Another Reason Why Newbies Should Take Getting Numbers with a Grain of Salt

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Sometimes on these boards (but especially on ones like reddit/seduction), younger guys will provide a field report about a "number close" and act all excited as if it was some accomplishment.

Sometimes it is, particularly for very inexperienced guys. Gotta walk before your run.

Other times numbers do lead somewhere.

Still, here's a short story from the weekend that shows how misleading getting a number can be and how women can give out their numbers in a way where THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY ARE MISLEADING THE GUY.

Friday I'm at the music club and I see Katie come in. I run into her only about once or twice a year. She's cute, friendly, and always comes off as extremely confidence without being bihtchy or conceited. I've always had good rapport with her but never found the opportunity to ask her out (I got to know her WAY before I sharpened by game in recent years).

Anyway, we see each other at the crowded bar and start chatting. I move the conversation along quickly and say, "Hey, you know, I don't have your number. We should exchange." She eagerly agrees and I punch it in.

Directly afterward, she turns to the two people standing behind her and says to me, "This is my fiance Ray and my friend Jennifer."

I didn't know they were together.

No big deal on my end.

But, if those two had not been right behind her, she probably wouldn't have mentioned being engaged and I would have been in a situation where any messages I sent to her later to get her out would have ended up in a very awkward situation.

Girls these days give out their number all the time.

And sometimes they won't work the BF/fiance angle into the conversation...or forget to, especially if the interaction is short.

Some of them might do this because they are AWs or sloots, but others are just being social.

So, take that number-close with a grain of salt. Think of all the possible things it could represent:

She's very intereseted
She's mildly interested
She's not decided on you yet, so why not?
She's being friendly though in a relationship
She's an attention *****
She's up for screwing around on her BF
She's trying to get rid of you
She gives it to you because it is easier than saying "not interested"

 

[rhythmic]

Should probably find out about the boyfriend situation before you go for the number. This has the dual purpose of not getting a pointless number, and also lets them know you aren't just getting their number for the sake of it.

Of course getting a number doesn't mean anything by itself, reading the interactions between you and her will tell you more.

 

[Plutoman]

Getting a number doesn't mean much - but the very simple fact is, you aren't going anywhere without the number, regardless of interest.

So the end point is, work the interactions as smoothly as you can, get as many numbers as you can, and then see which ones work out.

I wish more women would take a deep breath and say no when they are actually not interested, though, so I don't waste my time.

 

[TheStig]

So, take that number-close with a grain of salt. Think of all the possible things it could represent:

She's very intereseted
She's mildly interested
She's not decided on you yet, so why not?
She's being friendly though in a relationship
She's an attention *****
She's up for screwing around on her BF
She's trying to get rid of you
She gives it to you because it is easier than saying "not interested"

I wholeheartedly agree, it's not really a significant accomplishment, but...

...the very simple fact is, you aren't going anywhere without the number, regardless of interest.

It may not mean much to get a number, but it's what happens afterwards and what you do with the number that does. Numbers are so easy to get nowadays, and some guys still have the mentality people had before cell phones came about.

I think from the time the telephone was invented, up til cell phones and smart phones became common, getting a number meant a lot, because mostly people that were important in someone's life had it (just making an educated guess, I was born in '91).

Some of my friends have this old way of thinking, and it's kind of annoying, but funny at the same time. Like I'll get a girl's #, maybe send a message or two back and forth, and they act like it's some big feat lol. I try not to text girls too much at all these days...there's just too much room for error. It should only be used to escalate and set up plans. Like a well placed sniper shot (as people have said here on SS).

I learned that one the hard way. I see some of my friends get girls' #s from parties, clubs, bars, school, etc... and they end up texting the girls all the time for a few days, a week, two weeks, and then wonder where it went wrong. All I can say is thanks Harry Wilmington haha.

 

[NobodyCares1]

Don't get me wrong... the number close really doesn't mean much. But in this particular situation of yours it just seemed that you want her nuber just as a friend. So she gave it to you.

If you try to be more sexual with her before the number close you should know if she is interested before you ask for the number or call her. Still it's no guarantee of interest though. It never is. That's why I always try to have a mini frist date with the girl after I meet her (if it's possible of course). And I don't usually number close after a 10 minute conversation with a girl.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I wholeheartedly agree, it's not really a significant accomplishment, but...




...this is also completely true.

It may not mean much to get a number, but it's what happens afterwards and what you do with the number that does. Numbers are so easy to get nowadays, and some guys still have the mentality people had before cell phones came about.

I think from the time the telephone was invented, up til cell phones and smart phones became common, getting a number meant a lot, because mostly people that were important in someone's life had it (just making an educated guess, I was born in '91).

Some of my friends have this old way of thinking, and it's kind of annoying, but funny at the same time. Like I'll get a girl's #, maybe send a message or two back and forth, and they act like it's some big feat lol. I try not to text girls too much at all these days...there's just too much room for error. It should only be used to escalate and set up plans. Like a well placed sniper shot (as people have said here on SS).

I learned that one the hard way. I see some of my friends get girls' #s from parties, clubs, bars, school, etc... and they end up texting the girls all the time for a few days, a week, two weeks, and then wonder where it went wrong. All I can say is thanks Harry Wilmington haha.

I'm from that older generation where we grew up with no cell phones, only phones at home.

So, if a girl gave you her number it meant you'd be calling her place of residence and that meant she wanted you to call her. As a kid, there weren't even answering machines or caller id. So, she knew that if she gave you her number that sometime in the future she'd never know when she picked up phone whether it was you or not. Thus, the number DID MEAN (most of the time) she was interested and was giving you a shot (unless, of course, it was a fake number).

