interest conveyed?
Non-verbal interest is communicated to you by her eyes.
The eyes say it all and there could be a whole new language called "eye language" to address all the different looks a woman gives. I'm sure you've seen this before. An interested girl will stare longer than she has too, and usually from a distance. Her eyes will look glossy, submissive and harmless. Up close, however, some girls become very shy. A good way to guage interest is to be out of her space to begin with. She is more comfortable to give you those first non-verbal signals at a distance.
To better interpret eye language, below is a good reference. Think of girls you know who have already given you some of these looks. While there are exceptions, these meanings for the most part are universal and many looks are involuntary like a reflex. I wll call an unintentional (involuntary) look, a reactive look, while a conscious intentional look is a proactive look:
The Blank Stare
This gaze is not a conscious effort and for most girls is just the acquaintance look girls give guys they view as friends. You'll catch this look at pauses in conversation from time to time. She's with you, but just enough to acknowlege your presence. She has no real interest in you beyond just an occasional chat
The Puppy Dog Look
Don't be fooled guys. Girls do this on purpose knowing it is a seductive look. Trust me. Girls *in love* for lack of a better term often look at their significant others this way. Girls are great actresses and know how to produce this look on demand knowing guys like it. It is a proactive look and a good thing as she is trying to get your manly vibes flowing. There is interest there, whether anything happens or not depend on the circumstances.
The quick look down and away
Usually on approch of running into you from around a corner or coming upon you not knowing she will see you. In other words, you catch her by surprise and she immediately looks down at the floor and to the side (either side). This is an involuntary look that says she is either ashamed, embarrased and/or shy. Girls not wearing makeup often do this around guys they like. Other times this happens when she has done something shameful knowing you like her (and she likes you) but would be dissapointed to hear (e.g. like a wild ONS out on the town).
Show of Disdain
This is a conscious proactive no-look. She purposely will not look at you. It is really obvious. If you are with a group, she'll look at everyone in the group, but purposely single you out. It is a show of disdain because you are controlling her actions. She likes you, but feels you would never like her. She feels out of your league. This look also happens if you have ever rejected her and she feels jaded. Lastly, this look happens at clubs with girls who know nice guys they like but intend on being naughty without them. In other words, you're the nice guy at the club, knows she likes you, but won't give you the time day (at the club). Why? Because she doesn't want to feel guilty when she has a good time. She gave you no attention, so there was never a connection at the club in the first place. Are you getting how women operate? It's all about some sort of connection small or big.
Quick darting look left or right
She didn't expect to see you. This happens in hallways or crossing paths at the gym alot of times. It is an unconscious reactive look that suggests she is intimidated by you (in a good sexy domineering way).
Casual glance
This is the friendly acknowledgement look. There is no eye contact for longer than a second here and there. Often happens in group contexts where she is just being friendly. She has no interest beyond friends.
Deer in the Headlight
This one happens at the clubs, malls and gym alot. Usually by a girl you don't know that well, but she thinks you are hotter than he!!. It is a long deep stare like she has seen a Ghost. In this case it is a DJ Adonis. She thinks you are the goods!
Bedroom Eyes
This is that deep serious take me and just do me stare. It is penetrating and spells "I want you now!!" all over the place. She thinks you are a Stud and wants to take everything you got to give (in the bedroom of course).
Ok, that's it for the eye language reference. Use it to your advantage to interpret how a girl is feeling about you and always approach when feasible if it is a good sign.
Now back to the approach ...
Once you have caught her eye and she holding your gaze, give her a nice confident charming smile. Practice this smile! Every morning, flash this smile in the mirrior. Make it second nature. If she smiles back, you have a live one
If she doesn't smile back and looks away without looking back again, then you don't have an interested girl.
Your approach should be subtle, patient and non-intrusive
After getting the green light, don't rush to get into her space. Patience is sexy. Slowly make your way to her area while looking at things in between (at the mall) or talking with someone for a few minutes (at the club or party) before getting closer. Remember, your approach should be un-intrusive. She already knows you like her enough to approach her, so she is casually putting herself in your space as well (or not moving too far from you). Girls have a sixth sense for this stuff, and upon liking a guy, they will remain on your radar hoping you will approach.
