Analysis of Men's Health Dating/Relationship Article

[reBourne]

The following post is analysis of an article from March 2012 of Men's Health.

I used to reference to Men's Health for dating and relationship advice. This was back in late 90's and early 2000's. Before I knew any better. Now I still ready Men's Health but only to analyze and think about the current state of men who get their dating and relationship advice from men's magazines.

The idea behind analysis is to better understand the underlying idea and what exactly is being communicated.

My problem with the article is by the time you are done reading, you walk away thinking you don't have to do anything to get better in dating and in relationships. You don't have to approach, you don't have to choose the women you want to be with. According to the article, women are beginning to do that for you. So you should sit back and let the women take the action.

The article is called "Women on Top: Women are ascendant in the office, classroom and bedroom. That can be a good thing - for you and your sex life. Let her newfound power turn you on."

I'd love to hear your guys thoughts on the article and dating/relationship advice from Men's Health.

"6:25am and I'm straddling my boyfriend, J, working my way over to the nightstand. I feel his hands slide up my thighs and ret on my butt. He pulls my hips toward his. I take his hands and pin them over his head, and then lean in to gently brush my lips against his neck. Then I reach over, turn off the alarm and hop out of bed. I want to hit the gym before work. Doing J right now would mean I wouldn't be doing those predawn tasks - sending emails, reading up on industry news - that have helped me earn three raises, two title changes, an assistant, and the power to hire and fire people twice my age. Damn it feels good to be on top! Every day as I wake up in my Manhattan high-rise, I smile. I'm living the life I wanted, with a salary that supports my city lifestyle and pays for nice vacations. I feel on top of the worlds, and I have plenty of female company up here. Honestly I'm not trying to rub it in..."

She is doing J, not getting fvcked by J. The guy is not someone she respects. She would rather be answering emails or reading news then getting morning sex from her "man". She is unsure of her own status within the current life phase she is in. She is trying way to hard to justify to herself and to us how she feels.

"But our happiness shouldn't threaten you; there is something in this for men, too. Many experts believe that women on the rise can make the sexual playing field more fun."

"Many experts" is one of many references she uses to justify what she came to settle with in her relationship. She continues throughout the entire article to reference studies, research and statistics. If the "experts" figured it out, it must be true.

Make up your own mind. Don't trust so called experts, research or statistics. Come to your own conclusions.

"My boyfriend is a creative type with an uncertain income and an unstructured schedule. That's right, he is an aspiring screenwriter. His availability - for fun, dates, sex - is so flexible that it feels almost limitless."

He is a looser with no job. He is always there for her. She wants a man she can control and keep under her thumb.

"...for most 20 something couples I know, the situations is similar: The woman has a higher-powered position than her guy, who may be either unemployed or in grad school. According to a 2010 Bureau of Labor Statistics report, women ..."

Another statistics.

"...inspiring me to lure and date maybe 40 men before selecting J from the finalists."

I think that number is in the 100+, if not more. I am suspecting that she gave it up too many times on the first night where she got pumped and dumped. Became bitter then decided to pick out her next man who would not leave her. J was her 100+ choice.

As a man, this is why it is so important to know what the fvck is going on. Learn game for dating, relationships and marriage. Learn to understand yourself and women better. So you won't be her 159th choice.

"It's not that every girl next door has suddenly been reborn as a dominatrix, but still, I know I'm not alone in taking the reins (or sharing them) both in and out of bed. A research paper titled ..."

Another research paper cited. Still trying to look for external validation. Yet this is an article to men formed as a relationship/dating advice.

" Leaving my boyfriend high and dry that morning left me feeling guilty - as it had on many occasions. I work hard and late, so at night I'm more likely to fall asleep mid-conversation than stay awake for the things J wants to do, like have sex or discuss the move he saw while I was at work."

He sounds like a winner.

"As it turns out, J and I are complementary. Eastwick said it's not uncommon to find a high-pay, long-hours type coupled with someone who makes less money but has more free time. What research has show is that both women and men are willing to make that tradeoff."

Another research. It is all ok, because research said so.

"With my work schedule, my trade currency is cash. Since J and I don't pool our incomes, I'm constantly trying to make it up to him - throwing my card down for dinner, for J's new Kindle, for a black lace number. Eastwick says the fact that I'm the larger earner is not a harbinger of doom."

Here is what I don't get. Why would she buy him all this stuff.

"When women support themselves financially, Eagly says, they're freed up to value characteristics other than earning power in a partner, such as good looks (and J is a looker) or a sense of humor (he's a hoot!). J is smart enough that it sometimes feels like we're graduates students swapping insights after a seminar. Plus he's got moves like JT - and he extends his physical grace well beyond the dance floor."

Still, all those qualities don't make her ***** wet. Looks and sense of humor are not at the top of the list as many women make men believe it is.

"...but it doesn't bother me that J is not making millions."

Yes it does.

"Many of my friends feel the same way, willfully entering into relationships with (in three cases) a student drowning in debt, a victim of the recession and a man who earns way less money."

If her friends feel the same way, she is ok with the choices she makes. Even if these choices do not make her happy. Women's social circle dictates what she does and who she is with.

"Moreover, research confirms that women don't always really want what they say they want."

Yeap, this is true. This entire article is her telling the reader what she really doesn't want.

"In other words, we give our fantasy men the boot when we meet a man we like - regardless of his bottom line."

No, you have settled. When you been pumped and dumped too many times, that is the outlook you begin to have, unless you drastically change your behavior and personality.

"If I wasn't looking for someone like J, you may be wondering how on earth we found each other. Take a guess - and then guess again. It was I who picked J out of thousands of online dating profiles, and it was I, again, who sent him a pithy message of such sheer brilliance that he couldn't possible resist me."

