anyone with experience of getting ex?

[tomato]

Could anyone with experience of getting an ex back after a long time after the breakup please tell me how they did it?

PLEASE DONT POST IF YOU DONT HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE

2.5yr LTR
very intense
BU 5 months ago
hooked up for two weeks 2 months ago
told her I didnt want to be friends - caused us not to talk for month
then found out some stuff and confronted/insulted her a month ago

called her yesterday to say hi for the first time - she was cool but didnt really care - was distracted it seemed. I was happy and told her I went out last night and just had a good interview (both true) then asked her how she was she didnt give much - then I ended it - not much else. I didnt get enough humour in there - I regret that now - I was thrown a bit by her attitude. Any idea what I can do next?

NC is not going to do any more here - I've been NC with her for a month and before that on and off for 4 months - its not going to do anymore- RIGHT NOW I WANT TO COME IN AS A "FRIEND"....it worked really well last time till I told her I didnt want to be
again I dont need anyone without exp telling me that its not worth the effort no thanks - I just want to hear peoples experiences THAT HAVE - I know mostly it doesnt.

I'm plate spinning and gymming and have moved on before anyone says it - this is just an experiment.

 

[nismo-4]

I got an ex of 3 years back when I became popular at school and she found out that I have wealthy relatives. She came crawling back to me and got mad when I wouldn't introduce her to my family.

Why do you want to get your ex back anyway?

 

[bigneil]

RULES TO LIVE BY #151356: Going back to old jobs and old girlfriends is a losing proposition.

Here's what you're saying when you try to get your ex back:

1) She's the best you ever had.
2) She knows you can't get better.
3) Having her in a totally compromised state (READ: SHE CHEATED ON YOU) is better than nothing.

It's a loser mentality. Trust me, I've been there.

As Carlos Xuma so duly noted: "It's about ten times easier to find a new girl than it is to repair your old one".

I venture to say you can get a much better girl ten times easier, and you won't know until you have her how much better high interest versus low interest feels!

Still insist? Well then be cool enough that she misses you. But remember, even if you get her back, it will never be the same. True love is about knowing they would never betray you - how can you know they won't do something they already did?

It's like a car that has frame damage or body rot. You can paint it to look nice, but it will NEVER perform like a new one.

 

[Bible_Belt]

RIGHT NOW I WANT TO COME IN AS A "FRIEND"

You know what, I think that might actually work if you kept at it long enough. Just attach your lips to her ass and do whatever she says for however many years it takes for her to want to settle down with a predictable and safe guy. Then you can continue to serve her every word for the rest of your life. That's what you want, right?

And yes, I have experience with exes. I'm usually smart enough to part on good enough terms so that I do occasionally go back and fvck one of them now and then. It helps that I did not destroy all the respect they had for me by groveling to them after breaking up. But I also am smart enough to know that whatever issues we had to make us break up in the first place are only going to resurface again, so there's no point in anything more than sex.

 

[nismo-4]

RULES TO LIVE BY #151356: Going back to old jobs and old girlfriends is a losing proposition.Here's what you're saying when you try to get your ex back:

1) She's the best you ever had.
2) She knows you can't get better.
3) Having her in a totally compromised state (READ: SHE CHEATED ON YOU) is better than nothing.

It's a loser mentality. Trust me, I've been there.

People stay in bad relationships because they fear (or know) they don't have anyone else after the breakup. That's a poverty mentality. And going back is exactly that, and the woman had the upper hand unless you're in the situation I was in.

 

[tomato]

RIGHT NOW I WANT TO COME IN AS A "FRIEND"

You know what, I think that might actually work if you kept at it long enough. Just attach your lips to her ass and do whatever she says for however many years it takes for her to want to settle down with a predictable and safe guy. Then you can continue to serve her every word for the rest of your life. That's what you want, right?

And yes, I have experience with exes. I'm usually smart enough to part on good enough terms so that I do occasionally go back and fvck one of them now and then. It helps that I did not destroy all the respect they had for me by groveling to them after breaking up. But I also am smart enough to know that whatever issues we had to make us break up in the first place are only going to resurface again, so there's no point in anything more than sex.

