Anyone here never "experienced" love?

[vorbis]

Bit of an odd question maybe. I've been going out now with my first proper girlfriend for 6 months (I'm 25). Its been going pretty well, I can act natural around her, she really likes me and for the most part theres little *****y behavior. She certainly suits me in terms of values, as in she's grateful when you help her with something and takes responsibility for her actions. Sex is pretty good too

Heres the thing, I just recently told her I love her (She's been telling me she loves me for 2 months!) I think I do but I'm not really sure. The thing is I've never experienced the "romantic" version of love ever in my life. As in the can't stop thinking about her, butterflies in the stomach, a great rush of feelings.

Unlike most late bloomers, I never had a crush on a girl. When I was **** with women, I never lusted after one specific girl. Indeed I've never been in the friend zone that guys who are bad with women tend to end up in. Mainly because I've never had any close female friends!

Right now, I'm not really "feeling" any love. But since I never have, do some guys just not experience it? My family are not emotional at all so it could be due to that. I know that I would feel a deep sense of loss if we broke up but I'm not feeling a deep sense of love currently:crazy:

 

[SaucyBoy]

It's not what we think love is, what do you think it is?

 

[STR8UP]

I really don't believe in romantic love.

Why should I?

Every chick who has ever said it to me has ended up disproving her "love" for me in one way or the other.

What IS romantic love? It's a chemical reaction in your brain. And even if it lasts for a matter of years as opposed to weeks or months, it is replaced by a different emotion after about 7 years.

So if you want to believe in it and search for it, go ahead. But make sure you understand it for what it is, and not what other people would have you believe it is.

 

[KontrollerX]

What Str8up said.

True love outside of your family (assuming you were raised by a good one) does not exist.

 

[speakeasy]

If love is a chemical in your brain, maybe someone can devise a tablet you can slip in a girl's drink that will make her fall in love with you upon drinking it.

 

[edger]

Women fall in and out of love. The one thing for sure I will say about love, is that it is not guaranteed to last. I have loved before, it was true love on my part, but it stops there. While I would get into another relationship, I could never truly love again..and that's something that's out of my control. I did it once(I was gonna marry the b*tch) and that was it. Now don't misinterpret this as ONEitis either, I have gotten over my ex, what I'm saying though is kinda hard to explain...I'm trying to say that all my being, soul, energy, and lifeforce went into loving my ex, which once it left me and projected on to her, that energy and lifeforce could never be replaced, if that makes sense to you. It has truly left my soul.

 

[MikeYikes122]

That's alarmingly cynical

I really don't believe in romantic love.

Why should I?

Every chick who has ever said it to me has ended up disproving her "love" for me in one way or the other.

What IS romantic love? It's a chemical reaction in your brain. And even if it lasts for a matter of years as opposed to weeks or months, it is replaced by a different emotion after about 7 years.

So if you want to believe in it and search for it, go ahead. But make sure you understand it for what it is, and not what other people would have you believe it is.

You're welcome to your own opinion, but I really don't think you're right. I've tried to do some Google research on your claim that love is just a chemical reaction that is replaced, and my search hasn't turned anything up. Where do you get that from? I don't think I have to tell you this, but I would keep that thought confined to yourself and this message board. Cynicism is a huge turnoff to girls and pretty much people in general.

To answer the original poster's question, I think I have a decent understanding of what love is. Eventually, you're going to run out of routines, openers and negs, and when that happens, your true personality is going to come out. The same can be said for the girl in the relationship. You're going to know exactly who she is, and if the two of you continue to like each other and enjoy each other's company, then you're probably in love or on your way to being in love.

That's a simplistic definition, but I think it works.

I think this is the department where a lot of this pickup stuff can really ruin you. Eventually, whether you like it or not, your real identity is going to come out in a relationship and if you don't have enough inner-game and similar commonalities with a lot people, you likely won't find a lot of romantic love or remain in relationships for long periods of time.

When I first discovered all this stuff, I spent about two-three years without having relationships that lasted very long - probably four months at the longest. I never knew what the problem was and was content with telling myself that I just wasn't a long-term relationship kind of guy. But eventually, I realized deep down inside I lacked a lot of the confidence I was feigning and just wasn't a very interesting person. I started working out a lot and just doing things and jobs that I enjoyed. This ended up being the solution, and I started to attract girlfriends. I also think that one of my problems with relationships was that all this training had made me afraid of acting like an AFC, and whether people on here want to admit it or not, you'll hit a point in a relationship where you have to start acting a little bit like an AFC. Maybe this is why you initially received such an abrasive response to this question.

So if you've been dating this girl for about six months and you feel like the two of you are showing your true identities, you're probably on your way to being in love, or you're already in love. This is cliche and really sappy, but you'll know when you've hit the point I've tried to describe.

 

[KontrollerX]

You're welcome to your own opinion, but I really don't think you're right. I've tried to do some Google research on your claim that love is just a chemical reaction that is replaced, and my search hasn't turned anything up. Where do you get that from?

