Hey whats goin on everyone.I Just joined this site not to long ago and well one post I set up someone mentioned starting a field report. I started thinkin about that and I think it might be a good idea.I use to write in a journal but I started to feel like it made me worse so I stopped, but with this; people are goin to be reading it,maybe that will make a difference.
Anyways let me give y'all a lil background info bout me. I just moved to fla ,well I moved here in september so its been a lil while but anyways up until about a month ago I have not really gone out to be social. I came from livin in a **** whole and goin through hell for about 3 years so it kinda focked up my head. I became to stuck inside myself because the kids I knew back in my old hood were sort of like that too,it was a bad neighborhood so everyone was all wierd and I guess it rubed off on me.
I thought that when I got out of there I would be fine but I was wrong. I came to realize just how my old hood really damaged my life. I was so confused about myself and I didnt know what to do. I found this site called shroomery and I posted alot of stuff there just to get these things off my chest. I read them back recently and I was really surprised how sad and depressed I was.I just thought I would be back to normal when I came down here,it was a real shock.
So yea, I think that most def effected my social life. I would go to the beach about 2 times a day to meditate and workout and I would walk around but I just never made any friends. I did meet some people from time to time and I would get there #s but for some reason I only meet up once and that was it.
I think they thought I was weird,like they sense my damaged energy.
I had really bad anxiety when I moved here,and when I went to college I was freakin out so bad,but I think I am good at hiding it.My hands would get so damn sweaty though it was crazy.
In college I didnt meet any one but now I am goin up to people more and I am goin to start stayin after school to hit on these beautiful women.
It took me so long to take action, and that pisses me off.These 7 months feel like 3,it scares me a lil to tell you the truth.7 whole months of my life have gone by with me not knowin anyone and not bein happy and fighting one of the hardest battles I ever had to face,and damn what a battle.
I walked the streets alot now just goin up to people and whenever I get in my head I force my self to go up to poeple but it never goes well.I dont care though as long as I keep fighting that feeling.
I got a job at a restaurant and that really helps me I feel so good when I get off work,and meeting people is so much easier cause I am just so happy and confident.Its like I finally realize that stressin about people is a waist of time and that I became chained to fitting in with society instead of just being me and I guess you can say be a foreigner to society.It is so easy to be grabbed by our culture and fitting in and having a social network. When I was a kid I felt free,happier than I ever been grown up and people would come to me it seemed like.I had no judgments, no assumptions,I was open to the world and its experiences. Then I moved to that hell of a neighborhood. I tell you what though I am alot tougher now because of it.Yet I have the sensitivity of a flower swaying in a gentle breeze,haha.
I am rambling but anyways I cant promise that it will be a great report of my travels.It will only be what I can put into it if that makes any sense.It will also help with my story telling ability.So yea I want to write more but I think this is enough for now.I am just thinkin what this will be like when I read it my journey back to myself some time from now.
Anyways let me give y'all a lil background info bout me. I just moved to fla ,well I moved here in september so its been a lil while but anyways up until about a month ago I have not really gone out to be social. I came from livin in a **** whole and goin through hell for about 3 years so it kinda focked up my head. I became to stuck inside myself because the kids I knew back in my old hood were sort of like that too,it was a bad neighborhood so everyone was all wierd and I guess it rubed off on me.
I thought that when I got out of there I would be fine but I was wrong. I came to realize just how my old hood really damaged my life. I was so confused about myself and I didnt know what to do. I found this site called shroomery and I posted alot of stuff there just to get these things off my chest. I read them back recently and I was really surprised how sad and depressed I was.I just thought I would be back to normal when I came down here,it was a real shock.
So yea, I think that most def effected my social life. I would go to the beach about 2 times a day to meditate and workout and I would walk around but I just never made any friends. I did meet some people from time to time and I would get there #s but for some reason I only meet up once and that was it.
I think they thought I was weird,like they sense my damaged energy.
I had really bad anxiety when I moved here,and when I went to college I was freakin out so bad,but I think I am good at hiding it.My hands would get so damn sweaty though it was crazy.
In college I didnt meet any one but now I am goin up to people more and I am goin to start stayin after school to hit on these beautiful women.
It took me so long to take action, and that pisses me off.These 7 months feel like 3,it scares me a lil to tell you the truth.7 whole months of my life have gone by with me not knowin anyone and not bein happy and fighting one of the hardest battles I ever had to face,and damn what a battle.
I walked the streets alot now just goin up to people and whenever I get in my head I force my self to go up to poeple but it never goes well.I dont care though as long as I keep fighting that feeling.
I got a job at a restaurant and that really helps me I feel so good when I get off work,and meeting people is so much easier cause I am just so happy and confident.Its like I finally realize that stressin about people is a waist of time and that I became chained to fitting in with society instead of just being me and I guess you can say be a foreigner to society.It is so easy to be grabbed by our culture and fitting in and having a social network. When I was a kid I felt free,happier than I ever been grown up and people would come to me it seemed like.I had no judgments, no assumptions,I was open to the world and its experiences. Then I moved to that hell of a neighborhood. I tell you what though I am alot tougher now because of it.Yet I have the sensitivity of a flower swaying in a gentle breeze,haha.
I am rambling but anyways I cant promise that it will be a great report of my travels.It will only be what I can put into it if that makes any sense.It will also help with my story telling ability.So yea I want to write more but I think this is enough for now.I am just thinkin what this will be like when I read it my journey back to myself some time from now.