ACTUALLY SMART GUY - I went in as a friend 2 months ago and treated her like just another hookup and had amazing sex - so yes it does work as long as your not an AFC about it. thanks for the input - Issues can be sorted - people change.

My question is exactly how do I get to be friends again - I called - now if I call again it looks BAD - what would you suggest?

 

[tomato]

RULES TO LIVE BY #151356: Going back to old jobs and old girlfriends is a losing proposition.

Here's what you're saying when you try to get your ex back:

1) She's the best you ever had.
2) She knows you can't get better.
3) Having her in a totally compromised state (READ: SHE CHEATED ON YOU) is better than nothing.

It's a loser mentality. Trust me, I've been there.

As Carlos Xuma so duly noted: "It's about ten times easier to find a new girl than it is to repair your old one".

I venture to say you can get a much better girl ten times easier, and you won't know until you have her how much better high interest versus low interest feels!

Still insist? Well then be cool enough that she misses you. But remember, even if you get her back, it will never be the same. True love is about knowing they would never betray you - how can you know they won't do something they already did?

It's like a car that has frame damage or body rot. You can paint it to look nice, but it will NEVER perform like a new one.

I've had it - been with other girls - even one more attractive than her - just didn't do it for me... I can tell she feels the same way

 

[Powerofmindset]

Ex broke up with me in vegas in August of 2011. That's right...in vegas. This is a girl i wanted to be with for a few years but it never worked out cuz i was either dating someone or she was. I finally got the chance and we dated for 9 months. Granted I was a DJ in the beginning and an AFC at the end and i honestly don't blame her for breaking up with me but the way it happened was uncalled for and just totally cold.

I left vegas the next day alone while she partied with a few of her friends in vegas for the rest of the vacation. I IMMEDIATELY went NC (was about 6 months until i heard from her and my friends were saying "oh exgf was wondering about you" etc etc), i didn't cry or whine for her back either the next day when i tried to make up with her (which went something like "so are we done?" "Yes" "Itebye").

It hurt, and I knew if i wanted her back I had to, oddly enough, move on! That's exactly what i did. I s3xed another girl who just happened to not like my ex gf and my exgf found out about it through gossip. I got so fed up with all the drama that it caused that at that point i had enough. I didn't want to be with this girl anymore, she no longer was the amazing person i thought she was. Now she's hanging out with a mutual friend she had a thing for years ago just to piss me off, but I no longer care, at all!

In fact, I'm now currently dating a different girl who is as hot if not hotter than my ex, who is very loving, and is considerate of others. It sucks that it didn't work out between her and I...but lets face it...both of us weren't happy and peoples character really shines when times are bad.

THIS GIRL ISNT WORTH IT. You are putting emotions over logical thinking, friend. STOP, before you drive yourself insane. Cut contact with her.


I also will say this...all my past ex's i've always went NC with and dated other women rather quickly after them...and guess who always crawled back? Whether it be a month or a couple years (literally) you WILL hear from them. Even when they are getting married...they want you to know! Put yourself back in the drivers seat and take control of yourself and your life again. Then, maybe....MAYBE if YOU still want to be with her at that time you better play your cards right. Hopefully by that time you will wise up and move on.

 

[Jariel]

Lots of the members here told you what you need to do and shared their experiences, but you chose to ignore us and continue chasing her. I'm not having a go as most of us have done exactly the same thing, but you've blown it with her.

You say you have moved on, yet you're still chasing her. Moving on is when you don't care if you ever see her again and you cut contact completely...until she contacts you.

If you want experiences, check the thread in my signature on being dumped and rejected. A lot of people have shared their real life experiences in that thread.

 

[Powerofmindset]

If other people on the forum come off as being pissed at you it's because this topic has been commented on time and time again. LOGICAL THINKING will always lead you to where you need to go. It takes time to suppress the emotions but you have to...it will be easier in time.

David DeAngelo said something that stuck with me and i haven't seen or read his stuff since i came onto this site under another name back in 2005. Maybe not a direct quote but close enough..."Relationships are like 2 magnets of the same polar charge...when you move one closer to the other, it repels and vice versa. You have to strike a balance." You repelled her magnet right off the table, and hopefully in the garbage.