Am I Too Fat To Find Love?

[zekko]

Saw this article on msnbc.com today. It's fairly generic, but I thought it was interesting.

First off, predictably, she is told that her 35 extra pounds have nothing to do with her dating problems, or the quality of the men she can attract.

But I did like this one line: Anyone who feels “unworthy of love” will attract partners who are themselves unworthy!

I think that's a pretty good point for men as well as women. If you are too insecure to think that you can attract the kind of girl you really want, you're going to end up having to settle for less. This is especially true for men since they are usually the pursuers. If you think you're unworthy of the girls you really want, you probably won't even initiate contact.

This is the real value of confidence IMO. Not so much as some magical attraction factor, but as an asset that lets you do what you want to do when you want to do it. If you have the confidence, you will have the nerve to approach, be relaxed, lead the interaction, and escalate.

Here's the link and the relevant part quoted:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/48096325/ns/today-relationships/t/-second-therapist-am-i-too-fat-find-love/

Q: I am divorced ten years. I have yet to meet "the one" and I wonder if it is because of my extra 35 pounds. I am very self-conscious about it. I feel that because of the extra weight, I’m unworthy of love. I am financially secure, I own a new home, I have a fabulous job, and I have great co-workers, friends and family. I had one relationship that lasted four years—a poor choice on my part with his marijuana use, financial problems, and his leaving me for another woman. Recently, I dated a guy with a criminal record and no retirement plan, savings account, or vehicle. Do I have to be in top shape to have a relationship? Am I picking the wrong guys because I don't feel I can attract the guys I want? How can I stop my self-defeating behavior? —Miserable Misfit

Dear Miserable,
Anyone who feels “unworthy of love” will attract partners who are themselves unworthy! There’s nobody out there, Girl, but us! Plenty of overweight singles find love, so it’s not your adipose connective tissue that’s standing in your way. Your problem is that you believe you’re unlovable as you are.

You have a lot of great things going for you, but you accentuate your blemishes. Get counseling. And try the self-assessments in my book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” When you bet on yourself as attractive and love-worthy, no matter what your girth, appropriate men will be interested. —Dr. Gilda

 

[betheman]

lose the 35lbs and find out? its a win win situation

 

[Who Dares Win]

You have a lot of great things going for you, but you accentuate your blemishes. Get counseling. And try the self-assessments in my book, “Don’t Bet on the Prince!” When you bet on yourself as attractive and love-worthy, no matter what your girth, appropriate men will be interested. —Dr. Gilda

Dr. Gilda is a scummer no different than that guido who sold the colisseum to american tourists for years.

Why dont you just tell the fattie that she has to get in shape and then men will do all the rest? is that hard to say that beauty is their biggest asset?

And please stop bvllsh1tting women into thinking that they have no problem, if they are fat or annoying the problem exist...its not that men are "wrong" its them to be unattractive.

Tell those fatties the truth and life will be better for all of us, dr gilda would be better to do the cleanings at mc donald.

 

[Uberguy]

Why dont you just tell the fattie that she has to get in shape and then men will do all the rest? is that hard to say that beauty is their biggest asset?

Indeed! I honestly do not get how an adult woman can't come to this realization on her own. Regardless of how coddled some women may have been as little girls, part of being an adult is accepting reality for what it is. Is it not obvious to them that many other women have gotten away with being unintelligent, unstable, untrustworthy *****s whom men have chased after simply because they're hot?

But we live in an age wherein people hate hearing the unpleasant truth. If an advice columnist said, "you just have to be hot," the angry letters would come pouring in, and the publisher would probably replace the columnist with a less-honest BS artist. The point that confidence is a universally attractive asset is a good lesson, so I'll give the columnist points for that. More importantly, however, hotness in women trumps confidence.

 

[Boilermaker]

Women (including my own mom) do not realize how absolutely essential it is to lose some weight

1) for their own health
2) for aesthetic purposes
3) for self-confidence
and 4) for fulfilling relationships.

You can call men "shallow" and "unethical" for putting too much emphasis on this all day, but you can't change reality.

 

[backbreaker]

Women (including my own mom) do not realize how absolutely essential it is to lose some weight

1) for their own health
2) for aesthetic purposes
3) for self-confidence
and 4) for fulfilling relationships.