Did you run a search on Dopamine?

 

[MikeYikes122]

Just read about it

I didn't see anything in this Wiki entry about love being an emotion that is going to be replaced in seven years.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine

 

[speakeasy]

Do they sell dopamine in liquid form?

 

[Phyzzle]

^^Crystal form. Coke and meth do the trick.

 

[Master Bates]

It's been interesting reading this thread while listening to queen's Play The Game, lol.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Funny you should mention it; Dopamine's closest synthetic chemical profile is actually Heroin and similar opiates.

 

[joekerr31]

ok, wrap your heads around this one boys. i think i've come up with the best articulation of love yet...

when you are young romantic love = obsession.

when you are older romantic love = appreciation.

if you feel either of these two emotions in LARGE quantities for someone, then using the term 'love' is appropriate. if its obsession, thats a dysfunctional and dangerous form of love. if its appreciation, you may have foudn the one for you.

but if its not obsession or appreciation, everythign else is a combination of friendship and lust.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

There's 2 kinds of love.

There's the Endorphine rush love and there's the Oxytocin calm love. Guess which sex prefers which?

 

[joekerr31]

There's 2 kinds of love.

There's the Endorphine rush love and there's the Oxytocin calm love. Guess which sex prefers which?

endorphine male
oxytocin female

 

[Luthor Rex]

You're welcome to your own opinion, but I really don't think you're right. I've tried to do some Google research on your claim that love is just a chemical reaction that is replaced, and my search hasn't turned anything up. Where do you get that from? I don't think I have to tell you this, but I would keep that thought confined to yourself and this message board. Cynicism is a huge turnoff to girls and pretty much people in general.

ALL of what our brain does (and the mind is what the brain does) is a chemical process... So when someone says "love it just a chemical reaction" they are actually just stating the obvious to try and ground someone in reality.

You mussen't have been Googling very hard...

 

[STR8UP]

ALL of what our brain does (and the mind is what the brain does) is a chemical process... So when someone says "love it just a chemical reaction" they are actually just stating the obvious to try and ground someone in reality.

You mussen't have been Googling very hard...

Oh...but that's the problem. Most people think "love" is this magical thing that conquers all.....something that has nothing to do with nature or biology. They think it's SUPERNATURAL. The fact that it's nothing more than a function of biology is lost on most all women and MANY men.

I'll bet that no one here has ever heard someone, whether it be mother/ father, friends, or whatever speak of love in it's TRUE context. You won't hear a group of women sitting around saying "I'm so glad I found him! I look forward to the next few years of the chemical rush I experience when he is around, and if I'm lucky, once that passes he will admire me for the person I am and stay with me for the rest of my life."

No, it's more like "I'm so glad I found him! I look forward to us spending the rest of our lives together so i can experience EVERY DAY what I feel right now!"

I didn't learn to look at it from a scientific (correct, realistic) perspective until I began to study sociology and sexuality and such. I read books that explained to me why I was so frustrated when things weren't going the way I thought they were SUPPOSED to go.

It's a big fairy tale. An illusion. Your entire life people are going to try to convince you otherwise, and unless you have the propensity to seek out the TRUTH, you will live your entire life thinking it's something that it's not, and will likely be disappointed and feel like a failure when you begin to see that things don't usually work out the way they do in the movies.

I would bet that if you ask the question to 100 people "Do you think that true love is forever?" 95 of them would answer "Yes".

They would say that if someone were to fall out of love with you, that they were never truly in love with you to begin with.

Love has a biological basis to ensure the survival of our species. As soon as it is no longer needed, "love" as we know it is usually out the door. For some it is replaced with other things such as respect and admiration, which can serve to keep a couple together beyond child rearing years, but chances are if you get married things aren't going to be the same several years down the road.

 

[Chrispy]

Different people express and feel love in different ways. For some it's that butterfly/crush thing, and for others it is more logical. In the latter scenario it might be a colder version of love but in the end it's just a different way of expressing the same thing. Does that make any sense?

Maybe there are some people are romantic at heart.

 

[joekerr31]

I would bet that if you ask the question to 100 people "Do you think that true love is forever?" 95 of them would answer "Yes".

true love does exist - i would literaly die or endure the most horrible suffering to save my family.

the question is not whether it exists, but whether it can exist within a romantic relationship.

once again, i do believe it can.

believe it or nto, despite this forum, there are couples who live happily ever after.

the difference though is that both of them tend to be grounded in reality. both of them tend to appreciate love and also realize that it is not a self sustaining feeling - that two people must keep it alive.

its rare, but it does exist.

moreover, there are individuals who go beyond simply loving those that are closest to them and actualy love their fellow man. many buddhists are like this.

if you found yourself in tibet, broke, starving, alone - a buddhist monk would take you in and give you teh food off his plate.

love exists, and its even more powerful than people think. the fact that most people mislabel what they are feeling as love does not negate its existence.