Am I doing the right thing?

[seek&destroy]

Back in August, my colleague from work introduced me to a girl, and one day later told me she was attracted to me. She came by my work that day and we all went out for dinner and a few drinks at a local restaurant, had a good time. A few months had passed by, and I haven't heard from her, but during this time two of my colleagues kept teasing her, calling her my girl. We went out again a few weeks ago. My birthday was coming up soon, and she told me hers was coming up as well. At the end of the night, my colleagues left, leaving me alone with her for about an hour or so. We talked for a while, and got to know each other pretty well. Turned out we had a lot in common. Everything that I mentioned to her about me she agreed with and told me it was almost the same situation in her case. I won't go into details, just for the sake of not dragging this out. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes, but I completely forgot to close the deal by asking her for her number.

A couple of weeks later, I asked my colleague for her number, and he gave it to me. I called her a few days prior to her birthday and asked her out to lunch for the upcoming Saturday, which happened to be a day before her birthday. She told me she couldn't as she's not available, but that we'll go out "sometime next week". I shrugged it off and told her to call me when she's ready.

It's been almost a week since I asked her now, and I haven't heard back from her, except for when I'm at work. I'm not hung up on it, but I am somewhat concerned...I'm passionate and focused about my work, and am getting fitter by the day, visiting the gym on a daily basis. Am I doing the right thing by waiting it out? Something tells me I should not be chasing after her, and let her come to me.
Any suggestions?

Thx

 

[Colossus]

She's not interested. Let it go.

Interested women are never ambiguous with you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"Pursuing her" is the correct advice...if you could go back in time and re-live those two nights over again. You had your chance, twice, and you didn't escalate. If she lost attraction for you, it was because of that. If women think they're being obvious about liking you, and you don't do anything about it, then that will quickly create a feeling of rejection, which is an attraction-killer.

 

[samspade]

You did a few things wrong.

You always want to plant the flagpole before going out in group activities. (I assume you're not in high school.) Isolate, isolate, isolate. You should have gotten her number the first time, then set up a date.

Second, you talked for so long your second encounter, it sounds like you left nothing to the imagination. Don't divulge too much up front. You're wasting material and removing your aura of mystery.

What you thought was "we have so much in common, it makes sense!"

What she thought was "I know everything about him. Nice enough guy."

 

[scrouds]

If you want her, call get a second time and get her out. There no shame in taking a second stab at it. I would caution against a third though, but I see no issue in taking reasonable efforts to go after what you want.

 

[seek&destroy]

You did a few things wrong.

You always want to plant the flagpole before going out in group activities. (I assume you're not in high school.) Isolate, isolate, isolate. You should have gotten her number the first time, then set up a date.

Second, you talked for so long your second encounter, it sounds like you left nothing to the imagination. Don't divulge too much up front. You're wasting material and removing your aura of mystery.

What you thought was "we have so much in common, it makes sense!"

What she thought was "I know everything about him. Nice enough guy."

Bold point #1:
Yes, I made a mistake, but granted, when we first went out, I wasn't that into her. One day after this, my colleague was telling me she likes me, and that's when he started calling her my girl while they were on the phone. I guess this had some effect on me then.

Some time passed by, and she went on her vacation. Right after she came back, we went out again. At the end of the night she told me she had fun that night and we will go out again soon. I didn't ask for her number directly, and that's one crucial mistake I made, but what's done is done.

Bold point #2:
I did not tell her that much at all. All we talked about was our past in high school, not including people we dated or knew. Whatever I said to her, she told me it was nearly identical for her. This was a complete reversal for me, compared to my past experiences with women...most of the time in the past, they would share a lot with me, and I would agree with them. Needless to say, none of my past relationships lasted long because I was always "kissing their ass", and trying to make them see that we had a lot in common even if we did not. Back then I was a lying son of a b!tch, but I've moved well beyond this point over the last couple of years.

Moving away from what was said above...I get that she is not interested anymore, and I'm backing away from her. I'm treating her the same way I treat any other woman now, over the phone I'm always playful and joke around a lot...same thing when I meet any of the women I've spoken to on the phone so far.

For next week...a small test for me:
my boss has assigned me to work at her office for two weeks. I'm setting up two new servers at that location, and there will be plenty of work to keep my mind constantly occupied. I will be seeing her every day though, which may be less than ideal, but I'm going along with my plan of acting indifferent and backing away. I will not allow her presence to get to me at all. She is just another number to me at this point in time.

In the meantime...I have an old friend of mine who is visiting me from Detroit. I haven't seen her in 4 years, and we do have a history together. She's staying at a hotel close to me, and I will be spending as much time with her as I can until she goes back home on next Thursday. Also if this other girl calls me, I can tell her I'm not available until next weekend, because I already made plans with someone else. A couple of years ago, I learned the hard way that I'm not supposed to sit around and wait for a girl, instead that I should focus my energy on improving myself (physically) and having as much fun as possible with other women who are available/interested in spending time with me.

Thanks for confirming my suspicions guys, appreciate it!
S&D