You can call men "shallow" and "unethical" for putting too much emphasis on this all day, but you can't change reality.

women are just as bad.
the attention i get now versus what i got when i was out of shape is just stupid crazy. since then i have zero qualms at all about liking petite athletic women. if you are going to hold me to that standard i can hold that to you as well.

people who have low self confidence generally deserve to have low self confidence. if you are going to sit around all day trying to find the right mindset to accept your extra 35 pound weight versus actually just losing the weight, that's your subconscious telling you that you are lazy fat piece of **** that doesn't' deserve the best out there. at least that's the way I look at it.

of all the things that you notice about women that can get under your skin this is the one that really pushed my buttons, just the utter amount of bull**** that will come out of woman's mouth when it comes to looks and the hyprocity along with it as well. you talk to all these broads and none of them **** even my wife are honest. "I want a man that listens to me and respects me and is funny" you want a fvcking man that you can show off and say "yeah ***** this is mine, i';m fvcking him tonight, you can't touch"

and like, I mean, even before the weights and gym and diet i was not ugly but like, the girl that brought me here, demands fvcking perfection out of any man she dates, he has to have rock hard abs and **** and this is a girl who is so genetically blessed i don't' think she has been to a gym in her life. yet men have to bust their ass to get into shape just to talk to you. once i saw how she treated me once i got really in shape i really lost all LT interest because i realized everything she told me over the previous 5 years was utter bull****.



my wife has 3 friends that are overweight, 2 not so much and 1 very much so. the 2 not so much ones, they aren't even ugly they are just.. not HOT, and they all are the exact same. they won't go to the gym, yet they sit around and talk about guys that won;t look at them if they were the last women on earth, yet ignoring the guys that actually want to date them beucase they aren't hot enough, or don't do it for them, they think they deserve the men everyone wants and do nothing to get it. they rag on her for going to the gym and eating right and **** saying she is obsessive about her weight and it's not a big deal lol. yet she's married and they aren't.

my sister is 12, has this problem. she is not fat, but she's not skinny either. she's taller than me at 12 (seriously), has a bigger rack than my mom, but she also has a little fat on her. that and she really doesn't know how to dress like a lady she's very tom boyish and my mom, in an effort to keep from doing her hair everyday has her with dreds and that's not cute on a lady, she needs woman's hair. and she is already subconscious about it and my mom and her dad tell her just wait for a man who loves you for you. and she's cute, she's not ugly so she has guys that like her.. but she doesn't like them, she likes this one particular boy in school, who is a star basketball player and very skinny and a good looking kid (i've seen him), and no one sees the hyprocity.. that she wants the best looking kid in school yet she wont;' put in the work to get in shape to get him.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Anyone who feels “unworthy of love” will attract partners who are themselves unworthy!

On behalf of "unworthy partners" everywhere, let me say that we are very happy to exploit that fact so as to never have to pay our own bills.

And to the guys who think they need to be rich, successful, powerful, or whatever before they can have a woman - no, you don't! All you have to do is be a bad decision, and women make those all the time, because pretty much all of them have low self-esteem. And women are not going to suddenly become logical the day that you achieve that one goal that suddenly makes you worthy in your own eyes. Guys will spend their entire lives sculpting themselves into the logical choice for a wise girl, without realizing that no girl is logical and very few of them are wise.

 

[Warrior74]

women are just as bad.
the attention i get now versus what i got when i was out of shape is just stupid crazy. since then i have zero qualms at all about liking petite athletic women. if you are going to hold me to that standard i can hold that to you as well.

people who have low self confidence generally deserve to have low self confidence. if you are going to sit around all day trying to find the right mindset to accept your extra 35 pound weight versus actually just losing the weight, that's your subconscious telling you that you are lazy fat piece of **** that doesn't' deserve the best out there. at least that's the way I look at it.

of all the things that you notice about women that can get under your skin this is the one that really pushed my buttons, just the utter amount of bull**** that will come out of woman's mouth when it comes to looks and the hyprocity along with it as well. you talk to all these broads and none of them **** even my wife are honest. "I want a man that listens to me and respects me and is funny" you want a fvcking man that you can show off and say "yeah ***** this is mine, i';m fvcking him tonight, you can't touch"

and like, I mean, even before the weights and gym and diet i was not ugly but like, the girl that brought me here, demands fvcking perfection out of any man she dates, he has to have rock hard abs and **** and this is a girl who is so genetically blessed i don't' think she has been to a gym in her life. yet men have to bust their ass to get into shape just to talk to you. once i saw how she treated me once i got really in shape i really lost all LT interest because i realized everything she told me over the previous 5 years was utter bull****.



