Am I missing something - Women and Money

[synergy1]

I have been beset by hard times thanks to layoffs at my company. I have enough saved up and have formulated a budget conducive to a comfortable life style while I look for work in my field.

Now for the focus of the thread. My girlfriend, while supportive, does not seem to grasp the concept of living within my means. She continually brings up things I should be doing , but don't have the money for. I repeatedly mention that I don't need this and shouldn't be spending as such, but my statements seem to fall on deaf ears. Are all women like this?

I guess what I would like to see are stories from the community either supporting or contrary to what I have observed. I find men can equally be irresponsible with money, but of all my friends, I find the male gender typically more forward thinking with their finances than women are.

 

[NewMan]

You assesment is not uncommon.

Whilst there are men who are not good with money - and there are women who are good with money - in general, women spend, men save.

I've found that in particular, American women are by far the worset transgressors of spending above their means. Of all the women I have had a relationship with, there is only 1 american born that has been realistic with money - and she was a single mother. Not sure if that has any significance.

 

[Colossus]

A lot of women have an unrealistic concept of money. There are men who do as well, but this is more common with western women.

I used to be pretty terrible with money. I was an impulsive spender and I never saved. As I get older saving becomes a necessity, not an option. And impulsive spending catches up with you. Credit cards can ruin your life.

 

[Warrior74]

This song was playing while I was reading this thread. LOL

"I'm a weapon of massive consumption, it's not my fault it's how I'm programmed to function."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL6DlOQIwaY

 

[PeeGee]

I feel this topic can trigger stereotyping of women. It's a fine stereotype as it prevents you from running into problems. However there are women who aren't like that. They still would prefer to be rich / have rich men pay their way but they know how to manage money.

In fact I was expecting the thread to ask about women's incessant need to find wealthy men irrespective and regardless of present circumstances. I know that if I were to lose my job all of my plates and girls interested in me will have a steep dip in their interest level. It's their nature and not something that should be unexpected.

 

[Poonani Maker]

This is true. I've had a women recently undergoing radiation treatment for cancer, ask me to buy her a house with 10 acres. Wft? I asked. I said, "I'm not paying hella interest when I buy a new house, I'm paying CASH. So that would be 4-5 years down the road." Money doesn't grow on trees, fvck. I guess that her parents don't have any money? Also, she mentioned a guy who's going to inherit a lot of land south of where we live, as if to threaten me with her "other option goto guy," I think.

That's why I peruse ALL women, even if they've got cancer, because, I'm always wondering if their insatiable appetite for other people's money or "social status" is dependent on their own circumstance or just an inherent trait of ALL women, regardless of what's happening to them in the moment.

 

[jophil28]

Now for the focus of the thread. My girlfriend, while supportive, does not seem to grasp the concept of living within my means. She continually brings up things I should be doing , but don't have the money for. I repeatedly mention that I don't need this and shouldn't be spending as such, but my statements seem to fall on deaf ears. Are all women like this?
.

Oh, she grasps the concept of 'living within your means' just fine ...she just does not like it because it is inconvenient to her. Read that again. Your thrift or belt tightening is INCONVENIENT to her. Why? Because she wants unrestricted access to your resources ON DEMAND - her demand. She wants you to make your money freely available to her when, and if, she wants it, and your recent belt tightening is an obstacle to her getting what she wants.

THis is modern, western women's 'entitlement' attitude in action. What is yours, is her's, or should be. THis woman is not your ally because she will not walk and work WITH you. She is pulling against you.

You need to stop trying to reason with this selfish woman because she will never agree with your approach to money. IT is your money, not her's to draw down on when her next whim hits her.

Thank your lucky centavos that you and she are not married and living through a financial downturn as husband and wife.

 

[jophil28]

I'm always wondering if their insatiable appetite for other people's money or "social status" is dependent on their own circumstance or just an inherent trait of ALL women, regardless of what's happening to them in the moment.

