Am I being paranoid ?

[lifemisspent]

Follow up

Hi guys............So I did not contact her all week..............Thursday she sent me a text telling me what a crazy week she is having.....................and a little small talk. Friday night heard nothing from her, she has her kid this weekend so it's pretty understandable and not out of the ordinary.

I finally called her yesterday to see how she was doing, she told me that she can't see me Saturday night but probably today and that she would call me. So I just now get this email from her...........


"I'm sorry, it's not going to work for today, I was at the gym until 2h00 with Marie while Sebastien was taking care of the kids. I though I could do something after but after this bad week, I think Nico is exhausted because he cries for nothing today and he his in a bad mood (can't wait he gets out of it...). The week was pretty tough on me too I feel like I need a bit of time for myself.

Hope you are well."

Mel

What should I write back, is all really lost here or is this just the reality of dating a girl with a kid? Funny that she prefers time to herself over time with me, I would have never blown her off this many times in a row...........sure there were times I wanted to be by myself but I found a way to make us spend time together.

What if anything should I write back ? Thanks.

 

[kingsam]

Hi guys............So I did not contact her all week..............Thursday she sent me a text telling me what a crazy week she is having.....................and a little small talk. Friday night heard nothing from her, she has her kid this weekend so it's pretty understandable and not out of the ordinary.

I finally called her yesterday to see how she was doing, she told me that she can't see me Saturday night but probably today and that she would call me. So I just now get this email from her...........

"I'm sorry, it's not going to work for today, I was at the gym until 2h00 with Marie while Sebastien was taking care of the kids. I though I could do something after but after this bad week, I think Nico is exhausted because he cries for nothing today and he his in a bad mood (can't wait he gets out of it...). The week was pretty tough on me too I feel like I need a bit of time for myself.

Hope you are well."

Mel

What should I write back, is all really lost here or is this just the reality of dating a girl with a kid? Funny that she prefers time to herself over time with me, I would have never blown her off this many times in a row...........sure there were times I wanted to be by myself but I found a way to make us spend time together.

What if anything should I write back ? Thanks.

a- she either has a low Interest Level in you (well not HIGh IL) -trying to keeping you hanging around like many women do...
b - she is really really unorganised...
c - is REALLY BUSY

or course you know its a red flag if she doesnt wanna see you...a girl with high interest will find a way to see you...
what is she like when you see her? how does she act?

personally from what you've said... i think its A and B

maybe something like this...
"blar blar small talk.....i know you are very busy, wiht the kid an dhow much hard work it is... so let me know when you r schedule is free...( and give me 'proper' notice)" ...then think about other women , dont contact her ...

whilst you could say it puts the power in her hands, your already past those initial stages...and we can use it to directly TEST her interst level in you , and her attitude...
for A (low interst in you) - she wont bother organising anything...NEXT!
for B - if shes really unorganised she possibly wont get round to organising a date (Do you really wanna be serious with a UNORGANISED woman??)
for C (really busy) - if she does actually have high enougth IL in you she'll get round to organising a date evenutally

my earlier post was correct (to which someone disagreed)...when dating a VERY busy person- it will be better for both of you, if you plan dates in the future rather than last minute, so she can plan around them (less chance they will be declined)... (obvious right) ...and you can still be a perfect challenge by doing this...

 

[lakeshore]

Yeah, things are certainly not going positively at the moment.

So, you need to change whatever it is you're doing.

You either need to go in hard and make your point known OR back off (although
backing off from a position of weakness doesn't really work). Your best bet is some type
of confusion tactic, like showing extreme love, concern in some way THEN back totally off.
She'll wonder what the hell happened. IDK, just a thought.

You need to add fuel to the flame though because its dieing out.

 

[lifemisspent]

Here is what I wrote back

Short but sweet,

"Hey, don't worry about it. Get some rest, call me when you are feeling better."

I left it at that , If i don't here from her Ill know why. However the confusion of where this went wrong is killing me, I swera guys things could not have been going better. I want answers so bad it hurts.

 

[lifemisspent]

"You either need to go in hard and make your point known "

This is what I will be doing next if I don't hear back from her soon, what hard wording do you suggest I use Lakeshore ? One way or another , I want her to know that what she has done is wrong and I deserve an explanation.

 

[AMDG]

I want a future with this girl, want to make my life with her.

It's not enough - so walk away slowly

I deserve an explanation.

"I don't love you anymore" is good enough for you ?

 

[Chromeo]

By going in hard you better mean "hey babe, this isnt really working out for me, im looking for something more"

 

[EFFORT]

You won't be in the mindset to do this but at least give this thread a read to get a better understanding of things for the future

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90482, Master of the Universe has something coming out soon as well that'll be helpful for you to do. He'll post it pretty soon I'd imagine.