my wife has 3 friends that are overweight, 2 not so much and 1 very much so. the 2 not so much ones, they aren't even ugly they are just.. not HOT, and they all are the exact same. they won't go to the gym, yet they sit around and talk about guys that won;t look at them if they were the last women on earth, yet ignoring the guys that actually want to date them beucase they aren't hot enough, or don't do it for them, they think they deserve the men everyone wants and do nothing to get it. they rag on her for going to the gym and eating right and **** saying she is obsessive about her weight and it's not a big deal lol. yet she's married and they aren't.

my sister is 12, has this problem. she is not fat, but she's not skinny either. she's taller than me at 12 (seriously), has a bigger rack than my mom, but she also has a little fat on her. that and she really doesn't know how to dress like a lady she's very tom boyish and my mom, in an effort to keep from doing her hair everyday has her with dreds and that's not cute on a lady, she needs woman's hair. and she is already subconscious about it and my mom and her dad tell her just wait for a man who loves you for you. and she's cute, she's not ugly so she has guys that like her.. but she doesn't like them, she likes this one particular boy in school, who is a star basketball player and very skinny and a good looking kid (i've seen him), and no one sees the hyprocity.. that she wants the best looking kid in school yet she wont;' put in the work to get in shape to get him.

nailed it.

 

[backbreaker]

Anyone who feels “unworthy of love” will attract partners who are themselves unworthy!

On behalf of "unworthy partners" everywhere, let me say that we are very happy to exploit that fact so as to never have to pay our own bills.

And to the guys who think they need to be rich, successful, powerful, or whatever before they can have a woman - no, you don't! All you have to do is be a bad decision, and women make those all the time, because pretty much all of them have low self-esteem. And women are not going to suddenly become logical the day that you achieve that one goal that suddenly makes you worthy in your own eyes. Guys will spend their entire lives sculpting themselves into the logical choice for a wise girl, without realizing that no girl is logical and very few of them are wise.

I know a dude, what 25-26 years old, works part time at the marriot lol. that's his job. lives with 2 room mates. we met each other at the track. dude keeps a string of good looking/decent looking women. **** he isn't even good looking. has a gut, not the best groomed dude i have ever seen, never has money, but he's funny and cool as hell and just talks to women. always has a HB 6.5-7 with him at all times, different ones at that. i mean they aren't just supermodels but **** dude is doing the damn thing. **** if he would clean himself up and i were single he'd be my wingman. and you can tell the way he deals with women, he a natural DJ. he's not super smart, he's not super handsome, he's not super rich. any guy that says you have to be super x to get a woman i just point to him lol. and people just like being around him. he's not rich or hot but he really is cool. he knows how to talk to people and deal with people he's not a jerk, just someone you like to kick it with and hang out with and dammit if you hang out with enough people.. youa re eventually going to end up ****ign some of them.v

but keeping it relative to the OP, he knows what he is and he plays within the confins of the rules, he knows what he brings to the table and does not have stupid demands that he makes women abide by. he has no interest in getting a career, no interest in dressing like a grown up lol, and he is fine with that. this is who he is, this is the type of women i am going to attract. snakes don't try to kill elephants in the wild. jaguars dont' try to kill hippos. you kill what you can kill and eat.

if you are a fat hag, and you have no interest in getting in shape, you know this is americda you are more than willing to do that. i have a few overweight associates I don't approve of them being overweighht but fvck me right? but, with that, you have to understand that this is the bracket you put yourself in and this is the bracket that you have to play wtih. you can't blame "women being scum" when you try to play in the big leagues and get yoru girl stolen by a big league player.

 

[Jitterbug]

She's been divorced for 10 years and 35 pounds overweight (knowing women's self-discount mentality, you can probably double that figure).

So she's old and fat, plus baggage from a divorce. What a catch.

 

[backbreaker]

She's been divorced for 10 years and 35 pounds overweight (knowing women's self-discount mentality, you can probably double that figure).

So she's old and fat, plus baggage from a divorce. What a catch.

i mean, i know how it can happen. i have been fat. 35 pounds sounds like a year.. **** that's 3 pounds a year. for me to upt that on very easily all i would have to do is stop going tot he gym and cut back on my healthy eating. i don't have the fastest metobllism on earth and there is no doubt in my mind if i did not go to the gym everyday at 29 i'd be wearing a 36 or so jeans and pushing 190.

but that's the thing. there are certain things in life some people have to work for harder than others. i can gripe about having to go to the gym every god damn day when my wife can go on a freaking kitchen carnage and might gain 1 pound (yet still works out and goes to the gym) or my old best friend whose died consisted of little ceasers pizza and hot wings yet was not even close to 10% body fat had about a 12 pack, but **** there are things that come easier to me like music and my creative side or my gift of the gab.

so there are certain things you have to work for some you don't. that's life. my weight/ figure is one of the things i have to work for. if i want really good looking women, if i want my wife to still be attracted to me everyday i have to take my ass to the gym. that's just what it is.