You will get the evolutionary psych folk telling you that this is 'hard wired behavior' in women. It is not - it is socially endorsed greed, crass selfishness and a tawdry attempt at misappropriatiion of your money.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Oh, she grasps the concept of 'living within your means' just fine ...she just does not like it because it is inconvenient to her. Read that again. Your thrift or belt tightening is INCONVENIENT to her. Why? Because she wants unrestricted access to your resources ON DEMAND - her demand. She wants you to make your money freely available to her when, and if, she wants it, and your recent belt tightening is an obstacle to her getting what she wants.

THis is modern, western women's 'entitlement' attitude in action. What is yours, is her's, or should be. THis woman is not your ally because she will not walk and work WITH you. She is pulling against you.

You will get the evolutionary psych folk telling you that this is 'hard wired behavior' in women. It is not - it is socially endorsed greed, crass selfishness and a tawdry attempt at misappropriatiion of your money.

Thats not something that is unique to western women. All women are materialistic. It is in their nature to be. From Russia to the USA, all women judge you on your ability to provide. If it needs to sit down when it takes a piss, it likes money. I would venture to suggest that the more traditional the woman, the more you need to display the characteristics of a good provider.

Men are not brutal enough and they are way too loyal to women who bring so little to the table. If they can dump you because you lose your job, you can dump them when they gain 20lbs.

Women in the west are raised to be more independent these days. They are encouraged to pay their own way and save their own money so they are less reliant on men. If anything, women in the west tend to be less materialistic. It only seems as if those hotties from the "poorer" countries are happier with less because the average middle class lifestyle in the west is a jackpot to many of them.

 

[countermart]

Diamonds are a girls best friend, but who wants a girl with a best friend like that?

You are going to get taken to the cleaners eventually with a girl like that.

Listen there are a lot of women that are basically *****s, some do it directly, and many do it indirectly, but in the end the main thing on their minds is your money and how she can get it. Not all women are like this, but are darn lot are, and honestly “f” them and then “f” them off.

Working in the sector I do I see a lot of women that just go after the money, yep sure the wedding is all about love on the surface, but believe me it’s all about money from her real point-of-view.

One eg. from the last few months - a girl that said “I just clicked with him” and got married, but I know her very well and believe me the $20m he had, had I lot to do with that “clicking” and not that he was short without much hair. I feel sorry for this guy because to get to “f” this girl is going to cost him on my estimated about $5m or more in a few years and a high class call girl would be a lot cheaper and probably better.

Why do you think divorce is rising so fast in the financial sector...it’s all about the love of money from her point of view.

Countermart

 

[synergy1]

It is both. It is hard wired in women......the problem is that men are no longer men when it comes to standing up to women.

They allow the desires of women to grow into greed until it becomes their master.

Since we started going out, I made it clear that I am not a chump nor will I dump endless amounts of money on a whim. So far she has respected that , and I say for the most part because I really believe women simply don't have it hard wired in their brains to live within means. she still pays for some things when we go out, other times I pay for things...it hasn't been terribly one sided as the brevity of the first post might have elluded.

What else strikes me as interesting is that all her boyfriends, I am probably the least materialistic and unwilling to spend like its 1999...yet she gave it up much quicker than she did with all the others.

The one thing that differs for men and women, especially in a city is the social scene. Women are more or less along for the ride, especially if they are attractive. I wouldn't call my girlfriend a 10, but she has guys after her a lot, so its easy to always want to be doing stuff and having guys pick up her tab. For them, the night can be paying for a cab and getting guys to get them drinks all night. As a result, their lifestyle is conducive to always spending money that isn't theirs. Its almost the guys fault who perpetuate this lifestyle as it is the womens who assume that the world is going to drag them around all the time.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Since we started going out, I made it clear that I am not a chump nor will I dump endless amounts of money on a whim. So far she has respected that

Good! Keep it up.

