Another LJBF topic

[Krueg]

So I been dating a girl for about 5 months now, I'm 28 and she's 30. A couple months ago she said she wasnt sure if she's ready for a relationship right now cause the last guy emotionally damaged her blah blah blah. But wanted to remain Friends with Benefits. So I dumped her... If figured if her interest was high there wouldnt be doubts or she wouldnt need time. So a week or so later she comes back says she wants to be exclusive with me and realized she does want a relationship with me. I ended up taking her back cause I was having fun with her and acted like she was ready to lock it down with me. Cause I'm looking for something steady and long term....

Fast forward to this last friday night, she comes out and says she's been thinking and just wants be friends again so, we started arguing and I walked out. Call her up saturday morning and kind of discuss what I'm looking for but, says she doesnt want to feel tied down or necessarily be someones "girl". But wants to still keep me around and been intimate now and again... Then she stops by my house cause I left my glasses at her place then invited me out for breakfest acting like everything is cool.

Later on that day I asked her where we stood. I was wondering if things will remain the same between us or what. Didnt hear back from her. Cause shes not coming out and saying we're broken up or anything. I dont quite understand her. Is she just so emotionally damaged she doesnt know what she wants?

Now today she's been texting me, asking how I am, telling me about her day asking if I'm doing okay.. and acting like no big deal.

I'm confused...

 

[Jetleg]

she is using you. never get in a relationship with her, period.

Was is it you who brought up this relationship thingy? must have escalated this. a man should never bring it up.

I'd **** her, keep it low profile (don't text her too much, stay busy) if she wants a relationship in the future, say no.

 

[Krueg]

@Jetleg, I think your right about her using me. My guess is she wants to explore other men but, also try to keep me as a fvck buddy...

Yes I did bring up or ask her first if we are exclusive. I know thats a No No but, I felt after 3 months of dating/sex I wanted to let her now what I'm looking for and so I broke up with when I found out she wasnt on the same page at first.

I feel like going no contact, but she hasnt specifically informed were breaking up and says she not interested in dating others.

So I guess I dont get what she means, or I'm just being a idiot and not getting the "hint"

 

[Jetleg]

@Jetleg, I think your right about her using me. My guess is she wants to explore other men but, also try to keep me as a fvck buddy...

Yes I did bring up or ask her first if we are exclusive. I know thats a No No but, I felt after 3 months of dating/sex I wanted to let her now what I'm looking for and so I broke up with when I found out she wasnt on the same page at first.

I feel like going no contact, but she hasnt specifically informed were breaking up and says she not interested in dating others.

So I guess I dont get what she means, or I'm just being a idiot and not getting the "hint"

After 3 Months of sex it should be obvious she is just looking for FWB kind of relationship.
In my experience girls will usually bring it up after MAX 1 Month of dating.

Now to the point. She is keeping you as long as she doesnt have someone "better", trust me i've been there already.

You could go no contact or **** her as you please. i'd go no contact because you sound like you have some feeling for her.

 

[Krueg]

Yes, I did develop some feelings for her and may feel kinda bumed out But nothing to push me over the edge. And yes I cut back on texting her with short, simple responses. I just acted like everything is cool, no big deal...

But if she starts wondering why I'm not calling or talking to her as much. I guess I'll just say I'm giving her, her space cause she aint interested in a relationship.

So obviously, there isnt a future with her cause she aint looking for one with me. I guess now it comes down to either cutting my loss now or keep her around for casual sex til I find the one who wants to really be with me.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

She dropped all the f-u-cks she doesn't give about you. You're her in-between-boyfriends guy, the rental car until she can buy a better one. Once she gets a new boyfriend, she'll act like you never existed at all.

Abandon ship!!!

 

[Bible_Belt]

Later on that day I asked her where we stood.

Fail. Never, ever do that. Relationship concerns are for women.