 

[Jitterbug]

Yeah I have to train hard and eat clean to stay in shape, and I have friends who don't need to. But the ones who had it easy thanks to genetics when they're young are now packing on the pounds and getting very worried. They never had to exercise and eat well, so now they don't know where to start when their genes are "failing" them.

Back OT: as bb said earlier, said fat chicks never relax the physical standards they have for men, so we should never lower ours either.

Moreover, you know how hard it is men have to work to gain a couple of points in our SMV (sexual market value)? Social charm (game / DJ), social status, finance, physique, style etc. are a sh1tload of work, nigh on impossible for most men. These chicks only have to lose some weight and stay in shape to get the same boost, yet they can't be bothered, and choose whining instead.

Zero sympathy from me.

 

[Burroughs]

Moreover, you know how hard it is men have to work to gain a couple of points in our SMV (sexual market value)? Social charm (game / DJ), social status, finance, physique, style etc. are a sh1tload of work, nigh on impossible for most men. These chicks only have to lose some weight and stay in shape to get the same boost, yet they can't be bothered, and choose whining instead.

Zero sympathy from me.

In our current western culture women/puzzy have the world on lock....women are stars by virtue of the snatch between their legs...they all walk around thinking they are 'lindsey lohan' because that is how society has pedestalized the puzzy.

most men are playing catch up...

as always the genius Patrice broke it down well http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FREYwWBvBws&feature=relmfu

if you are a man and you have your fitness game on point...tell the fatties to fvck off until they get on atkins

 

[ATX1001]

most men are playing catch up...

as always the genius Patrice broke it down well http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FREYwWBvBws&feature=relmfu

OH MAN, This guy is a genuis!! I just wasted the afternoon listening to him on youtube.

 

[Mike32ct]

Weight doesn't matter. Looks don't matter.

She just needs to study hot women and copy their body language and mannerisms.

Men aren't attracted to a hot woman's looks. It's her confidence and how she carries herself that is attractive.

Men aren't rejecting her. They are rejecting her approach. Once her calibration improves after 2k approaches, hot guys will see past her weight.

 

[zekko]

Weight doesn't matter. Looks don't matter.

She just needs to study hot women and copy their body language and mannerisms.

Men aren't attracted to a hot woman's looks. It's her confidence and how she carries herself that is attractive.

Men aren't rejecting her. They are rejecting her approach. Once her calibration improves after 2k approaches, hot guys will see past her weight.

Lol, funny stuff.
Love it.

 

[5string]

Fat chicks are difficult to kidnap. Plus, costs too much to feed 'em.

Don't go there.

 

[Delly2000]

In all honesty....

I think it is easier for the big girls than the big guys. If a girl is big she can find a normal looking guy that would want to be with her. Guys are desperate. But this is the scenario that is most likely to happen...she gonna hold out for the guy that is bedding multiple women and he gonna treat her like trash.

Now for the big guys (of which I am one) it is exteremly hard. I can honestly tell that girls are not attracted to me. Its just a fact of life.

I was able to get a few hot chicks here and there but it always just fizzles out. I dont think they can get past the weight or the soceital pressure of being with a fat guy. (I had a guy that was suppose to be a friend and commented to my ex when I wasn't around of what she saw in me being I was so big).

On the flip side i think that some girls out there would look at u and think ur cool. They will acknowlege to themsleves that ur overweight but won't discount you completely...maybe even think ur kinda cute. The seduction can happen but it has to be slow...and some other guy can just come and swoop her up without much effort becuase she is more attracted to the guy.

For the big guys its all about losing the weight or get game. I dont want to say get rich because its a bit of a moral hazzard (u won't know why she really with you..)

 

[samspade]

There was a girl I worked with who was overweight at the time. A few years later after we'd both left that office, I ran into her on the street. She'd lost a bunch of weight. We caught up and I said "You look great." LOL. I got her number and took her out on a couple of dates. It was so obvious, the subtext. "Hey, you're in shape now, you always had a cute face. Let's fukk some time." Never got past 2 dates - I think I was low on her plate rotation. But I'll never forget how easily I got "played" by her newfound attractiveness.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I said "You look great."

eh, you probably didn't see her naked. When fat chicks get thin, they tend to have a lot of stretchy skin. It reminds me of a flying squirel, like they could just stretch it out and glide away in the wind...