Am I being paranoid ?

[lifemisspent]

So Ive been seeing this girl for almost 4 months now, we see each other regularly , have sex regularly she has been all over me, imho things could not be going better in my opinion.

However as of last Monday things seemes to have gotten kind of weird. I call her Monday afternoon around 2 to see if she wanted to get together that night. She said probably but that she would call me later on. She never called, she texted me at 9 : 30 saying she was dead beat from an outdoor day with her mom and child but that she would come over the next day Tuesday. Then on Tuesday the exact same thing happens, except instead of a text she calls me to tell me this, as usual I show no reaction.

Thursday night she calls to see how Im doing , we chat, then I ask her if she is in the mood for some company, she said she would love too but she is too tired. ( up until this point she had never turned be down ) but she says Friday night she will call me after a concert she is gong to with some girlfriends. We figured she would call me around 11 : 00 the call never comes, then this morning, no call or email or anything. Def not like her. I know she is free today, her kid is with her mom for the entire weekend.

Any opinions on what my next move should be ? Im thinking blowing her off for the weekend ?

 

[lakeshore]

Trust your gut in that something is a miss. BUT, don't completely give up if you think you may really like this girl. A lot of times relationships are tested at some point.

Just try to stay calm and come up with a game plan.

 

[Scion]

I'd definitely find something else to do this wknd. Go out with your friends, grab some drinks, hit up a strip club, etc. I personally wouldn't waste my time waiting around for her. She's obviously lost interest.

 

[starplayer]

Back WAY OFF with this one.

You're not being paranoid. Her interest has fallen dramatically so don't chase her. And don't start asking her what's wrong - it's low interest, I'm 99.9% sure.

Read this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995 and think about whether it applies to your situation.

It may be too late but your only chance of getting things back to how they were is to give her some space. She's got too comfortable and is taking you for granted, so now you need to kick that pedestal out from underneath her and re-spark attraction.

Be ready to accept that it may be over and if that's the case you can walk away with your dignity intact.

 

[Serg897]

Haha - lifemisspent, this is a very similar situation I found myself in months ago. Listen to starplayer and back off a bit, and make sure you do not become too invested or attached - or you're gonna drive her further away.

 

[lifemisspent]

You gotta be kidding me, how did this just happen overnight ? And after 4 months ? I swear to you guys there was no incident or anything that caused this. Last Saturday I had supper with her friends and her kid, she invited me, things went great, I spent the night at ther place.

So i back off, then what? The same thing happens again a few months down the road and we have this contant tug of war ? This can't be right.............If she calls me or emails me this weekend , should I ask her what happened on Friday night ? ( Why she never called me ) ? Or just drop it ? I would rather get it off my chest to be honest.

 

[cmr662]

Do not ask her what happened, you will sound too needy. Everyone else is right, you definitely need to back off a bit. For her to flake out on you like that and going from talking every day to not, something is off. In everything I've dealt with and learned, even when a girl might be getting tired of you, she won't grow this distant this quickly unless there is another guy on her mind.

Trust your gut bro, back off but stay normal when/if she calls. Chances are probably good she has interest in some other guy.

Good luck.

 

[kingsam]

you call her up when shes already got her day planned and wonder why she cant make the dates for the same day?? your plans are too "last minute", you should plan your dates for a few days in advance time THEN she can prepare around them .... you think there are problems with her when your approach is wrong.... and it shows you have nothing else going on so you might as well see what shes up to...

planning a few days in advance (wiht no contact in between) will make her look forward to seeing you - lots of anticipation = much higher interst level in you!

 

[lakeshore]

You gotta be kidding me, how did this just happen overnight ? And after 4 months ? I swear to you guys there was no incident or anything that caused this. Last Saturday I had supper with her friends and her kid, she invited me, things went great, I spent the night at ther place.

So i back off, then what? The same thing happens again a few months down the road and we have this contant tug of war ? This can't be right.............If she calls me or emails me this weekend , should I ask her what happened on Friday night ? ( Why she never called me ) ? Or just drop it ? I would rather get it off my chest to be honest.

Did you ever think she may think YOU'RE not as invested as she is? Maybe this is her way of sealing the deal? Maybe she REALLY likes you and thinks you're just casually seeing her and she wants a real commitment?

Its possible you know. You don't always need to see things from a bad angle.

 

[Scion]

Yeah don't ask her what's up, you'll look insecure. And girls get bored easily, so it wouldn't surprise me if that's why she's acting weird. It also wouldn't surprise me if she's seeing someone else, though don't assume that (you'll just become more insecure).

Edit: and why are you messing around with a single mom? You looking to help raise some guy's kid?

 

[starplayer]

You gotta be kidding me, how did this just happen overnight ? And after 4 months ? I swear to you guys there was no incident or anything that caused this. Last Saturday I had supper with her friends and her kid, she invited me, things went great, I spent the night at ther place.

So i back off, then what? The same thing happens again a few months down the road and we have this contant tug of war ? This can't be right.............If she calls me or emails me this weekend , should I ask her what happened on Friday night ? ( Why she never called me ) ? Or just drop it ? I would rather get it off my chest to be honest.

Like I said before, DO NOT ASK HER WHAT'S WRONG. Like the other guys said, it will just sound needy and insecure to her. And besides, she will just give you some BS excuse and not come out with the real reason (losing interest). Always judge her actions, not words.

Who knows, maybe her interest fell over time and only just now are you starting to see the effects. Think back if there were any other signs you may have ignored.

Yes it is a tug of war but you should never let her get too comfortable in the first place, though it's an easy mistake to make. Relationships always have an underlying element of power (it's called sexual tension).

She's flaked twice in a short amount of time which is a MASSIVE red flag. She's either lost interest or is playing games - either way you gotta back off. When she takes a step back, you take 2 steps back.

As many guys who've been in the game for a while soon realize, getting the girl is the easy part but keeping her is hard work.

 

[Igetit!]

You gotta be kidding me, how did this just happen overnight ?

It didn't happen overnight.

Like one of the other members said,it is possible that she met someone else,but assuming that she hasn't and she's still being faithful to you,then that means her interest in you has started to drop.

This didn't happen overnight. It's BEEN HAPPENING. A girl doesn't just wake up one day an decided she no longer wants to be with you,she drops little hints and clues along the way that her interest is waning.


More than likely,you just missed these signals coming from her.


Her cancelling on you and repeatedly finding excuses NOT TO BE AROUND YOU is just a more obvious clue that you picked up on.

And after 4 months ? I swear to you guys there was no incident or anything that caused this.

Look,I've been through this before,and the good news is that this IS FIXABLE,it is reverseable.

I know,because I've done it before.



There's ONE THING you must understand....



You DON'T HAVE TO have to DO anything wrong for this to happen.


You don't have to DO something wrong,it could be something you DIDN'T do.

It could be something you NEGLECTED to do.



And since there's no one certain isolated incident you can think of,then it probably is a neglect.



It's NOT something that you're doing,it's something that you're NOT DOING.

So i back off, then what?

Well in this situation,"backing off" won't work.

In the short term,yeah,she may miss you a bit,but once the backing off ends,if everything is still exactly the same and the only difference is that a week or two has passed by,you'll be right back where you started.



This problem has to be dealt with. "Backing off" just delays you having to deal with it,it doesn't solve the problem.

If she calls me or emails me this weekend , should I ask her what happened on Friday night ? ( Why she never called me ) ? Or just drop it ? I would rather get it off my chest to be honest.

No,no,and NO.

You can ask her what happened the other night,but DO NOT get into some serious discussion asking her why she keeps doing this,telling her "how you feel" about her behavior,or anything like that.



Confronting her will do NO GOOD.



Like I said,this is fixable. Check out THIS REPLY.

DON'T WORRY,it's not a 10 page thread to read,it's just one single reply.


You don't have to read the whole thing,just skip down to reply number 14.

Read it. If you can understand and apply it to your situation,it should get your relationship back on the right track.

 

[Ease]

you call her up when shes already got her day planned and wonder why she cant make the dates for the same day?? your plans are too "last minute", you should plan your dates for a few days in advance time THEN she can prepare around them .... you think there are problems with her when your approach is wrong.... and it shows you have nothing else going on so you might as well see what shes up to...

planning a few days in advance (wiht no contact in between) will make her look forward to seeing you - lots of anticipation = much higher interst level in you!

I once thought this.

But too much advance preparation = too much safety = no anticipiation

You will get the anticipation effect when you dont make plans. Not when you make concrete plans. OP is playing it fine.

To op, it happens. Sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down. Sometimes theres nothing you can do except for not care. Dont drop your game or lose control. When she takes a step back from you, take 2 away from her. I agree with blowing her off, act aloof and mirror her actions. Dont call her out or give any reaction at all, just back off until she comes to u.

 

[lifemisspent]

Update !

So about 90 minutes ago I get a VM from her.................Hey it's me, sorry about last night , the concert finished really late and I had to run into work this morning. I have that thing with my family tonight but it should be finished pretty early so maybe we can get together after then. "

So basically Im laughing my ass off here, as if I would wait around for her again on another evening, screw that , I mgoing out with my friends. Is this the right thing to do ?

Also should I email or call her back telling her Im busy tonight or justy wait for her to call me or text me again later to break the news to her that Im busy.

Thanks for the good advice guys.

 

[Scion]

Yes go out with your friends and have a good time. And yes, call her and say that you already made plans for tonight. See if she'll offer another time to hang out.

 

[cmr662]

No no no do not call her and tell her! You should definitely go out with your friends tonight, but wait to contact her to see if she really reaches out to youto hang out.

If she calls and does ask you to hang, give her a confident "out with my boys tonight babe, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll hook up".

If be willing to bet she either doesn't call or does call just to give you another excuse. Do not let her know you're out until you figure out if she's going to ask to hang...will let you know where her head is at.

 

[lifemisspent]

Well, I have lost the upper hand for sure in this relationship. Im thinking about telling her I love her, I have been thinking about this for about one month but now more than ever that she started playing these games.

I call her this am round 11:30 , she didnt call me back, I called her back one hour later, she answered and said sorry I just saw you called, she was in the middle of cleaning. I suggested we get together, she obliged....................she came over to my house , we had small talk, she seemed sort of distant with me. We decided to go have sex, mostly my idea, she warned me that this is her dangerous time of month and that we need to be extra careful ( she has never said this before, I think maybe she can no longer see a future with me ) the sex was pretty good, she then said she had to leave soon. She said she would call me later on................

Holy crap, she always tells me that she missed me when she didnt see me suring the week, so of course I asked her if she mmissed me and she said she was too busy that week to miss me.

I want a future with this girl, want to make my life with her. What now ? Im really conflicted here.

Sometimes I wish I was less emotional, maybe I am over reacting and this is just part of the ups and downs of a relationship. last week she asked me if I wanted kids, we spoke a little about the future, now not so good.

 

[starplayer]

Well, I have lost the upper hand for sure in this relationship. Im thinking about telling her I love her, I have been thinking about this for about one month but now more than ever that she started playing these games.

Don't even think about it. Please DO NOT tell her that. I repeat DO NOT tell her you love her.

I call her this am round 11:30 , she didnt call me back, I called her back one hour later, she answered and said sorry I just saw you called, she was in the middle of cleaning. I suggested we get together, she obliged....................she came over to my house , we had small talk, she seemed sort of distant with me. We decided to go have sex, mostly my idea, she warned me that this is her dangerous time of month and that we need to be extra careful ( she has never said this before, I think maybe she can no longer see a future with me ) the sex was pretty good, she then said she had to leave soon. She said she would call me later on................

Holy crap, she always tells me that she missed me when she didnt see me suring the week, so of course I asked her if she mmissed me and she said she was too busy that week to miss me.

I want a future with this girl, want to make my life with her. What now ? Im really conflicted here.

Sometimes I wish I was less emotional, maybe I am over reacting and this is just part of the ups and downs of a relationship. last week she asked me if I wanted kids, we spoke a little about the future, now not so good.

You seriously need to put some distance between you and her. You've got emotionally attached to her and at this rate it's only gonna be a matter of time before she "needs to talk".

Remember, in a relationship there's only one parachute. This plane's going down, so who's gonna jump and use it?

My advice: GTFO of there unless you wanna get hurt.

 

[pipe007]

you are in a very unhealthy state of mind... which gets only gets worse when you are in a relationship where you like the girl more than she likes you...

and when she had previous high interest in you, and then she starts backing down... this sucks the life out of you, and now you are feeling really bad because you wanna hold to what you had before with her.

I'm sorry bro, YOU WONT LISTEN TO US.... the relationship is over, what you have left is a girl who is losing interest fast, nothing you can do about it. She doesn't FEEL like being close to you any more

no matter how much you moan and cry and give tantrums about it, there is nothing you can physically DO to make her change the way she feels for you...

actually there is only 1 way you can make her change and come back to you

1. GROW A FREAKING PAIR OF BALLS AND TREAT YOURSELF WITH f..ING RESPECT!!!!

2. DO NOT and I repeat do not F..ing tolerate that F..ing disrespect from her,, you head me she is F..ing using you and crushing you slowly, that is major disrespect,,,,, if a girl starts showing me signs of low interest when she is hanging out with me,,, i show her the door!!!! or i drop her back to her place... no questions asked unless she changes her behavior towards me...

3.tell her you wont see her again unless she changes her mood around you, you are not looking for that in a girl... you hold yourself to higher standards.

she didnt have time to miss you????????????
are you kidding me???? such massive disrespect... i would have dumped her ass right there for saying that... unless she was joking and then said.. im kidding babe,,, you know i do!!!! and made out with me....


i would have said.. " ohh good to know that you feel that way, so now I dont have to worry about missing you anymore... while you follow her to the door so she can leave"

of course this behavior I'm showing you would have increased her attraction for you, and she would be suck1ing your d1ck every day... but noooo you wont man up!!!

how many more girls will it take to grow this manly attitude that allows no disrespect from women and willing to walk away at the first sign of LOW interest or disrespect???

only when you get to that place will you be able to keep a woman happy

yes I am in a LTR, my girl is in love, she says she hates it when I'm dominant and tell her how things work around the relationship, but she loves it...

she wouldnt dream of telling me she is too busy for me, or that she doesnt like me as much as before, or lying or showing low interest, because she knows im the kind of guy who laughs at those responses, and leaves for good.

be that guy ... do what it takes

 

[Serg897]

lifemisspent, if you dont listen to these guys you WILL learn the hard way, as I have many times in the past.

Back off NOW. Don't call her for a week and work on yourself and your mindset. You are falling into oneitis and it will be your downfall if you don't fix yourself NOW.

Truthfully, its hard to control yourself in this situation. I've been there, and I've made the same mistakes you are now making. I truly sympathize. I know there is a good chance you wont listen.

It'll be a learning experience, either way.