 

[9Volt]

So I been dating a girl for about 5 months now, I'm 28 and she's 30. A couple months ago she said she wasnt sure if she's ready for a relationship right now cause the last guy emotionally damaged her blah blah blah. But wanted to remain Friends with Benefits. So I dumped her... If figured if her interest was high there wouldnt be doubts or she wouldnt need time. So a week or so later she comes back says she wants to be exclusive with me and realized she does want a relationship with me. I ended up taking her back cause I was having fun with her and acted like she was ready to lock it down with me. Cause I'm looking for something steady and long term....

Fast forward to this last friday night, she comes out and says she's been thinking and just wants be friends again so, we started arguing and I walked out. Call her up saturday morning and kind of discuss what I'm looking for but, says she doesnt want to feel tied down or necessarily be someones "girl". But wants to still keep me around and been intimate now and again... Then she stops by my house cause I left my glasses at her place then invited me out for breakfest acting like everything is cool.

Later on that day I asked her where we stood. I was wondering if things will remain the same between us or what. Didnt hear back from her. Cause shes not coming out and saying we're broken up or anything. I dont quite understand her. Is she just so emotionally damaged she doesnt know what she wants?

Now today she's been texting me, asking how I am, telling me about her day asking if I'm doing okay.. and acting like no big deal.

I'm confused...

What advice would you give yourself if you looked at your situation from the outside of it knowing what you know more than any of us about it?

Is being in this type of "relationship" you obviously don't care for better than being alone? If so why?

 

[Krueg]

@Teddy_Beer, Good point your more than likely right.

@Bible_Belt, Can you elaborate more on that? I guess I was looking or trying to get a more clear answer from her wishy-washy words.

Thanks for the responses. You guys gave me some peace of mind. I may keep some contact with her for casual no strings attached sex while I keep looking for the one I want. But other than that I realize there is no future with her anymore.

 

[Krueg]

@9Volt, if I was looking at my situation from the outside... I like reading Anti-Dumps material. In his eyes he would see it as being dumped. So yea I would most likely tell myself to move on. And having more time to think and listen.. I see more of the reality.

 

[dude99]

So I been dating a girl for about 5 months now, I'm 28 and she's 30. A couple months ago she said she wasnt sure if she's ready for a relationship right now cause the last guy emotionally damaged her blah blah blah. But wanted to remain Friends with Benefits. So I dumped her... If figured if her interest was high there wouldnt be doubts or she wouldnt need time. So a week or so later she comes back says she wants to be exclusive with me and realized she does want a relationship with me. I ended up taking her back cause I was having fun with her and acted like she was ready to lock it down with me. Cause I'm looking for something steady and long term....

Fast forward to this last friday night, she comes out and says she's been thinking and just wants be friends again so, we started arguing and I walked out. Call her up saturday morning and kind of discuss what I'm looking for but, says she doesnt want to feel tied down or necessarily be someones "girl". But wants to still keep me around and been intimate now and again... Then she stops by my house cause I left my glasses at her place then invited me out for breakfest acting like everything is cool.

Later on that day I asked her where we stood. I was wondering if things will remain the same between us or what. Didnt hear back from her. Cause shes not coming out and saying we're broken up or anything. I dont quite understand her. Is she just so emotionally damaged she doesnt know what she wants?

Now today she's been texting me, asking how I am, telling me about her day asking if I'm doing okay.. and acting like no big deal.

I'm confused...

You're plan b. Hate to say it but unless you are happy being taken off the shelf when she feels like playing i would next her.

 

[dude99]

@Teddy_Beer, Good point your more than likely right.

@Bible_Belt, Can you elaborate more on that? I guess I was looking or trying to get a more clear answer from her wishy-washy words.

Thanks for the responses. You guys gave me some peace of mind. I may keep some contact with her for casual no strings attached sex while I keep looking for the one I want. But other than that I realize there is no future with her anymore.

What I believed bible belt means is never ask a girl where you stand in the relationship because you aren't supposed to care even if there is a relationship. That is her department.

Your department - date, have sechs , have fun.

Her department- worry about feelings and if there is a relationship

 

[Glassguy]

Later on that day I asked her where we stood.

Fail. Never, ever do that. Relationship concerns are for women.

This is a primary rule of dating.

