Anybody Else Given Up "Asking Women Out"

[NeverFear]

Many of us came to this site and realized that we were basically "begging" women to "like us" by "consenting" to going out on dates.

To do this, previously, we were "nice" guys. We thought that surely they would recognize us as different and jump all over the offer.

But at some point some of us eventually saw that "asking women out" on dates was the same form of begging. A slightly different form or prostitution if you like.

So I stopped.

I know this flies in the face of Doc's advice. But I maintain that when you ask anybody "out" you are already throwing the ball into their court and giving them an advantage.

So instead, if i REALLY like a woman I suggest (casually) that we "get together sometime". This may be initiated by me or by her.

I spend virtually NO MONEY on those occasions. The goal is to make her enjoy being with me. NO strings attached and certainly out of the "begging" loop.

And I dont call her back for a second "get together". That's her job. If her interest level is high enough, she calls me back. If not, no big deal.

Right from the start i establish several things:

1. Im not her sugar daddy
2. she has to display as much initiative as i do
3. our friendship is based on mutual attaction and interests.
4. she has to prove that she's a flexible giver right at the start. Anything else, and she never gets to go out with me again.

Conclusion: Sure, I go on fewer "dates" but im utterly in control of her interest level at the beginning. She either proves it, or i dont spend another minutes, or for that matter dime, on her.

When she proves her interest level, then my generosity comes out of the closet.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Self control is a wondrous and powerful thing.

 

[NeverFear]

..

yeah. Well, a man is caught in the crossfire between being
"aggressive" (asking someone out to her face) and "desperate" (begging someone to go out with you).

Doc's general advice is to choose the former, but to tell you the truth, the only thing that determines her interest level is if you hang out with her and you make her 1. laugh 2. attracted 3. see social proof of SOMETHING

That's how women think.

So all the rest is extraneous:
1. spending money
2. asking her out
3. your interest level.

So I basically just eliminated the first step. And i save a lot of money. And i NEVER spend five seconds wondering about her interest level.

Because she will prove it right from the start or not at all.

 

[da_hunter]

i'm at the stage where i recognize the benefits of self control, but it is still a difficult thing for me to do. i wind up psyching myself out a lot of the time, and doing afc things like asking them out on 'dates'.

 

[Flabbergasped?]

I don't think I've ever asked a girl out. I always ask them to "hang out".

 

[Faca]

The same with me, i just ask if they want to join me or hang out.

One thing i can't get over is the paying for them. Even if it's not a date, i have an urge to pay for. No expensive dinner or something, sometimes just coffee or drinks. Otherwise it would look cheap to me, that she pays for it the first time. It's rooted into my brain that the man has to pay the first date or whatever you call it.

In a lot of the cases, with just hanging out a lot of women will think that it is a date. Even if you haven't asked for it, i know that they won't admit it.

 

[Babnik]

I always thought asking a girl to hang out and asking a girl out is the same thing.

I mean, a date is designed to get 2 people together to hang out.

Plus, I know girls who tell me "These guys always ask to hang out, but they never actually ask me to go anywhere"

PLUS, asking to hang out can mean FRIENDS thing!

 

[Yapper]

hey NeverFear how 'bout a few stories to help us access the success of your new methods?

 

[00Kevin]

Ye shalt qualify her.

 

[Pappadapolis]

Dates

You just gotta play it by ear. To me it depends on the vibes I get from the chick. I know how chicks that are really into me act like, as well as chicks that have strung me along. If the chick isn't talking to you about you or fixing up herself around you, I wouldn't ask her to hang out. If they want you to ask them, they'll normally say something like, "What are you doing tonight/this weekend?" If she asks "What are we doing..." JACKPOT!!! I normally reply with a joke like, "Same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world." Then I chose something I know will keep her entertained.

You also have to be specific about what you'll be doing or where you'll be going while you're "hanging out". You can't be vague, and definitely do not take her to the movies on a first date. If she's really into you, it won't matter. She'll be happy just to be around you.

Places I go on dates:

1. Rent a movie to watch at my place or hers. Usually her place.
2. The Club (If she drinks. If not, no). Some you may think that's like bringing sand to the beach, but girls eyeball guys at the club with other girls. It will help you in the future. Plus how to dance REALLY helps.
3. Comedy Club.
4. Dave and Busters
5. Bowling
6. Laser Tag
7. Karaoke

Honorable Mention:
Haunted Houses. This is GOLD during September and October. Just make sure you act like a man while you there. No high pitched screams.

 

[DJF or John]

Yeah this is a nice topice, btw...anybody seen Skip To The Lou? That's my boy, where is he?

This is excellent, and I love the replies. This goes right with my advice, and honestly, if you guys would listen to my advice you wouldn't have basically ANY problems with women.

You guys remember Anti-Dump? Lol, do a search on this site and read Anti-Dump's Machine. What I've been preaching is what he preached also.

Anti-Dump had a vision, a standard, a certain "woman" he wanted. She had to meet his standards, and when he encountered a woman that didn't, he nexted her. Anti-Dump, lol, would literally filter through a lot of chicks until he found one that HE WANTED, and not a chick that just wanted him.

And I hope you guys would do the same, it's what I've been preaching about, that's the real SUCCESS in relationships and dating. You guys think it's getting pvssy, no, it's actually getting a woman that cares for you....and the pvssy is just the icing on the cake. Pvssy isn't the cake, the cake is having another soul/spirit in this world, that truly cares for you and will be there for you in times of need. The sex is just the celebration or prep rally....to the ever existing love she gives you.

This is what it is to be successful in relationships.

That's why I always say, IT'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Be yourself, let your true personality shine.

You don't need to change yourself.
You don't need to improve yourself (not for women, you do in other areas like fitness, business, but not women)

The only thing you need to do is KNOW YOURSELF. Read Yourself. Allow yourself to talk to you. And I guarantee, that not only will you be more joyful and peaceful....but the women in your life will love you for REAL, not just for VALUE.

 

[Faca]

Yeah this is a nice topice, btw...anybody seen Skip To The Lou? That's my boy, where is he?

This is excellent, and I love the replies. This goes right with my advice, and honestly, if you guys would listen to my advice you wouldn't have basically ANY problems with women.

You guys remember Anti-Dump? Lol, do a search on this site and read Anti-Dump's Machine. What I've been preaching is what he preached also.

Anti-Dump had a vision, a standard, a certain "woman" he wanted. She had to meet his standards, and when he encountered a woman that didn't, he nexted her. Anti-Dump, lol, would literally filter through a lot of chicks until he found one that HE WANTED, and not a chick that just wanted him.

And I hope you guys would do the same, it's what I've been preaching about, that's the real SUCCESS in relationships and dating. You guys think it's getting pvssy, no, it's actually getting a woman that cares for you....and the pvssy is just the icing on the cake. Pvssy isn't the cake, the cake is having another soul/spirit in this world, that truly cares for you and will be there for you in times of need. The sex is just the celebration or prep rally....to the ever existing love she gives you.

This is what it is to be successful in relationships.

That's why I always say, IT'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Be yourself, let your true personality shine.

You don't need to change yourself.
You don't need to improve yourself (not for women, you do in other areas like fitness, business, but not women)

The only thing you need to do is KNOW YOURSELF. Read Yourself. Allow yourself to talk to you. And I guarantee, that not only will you be more joyful and peaceful....but the women in your life will love you for REAL, not just for VALUE.

I think that the Anti Dumps machine is more for the guys that are in their 30s/40s and want to settle down, so that they find a good mate. I have used a lot of his advice, but the point you make about just being yourself i can't agree. I would say be the best you can be! and the guys in their 20s are still shaping themselves and their character... so the advice of just being yourself would mean that the bad things you should change or do something about.

Eventually the AD Machine is the way to go, but you shouldn't let the 'JBY' hold you down from becomming a better man.