 

[lifemisspent]

Update -

Well guys , I was not being paranoid, she had met somebody else. Either it's her ex boyfriend or some new guy, but I think it's her ex.

My array of emotions right now are out of control. Im really really angry, confused, depressed everything................I want answers, I want info, I want to know how combody could go from being so hot to finding someone else. I never became AFC with her, we had incredible what I though were meaningful times and weekends together. Her cute emails, phone calls, amazing sex...............cooking me my favourite lobster on Valnetines day..............to then deciding to see someone else. Unfortunatley I will never have all the answers. We talked , sure she was vague as suspected, but yesterday I confirmed to my own satisfaction what was going on. She had a few possesion at my house, I drove over unannounced last night to drop them off and yup, the guy was there. I asked her who he was , she said just a contractor here to do some work on my house, on a Saturday night, yeah sure.

Im so humiliated, when she was blowing me off like everyone said I should have ended it right there and told her to get lost. But society tells me that sometimes people really are tired , busy..............especially single moms with demanding jobs but everyone on this board was right. The thought of me jumping to conclusions and blowing what I thought was a great relationship, because I was being paranoid made me very uncomfy, which is why I tried to stay cool and keep my patience.

I sent her an email last night blasting her, asking her how she could live with herself and that she is so dishonest basically just trying to make her feel like **** and get some kind of revenge in my mind....................I told her she should be more careful before seducing someone with extremely deep talk about long term stuff unless she really means it. She used to talk about baby sitting my niece, me spending x-mas with her family etc................

Guys , I feel like total ****. What can I say.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I want a future with this girl, want to make my life with her. What now ? Im really conflicted here.

What the f***. You've been dating her for 4 months, bro. Get f**kin grip.

Making a life with someone you've been with for 4 months...you gotta be kidding me. What do you do now? You move on with your life. People who were in longer relationships than yours do it every freakin day...and you're talkin' about 4 months.

 

[pipe007]

no wonder why she left you...
everything that comes out of your mouth reeks of insecurity, neediness, and wussy behavior.... girlish, cry baby stuff..

she got repelled by it.. by you awwwwww my baby loves and is making plans with me yayyyy... pffffff!! at that sh1t!!!!... NEVER ever ever ever listen to what a woman says, but see her actions.. who gives a Sh1t what they want to do with you in a year from now..

my girl always tells me,, aww next year i'm taking you to colombia to meet my family,,,, i just laugh inside bro... i think... yea right like you gonna pass all my tests by then.... dumb girl....

who cares why she broke up with you,,, when someone breaks up with you, you hold your breath, held your head high, and walk away, erase her number, everything, and she is dead to you for the next 4 to 10 months.... DEAD.. until you heal and have moved on. no questions asked no why did you do this to me sissy talk

you just walk, and make her feel like crap by dissapearing from her life forever for trying to be slick with you... a don juan,,, a ****1ing man

 

[WhitePimp]

I love how guys make a thread asking for advice, blatantly ignore all the great advice given, then do the inevitable 'the girl was cheating on me' update post weeks later.

Honestly, you probably could've avoided all this BS and still be nailing this chick if you had listened to some of these guys

 

[kingsam]

Epic Fail

 

[lifemisspent]

Guys,

I deserve every little bit of this and more, I didnt post this personal disaster for sympathy. I read this back and it gives me the medicine I need to get on with life and I promise you one thing, this will NEVER and I f'in mean NEVER happen to me again.

Thank god I found this website. I took my old book of rules out to the backyard, poured a little gasoline on it , lit a match and called it a day.

THANK YOU !

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Guys,

I deserve every little bit of this and more, I didnt post this personal disaster for sympathy. I read this back and it gives me the medicine I need to get on with life and I promise you one thing, this will NEVER and I f'in mean NEVER happen to me again.

Thank god I found this website. I took my old book of rules out to the backyard, poured a little gasoline on it , lit a match and called it a day.

THANK YOU !

Yeah man. It was a 4-month fling and you were infatuated. That's it. We have people on here who are going through divorces and s***. And while I'm not one of those men, it's hard to feel sympathy for some guy who acts like his world is collapsing because his 4-month "relationship" ended.

Next time around, have some self respect. It should take more than 4 months for a woman to earn a place in your life where you're thinking about about marriage. That's high school s***.

 

[cmr662]

This is truly a great thread. The next time someone comes on here and asks for advice similar to this situation I'm going to post this link and make sure they read it!

 

[starplayer]

Well this was all very predictable. Can't say we didn't warn you.

As long as you learn from this experience you will be OK. I think most people have to learn their lessons the hard way in life, and once they get burned they will remember it for next time and say "Never again!".

Here's my next piece of advice I hope you will follow: If she ever comes crawling back for whatever reason, never let her back into your life.

Move on from this one, FOREVER. Good luck.