What I would do- call her up, tell her that she is right and you dont want a relationship either. If she is interested in a FWB type of thing now you're fine with that. Use her for sechs only and start meeting other women. When you find someone that you are interested in and want more with later on, dump her because thats what she will do to you when she finds BF material.

 

[Krueg]

Thanks for more reply's DJ's!

@bradd80 Thanks for clarifying things.

Also, I told her.. "Never mind my last message, I get it, we can just be friends. Hope your work week goes well."

Time for little to no contact. Dont worry, I wont get sucked back in or have my emotions messed with. Only thing I see in her now is maybe keep her around for casual sex if I choose. Other than that, on to the next!

 

[Krueg]

Last Update: So after I told her, "Your right, I understand w,ere just friends." She sends me this big message saying how her life is busy, she isnt wanting to be with other guys blah blah. I said " No worries I understand where your coming from, we can maybe just be friends for the time being." She asks. "Do you want to even be my friend or see me anymore?" I said; "Well we could possibly be friends, but since your not looking for anything committed. I'll be looking for someone else who wants to be in a relationship with me and your free to do what you want." Her: "The weather is crazy outside, can I still come by and give you head and fvck you?" Me: "Yea the weather is getting bad. Maybe I'll let my snake out of its cage once in awhile.... Then she starts talking about how she loves the sex between us blah blah blah

So bottom line; I told her I'll be pursuing other girls, she is free to do what she wants... I just wont see or talk to her as often and wont invest my feelings . So when I do meet someone that suits me better I wont have to feel bad dumping her cause she isnt looking for anything committed.

If you think this is dumb or okay to keep her around for sex. Your replys are welcome.

 

[9Volt]

Last Update: So after I told her, "Your right, I understand w,ere just friends." She sends me this big message saying how her life is busy, she isnt wanting to be with other guys blah blah. I said " No worries I understand where your coming from, we can maybe just be friends for the time being." She asks. "Do you want to even be my friend or see me anymore?" I said; "Well we could possibly be friends, but since your not looking for anything committed. I'll be looking for someone else who wants to be in a relationship with me and your free to do what you want." Her: "The weather is crazy outside, can I still come by and give you head and fvck you?" Me: "Yea the weather is getting bad. Maybe I'll let my snake out of its cage once in awhile.... Then she starts talking about how she loves the sex between us blah blah blah

So bottom line; I told her I'll be pursuing other girls, she is free to do what she wants... I just wont see or talk to her as often and wont invest my feelings . So when I do meet someone that suits me better I wont have to feel bad dumping her cause she isnt looking for anything committed.

If you think this is dumb or okay to keep her around for sex. Your replys are welcome.

If you want to keep her around as a FWB till someone else comes along then do it. If you think you're going to catch more feelings or she may cause an issue in the future soon as you find someone else then don't. It's up to you if you feel comfortable alone for the time being or not.

 

[Krueg]

@9Volt, Not afraid of being alone, but currently have a broken leg and stuck inside. Cant work or go to the gym, cant really drive cause its my right leg. So trying to keep busy is tough right now. But I know there is no "future" with her, and when I can get out and met others I will.

 

[sazc]

She's subconsciously performing push pull tactics. Common to damaged women. This is probably one of the many reasons all her past relationships failed as well.

@bradd80 this post is not intended to single you out and is in no way a personal attack on you.

I'm confused...

Push pull tactics are ADVOCATED on these boards as a way for men to draw females in. A way to inflict emotional highs and lows on a female to keep her interested in a man.

How is it that a female practicing this technique on a male is the one who is damaged? How is it that this one behavior is 'the' reason why her all her past relationships failed?

Seems to me that she's runnin the same game on our man, that you guys advocate running on females - and it's working because he's confused and asking about it on these boards, which is exactly what the female would do on loveshack if a dude was running this game on her.

Just because the game leave a bad taste in your mouth when it is run on you is no reason to call her damaged...that would mean that the male who chooses to run the same game is damaged as well.

In any case @Krueg you need to leave her in your rear view mirror. You offered her security and stability and she responded with the exact opposite. She disrespected you. You dont know her any more, consider her a legitimate stranger.