Any chance of getting her back, if so how?

[crgideon]

I had been dating this girl for 3 months. She knows Mondays are our usual date nights, even though we didn't specifically have plans to go out last Monday. I text her 3-4 times throughout the day, leave a couple voice mails but no response all day long.

Sitting in a bar watching NY-DET game playing on my phone, I notice she logs into Facebook. Now I am peeved, if you have time to check Facebook, you gosh darn better be able to answer my messages.

The bar is close to her neighborhood, so I decide between games to cruise through her hood to see wtf is going on with her. I catch her getting out of her car in front of a house party.

I approach her and ask wtf is going on, she says she just lost her job and is distraught, doesn't feel like going out just wants to party a little bit with her friends.

I lay into her about how so incredibly rude it is to ignore me all day even though you can find the time to check your Facebook. Now we are in the front lawn of the house party and we are arguing in front of some of the party goers.

We leave each other fairly amicably she says she just wants to go back to the party and I say sure I will just go back to the bar and get drunk by myself. I say can I call you tomorrow, she says "maybe."

Next morning she blows up my phone with about a million text messages, says she never wants to see me again, never call or text her again. Calls me a creepy lunatic weirdo stalker.

We get into like a 90 minute textathon, I am begging and pleading her to reconsider, saying it was her lack of communication that caused this. She says she was super embarrassed because her friends saw us arguing on the front lawn and they made fun of her all night long because of it and she was already really distraught over losing her job.

At one point I ask her to please take me back and she says this, "negative, there is far too much turmoil going rite now for me, I cant have u in either rite now." So that gave me a little bit of hope, but then she goes right back to calling me a lunatic/weirdo/stalker.

I texted her again Tuesday night, saying I wanted to talk to her by her car and not on the front lawn of the house party, she was the one that ran over to the house. I say I didn't intend to embarrass her I just wanted to know what was up. This was met by more angry caps lock and name calling unfortunately.

Now I am on day 3 of no contact, what chance do you guys think I have of salvaging this? How should I handle it from here on out?

 

[crgideon]

She didn't really go out the house party was like around the corner from her house. I know I acted way too needy, it kills me to think I blew it so badly.

Also, she unfriended me on Facebook but she didn't block me, so that gives me a small glimmer of hope.

 

[hudpes]

In the off-chance this isn't another creative troll by something-ninja, I'll take a stab at this.

Normally I don't say this to people looking for help, but you are out of your mind. Seriously out of your mind. The chance that you two get back together, this glimmer of hope as you call it, equals zero. If you somehow transformed your ultra AFC behavior to the best possible combination of most charismatic womanizers in the world, you couldn't get her back, but you won't transform into that and you are AFC. So forget her. Everything you write about is literally overflowing beta behavior too many issues to go into them, just read the DJ Bible.

 

[SoSuave666]

She didn't really go out the house party was like around the corner from her house. I know I acted way too needy, it kills me to think I blew it so badly.

Also, she unfriended me on Facebook but she didn't block me, so that gives me a small glimmer of hope.

Bro. No hope here. You went full beta in person, then even worse you went full beta over text. Never EVER give a woman physical proof of your beta-ness. This sh!t is over..and yea she probably had another dude at the house party. Go out with your fellas and find a new girl.

 

[latinnova]

Dude that was a little crazy stalking on your part. She has her own life to live and you are very attached to her, chill out.

Best advice on this board I have ever learned, do not get so attached to a girl that it affects your happiness. You need to already be happy, and a girl is just a compliment to your life. If she ends up leaving, then so be it, find another one. So either way, the only way to salvage this is no contact. If she contacts you good, if not then your on the way to find another one. If you can get one, you can get more.

But with the way you explained it above, I would just say fairwell to this relationship, you most likely ran her off for good bro. Wayyy... too... clingy... and might I add a little bit psycho!

 

[crgideon]

This is absolutely not a troll, all this really just happened to me last Monday. I swear on my life, and I am here to receive help. I haven't read the DJ bible yet but I will.

 

[Tictac]

Go dark for 30 days.

Spend that entire time working on you.

Then think about this.

 

[sph21]

You really need to get used to this kind of behaviour from a girl. When she doesn't return your text back, that means she's not interested in you. By texting her multiple times, you were making things worse.

Never ever confront a girl asking this kind of stupid questions. Even if you were just trying to find a logical reason from her why didn't she reply your text, she would think that you were blaming her for not replying.

"negative, there is far too much turmoil going rite now for me, I cant have u in either rite now." So that gave me a little bit of hope, but then she goes right back to calling me a lunatic/weirdo/stalker.

Forget her. She's gone. Don't try to fix your mistakes you did to her. You'll only make it worse.

 

[hudpes]

There is a multitude of reasons the girl chose to be with you back then, they may not have been very good reasons to boot with, I'd wager there was no other dude involved with that party, but one of those very good reasons to be with you evaporated when she lost her job and she wanted a break - in which she could turn away from you or towards you. Your neediness and insecurity narrowed that down and the results are permanent. Does that hurt? Follow tictac's advice and after you'll figure you've reinvented yourself, read your posts here, if your own behavior described here will still make sense to you, you'll know you have failed and still need to work on yourself.

 

[crgideon]

There is a multitude of reasons the girl chose to be with you back then, they may not have been very good reasons to boot with, I'd wager there was no other dude involved with that party, but one of those very good reasons to be with you evaporated when she lost her job and she wanted a break - in which she could turn away from you or towards you. Your neediness and insecurity narrowed that down and the results are permanent. Does that hurt? Follow tictac's advice and after you'll figure you've reinvented yourself, read your posts here, if your own behavior described here will still make sense to you, you'll know you have failed and still need to work on yourself.

Thanks for giving me advice without completely shredding my ego. My behavior already doesn't make sense to me. I just lost my temper and acted off pure emotion, completely stupid what I did.

Yes it hurts like hell.

Here's a little more background on the story, this wasn't the first time she ignored my messages for a full day. It also wasn't the first time I showed up unannounced, I let the frustration of her behavior overcome my better senses instead of dealing with it in a more rational manner.

She is 23yo and I am 35, our dates were amazing she was super affectionate and we had unbelievable chemistry. Also she was kinda BPD, this was actually the third job she blew since we met.

 

[hudpes]

our dates were amazing she was super affectionate and we had unbelievable chemistry

And look where you are now. The above is your view on the relationship, her view was seeping in between the lines. Since your description of her actions was rather sparse I can only assume she was not punch drunk in love with you, but rather something to do on Mondays.

By 35 you should have become more emotionally stable, even in a situation in which your brain chemistry is plotting against you. Now, since you realize the way you acted is off you're looking for a solution, but you've been looking for a wrong one.

You need to experience a paradigm shift and grant less importance to external factors. You need to learn that you are the sole creator and keper of your own happiness. Therefore, nobody and nothing can make you happy and nobody can take the happiness away from you. You control that by not relying on anyone or anything to make you happy. You could be stranded pseudo space with nothing around you and could still be happy. Strive to achieve that state of mind and don't let it be shaken when you meet someone new, regardless if the person accepts or rejects you. Both results are only the path on which you walk, and the path knows where it must lead you, so keep happy and enjoy the sights!

 

[mangotot]

Find another woman to date.

 

[mikey2012]

It's over. She has all the power. Best thing you can do is go get some hoes anf fvck them senseless.

 

[Thorninmyside]

This one is over spectacularly. Here's my advice: read the bible, but more so, read just about every new thread that pops up here for a few weeks, looking at the answers people get to common circumstances over and over. Don't even feel the need to post. It's more important to internalise what you learn here than get specific answers to questions you won't even need to ask in a month or two.

Work on yourself. Keep reading these threads. In three months you're gonna read a newbie post by someone exactly in your current state, and you're gonna smile to yourself, knowing how far you've come. Then tell that dude the same thing I'm telling you now. Knowledge is power and power is progress. Progress becomes success. And it starts here, today. In time you'll realise that none of it is about her, it's about you.

 

[crgideon]

Thanks for all the feedback, especially Mauser and Thorn.

How about the Kate Middleton manuver? i.e. her best friend works at a pizza parlor about 20 minutes south of me, I could bring a parade of different ass through there on dates. Her friend would surely tell her about it, could make her jealous. Is it worth a try?

 

[Big Nuts]

Dude....you're seriously 35 and this needy? Checking her facebook status, stalking her at a party....this is teenager stuff, you have zero frame and she is running your show.

You have lost your dignity, which is far worse than losing a vagina!

 

[sylvester the cat]

Thanks for all the feedback, especially Mauser and Thorn.

How about the Kate Middleton manuver? i.e. her best friend works at a pizza parlor about 20 minutes south of me, I could bring a parade of different ass through there on dates. Her friend would surely tell her about it, could make her jealous. Is it worth a try?

Saying you could get a parade of different asses to go on dates with you, what need would you have to make her jealous seeing as you have a parade of different asses to choose from?

It's not worth the try to make her jealous, but it is worth a try to go out with a parade of different asses. Guaranteed you'd forget this girl in a flash if you did. Then, and only then, MAYBE, might you ignite the flame of passion in her. The irony being, of course, that now forgotten you have no desire for her. Your homework for tonight is to watch the film Swingers to get an idea of how this works.

 

[crgideon]

Because the other girls I can get to go out with me aren't 23 and drop dead gorgeous like she was

 

[sylvester the cat]

Because the other girls I can get to go out with me aren't 23 and drop dead gorgeous like she was

So find another gorgeous 23 year old. Or lower your standards.

This one is gone.