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Anxiety; First phone call

noirsake

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I met a girl last week and got her phone number with ease (I know for sure she is interested) and now I'm going to call her in about 2 1/2 hours to invite her with me to a concert. (Its a free one and it should be a good with plenty of other things to do along the way) The problem is that I am experiencing alot of anxiety right now about calling her. I have always had this problem and whenever I call a gal, I get nervous and forget about what to say and end up getting her confused.

Any tips/ideas/suggestions on what I can do?

also what is your opinion about this as a first date? I would rather do coffee or tea, but I don't want to do this time. I want to go to this concert and that day is pretty much the only day where I'm not going to be busy and my friends aren't tagging along. There is plenty of other things we can do before and after the concert, so I'm not worried about getting to know each other.
 

speakeasy

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Keep your phone conversation short and to the point. You don't know her that well so there's not a whole bunch to talk about on the phone anyway. In fact, at the beginning of the conversation, I'd give her a time-constraint statement as well which tends to break the tension.

So something like, "Hey Jen, It's x from last week, how are you doing? She responds, blah blah," you might joke about something that happened when you met. Then say," hey, I've only got a minute to talk here but I was calling to let you know that next week I'm going to check out this concert and I'm inviting you to come with me." If she says she can go, then tell her you'll pick her up at whatever time, then get off the phone. If you don't know her that well, then just lingering on the phone more likely than not will mess your chances up. Just save your conversation for real life so you can actually work in some kino and escalation. You can't do that sh*t over the phone, unless you've known her well enough to do some phone thing where you're telling her to touch herself as she moans or whatever.
 

Max Power

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Try the Juggler phone game

Phone Guidelines
by Juggler

Juggler's phone technique - this will help some guys who have difficulties over the telephone.

1. No matter who answers the phone announce who you are, "Hi this is Juggler. Is Katie there?"

This shows you are proud and confident to be you and it establishes some rapport with a housemate or parent which can be used later. (By the way meeting a girl with her parents is a very good situation. I use my parents routine which many times has gotten the folks pushing their daughter into my arms)

2. If Katie is not there, chat up the person on the phone. "So what's your name? I'm not coming on to you or anything, as far as I know you could have three eyes and green skin but has anyone ever said you have a real sweet phone voice?" etc.. If this person asks to take a message after you ask for Katie, ignore it and ask who they are and begin to charm them.

Do not be in a hurry. This shows you feel you are not worthy of a person's time and shows a lack of confidence. Also, when you slow down, your delivery will improve with clarity and nuances in your voice.

I do not subscribe to the belief that you need to be the first to end the conversation. As long as you are being charming do not be quick to let this person go. Having said that, try to keep it to about five minutes with this person and do not feel bad if they have to cut you off. Many ASF people read way too much into what is alpha, supplication and all that. If you are being interesting it doesn't matter. On the other hand, if you have run out of material end the conversation.
I can not over-emphasize the worth of getting a person who shares her house to like you over the phone. It will make your life much easier.

2b. Try getting off the telephone without leaving a message. The best way is to just say something like, "Pleasure chatting with you XXXXX. Bye." If she asks to take a message at this point just say, "Thanks but no message." Of course Katie will hear you called but there will be a little mystery.

3. Okay, you get Katie on the phone.

Do not ask her if she is busy.
Do not ask her what she is doing.
Do not remind her where she met you.

Do not believe you need to be the first to end the conversation. That will make you rush and ruin your rap. Talk slowly and confidently.

"Hi Katie. This is Juggler. You would not believe what my niece did yesterday."

Or "Remember how we were talking about the sexiest food and you said watermelon. Well I fed some watermelon to my cat and he is looking at me in the strangest way..."

Do not expect a 50-50 conversation. At least not at first. You will have to give it alot of momentum. Go right into material. (I define material as a funny story, patterns, an addendum to the conversation you had when you met the girl - whatever works for you.)

4. Keep the charm flowing and return her to the fun, sexy mood you left her in. Slow down your delivery and put sensualness in your voice. DO NOT think about the close. Work to re-attract her.
5. After fifteen minutes or so, the close should be easy. Almost an afterthought. Just talk about it as if it is already a done fact - hardly worth mentioning. Casual like, "Let's get together this week." Then shut up.

