Analysing Dates

[afc_2_dj]

Ok, so I have had a batch of first dates, all from online.
Now the hit rate was low to nothing in terms of seconds.

I would obviously like to improve on this, but the problem is unless I can get them to fill in a feedback form at the end, how do you determine what you are doing wrong?

I don't even know how I can practically determine if the problem is physical, i.e. I am not physically good-looking enough, or personality, i.e. there are aspects of my personality I can work to improve.

How do you guys change your approachs to a date ?
I find it difficult to even go in with a plan of "ok I will try this tonight" becuase each one is unique and flows differently.

I'm sure I am going to be flamed with "dont over-analyse etc" but the point I am making is I don't know what I am doing wrong, so how do I improve?

 

[Play the Game]

Satisfaction survey?!?! What are you the servant? Snap out of it. :box:

Just be whatever the hell you want to be and find a girl you like. All these insecurities are just in your head.

 

[Obsidian]

i really know how you feel, man. I had one that I thought went remarkably well a fairly recently, but then the girl seemed to flake when I tried asking her out again. (so I nexted her instead of continue asking) I was really bewildered by the whole experience, and I've basically decided that there's no point in really worrying about these things. You can go into it and seem to DO EVERYTHING RIGHT and still have it blow up in your face.

when dealings with a girl stop working out, I usually ask myself the following questions
1) did we really have very much in common?
2) was I being clingy / too nice?
3) did i screw something up in terms of kino escalation (or non-escalation)?


but i'm really no expert in this area yet

 

[Vypros]

I'm sure I am going to be flamed with "dont over-analyse etc" but the point I am making is I don't know what I am doing wrong, so how do I improve?

Give up women for a while and improve your life and your social skills. Fix the INSIDE first, the things driving you to be insecure, and get them out of you!

It's like you are carrying a huge load of bricks on your back and you are constantly shifting that load from shoulder to shoulder while pretending like those bricks aren't there!

Just let down the bricks and leave them behind you. Get professional help if you have to, but at the forefront you need to fix your insecurities first.

Suggested reading material for you:

"Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
The Book of Pook found in the DJ Bible section of this website (look down at the bottom of this page)

 

[afc_2_dj]

3) did i screw something up in terms of kino escalation (or non-escalation)?

This is a problem for me. I read other guys date reports and read about the kino and kissing etc.

Maybe I am just doing the wrong kind of first date, but I usually do a coffee or sometime dinner, save reaching over the table and touching her, how does one really get serious kino escalation into a date like this??

 

[da_hunter]

don't do coffee or dinner. those are bad ideas for the first date, try activity dates where you aren't sitting on opposite sides of a table in a public place, forced to have a conversation for an hour. something like bike riding or rock climbing, where you are having fun and don't necessarily have to be talking the whole time but there is something to talk about (the activity) aside from each other.

 

[afc_2_dj]

It's like you are carrying a huge load of bricks on your back and you are constantly shifting that load from shoulder to shoulder while pretending like those bricks aren't there!

I guess in some ways you are right here. I wouldn't say I am insecure as such, that is, I don't come off as insecure when interacting with people, etc. I do know I am inferior as a catch relative to other men [and better than some others], but this is more a matter of objective logical analysis than anything else, a simple sum of looks, [outer] assets, etc.

I will look into your book suggestions, etc and continue trying to improve and practice however.

I was thinking last night that the problem may not be some specifically that I do. Whilst I have a good job, average house, average car [well, small car but thats by choice not to throw loads of cash into a depreciating asset], there are always competitors who wiegh up into a more attractive package, usualy better looking + other factors. Especially with online [the source of the dates], its simply a matter of them being contacted by someone better looking, wealthier, etc for me to be sidelined, effectively until better competition runs out.

 

[afc_2_dj]

Do what you want, when you want. And have fun doing it
analysing things that are meant to be 'natural', you will come across as creepy.

What worries me is this is pretty much what I do. Prior I always feel I shoulld try this or that, but when I go in I dont think techniques,etc I just pretty much go with flow, I don't stop to think am I doing this or that right.

don't do coffee or dinner. those are bad ideas for the first date, try activity dates where you aren't sitting on opposite sides of a table in a public place

I have thought about this, I usually manage to keep conversation going, though I do know in retrospect of times where this was not as good as it could be [i..e potentially boring], but this kind of date just doesn't feel right to me as the first meeting of someone you've never met before.

I always say to myself these dates are just practice, but I think in practice I don't treat them this way, i.e break the mold, maybe I'll try an activity date next time just for experiments.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

The more time you spend on a date worrying about not doing anything wrong, the less time you spend doing what's right.