By suggesting that you spend more against your wishes, she is sh^t testing you, plain and simple.

Don't change for her. Make it clear that it is your way or the highway. If she can't deal with the way you handle money, she can leave.

 

[jophil28]

Since we started going out, I made it clear that I am not a chump nor will I dump endless amounts of money on a whim. So far she has respected that ,

Unless you and she are married, or are in an LTR in which you and she have negotiated or pooled your respective resources, then she is absolutely out of line in uttering one syllable about how you spend or invest your money.

Stamp this out now before you start 'giving in' to make the whining and the nagging stop.

 

[squirrels]

Her thoughts: If he doesn't have disposable income, there's no way I can eventually marry him and tap that income to raise a kid.

It's all subconscious. Women are taught to shop, furnish houses, and raise children. If she doesn't work, and you can't provide the funds to compensate, then the relationship "just won't work out".

Most couples fight about money.

My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that b!tch...

 

[Trader]

Chris Rock put it best: 'Girls cannot go backwards in terms of material lifestyle.'

But to the OP - are you seriously *surprised* by her reaction? We are tough guys and if the lifestyle need to be cut back - we do it quickly, and effectively. But don't make the grave error of assuming your girl has that same *toughness* as we do. It's too easy for us guys to *project* ourselves onto girls.

 

[NewMan]

Women in the west are raised to be more independent these days. They are encouraged to pay their own way and save their own money so they are less reliant on men. If anything, women in the west tend to be less materialistic. It only seems as if those hotties from the "poorer" countries are happier with less because the average middle class lifestyle in the west is a jackpot to many of them.

This is way off base.

USA women less materialistic? No way.

Have you seen how many of them are driving around in $60,000 + cars?

Many of these women blow every dollar they earn - no 401k no personnel stock account.

 

[Colossus]

Unless you and she are married, or are in an LTR in which you and she have negotiated or pooled your respective resources, then she is absolutely out of line in uttering one syllable about how you spend or invest your money.

Agreed.

I more or less adhere to the principle of equitable spending in relationships. It may tip more to my end or hers, but it always levels out. The key is this has to be set from the beginning. If you are always paying for her drinks, food, etc; and then one day refuse to continue doing so, there will be problems.

I've known some women who are VERY responsible with their money, but this doesnt mean they like men's money any less. It depends on the girl. They dont all want your money, but a good lot of them are 100% looking for the gravy train.

Men are not brutal enough and they are way too loyal to women who bring so little to the table. If they can dump you because you lose your job, you can dump them when they gain 20lbs.

This is brilliant and I'm making it my sig. :rockon:

 

[Warrior74]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsMi_KWE8Z0

 

[synergy1]

Chris Rock put it best: 'Girls cannot go backwards in terms of material lifestyle.'

But to the OP - are you seriously *surprised* by her reaction? We are tough guys and if the lifestyle need to be cut back - we do it quickly, and effectively. But don't make the grave error of assuming your girl has that same *toughness* as we do. It's too easy for us guys to *project* ourselves onto girls.

I know this might be splitting hairs, but its not so much a reaction as it is a state of mind. She just goes off talking about things I should be doing ( which require money) without thinking about it.

 

[jophil28]

I know this might be splitting hairs, but its not so much a reaction as it is a state of mind. She just goes off talking about things I should be doing ( which require money) without thinking about it.

To you , she may be just "talking about things which require (your) money" but make no mistake, that 'mindless' gibbering is thinly disguised NAGGING with a purpose.
Women rarely say or do something like this without planning or thought at some level..
It is a calculated attempt by her to soften you up. SHe wants freely available ACCESS to your money so that, in the future, when she wants something you will give it to her..
Why else would she even mention the topic of money ?

Secondly, you are disturbed enough about her actions to start a thread here.
However you seem to want to minimise her behavior and re-label it as some kind of frivolous, but irritating ramblings and ignore her true motives.