Anxiety

[decentguy]

A few days ago, I ended a 3 year relationship. She was my first.
I've been having a hard time sleeping, have been feeling uneasy, very tired (emotionally and physically) and anxious/nervous.

I asked a female acquaintance of mine out for coffee next Monday through facebook. I know...I should have gotten her number first. Anyways, her reply seemed enthusiastic and she asked for my phone number, saying she would call me and let me know about Monday.

1. What do you guys make of this sort of response? I think I should give her my number and ask her for hers so that I may confirm or change the date. The ball shouldn't be in her court.

2. I'm thinking it was a mistake to ask a girl out so soon. I'm still not 100 % back to being myself and I perhaps need more time to recover. I'm thinking of postponing the date for a week.

She's exactly what I look for in a girl, so I don't want to mess this up. That's pretty much why I'm feeling so much anxiety and pressure over this. I want to feel and be at my best, and right now I don't quite feel that way. I need a short transition period of being single. My intention never was to jump from one relationship to another, timing just gave me an opportunity I wasn't expecting.

What's your advice?

 

[novaguy7]

It takes time to get over a break up and do not make her feel you are on the re-bound, this will make her hesitate before calling you. You need to get her number and call her like 5 days after you get it so you do not sound desperate.

 

[decentguy]

But what about the fact that she didn't simply agree to the time and place I suggested? Instead, she asked for my number, told me she would call me and let me know about Monday.

Is this a bad sign? A sh!t test?

 

[Randallpink83]

I'm growing a garden right now. My tomatoes are coming up real nicely, its lookin good!

...oh wait, were you guys talking about something important here?



uhhh, ok listen. I think you are complicating the fvck out of this way too much. I understand feeling down from the breakup, and maybe you should give it some time if you really need it. Your anxiety just means you're fearing the worst is gonna happen... So you need to look on the positive side and expect the best to happen. Get centered again and happy.
And don't over think your interaction with this ONE GIRL... It is a bad mindset to put so much stock into one person like that. She hasn't earned the right to your full energy yet.
Just relax, give yourself some time, and go for what you want. And if it doesn't work with her, then just let it go, no biggie.. there are like 3 billion girls out there... no worries.

 

[decentguy]

I totally understand and I'm calming down. Things are a bit better now. Here's my question to the experienced DJs on this forum:

After you let a woman know you'd like to go out with her for a date, and she replies "I'll call you, what's your number?", how do you interpret it?

 

[Don't Panic]

(in)decentguy think about things like this, this girl will be a drop in the ocean of your life. Convince yourself that you are a catch and deserve every good thing you get and will get in life.

This mindset alone will get you results you've always dreamed about, it's ALL inside of you

 

[Randallpink83]

well it probably isn't very good. I would give her my number and then let it go. If she calls, she calls. If not... ohwell.

Just asking her out through FB makes it very easy for her to flake... You are right when you said you should have gotten her number first.

So I would say, don't expect anything to come of this. But if it does then thats cool... It comes down to either she is interested or not. And even if she is interested, she probably still won't call.


...when you give her your # definitely ask for hers. If you get her # then you got new hope. Now fvck off.

 

[Randallpink83]

(in)decentguy think about things like this, this girl will be a drop in the ocean of your life. Convince yourself that you are a catch and deserve every good thing you get and will get in life.

This mindset alone will get you results you've always dreamed about, it's ALL inside of you

....I like the part of deserving every good thing you get and will get in life. I need to remind myself that often.

 

[decentguy]

Thanks guys, actually I subtly circumvented her request for my number with a joke, and asked for her number, telling her I would call her.

Once she replies with her number, I'll call her after a couple of days, set up a date and give her my number.

 

[Don't Panic]

Good, meanwhile try and meet new people and getting outside of your comfort zone. it'll feel awkward at first but trust me it's a long term investment that'll keep on giving.

 

[PeeGee]

Looks like you're picking a new oneitis, and quite soon after a breakup -- this is pretty predictable stuff.

I think your suspicions are accurate enough that you're just looking for confirmation -- you need to get your life sorted out before going into a new relationship. Otherwise the next girl will just be there to fill in for the old one, rather than 'the icing on the cake': my definition of what a good woman should be in your life.

 

[frisco]

Theres to many variables that early on in a relationship, abviously shes intrested here level of intrest is probobly bassed off your profile, if you have a good profile nice pictures of you doing things you enjoy, some intresting and attractive DHV throughout your info and pictures and status updates. Then your chances are high on her pulling through. Also your convo you had with here.

For those who are asking for help You cant expect anyone on here to help you when you dont post anything that can help us understand were your coming from with your girl.... Post exact convos and how you know the girl you will get better tips that way

 

[Don't Panic]

Looks like you're picking a new oneitis, and quite soon after a breakup -- this is pretty predictable stuff.

I think your suspicions are accurate enough that you're just looking for confirmation -- you need to get your life sorted out before going into a new relationship. Otherwise the next girl will just be there to fill in for the old one, rather than 'the icing on the cake': my definition of what a good woman should be in your life.

Wisdom.

In other words, get out your of comfort and get out there. You don't need anyone else's validation except yours and that comes from you are and how you see yourself, think about it.

 

[decentguy]

Actually we met about a year ago when I was with my ex-girlfriend. The conversation between her and I was great and I could definitely tell she was interested in knowing more about me. She and my ex seemed to get along well also, although I don't think they communicate regularly (they are facebook friends).

You have to understand that I was not at all planning or expecting this. My original plan, right after the breakup, was to spend the summer working on myself, my hobbies, enjoying single life and not necessarily looking for a relationship. I just wanted to take some time off to be independent, and not necessarily look for dates.

She just happened to pop up on my radar, and also happens to have the qualities I look for in a girl.

 

[frisco]

Actually we met about a year ago when I was with my ex-girlfriend. The conversation between her and I was great and I could definitely tell she was interested in knowing more about me. She and my ex seemed to get along well also, although I don't think they communicate regularly (they are facebook friends).

You have to understand that I was not at all planning or expecting this. My original plan, right after the breakup, was to spend the summer working on myself, my hobbies, enjoying single life and not necessarily looking for a relationship. I just wanted to take some time off to be independent, and not necessarily look for dates.

She just happened to pop up on my radar, and also happens to have the qualities I look for in a girl.

There is no shame in understanding that you need time to yourself, exploring new hobbies and all that crap, But you also should understand that you can still be single and have girls you see and have sex with who are also not interested in a relationship for the exact same reasons. But of course its whatever