A good conversationalist asks you questions about yourself, so they can keep on talking about you
Upon approaching, just say "Hi" with a pleasant smile. After she says "Hi" back, ask her opinion on something; Here are some examples:
---At the club---
Your opener: "What do you think of the band (or DJ) tonight?"
---At the Mall---
Your opener: "What do you think about these/this (clothing, product, accessory etc.)"?
Use your imagination. By asking her opinion about something right away shows you have some curiousity in her and are willing to place value on what she thinks. Everyone likes to feel important, this is the best way to get her attention and getting her talking about something. Not too mention, this is a good way to get her started trying to impress you with her knowledge and style.
After she answers your question, let her ask you a question (and she will). Remember, she has some curiousity about you too, afterall, this DJ approached her in the most calm, sexy and confident manner she has seen in more than a long time (after getting a good non-verbal signal from her). It has been said by many girls time and time again that:
A sexy guy is one who is really comfortable in his own skin
To most girls, this IS confidence. If you come off as nervous or awkward, this will be interpreted by her as unsure of yourself, whether you like it or not. To her, you are inexperienced and wouldn't know what to do with her if you had her.
Let the conversation flow naturally from here on out. Don't force anything, and don't give her a direct compliment in this first conversation as it will come across as you trying to get something from her. It wouldn't be geniune because you don't know her enough yet. Some girls do like to be told they're beautiful though, and while this works from time to time, is best not too place so much emphasis on that right away.
Ask her some more general questions about what her job entails. Don't ask her where she works, but what she does for a living. By doing this, you'll get her to trust you more and she'll most likely tell you where she works after this. Girls have big trust issue with guys they don't know. It is important to get as much trust as possible in a short amount of time so that she doesn't flake out when planning a date. She has to view you as a confident and responsible guy who knows what he likes. You're leading the conversation in a way that benefits you in getting more information you can use later. Find things in common you may have and talk about those things for a bit also. She needs to identify with you and know that you can be fun to hang out with.
Concludes in the next thread ...
Cold approaching seems to be a hot topic here lately and it is a hot summer, so wanted to share my knowlege, strategy and experience with regards to the subject.
A cold approach should not be awkward, too obvious, or intrusive! Instead, your approach should be casual, warm and friendly. You should only approach girls that first show a non-verbal sign of interest, whether it be at a club, party, or the mall. It's a win/win situation as you are considerably reducing a potential rejection and not looking like a desparate sap who goes up to every girl he sees. You are approaching her in a mature and classy manner knowing she finds you attractive.
So, how is non-verbal interest conveyed?
Non-verbal interest is communicated to you by her eyes.
The eyes say it all and there could be a whole new language called "eye language" to address all the different looks a woman gives. I'm sure you've seen this before. An interested girl will stare longer than she has too, and usually from a distance. Her eyes will look glossy, submissive and harmless. Up close, however, some girls become very shy. A good way to guage interest is to be out of her space to begin with. She is more comfortable to give you those first non-verbal signals at a distance.
To better interpret eye language, below is a good reference. Think of girls you know who have already given you some of these looks. While there are exceptions, these meanings for the most part are universal and many looks are involuntary like a reflex. I wll call an unintentional (involuntary) look, a reactive look, while a conscious intentional look is a proactive look:
The Blank Stare
This gaze is not a conscious effort and for most girls is just the acquaintance look girls give guys they view as friends. You'll catch this look at pauses in conversation from time to time. She's with you, but just enough to acknowlege your presence. She has no real interest in you beyond just an occasional chat
The Puppy Dog Look
Don't be fooled guys. Girls do this on purpose knowing it is a seductive look. Trust me. Girls *in love* for lack of a better term often look at their significant others this way. Girls are great actresses and know how to produce this look on demand knowing guys like it. It is a proactive look and a good thing as she is trying to get your manly vibes flowing. There is interest there, whether anything happens or not depend on the circumstances.
The quick look down and away
Usually on approch of running into you from around a corner or coming upon you not knowing she will see you. In other words, you catch her by surprise and she immediately looks down at the floor and to the side (either side). This is an involuntary look that says she is either ashamed, embarrased and/or shy. Girls not wearing makeup often do this around guys they like. Other times this happens when she has done something shameful knowing you like her (and she likes you) but would be dissapointed to hear (e.g. like a wild ONS out on the town).