Enter first answering machines and caller id. The ability to screen calls enters the dating scene. As a result, the willingness of a woman to give out her number increases as do her motivations (i.e., give it out to lots of guys and now you can be more choosy when they do call).

Now, with cell phones, we can call or text. We can "keep in touch" without direct verbal interaction. But she always knows from whom the message/call/text is coming. The option to ignore escalates more.

The result is now giving out numbers willy-nilly for women is almost a no-lose proposition. Like the guy? Give out the number. Luke warm on him? Sure, give him the number and make him work to impress. Feel like "just friends"? Still, give him the number, why not. Just want some attention? Give him the number...texting is a nice diversion from our mundane lives. Want to get rid of him with the least awkwardness? Give him the number and ignore his calls/texts.

Previous posters are correct (and, thanks, but I didn't need the lessons, though maybe others do): (a) you should get her warmed up enough and willing to agree to some future interaction before getting the number and (b) we basically have little choice but to get numbers anyway because that's the "normal" way of getting in touch later on.

But the technology has changed and this has changed both our forms of communication and also women's strategies toward men out on the dating market.

That's why we should take a "number-close" with a grain of salt.

Chicks are giving them out all the time, for a variety of reasons not all of which are indicators of interest.

Also, they give them out so much, the odds that another guy has gotten her number between the time you got it and message her first are also higher these days.

Finally, just to reiterate my initial motivation for the post, newbies often write here with "success" stories about number closing and/or wondering what to do when some sort of interaction with a girl via her number (calls or texts) fizzles out. I understand the early rush of feeling good when meeting a woman and she responds positively. But, repeated on these boards is the idea that all of this means NOTHING until the p is in the v.

Also, go to Roosh's blog and read this post: http://www.rooshv.com/women-who-own-iphones-lose-the-ability-to-love

It is possible he's overstating the case, but there is something to be said from his observations...

 

[SamTheHobit]

My 99 percent flake rate can confirm this.

 

[TheStig]

I'm from that older generation where we grew up with no cell phones, only phones at home.

So, if a girl gave you her number it meant you'd be calling her place of residence and that meant she wanted you to call her. As a kid, there weren't even answering machines or caller id. So, she knew that if she gave you her number that sometime in the future she'd never know when she picked up phone whether it was you or not. Thus, the number DID MEAN (most of the time) she was interested and was giving you a shot (unless, of course, it was a fake number).

Enter first answering machines and caller id. The ability to screen calls enters the dating scene. As a result, the willingness of a woman to give out her number increases as do her motivations (i.e., give it out to lots of guys and now you can be more choosy when they do call).

Now, with cell phones, we can call or text. We can "keep in touch" without direct verbal interaction. But she always knows from whom the message/call/text is coming. The option to ignore escalates more.

The result is now giving out numbers willy-nilly for women is almost a no-lose proposition. Like the guy? Give out the number. Luke warm on him? Sure, give him the number and make him work to impress. Feel like "just friends"? Still, give him the number, why not. Just want some attention? Give him the number...texting is a nice diversion from our mundane lives. Want to get rid of him with the least awkwardness? Give him the number and ignore his calls/texts.

Previous posters are correct (1 - and, thanks, but I didn't need the lessons, though maybe others do): (a) you should get her warmed up enough and willing to agree to some future interaction before getting the number and (b) we basically have little choice but to get numbers anyway because that's the "normal" way of getting in touch later on.

But the technology has changed and this has changed both our forms of communication and also women's strategies toward men out on the dating market.

That's why we should take a "number-close" with a grain of salt.

Chicks are giving them out all the time, for a variety of reasons not all of which are indicators of interest.

Also, they give them out so much, the odds that another guy has gotten her number between the time you got it and message her first are also higher these days.

Finally, just to reiterate my initial motivation for the post, newbies often write here with "success" stories about number closing and/or wondering what to do when some sort of interaction with a girl via her number (calls or texts) fizzles out. I understand the early rush of feeling good when meeting a woman and she responds positively. But, repeated on these boards is the idea that all of this means NOTHING until the p is in the v.

Also, go to Roosh's blog and read this post: 2 - http://www.rooshv.com/women-who-own-iphones-lose-the-ability-to-love

It is possible he's overstating the case, but there is something to be said from his observations...

1 - yeah I figured lol

2 - yup I've read it before

Thanks for clarifying on how the phone number's meaning has so drastically changed over time, pretty interesting and helpful.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

No problem, Stig.

Two advantages of getting older is historical knowledge and experience.

Some of have seen the changes over time and have been in many scenarios.

As for the number issue, I think we are all in the same boat these days regardless of age.

A recent HB8.5 I've been working on is a case in point. Cold approached her at a restaurant/bar, chatted for about 45 minutes, got her number, and left. Tried to set up 2 dates both of which she agreed to but flaked the day of.

I wrote her off. Then, when she saw me again, some sparks flew...dancing, kino, some kissing. She SAYS she wants to see me again but hasn't contacted (say's she's REALLY busy).

Anyway, two things here...

One, I've taken what Harry Wilmington says on these boards about texting...unless your text game is SUPER tight, it kills relationships.

Second, it has only been when I've been in front of this woman in PERSON that she really grooves on me. Over phone/text, she doesn't go out of her way to keep our interactions going toward meeting again. So, I don't text her. And, I hope, that by not texting her that when/if I do see her out again, I'll elicit the same type of interest as before.

However, if I used my phone to blow up her phone, she'd lose interest in me (to the extent she still might have any) because I'd come off as needy and also destroy any mystery I might have cultivated.

Get the number, get her out. If not, forget it and move on.