Now it all comes clear. She found him on online dating site. Worse off, she picked him. He is the definition of a nice guy. He is a door mat she will use to wipe her feet on and discard.

"... and letting her make the first move may actually help her want you more. During a speed-dating exercise at Northwestern University, women expressed more romantic desire for those men they approached than for the men who approached them. Got that? If women are becoming more assertive, you may have more options in the dating game."

Men, do not every wait for a women to make the first move. You will wait forever. On the off chance you do meet a woman who makes a move, you will loose 100, waiting.

"It was my second date with J, and the cab stopped at my building. Well, are you coming up? I asked. My reasoning: I'd learned on our first date that J uses just enough tongue when we kiss and I wanted more of that. Also I thought it was the polite thing to do. Of course he came up, but judging by his initial reaction - surprise and hesitancy - my invitation was taken in a very different way. Why? It made me seem promiscuous a definite turnoff for J. A man doesn't want a woman who's had more sex partners than he has. But the enduring sexual transaction - men want what women offer - is changing."

He has never been with a woman who has had more sex partners then him. I suspect he has been with only 1 or 2 women in his life. Nothing wrong with that, but he is going to get dumped really soon and unless he finds a way to improve himself, it will be hard for him to recover.

Nothing is changing, good quality masculine men are lacking.

"...I just knew J would be amazing in bed, and as it happened, I was the one who waited for him to be ready. A woman waiting for a man to be ready for sex? Is anything we know about women and men sacred?"

She wants her man to take the lead. Not lead herself.

"... Men aren't over, not by along shot. Not only do self-sufficient women still need men, but we want you now more than ..."

This is directed to real men. She wants a masculine man to **** her brains out and make her a woman again.

This entire article leads many men on the wrong path. Path that I was led on for years until I found a way out. Reason this pisses me off is this is an article written to justify the author's self worth but formed as a relationship/dating advice.

I'd love to hear your guys thoughts on the article.

 

[backbreaker]

I mean.. i don't know what to say. this just doesn't resignate with me because i would, and I mean this with all sincerity, just be single than have to depend on a woman for anything. that's just how i am wired. I don't do hand outs. at all. never have.

if I am at a point in my life where I don't have things, then that to me means okay backbreaker it's not relationship time it's work time. talking about a movie i saw while my woman was off earning a living, i'd put a bullet in my head before that ever happened.

even if I am not successful I will be damned if I'm sitting at home.. let me rephrease. it's not the fact that he hasn't made it. i remember the days when I hadn't "made it' iether. in those days I didn't have time to watch movies in the day time and **** like that. if you asked me what I was doing "working". i was a dronei worked, shat and ate. that's it. there were no kindles, no extra clothes, no vacations. how is dating even on the agenda when you are have not established yourself yet? that's kinda how this entrapuner thing works lol. you got to make some sacrifices.

I just don't get that. there is nothing wrong with not not being "there" yet. but i will be damned if I'm going to be with a woman who is looking at me sideways while I'm watching movies nad playing games while she's at work. that rubs me the wrong way.

like.. how can I say this if this makes any sense. I can't.. i can't even feel like a man, or feel sexy or feel like i have hte right to ask for sex inn that situtation. i don't understand men that think like that. what about you is fvckable? sex is something at least to me that is no0t a god given right, iu t's something you earn. you got to go out and earn the right to be fvckable.

 

[betheman]

hes a loser who is getting f cked, kept and allowed to live his own life the way he wants to, sounds like a blast to me

 

[Jitterbug]

That J fella sounds like a house pet that can be legally fvcked.

 

[Mike32ct]

He's a "kept man" or "boy toy," i.e. a live-in sex toy that doesn't require batteries. I bet my last dollar he's over 6 feet tall and good looking. He's the "in case of emergency break glass" cawk that stays at her apartment.

In return for his giggalo (sp?) services when SHE wants it, he has a successful sugar mama to buy him things and pay for that nice place to stay. There are gold digging men out there too, not just women.

I mean it's not a bad deal for this guy at all. He's leveraging his looks to get what he can. Women do the EXACT same thing.

But long term, he needs to get off his as* and make something of himself. One is for self-respect. Two, this is a temporary arrangement because she will eventually get irritated with his laziness and kick him out. Then she'll eventually want to settle down with Mr. B i g because he's more successful.

 

[zekko]

I've known guys who have sponged off women before, but not women who were this successful. This sounds like the situation in the song Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John (back in his popular days).

I'm with Backbreaker, I couldn't do this. Where's the self respect? Men tend to take their self esteem from their career anyway.

 

[DanelMadr]

In order for any magazine to sell well it has to offer shocking and magic pill.

This article has both. It deeply shudders your sense of manliness and in the same time, as you said, keeps you warm and cozy 'You don't have to even try.'

And this magazine (can be wrong because I don't read it regularly) have plenty of magic pills....'Abs in a week' and that sort of stuff.

I wouldn't bother to analyze any of this shyt, sorry. It is like on TV these days. Every idiot with an opinion tries to push his world view down your throat....especially sitcoms. And justify his or mostly hers existence. Yeah I get it. "It is OK to be fat bytch, gay and/or a nice guy or frustrated chump."

I watch what I want on Internet at time I want and without commercials. Mainly the BBC, NG and PBS documentaries.....there are actual scientists in them not just 'some studies showed' aka 'my gf and I think'

Do yourself a favor and read NG or at least Wired magazine. They still offer some value, when you skip the Bee mating rituals in NG and infomercials in Wired.