Show of Disdain
This is a conscious proactive no-look. She purposely will not look at you. It is really obvious. If you are with a group, she'll look at everyone in the group, but purposely single you out. It is a show of disdain because you are controlling her actions. She likes you, but feels you would never like her. She feels out of your league. This look also happens if you have ever rejected her and she feels jaded. Lastly, this look happens at clubs with girls who know nice guys they like but intend on being naughty without them. In other words, you're the nice guy at the club, knows she likes you, but won't give you the time day (at the club). Why? Because she doesn't want to feel guilty when she has a good time. She gave you no attention, so there was never a connection at the club in the first place. Are you getting how women operate? It's all about some sort of connection small or big.
Quick darting look left or right
She didn't expect to see you. This happens in hallways or crossing paths at the gym alot of times. It is an unconscious reactive look that suggests she is intimidated by you (in a good sexy domineering way).
Casual glance
This is the friendly acknowledgement look. There is no eye contact for longer than a second here and there. Often happens in group contexts where she is just being friendly. She has no interest beyond friends.
Deer in the Headlight
This one happens at the clubs, malls and gym alot. Usually by a girl you don't know that well, but she thinks you are hotter than he!!. It is a long deep stare like she has seen a Ghost. In this case it is a DJ Adonis. She thinks you are the goods!
Bedroom Eyes
This is that deep serious take me and just do me stare. It is penetrating and spells "I want you now!!" all over the place. She thinks you are a Stud and wants to take everything you got to give (in the bedroom of course).
Ok, that's it for the eye language reference. Use it to your advantage to interpret how a girl is feeling about you and always approach when feasible if it is a good sign.
Now back to the approach ...
Once you have caught her eye and she holding your gaze, give her a nice confident charming smile. Practice this smile! Every morning, flash this smile in the mirrior. Make it second nature. If she smiles back, you have a live one
If she doesn't smile back and looks away without looking back again, then you don't have an interested girl. Your approach should be subtle, patient and non-intrusive
After getting the green light, don't rush to get into her space. Patience is sexy. Slowly make your way to her area while looking at things in between (at the mall) or talking with someone for a few minutes (at the club or party) before getting closer. Remember, your approach should be un-intrusive. She already knows you like her enough to approach her, so she is casually putting herself in your space as well (or not moving too far from you). Girls have a sixth sense for this stuff, and upon liking a guy, they will remain on your radar hoping you will approach.
A good conversationalist asks you questions about yourself, so they can keep on talking about you
Upon approaching, just say "Hi" with a pleasant smile. After she says "Hi" back, ask her opinion on something; Here are some examples:
---At the club---
Your opener: "What do you think of the band (or DJ) tonight?"
---At the Mall---
Your opener: "What do you think about these/this (clothing, product, accessory etc.)"?
Use your imagination. By asking her opinion about something right away shows you have some curiousity in her and are willing to place value on what she thinks. Everyone likes to feel important, this is the best way to get her attention and getting her talking about something. Not too mention, this is a good way to get her started trying to impress you with her knowledge and style.
After she answers your question, let her ask you a question (and she will
). Remember, she has some curiousity about you too, afterall, this DJ approached her in the most calm, sexy and confident manner she has seen in more than a long time (after getting a good non-verbal signal from her). It has been said by many girls time and time again that:A sexy guy is one who is really comfortable in his own skin
To most girls, this IS confidence. If you come off as nervous or awkward, this will be interpreted by her as unsure of yourself, whether you like it or not. To her, you are inexperienced and wouldn't know what to do with her if you had her.
Let the conversation flow naturally from here on out. Don't force anything, and don't give her a direct compliment in this first conversation as it will come across as you trying to get something from her. It wouldn't be geniune because you don't know her enough yet. Some girls do like to be told they're beautiful though, and while this works from time to time, is best not too place so much emphasis on that right away.
Ask her some more general questions about what her job entails. Don't ask her where she works, but what she does for a living. By doing this, you'll get her to trust you more and she'll most likely tell you where she works after this. Girls have big trust issue with guys they don't know. It is important to get as much trust as possible in a short amount of time so that she doesn't flake out when planning a date. She has to view you as a confident and responsible guy who knows what he likes. You're leading the conversation in a way that benefits you in getting more information you can use later. Find things in common you may have and talk about those things for a bit also. She needs to identify with you and know that you can be fun to hang out with.
Concludes in the next thread ...
Last edited:
