Any one else find the ljbf line dissrespectful.

[SamTheHobit]

Hey. So a few day ago my ex told me she wants to go back to being friends because she felt i was more open with her when we were friends(yeah i escaped the friendzone, thats another story)... I found this was a real slap in the face, But any way my question is.. Do you think she ljbf me because i wasnt open with her or was that just her way of breaking up with me???

 

[DropZone3]

Back in 2003 when I first found this site I would have found that line disrespectful. Now, I actually found the ljbf line amusing.

 

[Jariel]

It's an excuse I'm afraid and it's her way of transferring her guilt onto you, by blaming you for not being open enough.

If her interest was really high, she'd accept you not being open or do whatever she could to change it.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but if you want to turn it around you have to take it like a man. Basically tell her it's cool (no explanation, no bargaining, no trying to find out more) and then disappear from her life. Don't reply to texts or calls and ignore any attempt she tries to contact or see you.

By doing this, you make yourself scarce and thus more valuable. It's the best way to turn LJBF around. Check out the post on dealing with rejection in my signature for more examples.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Thanx jariel very helpful...ok so the majority of what i say next will be considerd afc but i was extremely angry and emotional(no excuse) but any way so right after she ljbf me, her mom text me and asks me if i am fine and asked if i will keep contact, so I replyed and said "I dont know i need time to get over this" then she replys "then ill keep contact, your not going to dissapear again??(disapeard for a month or so-didnt reply to any of there atempt at contacting me )" so any way an hour later i text her back and accidently send it to my ex and it was ment for the mom. Saying "the wort part is you probably care more than Ingrid(the ex) didnt get a reply...so later i update my status saying "i hate life"( which she read and didnt comment on) half an hour later i decided to look on her wall and what not, she seemed all fine so i decided to deactivated fb, and cut up my sim card and got a new number so basicly i cut off all direct comunication..two days later i decide to delete everyone on my fb and delete my account..havent spoken to them since... Yeah all very afc but was and still pretty emotional over this whole thing.. Any way comments are welcomed would apricate it if you guys did.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Oh and when i said i dissapeard it was quite a while before we started dating.

 

[Strelok]

So her mom was texting you asking for infos?
Maybe it's me reading too many conspiracy books but it was probably her using her mom's phone just to kill the boredom.
And even if it was really her mother? what is the point of sending her chick flick messagges? "you care more than her" who's that dawson creek?

Just read what Jariel wrote and learn for the future and even if your emotions are very strong don't let them control you,that's what girls are not men.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Lol im only turning 17 in a few days so im technically not a man.but anyway i get your point.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Im only turning 17 in a few days so im not technically not a man. But any way i get your point.

 

[SandHawk]

To answer your question: Why do you find LJBF disrespectful? I mean, it's just a way of a girl to convey to you that she is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.

Anyone who believes it's insulting and/or disrespectful has a severe lack of self esteem and takes the rejection as a personal insult, instead of being turned down in the most friendly possible way. Rejection is never simple, but LJBF is probably the softest way to let someone know.

Work on your self esteem.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Suppose my low self esteem must be from all the rejection ive had from family, friends and females. But i guess thats life.

 

[Jariel]

It's understandable you'd react in an emotional way. Most of us have done it, even against our better judgement.

It's not too late though. Just do what you can to take your mind off her and cut all contact. It's probably good you deactivated Facebook as it will only encourage you to stalk her, and when she's appearing to be happy, it will drag you down etc etc.

Meanwhile, consider improving yourself. Read up on some of the tips on this board and learn more about handling women, maybe hit the gym.

After a break up or rejection, I always find a bulking program is the perfect solution. All the eating and working out increases testosterone and will put those painful emotions in perspective. Plus, it'll make you feel awesome!

Good luck mate!

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you don't pay attention to words, then it is easy to not feel disrespected by what a woman says. They never say exactly what they mean, so it is pointless to take what they say at a literal level.

She said: "ljbf"
You heard: "I don't want to have sex with you."
She meant: "I don't want to have sex with you right now."

Considering that young girls change their mind like the wind changes direction, none of this is really a big deal. She wants you on a shelf while she preserves her options. That is not disrespectful if you do the same thing to her at the same time.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

It is disrespectful yeah, it's a blaitent lie. She isn't attracted to you, and most women are so stupidly ****ing up themselves that they think you'll jump at the chance to be her friend as some sort of second best.
My advice on how to deal with it, just say I have enough friends, I'm not looking for another one, there's no problems between us what so ever but I don't see the point in remaining friends. If you get annoyed etc she wins, if you say yes to LJBF, she wins, if you say I never want to see you again, she wins.
Smile, say shame it didn't work out but it was good whilst it lasted, say there are no problems between the two of you but it's better you go your seperate ways, move on and find someone else. That is absolutely the best way to deal with it.

 

[Huffman]

I think you'll see it in a different light when you've tried to LJBF a girl yourself.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Thanx alot guys very helpful posts...I just think it sucks that a person that you cared for alot youll probably never see again. It almost as if they died a sudden death in your life..

 

[MurdocNiccals]

It's not disrespectful, you'd probably say it to a girl you wasn't attracted to but liked as a friend.

 

[blueline]

I got ljbf'd by my last ex. Yes, it was obviously on the way. We weren't even friends in the relationship and all we did was fight about nonsense. I fucking hated her conversations. I have this feeling it had nothing to do with whether or not she was physically attracted to me. She pretty much said it was because she had no connection with me whatsoever and that she requires a connection to enjoy a relationship with someone. The feeling was mutual there. The dude she's trying to hook up with now is a close friend of mine that looks like screech and is probably the most beta guy I've ever met. It's a shame she stoops this low, because she's a gorgeous girl, but she does have extremely low self-esteem. She even described him as genetically unfortunate when we were dating, too. So, that's enough proof for me that she didn't break up with me because she was physically unattracted to me.

I think she really meant it when she said we're breaking up because of a lack of connection. As soon as I **** a hot girl with a personality I can vibe with, I'm not going to care about her anymore. She wasn't special. I may have hurt her more in the end because my entire family basically insulted her by banning her from family functions because she's a BPD psychopath. They were sick of her weirdness and sick of hearing me complain about my insane girlfriend. Of course I didn't tell her this, so she's always going to be left wondering what drove a guy's entire family to hate her.