She will then recite her schedule and let you know where her free-times are. Pick out a day and time which will work for you. I don't want to make this post so long by typing up the details of why it is important for you to hear her schedule first or let her suggest times first. If someone really wants the breakdown on this let me know and I will post. Some guys may think accommodating her schedule is supplicant. Maybe. Heck if I know. What is alpha, what's not alpha... Guys make themselves crazy thinking about that stuff. I just know my flaking is virtually nil.

6. If she claims to be too busy to get together, either act like you didn't even hear it, go back into material and then try to re-close with different language or try to do something immediately, "Let's go for ice-cream. I can pick you up in ten minutes." If that still doesn't work just say, 'Nice chatting with you." and let her go. Maybe repeat the process in a couple weeks or call other girls.

7. In practice, if you put her in the right mood you will have very little problem arranging a meet. Half the time the girls will bring up a meet. Sometimes I'll just keep talking material and try not to arrange a meet. She brings it up a meet and I will just keep talking material. I like to do seemingly counter-productive stuff like that just to wallow in how effective good material is.

Always work on her mood. As an example, a couple weeks ago, I called this girl to re-confirm our meet. She had cancelled on me before. From the tone of her first few words I knew she was planning on canceling on me again. But I never gave her the chance. Went right into good material. Steam rolled her into a mood of laughing and fun. Her mind was then changed to, "This guy is making me laugh. I guess I'll give him a shot." I re-confirmed in a very casual way. We met up that night and she ended up sleeping over. I have since lost her. Too bad she was really a sweet girl. But that is another post.

One last word. In order to work the phone well, you must have confidence in your verbal abilities. Work on your tone. Work on you speed. Work on your material. Practice steamrolling your friends into a good mood.
 

Obsidian

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you might want to do coffee also because it's hard to have a conversation during a concert
 

noirsake

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Obsidian said:
you might want to do coffee also because it's hard to have a conversation during a concert
Ya I was thinking that we could stop at a coffee shop on the way there for a while
 

noirsake

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meh just called. i dont think im interested anymore (dont think she is either lol). she says she doesnt really have a big sense of humor neither a good memory (BS alert) so blah blah conversation goes on. blah blah im going to the fair this thurs and i would like you to accompany me. more blah blah

her: i dont know what iam doing this thurs blah blah call u later
me: right. bye.

i dont expect her to call later and i now could care less if she does or does not. if she cant even laugh at my opener for the phone, there is no way im going to pursue this any further.
"Hi blah, its noirsake. i met you at the mall last tuesday (she doesnt remember and then it clicks after a second) anyways, im calling because i just won the lottery and i wanted to know if you were still single"
she was like "lottery?"

i thought this might work out, but i dont want a gal without a sense of humor and she didnt seem to care about me calling.

damn she was model quality tho lol. ill put another post on if she does call.


thx for the tips guys!
 

speakeasy

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That opener was a little cheesy, but whatever, you did what you could. Move on, bro.
 

noirsake

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i liked the opener. all i was trying to do was have fun. ya ive nexted her for she already has three strikes lol
 

Jay Jay

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Some phone tips in overcome nerves.

Have a plan!

Have something interesting to say if she says "what you been up to?"

Have an excuse to get off the phine as soon as conversation loses momentum.

Have a plan to do something. "Hey I was going to......... I thought you might wanna come along.

Before you call you need to chill. Personally if I'm a bit nervous I hit the gym. That calms me down.

Don't be outcome driven! That nervousness can be excitement real easy. just make a mental adjustment.

You are calling a babe! Lots of dudes cannot manage that!

Finally imagine the best possible outcome, not the worst.
 

rrrrr

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That opener was kinda lame... if anything it sounds like you're being desperate (I have money will you marry me????).

But anyways I practice how I'm going to start the conversation and then I'll expect it to go from there. You can't script out a conversation but you can have a start, objectives to talk to her about, and an end.

And then I say "I am going to call her on such and such date at such and such time." If that time has compe around and I haven't talked to her yet, I call her.
 

Obsidian

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bah, I thought the opener was pretty decent -- if you conveyed it correctly, anyway. But as far as openers go, you might just want to forget about them and try less hard to entertain. Just tell her who you are, briefly convey some of the things you've been up to lately, and then ask her to the event.

She sounds pretty flaky and dumb, and you're right in moving on. Welcome to the world of dating, man.
 
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